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Ridiculous Testimonies!






This morning I remembered some lie my cousin told me some years back. Actually, I don't know for a fact that she was lying but I never quite believed her. So, the chica went to Transcorp for an event and as she was walking out to get a cab, some guy, for no known reason, walked up to her and said something along the lines of just wanting to give her something and not knowing why. Immediately the stranger handed her two bundles of 1000 Naira notes, and said bye bye. 200,000 naira, just like that? Hia!

You attend church services and hear all sorts of testimonies. From the ones who sowed a seed and the next day a stranger handed them the keys to a brand new Lexus jeep, to the ones who never sent out their CVs but suddenly got a call offering them a job with Chevron with a six figure salary, official car and robust allowances. 

I woke up this morning thinking about ridiculous testimonies. I'd already decided to do a post on them, the post was to be tongue in cheek, slightly cynical. And all that was even before I remembered that today was Communion Service. The testimonies you hear at HOTR Communion Service, they're the Kings of ridiculous!

Something happened some weeks ago during service, now I can't remember if it was midweek service or Sunday service. After the earthshaking praise & worship session, Pastor Paul Adefarasin mounted his pulpit and called on Danny, the young guy who led the session. He thanked Danny for the good music and then to our total awe and surprise, he brought out the keys to a Range Rover and handed them to Danny. The church went ballistic but above the noise we could hear the pastor tell the chorister that that was the car he came to church with (so that should tell you that the ride was still in mint condition) and Danny would be leaving with the car as it was now his. 

Oh how we screamed and shouted and tapped and keyed into it. Well, maybe some of us thought it was a bit too ridiculous, some others knew that God's blessings can be ridiculous and claimed it.
      Thus during testimony session this morning, one very young lady named Adebola came to share her testimony. So apparently the day Pastor Paul gave Danny the Range, she keyed into it and told God she was tired of taking public transportation (wait, God, I thought I told you this Here. How far?). A few days later, she got an alert for 1M, and a few days after that another 1M (don't ask me from whence these alerts came, the fair lass didst say not). Well suffice it to say that Miss Adebola came to church this morning with her brand new car!!!

The testimonies today! Oh, we also had one of those I didn't apply but got the job ones. So this lady graduated 5 years ago, overall best graduating student in her set. Naturally she assumed she'd have all the top oil companies in Lagos beating down her doors. However, five years later, she's browbeaten, penniless and still unemployed. She probably even stopped applying for jobs because the mail from Total was a total shock. A few weeks after Cummunion Service, Total invited her to write an aptitude test for a scholarship program, there were slots for just 5 people in the entire nation. Baby geh was shocked, like, I didn't apply for this, what happened? Well, she again took the communion with faith, prayed, went for the test and wrote. 

Weeks later she received another mail stating that she had passed and inviting her for an interview before a seven-man panel. Seven-man panel at Total E&P sounded positively hellish, but it turned out heavenly. She said the interview was a breeze, just like they'd already even decided to give her the job but only asked her to attend for formality sake. Among the several thousands that were invited for the aptitude test, only 5 were chosen, and she was one. This scholarship came with Visa, tickets, tuition, accomodation, feeding allowances and more, in the USA. Her head was still reeling when she remembered that she applied for this program with Total FIVE years ago, and they went into their portal, dusted off the five year old application and invited her for the aptitude test.


I cannot begin to share all the astounding testimonies from today. Some extremely ridiculous, but isn't that how the God we serve works? Like I said, I already had this post in mind, even before attending today's Cummunion Service, so it's not really about HOTR. I'm simply curious about ridiculous testimonies, and I'm tired of hearing them from faceless people and strangers, it only makes a very farfetched story sound even more farfetched. 

I'm wondering if YOU have a ridiculous testimony. Something totally expected, unimagined, unprecedented, that happened to you or someone you know. Like, please share this with me, I'm very eager to hear it. Has a stranger handed you their car keys and walked away? Did your dream job with a mouthwatering salary just fall into your laps? Did your boo suddenly break up with you after a five year relationship and just when you thought all hope was lost God gifted you with an even hotter boo who proposed almost immediately? Did that malignant lump in your body mysteriously disappear one morning? Did you get promoted while all your colleagues were getting sack letters or pay cuts? Were you elevated from Mushin to Ikoyi overnight? Haha! 

