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How Do They Know?

Good morning people!

I'm so thankful to God for today, yesterday was beautiful and today would be even better. I have a meeting for 9 at the Beehive but I came an hour too early, and they don't even open till 9! Thankfully the staff are kind enough to let me sit outside while they clean. 

So the lady I'm meeting with, she's one of those women who married their long time sweethearts. And you know the thing about long time sweethearts, when the men are that young they are most often broke. 

Watching Love Lounge a few nights ago, I heard Mr Kunle Soriyan say that he was still in school when his wife was already working and earning a good salary. What's more; the Mrs was from a very well off family. While he, he was still in school, he spent 9 years on a 4 year course. He was very wretched and didn't even know how to use cutlery. When he ate there was loud clanks and irritating noises, his teeth always fought with the cutlery. Everyone asked her to leave him and be with someone else, a graduate, with a life, and a future, someone more deserving. She refused. Today, he is one of the most successful Life Coaches in the country and is making mega Dutch. Oh, he also cleaned up nicely and is now a bloke. 

Another lady, a guest on the show, also already had a fantastic job when Le boo was still in school. She graduated 2 years before him and he had little or nothing. She ignored people's advice to break up the relationship and stuck it out with him. Now they've been married 14 years and of course, dear husband is so much more than a bread winner. 

I read a post on SDK on an unemployed 32 y/o guy who still lives at home. He fears his girlfriend of 6 years, who's 30 and employed, would soon leave him. He worries she already cheating on him. Several people said he should leave her alone and allow her marry someone better, while he focuses on building a life. I wonder what the girl is thinking at this point, I mean, in your shoes wouldn't you be tempted to leave? I'm 30 and if I've been with someone since i was 24, yet he's the same person he was six years ago, no visible progress and no change in sight, it would take the grace of God and divine vision to keep me there. 

And that's why I'm asking. These women who dated broke, unemployed, scraggy men who later turned into multi millionaires or billionaires, stuck by them and married them, how did they know? How did they know these men were so much more than the eyes could see? We've heard all those stories about the broke guy living off his friends, she was the one who even bought him clothes, fed him, bla bla bla, and voila today, it's turned out to be a brilliant investment... Most of these women knew it would and I'm more than eager to know how. 

I'm certain intuition plays a big part but are there more practical factors at play? Is that your situation, your story? How did you know and for us who want to know, how can we tell?

So youngens in the house, before you leave that "broke nigger", think/pray/reflect long and hard. Today's Boy Alinko might just be tomorrow's Aliko Dangote!

*just as an addendum, the guest on Love Lounge said that even though he was still a student and she was working, he gave her pocket money, no matter how little. Also he never demanded or depended on her, even if he didn't have. That's how she knew he was a keeper. Oh, plus she's naturally very intuitive too*

But what about those my sisters who stayed and stuck with them when they had nothing, they stayed on the grind, 'ride or die' chicas, soaking garri until it swells then sprinkle a few groundnuts and then drink it with love... Then when the going got good they were immediately dumped like a hot pan. Raise your hands if you've been there. LOL! I read that only one out of ten men marry the woman who suffered with him when he had nothing. Do you agree?


  1. And that's why I'm asking. These women who dated broke, unemployed, scraggy men who later turned into multi millionaires or billionaires, stuck by them and married them, how did they know?

    I would say your intuition and gut feeling.... Hard to explain
    I mean when I met my man, I already had a car from a well-off family, he from a humble family, he was a know those ones that have this very tattered/skinny look, with very long tie and buy suits with massive shoulder pad haha but with a lil swag????.He was soooooo not my type, my father almost disowned me fa! My friends didn't get it, only my mom saw a man with a good heart: I guess thats what sealed it for me. I remember despite not having much, denying himself o so many things just to by me little gifts-the thought were very much appreciated.

    However, by the time I spent 10/15 mins chatting with him- I saw a future, I saw a diamond in the ruff and I took the chance.I am happy I did.
    What he/we have today is exponential growth like I would never have envisaged still I know it is no where near where God is taking US- again that gut feeling...I still cannot explain.
    His/Our future is soooooooo amazes me.

