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Monday, 31 August 2015

What Miss Pynk Did!

LOL. Don't mind the picture above. Blogger & blog reader, Miss Pynk of Pynk360, aka OAD, did something simply phenomenal last weekend, and I celebrate her for this. In case you didn't know, this lady right here is all kinds of strong, brilliant and amazing!

Read her post below, as it is on her blog. 

Hey everyone, happy monday. How was the weekend? Mine was dynamic. ..the back to school drive for 100 primary school kids from Obalende, Falomo and Dodan barracks on Sunday turned out ok.  I somehow managed to make it 115 kids – water bottles, back packs, pencils and erasers. They were also to get a lunch and juice with water.

The event was slated to start at 4pm, by 2pm we had 200 kids…the place was barely set up. Well all in all I am grateful to God and the folks over at the Eti Osa Youth Development Initiative  (EYDI), who made a lot of contributions in terms of logistics, prizes and some of the food for parents.

Registering the 1st 115 kids
For me I feel like I didn’t do what I had set out to do, which was send every kid home with a bagpack, water bottle and lunch. Some kids went home without anything. The biggest challenge wasnt the kids though, it was the parents..the drive was for primary school students…you had people with 3 year olds fussing to collect book bags. Nigerians why? While I feel i fell short, its almost like no matter what you do Nigerians are never happy. Parents were in the line fighting,  lying about how old their kids were etc. It’s  a put off if you are doing charity for the gratitude, because they will make you wonder why you are doing it.
Anyways it was my first proper drive, i hope to be better organised next year when its time for back to school and I pray God can purpose it in my heart and finances to do 1000 kids. I didn’t solicit any help for this one,  and I can only say God has been faithful…everything fell into place and I am grateful.
I implore you to purpose in your heart to do something for someone who cannot offer you anything in return this week. Make someone smile by an act or gift of kindness.  
A picture below is myself and two special boys…they were swagged out and I couldn’t help but appreciate the dripping swag….and on thatt note I am saying I sent off 115 kids with backpack  and water bottles for school in September. 🙏That is possibly my greatest achievement thus far this year. I will do a proper post with professional pictures when I get them.

Remember these words; I implore you to purpose in your heart to do something for someone who cannot offer you anything in return this week. Make someone smile by an act or gift of kindness.  

Today's Confession. Unprecedented Favour.

Today I declare over my life and household that God covers me and hides me in the shelter of His wings, protects me from the raging storm, and delivers me from the overbearing power of vain men. In this season the grace of God has distinguished me and separated me from those who will set themselves against me, elevate me from the persecution I have suffered, and lifted my head above those of my peers. I enter into a season of unprecedented favour. Everything I touch respond to me positively; they answer me. The Lord exceeds my aspirations. He will exceed my expectations, and He will supercede all that has been recorded as success in my generation. Every door of delay is taken off its hinges, and every wall of denial comes down like the wall of Jericho, never to be built up again. I walk freely into the inheritance of the Lord; I occupy that which God has given me according to the power of His promise. The land yields of her increase to me constantly, and the dew of heaven ushers in a season of refreshing. The glory of the power of His spirit comes upon me and grants me the desires of my heart. For me, the lines have fallen in pleasant places. God will bless me as He has promised, and my enemies are in fear of me for His sake all the days of their lives. I will enjoy the fruit of my labour. I will eat in plenty, and my store shall be full in and out of season! The fire of the Lord encompasses me for protection. It is well with me, in Jesus's name. I believe and I say Amen. 

Good morning good people. Have a splendid week ahead!

Sunday, 30 August 2015

The Weirdest Thing Ever!

You know how it is when you're on a date or having drinks with a member of the opposite sex and you both start to swap life stories, from childhood till date? I was out just a while ago and having one of those moments and I remembered, and marveled for the millionth time, at something that happened years ago. 

So I was in secondary school in Osun state, Ipetumodu to be precise. Ipetumodu was no Queen's College. Here they believed in using the rod and using it extravagantly! In Ipetumodu you got lashed over any and everything. Miss a class; cane. Miss church; cane. Miss your meal; cane. Get the wrong answer; cane. Have no answer; cane. Come late to class; cane. Teacher is having a bad day; cane. Teacher is taking the piss; cane. Teacher is having a laugh; cane. Don't do your homework; cane. You get the drift by now. 

That Monday, English was the first class we had and for some reason I didn't do my english assignment. Somehow the consequence didn't dawn on me until assembly was nearly over, but a brilliant idea suddenly showed up! Ill or recovering patients visited the sickbay after assembly for drugs or treatment, and I'd noticed that there were often so many people that you could spend the entire 1st period waiting to get treated. Yippee!!! 

Excitedly, I ran to the clinic and sat patiently in a corner. I was very healthy and bursting with life and energy, but the nurse didn't need to know that, she wouldn't be able to prove that the severe headache I was about to complain about was totally fictitious either. And what else; the place was crowded. I might even have to be there well into the 2nd period. Double yippee!!

Unfortunately the fates were not smiling on me, the Principal walked in. The sickbay was too crowded and she wanted anyone who didn't have any urgent case to return to their classroom and return during break. Yekpa! She walked from student to student, asking each one what the problem was, and then immediately sending them away. I watched with my ass throbbing at the thought of six lashes of pankere licking my small behind that morning, I could almost feel the scalding pain. Then the principal got to me. 

Princi: what is wrong with you?

Me: good morning ma. Ma my head is aching me, it has be paining me since yesterday. (I was already getting to my feet to walk to my classroom)

Princi: *squinting at me* sit down, let me look at you. 

She then proceeded to pull down my lower lids and examine the colour of the insides. Internally I rolled my eyes at her silliness. Or could she tell I was lying? Either way, this wouldn't end well. 

I had no idea...

Princi: go to that bed and lie down. Nurse remove her uniform and give her something to wear, let her lie down. 

Guys, if I'd never felt loved by God, at that moment I felt like  I was the ONLY one on earth God loved. I not only got to miss English, I was going to take a breezy nap while doing it. Haha!

...The events that followed in the next few hours, days and weeks, make absolutely no sense.