Do tell? And if you have none then regale us with the most ridiculous testimonies you've heard. 

I would share with you if I had one. I will share with you when it comes, soon I'm sure. 

Comments

  1. Yh,miracles do happen. I'm abit asthmatic. For some strange reason that day I realized I was having trouble breathing. When it starts,i usually sleep it off hoping my body system wld reset itself. Unfortunately for me,i woke up in the middle of the night fighting for air,like I was choking.
    I remembered I had ventolin pills in my room so in the dark,i groped my way to find the pills. Just as I was bout taking it,somethin told me to check the date and yes,it was expired!
    Then I remembered again that I had taken communion the previous sunday. With conviction,i said the body of Christ is for healing and thus im healed,no more chest pain biko.
    I decided to go back to bed. Had a glass of water,said a prayer and I passed out like a baby! Woke up to realize my breathing was restored!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U shouldn't be a HOTR mistress (ermm, I dunno d exact name they call HOTR pipu), but a withness! U don't need those damn friqqin pills! Nah, they ain't 4 ya

      Delete
  2. Ridiculous miracles awaits me... I'm coming!

    But I haven't really heard a testimony for years now. I dont go to Pentecostal churches... I think I need to hear one. Would anybody like to invite me to their church? I'm really serious about it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uyi I dreamt of you last night. We were hanging out, me, you and my boyfriend. In reality you and this boo of mine are in the same industry and your names both start with U. LOL. Of course in reality we're not dating but it was a fun dream and we had loads of laughs.

      sasha boné invited everyone to HOTR some days ago and I'm sure her invite is still open. You should come for the next communion service, and we could do lunch afterwards. Maybe at BLD or the barbecue place opposite church. What say you?

      Delete
    2. Uyi ds one that err'one's dreaming and seeing u like dz, it means dt big things are 'bout 2 come ur way soonest o. Plz don't 4get me whn d ridiculous miracles start pouring in o..

      Delete
    3. Thelma Thelma...Lol!

      When is the next communion service?

      Delete
  3. Awesome things happen daily, I have been a recipient, still hoping and praying for more.

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  4. Awesome miracles happen in ma life daily too, and like Chioma, I'm praying and hoping 4 more..


    Add us on BBM for all your ERRANDS within and outside Lagos, DELIVERIES all ova Nigeria and CARGOs to and from any part of the world.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ridiculous testimonies everywhere, seen and heard of many but will share the one that happened to a friend. My friend was 29 then(2013)got preggy for bf, almost at d point of giving birth,bf disappeared never showed up after delivery,friend called n called buy bf never picked,to crown it all she gave birth through CS,everyone was running around looking for money to pay cos the bill was really huge. The dude mistakes my friend's ward for a family friend he came to see who just gave birth too,met my friend and Mum crying bitterly, he was touched and asked questions, mum reluctantly explained, dude said he was coming, went to d doctor, paid her bills and left. Doctor then told my friend dude had paid, dude shoed up two days later,my friend and mum thanked him and from there they kicked off as friends, six months later,they got married and guess what, my friend has a happy home takes care of the child like his and my friend has even given birth for him. Till date,the bastard who got her pregnant hasn't showed up. So therefore, I believe in such testimonies and I key into them always. Kaiii I don too talk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Showed* dude takes Care of*. Too much typos.

      Delete
    2. Hmm but what if something happened to the"bastard"? I mean,your know...
      As he was there through out the early months(you know,logically) and only disappeared when she was at the point of giving birth as you said...
      ...that guy didn't mistakenly enter that ward! He was sent...I'm believing the bf had genuine feelings for your friend and unfortunately something bad happened to him and his last thought was that of his gf and unborn child.

      I stand to be corrected only if the bf is alive. Like have any of you seen him,his family,and all..

