I can't remember the first time I met *Lotanna, even if I tried. I was much younger though, probably my early to mid twenties. He didn't live too far away and back then when I was walking out to catch a cab he would come and walk with me, or give me a ride. On evenings I took strolls with my dad and Lotanna was outside his house, he would also come over and greet my dad and say hi to me. Same thing he did one morning my mum and I were driving out.
He was always in and out of the country but when he was in, he would make a lot of effort to see me. We went on our first date a few years after we first met. After that either I vanished or he vanished. Two years later he calls me and asks to see me, he was in my neighborhood. I say oh, I'm not around, I've actually moved out.
Really? Where to? He asks. I tell him.
Oh seen? I moved too. I stay in Lekki 1 now, we should see soon. I okay it.
Still I probably didn't see Lotanna until after another one year. This was after about 8000 calls, and only because I was stranded.
Sasha boné came to see me at work and we closed together. I got into a fight with my 'ride' so I had to call back up. Back up came through but wanted us to hang out, like till midnight or so. Neither sasha nor I wanted to. So I called Lotanna to come and get us from the lounge. He showed up almost immediately. He was super psyched that I called him and became an excitable little puppy. Even sasha messaged her amusement to me via whatsapp from the backseat. On getting to Sasha's house I came down from the car, I wanted to go in with her. I didn't want to be alone with Lotanna. Sasha practically had to shove me back into the car and shoo me off.
He wanted us to have drinks before dropping me off. In order to avoid long story I assented but said I needed to change clothes first. On getting to my place, he waited in the car and I went in. Then I immediately locked the gate and called his phone. I told him something just came up and I wouldn't be able to go anymore, we would have to see some other time. He was very disappointed and upset, but I honestly couldn't be bothered. To pacify him I promised we would see the next day. He called the next day and I didn't pick his calls. He didn't stop calling.
It's been about five months and I just answered his call an hour ago, and only because I needed a distraction.
When I picked, his first question was "Nwando did you see me beating you in your dream or what?"
I'm not surprised. I can't blame him for asking.
You see the thing is this... Lotanna is a good looking man. He's probably an inch shorter than I am and has a stocky build. He's athletic and there's no ounce of fat in his body. He's not only handsome but rich. I love his kind of "rich" because he's extremely hardworking. He is a proper igbo hustler. The day he got Sasha and I, he came in an army green LR4, one among his fleet. He's educated and very well travelled and loves the luxurious life. Normally I would lurv a guy like Lotanna, from his extensive range of designer cologne, to his very impressive wrist watch collection, his well tailored clothing and his nice cars... I love a man who takes care of himself, but that's not all. More importantly he's a good conversationalist, like I said, he is an extreme hard worker; a risk taking shrewd business man. AND Lotanna doesn't joke with God. (Ok, I don't know that for a fact, but I know he's very active in church and is an avid church goer).
Yes, normally I would do just about anything to be in Lotanna's life. So why am I doing everything not to be in it?
I'm genuinely confused. After the last call, and his questions; "did you see me beating you in your dream?" "Why don't you take my calls?" "Why don't you want to see me?" "Did I do something wrong, please tell me?" "You know it's not fair. I have thought and thought if I did something bad to you and I couldn't think of anything. Why do you avoid me?"
And that's the million dollar question. Why do I avoid Lotanna? Could it be my intuition telling me something? I've never been one of those with super strong intuitions, but when I think about it that's the only explanation that comes to mind. Here I am, in bed, severely bored and uninspired and I want nothing more than to go out, it's Friday night dammit!. I've got a good-looking, generous man offering to take me places, but I would sooner walk on glass than go anywhere with him.
Because intuition is the only plausible explanation I can come up with (if you have other ideas or theories, please share with me), I want to know about you and your intuition. Has there ever been a time that you did or didn't do something just based on your intuition, and it turned out to be the best choice you could have made? Please share with me.