I slept off immediately. Next thing I know I was woken up hours later, I was very confused. I thought I would be sent back to my class, it was around break by then, instead I was escorted to the Principal's office. At the Principal's office I sat for a while and then I was ushered into a cream coloured Peugeot 504. Next thing I know, I was being drive outside school. 

I was driven straight to Obafemi Awolowo University Teaching Hospital. The next memory I have is of two young doctors, one male, one female, badgering me with questions. But guys, my focus was so shot that I couldn't even tell them my name!

Then I was ushered into a ward and given a bed. Next thing I know, it was dark outside  and the boy in the bed opposite mine was screaming in pain. He had gone hunting with some old men who (supposedly) mistook him for an animal, when he separated from them, and shot him. I remember seeing him bleed terribly before he was moved to ICU and I also remember pointing fingers at him and laughing maniacally. I was delirious. I remember seeing his blood-stained sheets, laughing hysterically and pointing at him, shrieking in the most amused tone; "look that boy is menstruating! That boy is menstruating oooo!!!" And then I would collapse in laughter, I was uncontrollable. The boy in question died the next day. 

The next time I woke up I had needles feeding drip into my veins. It was one drip after another and at the end of that week I had needle scars all over my right wrist. I was delirious half the time, one day I woke up and saw my parents beside me, looking very miserable and hopeless. I burst into laughter. 

A few days later, my French teacher, the sternest, strictest, most fearsome teacher in school; Mr Ajala came to see me. That was the first time I was a grown man cry. My Ajala wept at my bed side and I couldn't stop laughing like a nutcase. The harder I laughed the harder he cried. My parents were distraught. 

I was in OAUTH for about three weeks, and although when I left the doctors thought I was fine, they also thought it wise for me to return to Lagos for a couple of weeks, before returning to school. 

Now I actually couldn't wait to return to school but one week later, I woke up in the middle of the night and the clattering of my teeth could have woken up the people down the street. I was rushed to a hospital in Surulere, off Adeniran Ogunsanya. I was immediately admitted. There I stayed for another twelve nights. Twelve more days of drips, injections, loss of appetite and misery. On the thirteenth day I went home but I was to return everyday for five days for injection shots. At this point I felt perfectly healthy. 

On my fifth day, I was over the moon, it was my last injection shot, I was perfectly fine, and I could return to school soon. Yippeeeee!

I was so wrong. 

I got my injection but two hours after I got home, I began to develop a rash and then my temperature shot through the ceiling. I was immediately rushed to Lagoon hospital Apapa. I prayed, Lord how I prayed, that they would give me an injection and send me on my merry way. It was not to be. 

My parents could not believe it when I fell to my knees and grabbed the doctor by both hands; "please I cannot. I cannot stay in the hospital again. I am tired. Doctor please I am tired, I can't. Please. I have been in the hospital for too long, doctor you won't even find my vein again. There is no more space for drip. Please I will die if I stay here". I cried with all the strength in my soul. I was honestly, honestly tired of hospital beds, drips and living like an invalid. 

My impassioned pleas fell on deaf ears as I was practically hauled to my room. I was in Lagoon hospital for eleven nights. 

Eventually I got back to school about a week to the exam and I'm still so proud to say that that term, among 41 pupils, I came 11th. (It's not impressive but considering I was absent practically through the term, I still 'beat' about one third of my class, that was impressive to me!)

Till date I'm not sure what was wrong with me. I know the words I kept hearing over that period were cerebral malaria, Typhoid and meningitis. At least those were the three ailments that I heard I may be suffering from at OAUTH. 

I still have never understood it, how a perfectly healthy upbeat me, went from pretending to have a headache to avoid getting lashed, to spending several weeks severely ill, running from one hospital to another, most of the time; delirious. 

This has got to be the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. I told it to my date and while it's not a funny story, we both had a good laugh.

What about you? What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened in your life? None? Well then tell me the most memorable!

Saturday, 29 August 2015

About Last Night; An Unexpected Turn. (Would You Love Him If You Didn't Need Him?)

Hey guys, so as y'all know last night I was in the mood for something, and someone different. It was hilarious I tell you! But people don't listen now, do they? Everyone that contacted me, save one, are people I already know. What? Did y'all think I was joking when I said what I said? Anyhoooooo to be honest the thought of getting dressed and glammed to go hang out with someone I've never met seemed a bit much, but I'm hoping we'll be friends and maybe some weekend we could do drinks...

So among the 'contacters' from last night was an ex. Interesting night, last night. Here's what happened; I was all dressed up to go have a drink or two with said ex when another friend hola'd and reminded me that HOTR had night vigil last night. My people, that's how I ditched the makeup and short dress and put on jeans, a tee shirt, a cardigan and a shawl, and hit the church! Hehehehehe. Yeah, that's where I turned up last night.

As you might have figured by now I didn't go alone. (Totally unrelated, but 30(s) is turning out to be much more exciting than the 20s. Who woulda thunk it!?). When we parked the car, my companion made a comment premised on an observation he made on the walk from the car park to the door. He also attends HOTR occasionally so he's words were quite founded. He said to me, "did you notice how almost all these cars here tonight are very ordinary?". "Ordinary how?" I asked. "Compare the cars you're seeing here now to the usual cars you see in this church on Sundays". I looked around and I could see his point. He continued; "it's funny, on Sundays you'll see mainly G-Wagons, Range Rovers, LRs and other luxury cars. This night we're seeing only saloon cars, and most of them old or beat up, at that". I looked around, he was right. I mean there were a few "nice" cars but otherwise, this was not the normal HOTR car park look.

"So why aren't those ones in church tonight? Because they have money, and all the things that they need and can't be bothered with the stress of coming for night vigil? And the ones who came for vigil are the ones who obviously really NEED help from God, the ones that are hustling?...." He seemed really keen on this; where were the owners of the multi-million rides? Why did it seem like the saloon owners were the only one present at vigil?

Why do you think this is?

Makes me wonder; if you didn't really need God, would you still love Him the way you do? (And no, I'm not suggesting that our needs are solely financial). 

I wrote this yesterday, last night refers to Friday night. 

