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...The Improper Product of a Polygamous Home!




*Oluchi has been engaged to *Ugo for over a year now, with no wedding in sight. The couple is still very much in love and eager to make it official. However Oluchi's in-laws to be are reluctant to welcome her into their fold. They loved her when she and Ugo were just dating, it was all fun and games until Ugo got down on one knee and proposed. Suddenly his entire family remembered that Oluchi is from a polygamous home and their son therefore cannot marry her. 

In moments of frustration there are times I wish I could go to Ugo's family myself and tell them just how wonderful Oluchi is, how amazing she is as a person; kind, accommodating, industrious and compassionate. I know her and know for a fact she's even a better person than I and most other people from "stable", "proper", "functional" homes. Made me scream BS at the stereotypes that follow people from polygamous families and broken homes. 

Broken homes and the stereotypes... I thinks that's even worse, another topic entirely, perhaps. 

Then some months ago I had the misfortune of meeting someone whose character stunned me, not on a good way, and then did this thing that resulted in me saying indeed someone from a proper home wouldn't act this way. Just maybe these stereotypes are founded after all. 

And then my colleague who's from a polygamous home says he will never marry someone from a polygamous home. He says so many unprintable things about his experiences growing up, and why most people from polygamous (and broken homes) end up having behavioral problems. He constantly reiterates that he cannot marry a product of a polygamous home, and neither will his children. I once had to ask; you're adamant in your refusal to as much as date a girl from a polygamous family, so which single girl from a "proper" home is going to have the ill luck of being stuck with you?  

I dislike stereotypes and it particularly irks me because I know some people from these homes, well rounded, solid individuals. And I've known people, befriended people, dated people, from traditional homes, the supposed proper homes, who happen to be bloody wankers! 

So what gives? What informs these beliefs that any product from a polygamous home is automatically a flight risk and as such, should be avoided? That people from polygamous families are likely to be dysfunctional, and naturally polygamous by default. What factors or attributes contributed in birthing this stigmatization and what attributes keep it thriving even in modern society? Or do people just act based on preconceptions?

What are your experiences in your dealings with people from these homes? How have you found your relations and interactions with them to be? Do you really consider them different from you?
     More importantly, are you from a polygamous home? Do you feel stigmatized or feel your background has caused you certain losses; maybe opportunities, maybe relationships or marriage?

Please do share. 

Comments

  1. i have this friend from a polygamous home,she's nice and fun to be with but she's always hiding information from us;as in you could be with her this minute and make plans together for tomorrow and then when you call the next day she will be like "emi ti mo ti wa ni abuja"...funny part is she knew she wont be around but she wont say a thing,most of our friends withdrew from her and when i asked them why they all gave the same answer that she's always acting like they are witches or something.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your colleague should explain why he's really scared of polygamy. In a way, I don't blame him. Sometimes people who respond like that are those who "got lost in the crowd"; less love from dad and step-siblings to most likely carrying the weight of your own responsibility, which may not even exempt their mum and siblings. The possibility of this happening in a monogamous family is considerably lower. In polygamy you're more likely to have people losing their morals simply because they're trying to survive as a result of negligence. Their mindset about life is affected.

    I dare say that majority of men who trumpet the "men are polygamous in nature" come from polygamous homes, and I don't need to tell you how irresponsible that statement sounds...usually used as an excuse for promiscuity. I have married friends from polygamous homes who see keeping sidechicks as normal. "if madam catch you wetin go happen?" "Ehen..wetin she wan do? If na waka make she waka na". And that's it.

    Mind you, I'm not stereotyping here but truth be told; people from polygamous homes are more prone to losing their morals than those of monogamous homes. That's what the society fears, unfortunately.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A have a friend that's just like the person anonymous 1:27 described. She's sooo paranoid and she knows it cos she says it all the time. You call her today, make plans with her and tomorrow when you call she'll be like oh I'm in London or some out of the way place... I tend not to fault her cos its how she grew up so I don't see her changing soon.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is the first time am hearing this stereotype about those from polygamous homes. From broken home yes a lot....

    I think it all boils down to the individual in question,for some of them it makes them strive hard and work towards avoiding such situations re-occurring in their lives while some others see it as the norm and end up following the footsteps of their parents.


    I used to have a friend who is from a broken home and as little kids we didn't think much of it. In fact it wasn't even an issue but I think it affected them because the way their lives(hers and her siblings) turned out was unexpected. I am still hoping for a turn around in their lives though......it is never too late.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Biko, what matters is the individual. I know people who come from the so called "normal" homes who have the morals of the Frech, and people from "broken " homes who have managed to make sth out of their lives despite the conditions in which they grew up. Stereotypes are the problem with the world.

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    Replies
    1. Exactly, it depends on the individual. Some promise themselves that they won't end up the way of their parents. Some go on and be polygamous themselves because growing up in that kind of setting makes it seem like there's nothing wrong with that way of life.
      I know a lady that had 6 kids for four different men, now one of her kids already has two children for two different men but another has been happily married for over ten years and she has four kids with the same man. So the rule doesn't really apply if you ask me.
      Then again I think that if decide to date someone from a broken or polygamous home, you have a role to play in how they turn out. Don't judge them based on their past or the kind of family they come from. After all I know some pastor's daughters who are extremely loose and promiscuous.
      It's odd that most of the people that say they can't marry someone from broken/polygamous homes are from the same kind of background themselves. Maybe there's something they know that those from monogamous homes don't know. I wish someone could educate us a bit more on their experience.

      Delete
  6. Dis days i'm not too quick to respond to dis mata abt stereotypes.... I knw of a couple nearby whose wife is 4rm a polygamous Muslim home and married a correct christian guy! D woman is used to fighting and keeping malice and doing all dat serenren now dat she doesn't av Anoda woman to fight.... she fights her hubby and kids. she can just tune off 4 awhile
    Widout feeding or caring abt d hubby and kids. I pray 4 dere family evryday dat d hubby doesn't get pushed to d wall and give her dat small wife.... so she can finally av sumone to fight wit.... dis woman wahala pass me sef!

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's about the individual personality in my opinion

    ReplyDelete

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