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The Ones That Got Away...





The past few days have been a blur. I really wish I could recount in words, I've tried and I've failed. Each time I put fingertip to keypad I rustle up something that comes out halfway pathetic&pitiful, and halfway confusing. So I decided not to post for a bit, till I could get out of that cloudy area. 

I was to return to Lagos yesterday, and I desperately wanted to go back. You see, I left town with lofty plans for my mental and emotional wellbeing. I thought taking time away would really help. I thought taking myself away from the environment would mean leaving my fears and worries there. Unfortunately your thoughts aren't one of the things you easily shove into the recesses of a shelf and leave behind. Those relentless buggers came on my trip with me and threatened to ruin it. 

Also, I'd thought I would be with that friend who once made everything ok, just by being there. But as I looked at the friend I peeked into a house and saw that no one was home. Our friendship is vacant, it's barren, it's bare. Who would have thunk it, that my sister of yesterday would become today's stranger? And as I struggled to find enough words to make up a sentence, to say to someone whom I once felt 24 hours in a day weren't enough for me to spend with her, I realized that maybe all good things really do come to an end.
    I found myself wishing she was a lover. At least then I could lay my grievances and say "Bae, what's wrong with us? This isn't the way we used to be. What went wrong and how can we fix it?". Unfortunately with a sister those words would sound very gay. It doesn't help that I'm one to often wear my heart on my sleeves and bare my mind, while she's one (I recently learned... Strange, the new things we learn about old friends) to keep it all bottled in and act like everything's ok. 

I'm no quitter but I gave up. Maybe one day we'll get back to being us again. For now she's got issues way bigger than friendship. I've also got issues way bigger than friendship. Someday maybe...

So I went and missed my flight and I found myself back in room 405, just hours after I'd said sayonara and bade them farewell. Restless, I started to scroll through my contacts, surely I must have other friends in this town. And failing that, surely I must have blog readers in this town. Hopefully at least one of them wouldn't mind having a drink with me... Then, I saw his name, and he lives here too!

Immediately I called he dragged himself up and came to come see me. This is the first time we would sit and talk like this since 2004. I knew he was mad about me, unfortunately I'd overestimated myself and his feelings for me. How can I explain the crushing devastation when I saw that he was giving himself to another...

Still, we met this evening and caught up (pictures above), a pleasant evening I must say. You know real friendship when you haven't seen someone in 11 years and you guys instantly pick up where you left off (sans the emotions and feelings), like 11 years is merely 11 days. 

As I got back into my room realization dawned on me. It was the answer to a question I've asked tons of times. Is attraction really important? Must there be (mutual) attraction before a relationship stands a chance of working? Recent experiences have taught me that attraction isn't all it's hyped to be, and isn't as important as you would think. Some things trump attraction; compatibility, mutual affection, personality, happiness... I think once you have an open mind and genuinely begin to like or love someone (it's actually a choice), attraction often creeps in without you even knowing. At least that has been my testimony these last few months. 

I got to thinking about the great relationships that I aborted in the fetal stage, just because I'd misguidedly thought that first there must be attraction before all else follow. How many did I allow to get away; three, five, ten?


But... This post really isn't about the one(s) that got away. Of course if you want to share with us about that one person you regret letting go, I'd be more than glad to hear it. This post is essentially to touch base. I've been out of sync with everything and everyone. I hope you have been fine and life is treating you well. What's new with you? Talk to me. 

Comments

  1. Oh Tee Baby, I missed U like a Fat kid misses Chocolates & ice cream! Plus U look Beautiful in that dress!

    To this post, Mami, as I grow Older, I understand Love better. Most of what we know/feel is a mirage, a farce, In Reality, Love is just Someone else being there for another through all the thickness & thinness of this bizarre world. Attraction or not.
    Which is why Beauty always falls hard in love with the Beast & I'm sure she would still love him even if he didn't turn into the handsome prince.
    In the words of Catherine Stark in GOT, "When U find someone who Respects U 100% & U in return, Everything else grows, understanding, Love, etc & THIS is what stands the test of time not the butterflies or hide & seeks"!