Have a beautiful Sunday guys, it's the last one of the Month.

Tonto Dikeh Weds Traditionally (Mama, I Made It!)

Look Mamah, I Made it!!! You know you've made it as a blogger when people start sending up live updates and pictures in real time of a celebrity wedding!
Err, not exactly. You know you've probably made it when you buy a good car or piece of property off the money you made from your blog. LOL. Fun asides...

The traditional marriage between Tonto Dikeh & hubby, Mr Churchhill is currently going down in the Garden City. One of you's kind enough to send me pictures. I hear the place be looking like a Nollywood festival, everybody is there! (But Err, I'm currently stalking Rukky Sanda on IG and she's most definitely not in PH, as are many other Nollywood celebs whom I'm stalking too, my guilty pleasure.... So maybe not "everybody" after all). 

Congrats to the duo!

Friday, 28 August 2015

Enugu Blog Readers, Someone Needs You!

Good evening thelma my name is _____, a reader of your blog, I am a student of unec studying estate management. I just found out I have some reference today at the registry during my clearance am so very down and don't know what to do, please do you know any place I can work no matter the amount while I rewrite the course next year, here in Enugu? Thank you for your anticipated response.

Hey guys, are you or someone you know in the position to offer this young man a temporary job? I'm posting this because I know exactly how he's feeling right now, but more importantly because I find it impressive that his first idea after he learnt about his situation was to find a job and keep busy. Unfortunately I don't have contacts in Enugu anymore but I'm hoping someone here does. As you can see, he's not particular about the amount, he just wants to work and keep his brain active. You know what they say about the idle mind...

If you would like to reach the poster please mail me ( and I would ask him to reach you. 

Poster, while we're waiting for positive responses I'm certain there are places you can intern in Enugu. Print out copies of your CV and hit the road. In the alternative look for places you can volunteer, or Google Estate firms in Enugu and find out if there's a spot for you; be sure to mention you're more interested in working and learning, than in anything else. Whatever you do, just let this one year count. And hey, while you're at it, ensure the one year is just one year, make sure you 'smash' the course(s) you need to rewrite. Goodluck hun! 

Ps; cheer up, the one year will be over before you know it. 

Open Keypad. Random Musings, Rad Mingling & Thelma's Date!

Hey guys, it's been long since we had one of these. Open keypad, an idea originally initiated by blog read F, has got to be some of my all time favourite posts. I guess it's because here I don't get to say much but instead, I get to read up on what's going on with you. Yes, you get to share with us what's going on in your life presently, how your week was, how your year has been, how it's going at work, how your relationship is at the moment, if you're struggling with unemployment, if you've been unusually happy of late, or down in the dumps! It's the last Friday of the month guys, what's up?

So here, first up, I want to go out tonight. Yes, of all the things I could share with you the first is that I want to go out ooooooooo! But let me be very precise about what I want. I want to either watch a movie or have drinks, or maybe a light dinner. My companion of choice has got to be single, male and mobile. He's got to be tall, by tall I mean 5ft 10 and above, he's got to live in the central parts of Lagos (between Ikeja and Ajah) but he's got to be able to be around Lekki tonight. Also he's got to be 31 years old at least and not older that 40. He's got to be either well employed or have a thriving business. He ought to be a good dresser, have great hygiene and of course be a good conversationalist, but certainly not loquacious. If you or someone you know's interested. Err, if I've met you before you're excluded. Chances are if I already know you and I want to chill with you this evening, I would have called you to ask. Err, are my conditions too much? I don't think so jare. 

You might wonder what I'm offering? Ok I'll tell you. I'm offering an evening in the company of a beautiful lady, intelligent, independent, and adventurous! There's more but you'll just have to find out. Hehehehehe. 

Yes, please before you hola I hope you're educated o! I'm not gna dumb myself down, I cannot have fun with someone who isn't going to stimulate me mentally.

Am I done? I think so jare. I also know that in the next thirty minutes I could change my mind about this, but just in case I don't, hola @ Moi!

Ok, what else. I've had a pretty eventful month. This week however was very uneventful and I'm trying to salvage that before the month ends. Thus, my date night. Strictly speaking it's not a date, I'm just looking to go out this evening and do something different for once. 

I feel like I have things to say but somehow none come to mind. I guess it's because I would rather read yours. 

So TTB readers, tell me what's going on with you! And hey, if you would like to meet someone for a casual friendship (not necessarily relationship), either of the same sex or opposite sex, do write down exactly what you want and only include your email address. Should you be approached by anyone on this forum PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure they are who they say they are before you agree to meet with anyone. And ensure your first meeting, at least, is in a very public place. I don't personally know anyone that would approach you on this blog so I cannot vouch for anyone, and I hereby divest myself of any responsibility! I'm certain we are ALL adults.

Ok, for the rest of us, do share; how are things at your end?

Please where are my Blink and my cccc?

Uwanma Shares 'Wickid' Tips On How To Exact Revenge On a Cheating Partner

I had a great laugh watching this Vlog. Remember Uwanma, Uwanma The Great the lady I told y'all about at the Brunch With Brains at Ginger Tapas? Well her latest Vlog is very wickid! Uwanma says research shows that 80% of men will cheat at least once in a relationship. She adds that some say vengeance is for the Lord, but she believes that revenge is a dish best served creatively! If women did one of two of these I'm sure men will never cheat again. 
Watch the vlog and share your thoughts below.

Thursday, 27 August 2015


After a long day yesterday I turned in early. As it is sometimes when you're extremely tired, your body is drained but your mind is still in overdrive. I tossed and turned trying to still my mind and get some sleep, in the mean time I did what most people do when they're idle; scroll through contacts and stalk display pictures. I got stuck on my cousins dp. She's a pretty young thing but something about the pictures in her picmix struck me. She was beautifully dressed in all the pics, her light skin glowed and her hair n makeup were flawless. Yet, she looked...... tired. What was it, I wondered. Then I saw it, the bags underneath her eyes. Immediately my mind went back to last weekend. Saturday was Chocolate's daughter's 1st birthday and Sunday was Yoko's daughter's baby dedication. In those two days I got to see old friends and former classmates, now young mothers. They all seemed to have something in common; bags!

