This morning I remembered some lie my cousin told me some years back. Actually, I don't know for a fact that she was lying but I never quite believed her. So, the chica went to Transcorp for an event and as she was walking out to get a cab, some guy, for no known reason, walked up to her and said something along the lines of just wanting to give her something and not knowing why. Immediately the stranger handed her two bundles of 1000 Naira notes, and said bye bye. 200,000 naira, just like that? Hia!
You attend church services and hear all sorts of testimonies. From the ones who sowed a seed and the next day a stranger handed them the keys to a brand new Lexus jeep, to the ones who never sent out their CVs but suddenly got a call offering them a job with Chevron with a six figure salary, official car and robust allowances.
I woke up this morning thinking about ridiculous testimonies. I'd already decided to do a post on them, the post was to be tongue in cheek, slightly cynical. And all that was even before I remembered that today was Communion Service. The testimonies you hear at HOTR Communion Service, they're the Kings of ridiculous!
Something happened some weeks ago during service, now I can't remember if it was midweek service or Sunday service. After the earthshaking praise & worship session, Pastor Paul Adefarasin mounted his pulpit and called on Danny, the young guy who led the session. He thanked Danny for the good music and then to our total awe and surprise, he brought out the keys to a Range Rover and handed them to Danny. The church went ballistic but above the noise we could hear the pastor tell the chorister that that was the car he came to church with (so that should tell you that the ride was still in mint condition) and Danny would be leaving with the car as it was now his.
Oh how we screamed and shouted and tapped and keyed into it. Well, maybe some of us thought it was a bit too ridiculous, some others knew that God's blessings can be ridiculous and claimed it.
Thus during testimony session this morning, one very young lady named Adebola came to share her testimony. So apparently the day Pastor Paul gave Danny the Range, she keyed into it and told God she was tired of taking public transportation (wait, God, I thought I told you this Here. How far?). A few days later, she got an alert for 1M, and a few days after that another 1M (don't ask me from whence these alerts came, the fair lass didst say not). Well suffice it to say that Miss Adebola came to church this morning with her brand new car!!!
The testimonies today! Oh, we also had one of those I didn't apply but got the job ones. So this lady graduated 5 years ago, overall best graduating student in her set. Naturally she assumed she'd have all the top oil companies in Lagos beating down her doors. However, five years later, she's browbeaten, penniless and still unemployed. She probably even stopped applying for jobs because the mail from Total was a total shock. A few weeks after Cummunion Service, Total invited her to write an aptitude test for a scholarship program, there were slots for just 5 people in the entire nation. Baby geh was shocked, like, I didn't apply for this, what happened? Well, she again took the communion with faith, prayed, went for the test and wrote.
Weeks later she received another mail stating that she had passed and inviting her for an interview before a seven-man panel. Seven-man panel at Total E&P sounded positively hellish, but it turned out heavenly. She said the interview was a breeze, just like they'd already even decided to give her the job but only asked her to attend for formality sake. Among the several thousands that were invited for the aptitude test, only 5 were chosen, and she was one. This scholarship came with Visa, tickets, tuition, accomodation, feeding allowances and more, in the USA. Her head was still reeling when she remembered that she applied for this program with Total FIVE years ago, and they went into their portal, dusted off the five year old application and invited her for the aptitude test.
I cannot begin to share all the astounding testimonies from today. Some extremely ridiculous, but isn't that how the God we serve works? Like I said, I already had this post in mind, even before attending today's Cummunion Service, so it's not really about HOTR. I'm simply curious about ridiculous testimonies, and I'm tired of hearing them from faceless people and strangers, it only makes a very farfetched story sound even more farfetched.
I'm wondering if YOU have a ridiculous testimony. Something totally expected, unimagined, unprecedented, that happened to you or someone you know. Like, please share this with me, I'm very eager to hear it. Has a stranger handed you their car keys and walked away? Did your dream job with a mouthwatering salary just fall into your laps? Did your boo suddenly break up with you after a five year relationship and just when you thought all hope was lost God gifted you with an even hotter boo who proposed almost immediately? Did that malignant lump in your body mysteriously disappear one morning? Did you get promoted while all your colleagues were getting sack letters or pay cuts? Were you elevated from Mushin to Ikoyi overnight? Haha!
Do tell? And if you have none then regale us with the most ridiculous testimonies you've heard.
I would share with you if I had one. I will share with you when it comes, soon I'm sure.