    I Hope to find this HIM in the nearest future.

    As for how I've been, a Lil empty. But my spiritual life is peaking so I'll be good in no time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heidi khlum and Seal. Lolz

      Delete
    2. "Which is why Beauty always falls hard in love with the Beast & I'm sure she would still love him even if he didn't turn into the handsome prince." truer words have not been said! Loool!

      Ruthy shebi u know I love you right?! Okay! Just wanted to be sure you know! Loool!

      1000 likes for this comment!


      Meanwhile... how did I miss this post?! like how am I just seeing this?! Ha! I need new glasses! Lool!

      Delete
    3. When you find him, Karma will come visiting. You'll get quadruple of every pain you've caused. Then you'll truly understand the meaning of emptiness. You'll feel ur heart being ripped out of ur body and torn to shreds.

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    5. This is just the beginning.

      Delete
    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    7. Was going through this blog and enjoying myself till I came upon this. When stuff like this happens, the first thing to do is to consider the state the anonymous is in. This is a disgruntled and unhappy fellow. Best advice, Ruthilycious, withdraw from the conversation so you don't feed on the negativity. The less you feed the bully with your replies, the more what the fool says becomes irrelevant. Some people were born stupid. Period.

      Delete
    8. Stupid runs in ur veins. Birds of a feather. I guess u and the skunk pussy Ruth are partners in the business of wrecking people's homes. Just mind your fucking business. This is between Ruth and I. Nobody invited u to this party.

      Delete
  2. Hello.........~JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's all I wanted to say too.

      Helloooooo!! :D

      Delete
  3. Nwando is that you? in all your story I kept going back up to look at your picture. You look great. Whatever you are doing , keep doing it. Maybe even write a journal about it, you may need to bottle it and sell in the future cos it's working. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. J it is me o! Your comment made me giggle.

      Delete
    2. Biko Thelma, please before you think of writing a journal. Jes inbox a sister your food timetable.

      I don't seem to be reducing. I am tired of being an orobo.

      Thank you in anticipation. (grin)

      Delete
  4. Lols @Nwando,is that you? Seriously Thelms you look so hawt.....ebony beauty

    The older I get,the more I discover that attraction is over-rated.....i will go for understanding,acceptance, tolerance and shared values anyday anytime

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shared values! I can't say this enough!

      Delete
  5. When good old friends become strangers... I can relate with that. Life does that to great relationships, especially when there's a little distance and other responsibilities as you all grow older.

    I still think attraction matters, just not as important as compatibility and personality to me. I like to have my toes curl in pleasure when I think of that special someone, but emotional and all other kind of securities takes pre eminence. So while you wonder about the ones that got away, I do too. Only I wonder if maybe, just maybe, I should have placed heart above head at any point in time as I've always been more logical than emotional. No regrets though. At least none that keeps me awake anymore!

    Lovely gown Thelma, you look great!
    I'm almost in top form right now. It's a work in progress, but I think I'm finally understanding the manual I need to succeed.

    Life is a beautiful assured victory, if your coach is God!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course it does matter. A whole lot sef. That's why I said it still comes, when you allow yourself to love a person and not shut them out, simply because you don't feel attracted to them. I used to think that once I'm not attracted to a person then a relationship was pointless. But the last person I fell in love with was someone whom I felt no attraction towards, at the start. I didn't even know when and how but one day it was there, and it was pretty intense. LOL.