Bags underneath ones eyes are indicators of lack of sleep, tiredness and fatigue. Yet there's something even more visible, even stronger, even more beautiful; they glow. Beyond the tiredness there's glaring beauty, there's contentment and there's joy. What's even more fantastic, the bags may look heavy beneath their eyes, but their lips are dancing, casing mouths filled with laughter, mouths you'll rarely hear complain. Yes, apparently the sleepless nights and the exhaustion are all worth it. 

I see you ladies; carrying the little ones and some of you with yet another in your bellies. Yet you wake up, you go to your jobs, you take care of your homes, you cook, clean, love, nurture and put it down in the bedroom, and do it all with a smile. More power to you ladies. Those bags are but badges of pride and honour.

This morning I would love to shout out to all the mothers in the house, especially the young ones. And I pray that those believing God for that beautiful gift would receive their blessings and the pitter patter of little feet soon. Amen.

Good morning all!

Five Sisters. Coincidence or Higher Power?

I tend to believe that the spiritual controls the physical and that only very few things happen by sheer coincidence or happenstance. Read this account and share your thoughts. 

Today I was opportuned to meet with someone I'd heard about a couple of times. Allow me to share a bit of their story with you. 

So this family of six children; five ladies and a gentleman, were experiencing something very unusual in their home. All five girls; tall, light skinned, very pretty, graduates, working class, single. Not one of these beauties could boast of a relationship, nay marriage. 

Well it got to that point where you decide that enough is enough and serious prayers needed to be done! This happened while in the village for Christmas in December 2013. Now here's the interesting part. 

The family returned to lagos mid January. On the 24th of January one of the girls was rushing to keep an appointment when her car broke down. Exasperated after several failed attempts to restart her car, she locked it up and hopped on the next available bus. 
     The minute she entered the bus this young gentleman frenetically began to shout. He told her that he came into Nigeria from England in November and had been looking for her ever since. He claimed that God had shown him her picture and told him that she was his wife. The girl was so embarrassed that she tried to shut him up, but the excited young man just wouldn't stay still. He said he had been looking for her since November and had been going from bus stop to bus stop all over lagos searching for her. He pleaded with her to take her home to her mother immediately, but she refused; she had an appointment. The guy insisted on accompanying her for the appointment, after which he followed her home to meet her mum. 

One month later he came with his friends and kinsmen to declare his intentions to her family. One of the friends he came with instantly took a liking to one of her sisters, and almost immediately a relationship began between the friend and her sister.

Come April, the lad and lass who met on the bus went to the east for their traditional marriage. At the wedding one of the guests couldn't stop fawning over another of the sisters. Another relationship began.

To cut a Nollywood-like story short, in that year (last year) all five daughters got married. And it all began when one's car broke down on hot afternoon.

I'd heard about them before. I know their home town as they're from my state. But although it all happened last year, it all sounded to me like an old woman's tale, until today when I met someone in the middle of it all. 

This person relayed the family's story to me in detail and I might get into trouble from sharing it here. The general gist is that all five ladies, after years and years of disappointments, wed last year. The one who wed in April has relocated to the UK with bae and is a mother now, two are pregnant. 

Now, when I got home I shared this news with a friend and my friend is very cynical. While my friend doesn't doubt the story itself as I would have expected, she actually acknowledge that it did happen but says not everything is "spiritual". My friend chalks it up to "mere coincidence". 
     I on the other hand believe there's a spiritual realm and that things in the spiritual control the physical. I believe it's quite unusual for five, beautiful, accomplished sisters in their late 20s and 30s not  to be able to hold down a single relationship, much less a marriage, not even one among them. All with the same story; beautiful and successful, yet failing to catch the eyes of a single man. Then the family decides to come together and do some very serious praying, and less than a month later, one inconvenient incident set the ball rolling and landed them all in their marital homes. 

What do you think; Coincidence or Higher Power? Or too strange to be true?

19 Relationship Truths Every Couple That Makes It Has To Accept. (Plus 1Confession).

1. Your partner’s best qualities—the ones that make you love them so damn much—will fail them sometimes. Because a person’s greatest strengths are also their greatest weaknesses.

2. And when your boyfriend or girlfriend goes too far—when intelligence becomes smart ass behavior, when confidence becomes obstinance, or wit becomes mean-spirited joking—it’s your job to see past that, and to love them anyway.

3. On other occasions, when you’re the one being too straightforward or too outspoken or too much of any trait that defines who you are, you’ll have to forgive your significant other for getting annoyed.

4. Humans frustrate each other—sometimes for no apparent reason—and couples that last understand this.

5. You will both have to smile and show up to some events when you’re not in the mood to do anything at all (a birthday dinner for someone’s mother, or a dull company cocktail party), purely because your partner needs you there.

6. You will also have to rally and feign excitement on special occasions that happen to fall on days when all you want is to sit at home and mope, because you both deserve the most upbeat version of each other on days worth celebrating.

7. You will not be attracted to your partner every day, because no one looks their best all the time. You might even loathe an outfit they insist on wearing constantly and you’ll wonder whether or not you should tell them this—until you remember that it really doesn’t matter.

8. The sex will not always be great. And that’s okay.

9. You will find yourself on the brink of saying the nastiest things to your boyfriend or girlfriend—because you’re not always capable of containing yourself, or because you’re in a bad mood and the person you love is the nearest target for your inner rage.

10. You will do things that hurt your boyfriend or girlfriend sometimes, whether you mean to or not—because accidents happen, and because people make mistakes.

11. You will have to give in and say you’re sorry sometimes, even if you still think you’re right, because repairing the relationship takes precedence over establishing fault.

12. You will have to tell each other a few white lies in spite of promising total honesty repeatedly, because harmless fibbing is necessary to peaceful living.

13. Sometimes, you’ll feel jealous of your partner because they look especially beautiful when you’re feeling crummy, or because someone hits on them and you can’t help feeling a little unworthy.

14. On other days, you’ll envy your partner for their professional accomplishments or their ability to amuse another person or their pleasant demeanor on a day when you can’t even muster the strength to laugh. 

