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Oh Dear! She's Breaking Her Mother's Heart...

I just saw this on Lailasblog . Read and share your thoughts. Particularly on this rather recent trend on publicly shaming recalcitrant and contrary children as a corrective and disciplinary measure. Read below;

Hello Laila, this is what mercy has been doing in school, Ikenna saw this on her facebook wall and called my attention. I called her and she said it was just a photo that she took when they were organizing an anti drug rally and that the photo was a scene from a photo shoot. But i am not convinced because she has drastically changed ever since she entered that Abakaliki university. 
I recall occasions where people has told me that they saw her drinking Smirnoff and hanging out with unruly girls. I have personally gone to Filbon guest house to drag her out on several occasions. Laila, This girl will claim to be going to Father mbaka's adoration but never reach the adoration ground rather she will end up in a hotel to dance. A friend of hers just shared this photo on facebook and tagged her and she is only 21. I did my best as a single mother to train them in the way of the lord, They do not lack . I sweat and slave to make them comfortable. her siblings are all serving God and living exemplary lives but she has decided to be a curse on my life. I have decided and will assist her in shaming herself since she has decided that this is the life she wants.I have decided to shame her because i have done every thing i could do to warn her off bad friends but she wont bulge. Their father is late like you already know so what else will i do. I has lost my girl to iniquity but I will not give up until i exhaust every avenue of trying to change her and make her think including shaming her publicly. A young girl who will still get married tomorrow allowing such photo of her to surface on line. I have braced my self. Even if someone calls me to tell me that she appeared on a sex tape, i wouldn't be surprised. Please post this. Including her photo and phone number and email. Thank you - 


  1. hmmmmmm. One can not get tired of trying to see your child make you proud by all standard. Don't give up. there is still hope. I have observed that every family has a black sheep. I have also observed that those black sheep are most times the favorite of their parents when they were younger. Keep keeping on. It might be peer pressure. Your exposing her to the world for me through internet is giving her enough room to do more, in her mind( after all, nothing is hidden again.). Don't give up dear.

  2. Lols,where's her number?

  3. The picture thingy is uncalled for..

  4. Am not sure what this will achieve but I think it might actually drive them further apart. What I would advice the mother to do is see that she finishes school(that's if she wants to or decides to) and after that leave her to do whatever she wants.

    But it should be made clear that whenever she is back home,the rules of the house must be adhered to or she moves out. The mother should become strict and also not forget to keep praying for her.

    Who knows,It might just be a passing phase.....if not,experience would definitely teach her.

  5. Posting her pics will only do more harm than good. I'll advice u don't stop correcting her. She'll eventually mature n come around

  6. What goes up on the internet/ social media remains for a very long time if not forever.

    I understand the mothers grief but only constant communication and prayers can work.

    Back in Uniben, when I was still an undergrad. A few young chics I overheard talking where really interested in the "runs life thing" they couldn't have been more than 19/20.

    Some will learn the hard way, others will change after a rude shock or life changing event.

    It's God all the way. This won't work.

  7. Mehn, parenting is not a walk in the park o.

    currently, sunshine and i are in a fix.

    our kid sis is into the "bubbler" thing... and it scares me cuz i feel if our parents don't curb it now... it might snowball into something we cannot control.
    She's done a couple of things in the past that we just covered up and hid from her dad. Momsy would scold her but it seems like its not working. We've been trying to "protect her" from popsy. My dad is a disciplinarian by nature and he doesn't take nonsense from anybody. young or old. so you can imagine how he is with his children. He has grown soft through the years but he still has it in him to treat anybody's fuck up.
    Sunshine and I got beaten, punished... it was similar to military training. lol. i exaggerate but it was close. We didnt like it then, but in retrospect, it made us better citizens... lol and i can say we turned out alright.
    She(our kid sis) got off easy as a child. just a few spanking here and there and i think its beginning to tell.

    Now, she's done a couple of things this term, popsy mistakenly heard one and he was soo going to treat her fuck up but sunshine spoke to him and he calmed down.
    But now, I fear that if we keep protecting her, covering up for her, it might eventually come to bite us in the ass.

    To worsen the situation, she failed physics this term and she's been crying and moody(they vacated today). if we add everything, popsy would just be like "why wont you fail, when you've been bubbling in school" and that would just quadruple her punishment.
    Sunshine almost chickened out but i said NO, we must tell her father.
    now, i'm kind of feeling bad and thinking maybe i'm being too hard on her... but I strongly feel she needs to be set straight and covering up for her wont help her.
    I'll definitely be the bad guy, and i don't mind. anyway...

    Thelma you didnt ask but thats my #currentsituation.

    1. Please stop covering her up. She has someone who can set her straight, kindly allow her dad do the job. She may hate you for it now but would surely be grateful to you later on. This is better than pampering her now for her to hate you all later.

      You know what Yorubas say - ati kekere lo ye ka ti peka iroko, t'o ba d'agba tan, ebo lo ma maa gba.


    2. I believe, nowadays, punishing and physical correction are more counter-productive in disciplining a child, care and attention works best. You did a good thing covering up her 'sins' but to be more effective you could go further and always be there for her - talk with her, call her daily, talk with her friends, engage her in things you think would be fruitful etc.