      Delete
    3. Yes he is alive,if he was dead,I wouldn't call him a bastard. He is alive n doing good,the guy saw greener pastures with a rich man's kid so he had to bail n is even married to d babe but news has it that he is suffering,been used as boiboi. Lol,u know how it works now.

      Delete
  6. Wow maybe thats a crazy story.

    Mine a dream jon that paid me 5 times my salary at the time complete with vacations and tickets and tax free status dropped in my lap i was jn my early 20s.

    If i had a gun, i would have been in jail by now. My ex b4 my husband made me so angry and filled with rage. My husband was always at my gym but not even a hi. After almost 2 years of dealing with my ex, i met andmarried my husband in 10 months and he has put me first in almost every decision. I literally can wake up and go back to sleep on a daily basis and my husband is happy to be my husband. This testimony is not complete yet, but I will say the stone the builder rejected became the corner stone. Some days i still wake up and say "God is this me"? Live hasnt been perfect but if I complain i woulf be ungrateful.

    www.pynk360.com

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  7. Great miracles no doubt, nice of you to share those stories. Best wishes!

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  10. Got a miraculous gift of $20,000 from some good friends of ours without even asking for it. It came in most timely when I needed the exact sum to settle my kids with me. I am still overwhelmed each time I remember it. I have never heard of something similar, especially in these harsh financial climes! It really reminded me that God is looking out for me and thinking of me, even at times when it seems like He is far away.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes I remember another one, a coursemate of mine was SS,she used to go home when she had crises, one day our chaplain I think was preaching and told all those with sickle cell to come forward, he prayed for them and told them to go for test in the clinic immediately, I don't know about the others but her genotype became AA, she went for two other tests and the result was still AA, I haven't read of any science that can do that. All I know is God is a miracle worker.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm a recipient of Gods miracle several times over
    I had always been AS all my life and never even was bothered about it fast forward after I met and married le boo I got pregnant and went to check guess what I became AA trust me I'm a cynic all these things no dey work for me- do you know the most amazing part le boo and I were both AS and you could imagine that it was a recipe for disaster had God not intervened.

    Secondly about 3 years ago le boo was always just falling sick for no apparent reasons. I forced him to the clinic on one of them days and after a series of tests he was given a healthy bill- just stress, dr then turned to me and insisted I do my annuals- hmm my people doctors saw lumps in my two breast but the major scare was in the left breast coupled with fibroids- a biopsy spelled doom- cancer my grandma just had a masectomy.

    Guys, being a realistic person I was bracing up for a masectomy notime#, pastors prayed into my life- everyone was praying me I was looking forward to the surgery. I had recently become born again so I remained in an atmosphere of praise- I was too numb to pray.

    The day of my surgery drumroll, Dr insisted that I went for a 4D scan just before entering the OT. And they searched and searched and looked and looked for the lump- NOTHING. Keep in mind I had gone for a mamo severally. Long and short, I didn't need the operation and I'm still here today- clean bill of health.

    As for the fibroid it wasn't priority. Had an annual check this year and the Dr decides to just check and voila- again no single trace of fibroid.

    Just recounting these stories Brings tears to my eyes- God is still very faithful and I'm in awe of him.

    Just recently as pay back for le boos commitment to work- someone gave him the keys to a house. As in tear rubber house- it was a want not a need keep that in mind.

    So yes, today I still listen to testimonies and try to analyze but each time I remember mine- it reminds me that nothing is impassible

    I am signing off as an anon, not been on this site for months now coversface#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Argh too many typos

      Le boo and I didn't officially we'd till after our first kid so we didn't do the mandatory blood test the church advocates. Now, I understand why the genotype had to change because the sickle cell gene is very dominant in his family- he's lost several siblings.
      I am really grateful to God for that.


      The fibroid wasn't priority then because the lumps were life threatening.

      I had done several mammograms*

      Nothing is impossible with God*

      I miss you Thelma, all the way from Abuja, you no dey even ask for pessin Yiimu!

      Delete
    2. I tap into all the testimonies I have read here. Today, I just need God's miracle.