15. You can’t be in synch with another human being on every single day of your lives together. That reality, when it hits, might depress you temporarily. Remembering that you can always realign if you just try is the only way forward.

16. There will be a relative in your significant other’s family whom you loathe, and you will have to pretend to like them sometimes. On the upside, tolerating your partner’s lame family member(s) will make you feel better about exposing them to your weird aunt, uncle, cousin, or nephew. In a healthy, long term relationship, everything’s reciprocal.

17. You will have to put on a brave face once in while, even when you’re terrified, simply because you’re slightly less terrified than your significant other, so it’s your responsibility to comfort them in the face of whatever troubles you’re experiencing.

18. You will wonder some days whether or not you’ll make it as a couple, because no two-person team is immune from doubting the strength of their bond.

19. When it seems impossible to get back to the passionate place where everything started, it’s your duty to remind each other that you’re both definitely worth it. 

I particularly loved reading this thought catalogue piece.  I actually happened upon this article when I was about to strangle someone, who probably wanted to strangle me too. It's reassuring to know its only normal to deal with certain things in relationships, that some days love will wane, that even the one you love will drive you up the wall, that you won't always find them attractive and they wouldn't always find you attractive either, that doubts are normal and it doesn't make what you both have less valid or less strong. 

Guys, who else has or is experiencing #14? I know the Bible says love isn't jealous but sometimes it's so hard not to be envious. Yet, it's particularly nerve wrecking when you're envious of your own partner's professional accomplishment. This leads to my confession;
Sometimes when we're together I make up phone calls or pretend to reply emails, just to make myself appear busier and more swamped with work than I actually am. *covers face* *runs away* *shaking my head at me*
Confessions anyone?

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Toyin Aimakhu & Niyi Johnson, Social Media Marriage?

I'm not one to offer unsolicited advice or opinions, especially concerning something as supposedly sacred as marriage. But when two supposed adults ("supposed" because are these two really adult?) decide to make their marriage a public show, then they shouldn't wonder when we the public offer our often unsolicited opinions.

Toyin raised brows when she put up a post yesterday and included a (very unnecessary) hashtag, addressing herself as #MissAimakhu. Today it seems her husband Mr Niyi Johnson has also taken to Instagram to ask us the public to BEG on his behalf; saying the insults should be directed at him instead. His hashtags also tell us that he is probably a not-so-faithful husband who sexts (sexy texts) with other chicas (but in reality, maybe he's just a nice chap who isn't happy with people putting his wife on blast and hauling insults at her, and would rather take the heat, thereby making himself the target...)

"To clear the air of the recent happenings… I ADENIYI JOHNSON is at fault and not my wife… she reacted according to her pains and we all have different ways of reactions… I beg everyone to pls stop throwing banters and insults… u can channel all anger and greiveances towards me and not her…. instead of abuses I would rather BEG u to join me in apologising to my darling, lovely and adorable wife… OLUTOYIN I’M DEEPLY SORRY PLEASE….. I promise to make things right…. I Don’t want a broken home…

#shecaughtmeflirting #dirtychat"

This whole thing leaves a very very very yucky taste in my mouth. I thought marriage ought to be between two MATURE adults. I really find this totally unappealing. We really don't NEED to know. 

But hey, that's just the way I feel, and it's not the point, right? The point is that y'all should please beg Miss Aimakhu for Mr Johnson. Thank you! 

*i think the picture above is super cute by the way*

Quick question. Do you thinking airing personal deets of personal matters such as marriage, on social media, could be detrimental to one's marriage/relationship? If yes, how so, exactly? Thanks for your responses. 

Fat Thighs, Flabby Arms, a Pot Belly; Still Gives Good Loving!(Insecurities)

"I've always been shy about my stutter" mumbled my good friend Clark Kent. I marveled at how someone so tall, good looking, successful, smart and sexy could worry about something so trivial like a stutter. But it does make you realize that so many people deal with insecurities. 

I for one got teased about my fat legs when I was a teenager, and then my "generous" size when I got older. I read Michelle Dede's post yesterday and I'm reminded once again how insecurities could be the bane of our lives and a stumbling block to complete happiness. She said;

Many of us think, I’m ugly, I’m dark, I’m white I need a tan, my lips are big, small, I need a nose job, I wish I had smaller eyes, bigger eyes, delicate features, long hair, high cheek bones, straight hair, curly hair, I wish I was thinner, more toned, tall, had a booty like Jlo, was sexy, feminine, beautiful, I wish, I Wish, I WISH blah blah blah!
... Now I don’t know everything, but I know what it’s like to dislike what you see in the mirror. I hated my eyes, forehead, lips (yes I was told my lips were thin for a black girl while in school in Australia), disliked my height & more. 
Insecurity is defined as uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. I guess its safe to say that most of us have things that make us feel insecure. For some it's something in their physical appearance, it could be buck teeth or a very flat butt. It could be our weight or height. And then it could be non-physical; It could be a speech defect, it could be our health, breath or probably a stutter. 
If there's one thing I know about insecurities is that it's never as bad as we think it is. My friend above for instance, I found his stutter to be quite normal and maybe even cute. Yet, he shies away from public speaking (and sometimes speaking in general), making presentations and doing anything where he would be the centre of focus. Another friend of mine used to be so insecure about her tiny titties, wearing wonder bras and turning down lovers solely for fear of having them see her breasts, or lack thereof. She met someone who actually finds them adorable and she realizes, it's probably not as bad as she thought. One life hack I've learnt about insecurities, especially those that you cannot change, is being happy regardless and acting like they don't exist. That way most people don't even notice them! But when you're overweight and you drag yourself around like a bag of akpu with a drab look on your face, you're only drawing more attention to your excessive weight.
So tell me, have you got insecurities? How have to dealt with them so far? What coping mechanism do you adopt? Have you insecurities ever stopped you from going for something you wanted? 
Let's talk, ok?
*You see, that's why I love the song by Freshly Ground; even though I've got fat thighs, flabby arms, a pot belly, I still give good loving. All those things don't stop her from giving good loving. *big grin
So, insecurities anyone?

