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The Curse Of the Over 30 Single Woman (She Wouldn't Marry Him BecauseOf His Father's Name)





"every woman I know -- no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure -- feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried." Lori Gottlieb. I found this an apt quote for the story below.

A very decent guy has been on my case for a while but I've been putting him on the shelf for a while. He has pursued me with interest but I have never quite given him the reason why I won't date him. I keep telling him I'm not ready even though I'm burning with desire! My friend said to me I should stop looking for a great guy and "settle" for an okay dude. So I gave her the run down of my situation and asked her to judge. Ive been on many dates with this guy and we have great chemistry. He is confident, refined and well established. To top it up, he is good looking and manly. We met at the airport after a delayed flight about 8 months ago. I was starting to fall hard for him when I did a last name check with a friend who told me how deeply involved his immediate family was in a business scandal that left a number of people bankrupt. His uncle and father were charged with all manners of fraud. I did more research and it was true. It was a big deal and was all over the papers and news. He of course did nothing wrong but by virtue of his last name is just as guilty. I told my girlfriend that as much as I liked the idea of this guy, and how good he makes me feel. I can't allow myself to fall deeper for him because I have to take on a last name that will cause people to be skeptical. She said "im your friend and I get you but if you continue thinking like this, you will find yourself single at 45. No person or situation is perfect " she kept shouting "he didn't do it he didn't do it". 

How important is the reputation of your spouses last name. Are we overly "name conscious" as a society. Is this the curse of being over 30 where flaws in a guy just don't seem so bad for any girl to put up with? or is he a decent guy she should "settle" for given the scrutiny and consequences for going ahead. #Relationships 


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Today's chickchat with @conniegirlswag

Comments

  1. 'A good name is better than riches.' Hmmm...... we live in a world where people make a mountain over a scandal and then move on to the next. But the question I ask myself is, 'do people really forget?' Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't?

    What if the lady was already his wife? Would you divorce him to take back your maiden name or change your surname to disassociate yourself?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! It doesn't mata at all. What if I was already his wife?

      Delete
  2. Visiting the sins of the fathers on the son??? Issokay. Its her choice. Life partner idiro easy o. If you are AS or SS, slimmer chances. If you have a medical condition, slimmer chances. If you didn't go to school, if you don't have money, if you don't have a good car, if you are not thoughtful, if you are a woman beater, if you are a cheat, if you are an osu, if you have a temper, if you stay on the mainland (insert laughter), if you haven't gone on foreign trips and finally if your family name has been on the pages of the papers for wrong reasons. #smiles and walks away#

    ReplyDelete
  3. The reputation of my spouse name wouldn't be a biggy to me,like enjay said,what if I was married to him before the scandal,will I leave or divorce him because of what his family did,and if I wasn't married to him ,I would make my research about him and be sure he doesn't have d same attitude as those in his family, if he isn't like them,then I would go ahead cos my happiness matters a lot. The only time a name disturbs me is if my spouse to be bears names like ifaseyi, oguntade, sangogbemi and any other name that has a deity attached.Btw T,I dreamt of u ohh,in the dream ehhhh,I invited u out and u suggested an amala joint, saying it's been long u ate in a local joint,lol. The brokoto was the bomb but thank God we didn't eat it cos to chop for dream no be am ohh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Taah this thing ate my comment.

    Sher stance is valid- but she should examine the guy on his own and if he merits her attention and love she should go with it. Simple. People are married to Abacha's children and theirweddings are all over blogs. Nobody will hold her ransom.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same thoughts. You can even bear his first name if d name thingy really bothers you.
      To me it's no biggy as far as your spouse to be doesn't have any questionable character.

      Delete
    2. .......and inherit all the curses too
      justsaying#

      Delete
  5. Family name is now a problem again! Who even remembers that when every other thing is going smoothly. As long as the guy doesn't exhibit such fraudulent behaviours,then by all means go ahead.


    it isn't fair on her part to punish the guy for something he had little or no control over.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thelma! Your matter don dey tire person oo. If you were my big sister idk what il do with you. Cmonnnnn! If one judged you based on your father's sin would you like that ? Sigh

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think the character of the individual is more important than the family name. I know someone that said he could never marry someone from a broken home, especially if the mom was the one that left because the girl won't have hesitate to leave him at the slightest sign of discomfort. I told him it was wrong to judge that way, what if they girl has promised herself that she won't be like her mother and put her own kids through what she went through.
    Get to know the person as an individual, their father's name doesn't define their essence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's funny is that NO one is perfect. Everyone has one type of flaw or another. When U find people whose flaw is superficial, Biko Grab them & Never let them go.
      A name is just a name, I can change my identity anyday anytime!
      Except the lady in the post is very superficial, Are U marrying the NAME or the Person? Biko marry is he's a good man, keep ur maiden name if he agrees.

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

      Delete
    3. Anon 9.09 where do I send ur kisses to? Don't mind her co home wreckers that support her. They will all partake of the banquet of sorrow that is being prepared for her. Ruth Ruth you see ur life? You and ur evil family dare to stab a good woman in the back. Hmmmmm you've stirred the hornets nest.

      Delete
  8. Visiting the sins of the Father on the sons.....why?
    Do your research and if you like him as an individual then go ahead and marry him, are people not getting married to all our corrupt politicians kids and when we see the weddings on Instagram we will be ooohing and awwwing saying how beautiful it is and all(I know I do that)
    Love covers a multitude of sin

    ReplyDelete
  9. If you can't bear his last name, you can bear his first name na. It is not compulsory to bear his last name.

    ReplyDelete

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