      Lord let our miracles come speedily. In Jesus name, amen.

      Delete
    3. I tap into all the testimonies I have read here. Today, I just need God's miracle.

      Lord let our miracles come speedily. In Jesus name, amen.

      Delete
    4. I tap into all the testimonies I have read here. Today, I just need God's miracle. And it's so wonderful when you hear of the wonders God does in people's lives. It gives you greear hopes and expectations. May these Testimonies remain permanent and

      Lord let our miracles come speedily. In Jesus name, amen.

      Delete
    5. I tap into all the testimonies I have read here. Today, I just need God's miracle. And it's so wonderful when you hear of the wonders God does in people's lives. It gives you greear hopes and expectations. May these Testimonies remain permanent and

      Lord let our miracles come speedily. In Jesus name, amen.

      Delete
  13. @Anon from Abuja,i tap into ur miracle!
    Wow!!!

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  14. Have loads of miracles too.. Will come back to this post...



    Www.trendwithgloria.blogspot.com

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  15. Where are my own ridiculous miracles oh God

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  16. Miracles do exist.. God Is Faithful indeed.

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  17. That I am where I am and headed where I am headed irrespective of the circumstances that I am aware surrounds me...is RIDICULOUS in itself...still waiting for the 'car miracle' sha....~JoyDaNuGirl

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  18. I am seriously rehashing how I will say my testimony on that faithful day at the alter of God. I know my testimony will change lives and make people trust God more. My miracles must come. No doubt about it. I am waiting earnestly. I know God would do it. sooner than I expected.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Replies
    1. Patiently waiting too,for that miracle that will sound like a lie.

      Delete
  20. Ridiculous miracles...

    There's this couple in my dad's church, the man is a major and the wife is a medical doctor. They've been married for 14 years, no baby. They had tried everything! Seen doctors, prayed, etc. Sometime last year the woman miraculously took in and guess what? She had triplets! Three beautiful baby girls! I had tears in my eyes when I went to see them during Easter. God really is faithful to us.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Wow! Thanks for sharing, all of you. I've had testimonies upon testimonies in my life. Work wise, I've gotten work I wasn't qualified for. At times when it seems like I'm about to hang on to the very last, God shows Himself strong on my behalf. My mates started off their careers very well when I was still revving up but now my story is different and I've only just started.
    On the personal front, I've claimed my testimony of a very very very happy marriage with my future spouse, healthy and all round amazing children. Health wise, God is working and I will only give praise. I see my future as so beautiful when I remember how God has always given me testimonies. When I go through stuff, I remind myself that He is the God of the encore... If He did it before, He'll do it again. God bless you all. First time commenting this year oh, I think.
    E

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  22. Wow! Isn't God awesome!
    I've got so many testimonies

    ReplyDelete
  23. These are the kind of stories I love to read. AMAZING!!! God is great. Big and small miracles have happened to me. Like not having a car and getting offered a ride by unknown neighbors in the estate and they resorted to dropping me everyday in front of my office...going home people ask me if I need a ride home.

    When I wanted to do my MBA I didn't have the tuition (N3.75M) but I prayed, walked the length of the school speaking in tongues and I got a scholarship. I even got help with accommodation.

    At the time I was racking my brain on how to diversify my income stream, God touched someone's heart to send me an email. A random person who read something I wrote and he asked that I provide texts(content) to some visuals for some Facebook pages his agency is managing. I do that asides my main job and get paid monthly. I mean I truly can't recount it all. God is truly awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi Thelma, the lady who gave the Total scholarship testimony is a good friend and thus I know the story. We even celebrated it like a month ago, so it is indeed real.

    God truly works in mysterious ways.

    I am posting as anon cos I don't want some dots connected...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Anon, I didnt doubt the authenticity of the testimony for a second. I'm so happy for your friend, may more testimonies abound in her life & yours.

      Delete
  25. It is really a testimony for me that i av no cause to visit the hospital nor take drugs for the past five years now!God gave me perfect health.Praise God!

    ReplyDelete

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