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

#Brides #Bridesmaids #Hair #Makeup #Money #Weddings. Let's Talk.

Sometime ago my friend asked me to be on her bridal train and I was very honoured, and over the moon, until I heard what it would cost. First she told me how much the bridesmaids dress would cost and I said, ok. Then a week later something had changed, a style that would require more fabric and cost the tailor a little more, so yes we had to add almost 50% to the original amount. My smile began to crack. Then another call; babe the makeup artist said she will charge you guys _______ for your make up. I checked how much I'd made that month and I wasn't smiling anymore. Oh, that's not all, the hairdresser is going to charge you guys ______ to style your hair. 

At this point I was wishing I hadn't been bestowed with bridesmaid honours. Before I could sob, another one came. Yeah, the fascinator lady said you guys will pay _____ for fascinator

Choi! Hot tears. But hey, too late now. So with tears at the corners of my eyes and a frozen smile on my face, I parted with very hard earned cash. 

I've always thought that brides should be the ones paying for all the bridal costs, including anything and everything her bridal train is wearing and using. Because, after all, they're doing her a favour and shouldn't have to "suffer" for it. But then the financial burden would be too much for the bride, so to be honest I understand asking them to pay.

So yes, we'll happily pay for the dresses. But hair and makeup... Hmmm, cause for pause. 

What do you think people? To the best of my knowledge the brides don't pay for the bridesmaids paraphernalia nor beauty. Is this right or wrong?

What do you think? Who should bear the costs? Share your experiences with us? What's the most you've had to spend on your bridesmaid-duties? Brides what route did you take; did you pay? Did they pay? Has one of your bridesmaids bailed on you because of the cost?

Let's talk brides, bridesmaids, money, weddings...

"Madam Sorry, I Need Oga's Permission First".

They say #FirstYearsofMarriage should be most 

blissful but what is all this??? #Read#Comment #Enjoy.

I was with my husband for about a year before we married. We have been married for about a month and the other day I sent the "errand boy" to the supermarket and boy was I surprised by his response. He said "Oga" doesn't like him going too far and his "Oga" would have to give permission for him to go that far. Wait, what??? In the year of dating my husband I never had to interact with him so I wasn't aware if his behaviour. His general disposition was disrespectful. I happened to be on the phone with a friend who heard the dialogue. I was going to send him packing when she cautioned me and said I should leave him to his "master" and I shouldn't handle domestic issues without my husbands permission. "He may not be ready to fire him" I don't get this! Is it out of my place to dismiss domestic staff in my house without my hubby's "permission". #Relationships #PowerStruggle #Couples


Today's chickchat with @conniegirlswag. Guys, what do you think about this? When I read this I thought it's only normal for married couples to discuss and agree before they take decisions (in theory). But is it always mandatory, and if it isn't, what kind of decisions can a person take without first consulting with the other half?

Also, what's your take on domestic staff according respect to the man of the house alone, while sometimes treating the female with disregard in oga's absence? I've come to notice male domestic staff are sometimes condescending with madam, especially if it's oga that pays his salary...

Monday, 24 August 2015

Has Plenty, Gives You Some OR Has Little, Gives You All?

The above is quite deep and got me thinking. I've been a recipient in both situations and in an ideal world I would tell you I'd rather have Mr B (Have little and give you all), but errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, this world ain't ideal. 

Ok, people lets talk about you. Would you rather be in a relationship with someone who's got great financial success and spoils you with a little bit of his wealth? It's just a teeny tiny bit of what he's got but it's actually very sufficient for you. Or someone who's financially challenged and gives you all of the little or nothing he has? 

Answer this honestly bearing in mind reality and realities. You've probably even had to choose between these two men in the past. Yes, I'm sure many of us ladies have, at least once. Which would you pick? Which did you pick? And why. Let's talk. 

The Truth Is That Married Men Treat Us Better. - Anonymous.

Thelma people make side chics look bad but nobody really plans to be a side chic. Unfortunately when all the men are married and the single ones expect you to kiss the ground they work on because they pitied you enough to date you then you cannot blame more and more women for dating married men. For instance I met one guy last week. I live in the Ajah axis and he live in Ojo, that is after Festac. He's been calling me and telling me how much he likes me, then he asked me for a date but said I will have to come to Ojo. I said that I cannot come and he started to complain, that am I saying I cannot come to Ojo or what? I said that is not what I'm sayin, I'm sayin it's wrong, he's the one asking me out so he should be the one to come. He bluntly refused sayin that he cannot come all the way from there to see me, I stopped hearing from him after that. He is just one among many examples. Single men now think it's a waste of time to woo girls because there are many girls while they are a scarce commodity. But a married man will come from abuja to lagos to see you, call you regularly, check up on you and show genuine concern. I don't even want to talk about the financial benefit because that is not the point of this mail. How many single men will agree to date a girl without sex? The last guy I dated dated me without sex for seven months before I agreed to do it, and it was my decision because he had been too good to me and my family and not because he pressured on me. I broke up with him because I feel bad but he still insists on taking care on me, and it hes been four months since I broke up with him. Single men these days behave like gods gift to women and cheat on you with anything, even when you cook, clean and give him the sex of his life. People call girls name when they are dating a married man but the truth is that married men treat us better.

Poster asked me to post anonymously. Thoughts anyone?

It's been a while since I received reader submissions. Please I'm looking forward to more. And, the topics are unlimited, I'm particularly looking to read posts on your careers and businesses so far. Thank you in advance! 

Keeping It Real.

"That's a rare gift", he sounded awed by my description of my friend Oby. 

Oby, the one who made someone stop to give us a ride because he noticed that we had been standing under the sun for a while and we were both tired and irritable, but for some reason, while the tall dark one, like almost every normal person, had an ugly scowl on her face, the fair chubby one had a serene smile. That smile drew him in, made him get into his car and give us a lift, all the way from Presidential Hotel in GRA Port Harcourt, to Rumuobiakani. He never could stop talking about Oby's smile in the face of difficulty. 