      Delete
  6. I think attraction matters no matter the way we look at it, it might not necessarily be in 'looks' but in other ways of doing things. It might not also be the top most priority but its 'something' please.
    Current state of mind..?very sad! Am tired of my boss and I want to strangle the life outta him!!!
    T u look really nice and trimmed, welldone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thelma, you look great! Who says you look better when you are bigger? This is absolutely nice, I love it.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. Thanks F. They said I looked better bigger as opposed to how skinny I got back then, because I looked sickly. Then I went on a two-year hunger strike. Right now I'm eating but making sure I eat right and healthy. And apparently it's working, thank God!

      Delete
  8. Wait wait wait. Thelma is that you? I didnt know you were fine like this.. Ill visit this blog more frequently. Call me for a drink one of these day na. I 101% at brain stimulating conversations *wink

    Attraction is important, but like you said its not the most important. many other things should come before it. But mehn keep it at the back of your end when assessing a potential partner. You dont want to end up with somebody you are not attracted to.

    I have let sooo many girls go because I felt they were not fine/attractive enough. No regrets.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Try being a friend first then maybe your friends wouldnt seem like strangers after a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please if you know me personally then tell me how I can be a better friend. With regards to this friendship above, I can beat my chest and say I have put in sooooooooo much work over the years because I love the person in question like my own blood. So how does one try being a friend exactly? You can call me anything in the world but a bad friend is not one. I'm imperfect, I'm flawed, I've got my issues, but I'm a damn good friend. #fact.
      It would help if people were willing to talk about things, that's why I started by saying if you know me personally tell me how. It's either you don't know me, or you do and you think I haven't been a good friend. If the latter is the case then I really need you to tell me where I've been wrong so that I can fix it. Thank you.

      Delete
  10. Your skin color is the truth.....I need mine to shine like that biko. You really look great. Just like j said I kept going back up to view the pictures.



    If anyone got away,Naa...not so sure. As for how I am....I guess am just me as usual(whatever that means).

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thelma looking like fine wine...Omalicha baby, you look gorgeous. Like J, I kept scrolling back up to look at you.

    @ the episode with your friend, I know right. I've had this happen with some really close friends and all we can manage these days is some forced conversation. It's really sad when this happens.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @friends that become strangers.. I can so relate. I had these friends in school and we where tighter than tight. Fast forward 4yrs after school and one of them is a complete stranger.. smh.

    I'm learning about the attraction thing. The frustrating thing is those you're actually attracted to aren't that attracted to you. I do hope I don't throw the baby away with the bath water as regards this attraction palava.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha, T. I saw your banging body and decided to comment first.

    Now let me go an read the post.

    I wee be back.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ha, T. I saw your banging body and decided to comment first.

    Now let me go an read the post.

    I wee be back.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Keep it up with your good food routine... You are a pretty Lady...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thelma, biko patent that your weight -loss program/recipe and freaking sell it.
    I cannot get over the pictures.
    wow

    ReplyDelete
  17. Like really? I love this new you, hey! Don't get me twisted you've always been a beautiful lady, but now you are more than beautiful, you are hawt!... keep it up dear

    ReplyDelete
  18. This new you is very beautiful, whatever you did or is doing to have this look, please keep it up.

    Your gown is to die for.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Like really? I love this new you, hey! Don't get me twisted you've always been a beautiful lady, but now you are more than beautiful, you are hawt!... keep it up dear

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow! This is wonderful... Are you serious? Wait is it just me or wat. Wow, I cant believe that Maltina bottle could be so attractive...Lol

    Anyways Your new looks, Thelma, got me at first sight. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  21. When I saw this pix on Facebook, I had to bring my phone close to my eyes to b sure it's u NNE u look hot biko. Keep the shape coming my darling.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Nwando-Baby you look smashing as always, in respect to the ones that got away, in life we all have our what if's, however this is the cruel fate life has to offer.
    I hope to see you soon, though I know we can never be strangers..

    O-Bae

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thelma, You look so fab.

    I can totally relate to situations when a sister turns into a stranger. Your heart weeps for what is lost but you realize things can never go back to the way they were. Sad but shit happens.

    ReplyDelete

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