    My advice: as long as the man isn't a lazy, scumbag that sits on the curb always waiting for you to hand him peanuts and then on top of that cheats on you,beats you to a pulp and is selfish, you could take the chance if you discern a very ambitious man with an amiable personality(those two things hardly change with money).

    1. And some others stood by these men and there's nothing to show for it today, the anon above has said it all, "if he isn't a lazy, scumbag that sits on the curb always waiting for you to hand him peanuts".

  2. I look at it from another angle, maybe those ladies just had faith in God. They meet a young guy that treats then right, the only thing left is being established so they take it on believing God will bless them. Either way they know that being happy will make it easy to take on life challenges with that man.

    Life is about risks, they took a risk and it paid off. Some do not. I have seen people marry very established guys and two years down the line bad business deals happen.

    The key thing in making a decision is listening to that still small voice in your heart when you pray, the guy treats you right , checks all your other boxes and works very hard. I know a guy that started dating his girlfriend from year one, they are married with 3 kids now and I see their vacation pictures on facebook to very nice places so...

    A close friend of mine was with this guy for 6 years, sharing her pocket money,sold her laptop for law school to make up rent money etc. The guy got a good contract and everything changed and he started misbehaving. Long story short he married the sales girl he met when he was buying his second car. Was I surprised NO even before he made money we knew he was no good. If our friend was sincere to herself she would have seen all the signs which were there from year 1 sef.J

  3. Those women closed their eyes and took a leap of faith by sticking with their partners. The leap of faith could have ended in a pit of sorrow or a bed of roses. There is no scientific, logical or emotional way to determine the end point.


    1. Only sensible comment here!!
      Instinct ko, instinct ni...
      Those that ended well were simply lucky...nothing else!!

    2. Exactly its all about luck

  4. I think most times a lot of women mistake their desire for potential in a man as ambition. If a man has ambition - displays traits of hardwork and consistency in the said hard work, nothing can keep him down for too long. Hence some of these women making do with their so called wretched partners who turned around to succeed.

    No matter how wretched a good man is, he will never take from a woman talkless of splitting her salary with her. Rather he will strive to at least meet his own needs. Many women see men and see a whole lot of potential in them, some of these men dont even believe that much in their own selves. Thats my own interpretation of it.

    When a man is hardworking and determined to succeed you will see it in the dating phase- he may have nothing to give to you, but he wont willing take from you.

    1. Sometimes the amount of learning I do on the blog stuns me. I don't know the answer to this question and I've asked myself the same thing many times, what did those girls see in me? Even when I didn't see anything in myself.
      I think sometimes it has to do with the principles of a man, how he treats the people below him, his passion towards life, his generosity level, his drive and ambition etc All these things add up, and many other factors that words can't describe. Sometimes it's just blind faith, but sometimes it's actually the arrogance of the woman. She takes it as a challenge to mold this man, a nobody with nothing, into someone that the whole community will envy. The thought that she'll be solely responsible for achieving that feat gives her some kind of pride. Thus you hear statements like "after all you were nothing when I met you, you are who you are today because of me". Reminds me of something I read that Michelle Obama said to her husband, can't really remember how it goes but the gist is he asked her how she would have felt if she married some other man, she said that the other man would have been the president of the US. I don't know how true this is but this is the attitude some women have. They could have married any man and still made him great, their current husband had nothing to do with it.

    2. Hubby asked me this question too. Not once. He was the 'least' of the guys I had dated, guys around me. When we started out, he didn't have a car. He lived with his parent. Even my family were against the relationship but here we are... miles from where we were. And I can only attribute it to God and Him alone.

      My answer has always been - I don't know, I just believed we were meant to be. I felt a very strong connection to him when we started out and it was really obvious. He was, still is, very intelligent and hard working. Always taking the lead to make things work out for himself.

      No matter what life brings, I always have the conviction that I won't suffer and same for my family. God has been too faithful.

  5. Sometimes I wonder too...why it works for some and doesn't for others?

    Amma sit back and just read comments.....I also want to know.


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