And that's Oby for you. To be honest there were times I thought Oby was a bit delusional, or perhaps slightly retarded (forgive me if I'm being politically incorrect). I mean, what other reason could there be? Oby kept facing one issue or the other that kept her in university for 12 years, for a 5 year course, (I spent 6 years and in the 6th I was a walking time bomb; I could burst into tears at any moment, any where, and I often did). In all those years, even when her mates had not only gone on to law school, served, got jobs, got promotions, bought cars, got married, had babies, moved abroad, Oby never for ONE moment showed a sign of unhappiness, bitterness or envy. The babe can smile for Africa sha! So I wondered, how is this girl going through all this and still be happy, are we sure she's ok? Maybe she isn't and that's why she doesn't understand the full magnitude of her woes. I was wrong, she did. She just chose not to let her reality affect her disposition. 

Oby's constant cheeriness drew people to her, she's the kind of person that everyone wants to be around. Of course when you attract people that way you're bound to get favours, cash, gifts, help from unexpected quarters and a certain level of security.  

Not many of us are blessed like Oby. For most of us when we're facing challenges, you won't even have to ask, the looks on our faces and the tones of our voices tell it all. For most of us, we're just being real; keeping it real. And as far as we're concerned that's only normal. But do you know that "keeping it real" could also mean "keeping it broke"? 

Yup! Yesterday Pastor Paul Adefarasin talked about how your personality, particularly your disposition could affect your career, especially if it's dependant on you relating with customers. 

I can't begin to count how many transactions I've walked out on because the other person was cold or unenthusiastic. I can't count how many people I've tipped largely or made a purchase I didn't really want to, just because they talked to me pleasantly or had a comely persona.

So think about it, we've all got difficulty and challenges. But the truly special people have the ability to soldier on with a perfectly sunny disposition. As the pastor said yesterday, you may be going through hell but don't let the hell go through you.
     Don't walk around with your shoulders droopy and your voice monotonal, you just might be pushing people away from you. Just by "keeping it real" and thinking it's ok to frown or be unpleasant because life isn't being pleasant, you might be chasing people away, losing opportunities, losing favour, losing potential spouses or relationships, losing businesses, losing new friends, and other things you might never imagine. 

Remember. Your clothes may be Chanel/Gucci, your shoes Crocodile. But you're never fully dressed without a smile. *In Sia's voice*. 

Stay happy, give good vibes. Bad vibes attract more bad fortune... Easier said than done, I know, but doable nonetheless. 

Have a great week guys.

Just one question that I'm hoping you will answer very sincerely; do you consider yourself a nice person? 

Sunday, 23 August 2015

When A Drinks Poison To Kill B, and other Pay-Back Plots.

Although Jamil had broken up with Ronke and was already dating Catherine, as most couples do even after they break up, they remained physically intimate. So that weekend when Ronke called Jamil and told him that she needed a place to stay for a couple of nights, Jamil was kind enough to play host to her, besides Catherine wasn't in town, and of course there was the added benefit of sex with the ex

And when a day to Catherine's return, Jamil told Ronke she would have to leave and she didn't complain, it was a happy surprise for him. Willingly Ronke packed her bag and left but around midnight called Jamil; she had forgotten some things at his place. He told her she could come and pick them up and she drove down. Then she told Jamil that she was craving Suya and pleaded with him to come with her to buy some, promising they would go in her car, he wouldn't even have to leave the car and she would bring him back home. Jamil, being the nice ex boyfriend threw on a Tshirt over his boxers and jumped into her car. 

This was almost 1am on a week night. They drove from his Ajah home to the express. As they approached Agungi/Osapa London, Ronke said she was hearing a noise coming from the back tire and slowed down so that Jamil could check it out. The minute Jamil stepped out of the car, Ronke stepped hard on the throttle and flew away into the night, taking along with her Jamil's phones and wallet. 

Two days later Jamil recounted to us how he had to walk from Osapa London to wayyyy inside Ajah at 1am, in his boxers and Tshirt, with no money or phone to call a friend. He got home around 4am, infuriated, exhausted and almost half dead with cold and fear. We empathized with him but we ladies couldn't stop laughing our heads off; haven't you heard not to mess with a woman scorned?

I've always been too mentally lazy to plot revenge against an ex but I've seen many happen. Ranging from slashing tires, to getting them fired at work (you really need to be careful the things you whisper to your lover when love is "shacking" y'all. It doesn't always remain sweet forever and the greatest ammunition you have against someone sometimes is their secrets). But the one I heard today took the cake. It a typical case of chopping off your finger to make someone else bleed. 

Ada's boyfriend of three years suddenly dumped her. Now not only did he dump her, he started dating someone else almost immediately. And then to rub salt on her wound, got married to this new squeeze  a few months later. Ada had been severely heartbroken from the moment he broke things off, but to hear that he got married to this girl barely four months after they started dating, five months after he broke up with her, after dating her for three years, she thought she would die!

Then Sammy comes into the picture. Ada has no feelings for him, no interest, no attraction, no affection. But Sammy is determined, so he continues to show up. Even in the face of Ada's disdain and disinterest, Sammy proposes. 

Aha! Now we're talking. Ada readily says yes, but only because she wants to spite her ex. You remember her ex is married, right? Well, wedding plans are underway and everyone close to Ada has noticed how much she loathes her fiancé. She screams when the phone rings and its him on the screen, she constantly complains about every single thing he does and represents, and to make matters worse, she cannot stand his touch; so when they have sex she's first got to ensure that she's well and truly wasted, alcohol is her new besto. Still, Ada soldiers on with the wedding plans. 

It makes no sense to us why she thinks this would matter to her ex, we doubt if he would even notice. Now, we understand the idea of gloating when one is getting married after being dumped. But then to do so, mainly to spite the ex, and to someone whose entire being you find intensely irritating... Come on, that's just a case of drinking poison and hoping it kills someone else!

All accounts in this post are factual, and all names have been changed. I'm almost certain we've all been hurt before. Some of us accept it as "God's plan", or leave vengeance for God. Some however choose to give God some assistance and take matters into their own hands. Have you ever made actual calculated efforts to get back at an ex who really hurt you? Please give us the juicy deets; the plan, the plots and the ending. Or has an ex done you strong thing like Jamil above? SPILLLLLLLLLLL. LOL. 