      You guys (Sunshine and yourself) can draw up a roster where you call her to check on how her day went (frequency is important here), help her with her studies and subjects she seems deficient in (buy her helpful materials, send her links to good educational resources), buy her non-academic related books that would be useful for her growth (make out time to quiz her on what she's learnt from reading those books), know her likes, hobbies, interests and see how you guys could work out something productive and salutary to all parties. Don't spare her the girl talk (sex, boys, parties, runs girls, fashion, video vixen etc) - Introduce her to these gradually taking into cognizance what she can absorb, her hearing it from you first might help her to trust you best in her development. Sometimes these small things go a long way. And if all these fails, be willing to receive her in a non-judgmental manner when she comes back from her errant ways.

      I also think it wouldn't be a bad idea to tell your parents (father) about her previous 'sins' if need be. Just ensure it is not before you have gotten their commitment that they wouldn't mete out beatings/physical punishment as a means of discipline/correction. Tell them to involve them in your little sis development and also to get their active participation, something akin to co-parenting. I'm certain if the four of you guys are working for the same goal - a well developed sister and child, you'd achieve that desired goal.

      [Although, I know that punishment sometimes work, we oftentimes risk deforming a child's psychological growth and self-worth. I'm certain your feedback from your growth to your parents (where they got it right and where they got it wrong) would enable you all fashion an optimal method for your little sister].

      hope this helps? (sorry i did a bit of rambling, wouldn't just see you in a fix and not contribute my two kobo)

    3. You didn't ramble at all @ chrisyinks, lemme say thank you on behalf of Kabuoy, sunshine and myself. I have to print out this advise for future use.

    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    5. Thanks Chris.

      Kabuoy and I try to talk to her especially Kabuoy. They gist a lot about...only God knows. I talk to her about school and boys and how its ok to be friends but be very careful et al. Although I know I can call more often(will work on that) we still keep in touch.

      The ish here is, it seems like she feels invincible and can get away with anything with just a slap on her wrist and we're all scared she will just turn the other way. If you hear the songs my sister listens to... I don't know 2/3rd of them and I don't think I'm that much of a "slacker". I'm not saying listen to gospel music all the time but songs that talk explicitly about sex and drugs and other crazy sh*t that Olamide, Davido and co are singing about these days shouldn't be in her playlist. I for one think that the kind of songs a person enjoys listening to can tell you a lot about the person.

      And trust me, we have talked to her, we still do. We decided to tell her dad about her shenanigans because it's starting to feel like all the talk hasn't done much good. When she called me yesterday, I felt really sorry for her and started calling everybody so we can all call her dad and save her from the a55 whooping she's likely to get but they're all just tired about the whole thing. Mumsie told me point blank that she's had enough same with Kabuoy and if I'm honest with myself, me too. Parenting a child in the 21st century is no mean feat I tell you.

      I would look into your suggestions tho, especially about helping her with school work and getting her non educational books to read and co-parenting with mumsie and pops.

    6. Thank you Uncle Chris.... this would help a lot.

      About the "they wouldn't mete out beatings/physical punishment as a means of discipline/correction part.... that is close to impossible with my dad...

      Going forward, i'll do better... i actually do some of the things you mentioned... like asking her about subjects she finds difficult, ways to go about it, girl talk and all. but buying educational books and stuff like that, i really don't and i'll try. Thanks Uncle Chris! that was really helpful.

    7. Thanks F, that's actually my fear.

      She opens up to me and tells me stuff she wont even dare to tell my mum or even sunshine. so turning on her like this might just make her lock up totally. and i fear that she'll start keeping to herself.

      but i totally get where you're coming from. i totally agree with you on the iroko tree proverb. Mummy F! lool... straight to the proverb! lol

    8. It's a good thing you guys gist. Now is time that you can steer that gist to areas of your little sister's life that concerns you. Bit by bit, she'd get comfortable opening up to you on the rationale behind her actions and then you can work out something that would make all parties satisfied.

      For the invincibility part, maybe you can try something like a reward/incentive game where if she meets up with certain mutual agreed standards at home, studies and other areas, you'd give her something she wants that isn't within her means - a movie ticket, a day out visiting friends etc.

      I share the same sentiments on songs with you - there are some bubbly Christian songs (artistes) out there like Skillet, Superchicks, Tim Godfrey, Frank Edwards, Group 1 crew, Toby Mac, Jeremy Camp, Parachute Band etc that could easily fit into her needs. You might want to allow some secular music that preach love. sex and drugs is also a no-no for me.

      No matter which actions you take, I'd say it is imperative that you remain a friend and not just a sister. It'd help her owe some part of her actions and talks to what you'd want her to do and also it will restrain some of her delinquencies.

      I'd want to believe this is just a phase and it would soon fade away with minimal mistakes. You might also want to make her more responsible by handling and overseeing certain activities like coordinating family devotion, handling more church responsibilities, running some aspect of the household. This is just to make her use her time more responsibly.

      You are always welcome Aunty Kabuoy and Sunshine.

  8. Parenting isn't child's play but putting up the pic is totally uncalled for. The girl will only be exposed to more stuffs. As a mother if u need the public to discipline your kid then that makes you a failed parent!!! May God help this new generation of teens/early adults..

  9. well, there are a few things:

    1) "A young girl who will still get married tomorrow allowing such photo of her to surface on line".... Um, so you figured the best way to control the spreading of the picture is to post it on Laila Ikeji's blog. Sound logic!
    2) I don't think it was the mother that posted this because I refuse to believe a mother will do this to her child
    3) If it indeed was the mother, well, some people ought to be banned from social media
    4) I have to be honest Thelma and say, you could have brought this topic here with the text only, and not the picture, because the picture's helping to spread the character defamation

  10. I just heard of a story of a girl that i know of who had WAEC mathematics exam on the same day she decided to travel to another state for a party. As in WAEC exam.


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