What do you think about what Ada is doing? *when we discussed it, I said "on the bright side, they say it's better for a lady to marry a man who loves her a lot more than she loves him, so maybe things might actually work out well for Ada and her marriage"*. What do you think?

Dear Thelma... (I've Given Him Something. Now How Do I Tell Him?)

Pls no judgment I already know what I did was bad and I feel bad about it. My question is that I need ideas of how I can do the right thing. When my boyfriend was travelled for a course I met up with my former class mate who I had a casual relationship long ago in school. One thing led to another and I slept in his house. Maybe because we have already been intimate before I didn't insist on a condom, when I left I stopped answering his phone calls because I felt very bad and my boyfriend has never done anything so wrong as to make me cheat. I decided to forget about it and move on. But some weeks after I started having plenty discharges and pain in my lower belly and I suspected so I went to a lab and did tests. I must have contracted an std from that guy and I have PID too. My problem now is that because we did tests when we started dating, my boyfriend n I don't use condoms which means that he may have contacted it by now. Please how do I tell him to get tested without exposing what happened? Thank you bvs for your advise.

Where Did All My Readers Go? (And 4 Other Thoughts I Had This Morning).

1. Yesterday though! Yesterday was Chocolate's daughter's first birthday party and it was a very veeeery beautiful occasion. I don't mean aesthetically, I mean the people, the ambience, the camaraderie. Most of us have known each other from way back and people came from far and wide. I hugged and kissed old friends, old class mates, an old boyfriend, an old crush and several acquaintances. It was truly beautiful. Happy 1st birthday darling Summer!

2. Today! Today is Yoko's daughter's christening and dedication. So I woke up wondering what time I'll go and what I'll wear and how nice it would be to be a Mum and how most of my friends are preggers with their second or third bambino and how I need to hurry up on that front and bless the world with my offspring *big grin*. Then back to what I'll wear and who I'll go with? To go alone and be forced to be more sociable (good thing) or to take a friend and gladly not mix (bad thing)?

3. Where did all my readers go? Since I'm awake I might as well flip through the blog. Flipped through, didn't look like Thelma Thinks to me! So, where's everyone and what's stopping y'all from commenting? In the past week I cannot count how many people cheerily said to me "I'm one of your silent readers", they say it expecting me to be happy or something but they have no idea that that's beginning to become one of my most dreaded statements. Yo, like, read, enjoy and drop a comment or two y'all. I love to talk but I hate talking to an empty room, it kills my vibe and dries up my juices. I'd sooner close shop than talk and have my echo respond. So what's the deal? I miss y'all. Talk to meeeeee!

4. HOTR or Divine Mercy? I really want to commune with God today, like really really. There's so much on my mind and I don't feel like my bedroom is the best place for this conversation. The thing is that at the former, it's singing & dancing, new teachings and whooping shouts, which might rob me to that quiet time my soul desires. At the latter, I get the quiet time that's characteristic of orthodox churches, but... 

5. What should I blog about today? Ideas anyone?...

Ps; I had to start approving comments as it's the only way around proving you're not a robot...

Saturday, 22 August 2015

What To Do With a Mother That Just Won't Butt Out?

It's no news that some mothers can be a pain and some mothers in law do take the piss. Although it's not excusable, it kind of seems understandable when it's the husband's mother giving a woman grief. But when it's the wife's own mum, you can't help but wonder. I read this piece sent in to Bella Naija and the last few paragraphs particularly boggle the mind; why a mother would try to "cock-block" her wife's son is rather preposterous. How does one cope such such a mother? Do read and share your thoughts. 

I have been married for 3 years now to a wonderful man. We have been blessed with a baby who is almost a year old now.
After the birth of our baby, my Mum agreed to retire voluntarily to take care of our baby when it was time for me to resume work. She’s been doing this job of taking care of our baby with so much love.
However, there is a problem. My Mum is trying to control my marriage. She has an opinion on every single issue and she’s not shy to express it. She confronts my husband concerning issues which should be handled by me. My husband has complained about that, and I try to explain to my Mum that, she should not address my Hubby personally but to rather do so through me. She often gets offended and complains that my Hubby is like her Son, and that I am trying to tame her. I try to make her understand that he is the Head of my family and should be treated so. She sometimes makes statement s that are very disrespectful about my Hubby. Once during an argument with her, I got so upset that I told her that she was trying to destroy my marriage and that she should learn to stick to the reason why she is living with us. She was so hurt by my outburst and frankly I felt really bad as well. I apologized afterwards and she did same and promised to do better.
The situation has improved a bit and we don’t argue so much now. However, yesternight, hubby and I decided to get a bit intimate and my Mum acted in a way which was as if she was trying to prevent that. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment, she has one bedroom to herself while Hubby, myself and baby share the other. As baby was asleep yesternight, we had no choice but to do our stuff in the parlour. This was around 10:30 pm. Just when things were getting steamy, she called me. We had to pause for me to go find out what she wanted, she obviously didn’t have any reason for calling me as she asked a very trivial question. After answering her and going back to continue, she stepped out of her room and went to the washroom which is quite close to the parlour.
Later after the Mister and I were done, I quietly stepped into her room to pick something. It was almost midnight by then and I thought she was asleep by then. She wasn’t. She proceeded to ask if I was exercising, when I asked why she was asking such a question, she went ahead to say she thought I was skipping rope… I was shocked and it definitely won the most awkward moment ever.
I ended up informing hubby about my Mum’s questions as he noticed I was in a strange mood when I got back.
Hubby is really upset now and I can only imagine what might be going on in his head.
I feel so bad that he has to put up with my Mum’s attitude. Though I’ve had a few brushes with his family, he tries to prevent any of them from giving me stress. Whereas I seem to be unable to call my Mum to order.
My Mum is generally a good person and I love her so much but sometimes, I wish I could love her from afar.
She is going to be around for another year, till baby is old enough to start school. I really need to know how to handle her and still keep my nuclear family happy.

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