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About Last Night (Proposals. Ambush. Get Me Out Of Here!)

So that's how last night I got dressed and went to meet up with this fellow. So, this fellow in question I've kinda been avoiding him for plenty reasons, but since he wasn't far from my house I went to go see him. 

First off on Saturday he gave me a much needed ride to the conservation centre, as I had the box of cakes and drinks to transport. On the brief ride he starts to lament about how girls don't want to mary good young men anymore, they want papas, they underestimate them because they think it's only papas that can spend on them. "Nwando I know that is why you are treating me anyhow. But you don't know that right now I can just vex and give you 10 million!". I laughed. As we drove into the conservation centre the small chops guy called to tell me he was at the gate. I turned to my friend and smiled. "Sweets I don't need 10M right now, just bring 20k let me pay this guy off". The fellow began to babble, next thing he says "What is 20k? Marry me first and see how I will turn your life around!" Odi egwu! 

(The small chops cost less btw)

Last night I went through, mainly because I was hoping we could do some mutually beneficial business together, if love or something like that comes later (highly unlikely) that's fine. Business and love are not mutually exclusive nau abi?

Two memes reflect yesterday. 
1. "MyFriend is crazy about you" 

He says to his cousin, "this is the girl I've been telling you about. Nna meeeen I Lov this girl. This is the girl I'm going to marry. See na, she is complete. She has everything I want in a woman. She is even katolick, God matched us well. Nwoke m please help me explain to her"

Cousin turns to me "my sister, please come to us. We are good people. We will take care of you. Ya perent will be happy that you are with us. Nne come nnu, nwanyi oma. Hmm e bu a lawya sef. Nne bia nnu, we will never betray you. My brother wants to marry you, he has been telling me about you since since". 

Right on cue the fellow drops on his knees "just say yes. You know you want to. I will never let you regret it. I will never betray you". Turns to the waiters "Uche, what are you people still waiting for? Come and help me beg her! Come naaaauu!

Uche and his colleagues rush to their pay-master and kneel with him. Uche actually lies on the floor. "Antie please say yes. Please say yes antie"

All around there are chants of say yes say yes. I laugh and laugh and laugh to keep myself from crying. 

"Say yes so that they can stand up" he says to me

I continue to laugh like a lunatic so it looks like I'm so consumed with laughter I have no breath to speak. Then he says to them that they can go, It's like I've agreed. 

2. Meme 2. (The Emergency Friend). 

Every (single) girl must have this friend. That friend you message when you need to get out of an unwanted situation with a man. I have at least three of those. The beautiful thing about these friends/friendship is that you don't have to explain. See meme below. 


I suddenly needed to get out. I'd been there for 8 minutes and it felt like 8 days. Who are all these people? I start to fidget with my phone. I hola'd sasha boné. 

He stepped out to take a call so I couldn't take Sasha's then. I needed him to hear me tell the person that I'm on my way now now now. 

Which was eventually what I did after sasha called; "I'm sorry o! I forgot I had a client coming this night to drop some documents with me. She's outside my house, I've gotta go!"

I didn't even wait for acceptance or pleas. I was on my feet in a flash. 

He offered to walk me to the gate and I heard the most outrageous thing in a while. Some man was on the phone with someone. This is what I was hearing "fucking bullshit, gerrout! You say you are not ready for marriage. You are not ripe for marriage. Nonsense. Get the fuck out fucking idiot. Who even wants to marry you? Carry your fucking marriage and fuck out! Idiot!". Hia! Is it by force to marry please? And one day some unfortunate woman would marry this man and say she has a husband. Sad. 

My friend starts to laugh; "you see all of us want to marry. See what a girl like you is making him do? Is that what you want me to do?"

Who were all these loonies ensconced in the same location? Am I sure I wasn't in Yaba Left annex? 

I rush out and call sasha to tell her about the violent proposal I'd just heard the man on the phone making. 


On getting home the guy called a couple of times but I wouldn't pick. 

Needless to say, we won't be doing business together as I have no intention to seeing that igbo ninja again. 

But men, please why do you go to insane lengths for sex? Yes sex. Because I'm 101% sure that all he wants is sex. Men, why? Just yesterday my friend whom I served with called to tell me that some (single) guy had been on her case and he recently asked her to marry him. Well guess what? I know the guy in question, I also know he's very married, and his marriage is barely a few months old. WTF is wrong with you men?????????????

*Pheeew*. Writing this was physically and mentally exhausting. Just goes to show how toxic that fellow is, or how silly the whole thing is, or how useless, or how I shouldn't have bothered typing this. Unfortunately it took took much of my energy so I must post. My strength and time can't be wasted like that. moving right ahead... 


  1. Lol, thank God u had ur friend to save you but I really hate it when guys aren't truthful, I prefer a guy telling me what he really wants than bobo me. Does he think you are a baby? Or he feels oohhh she is desperate and not getting younger she might fall for this trick. Some men and their fish brain sef. He is a real igbo ninja. Lolll

  2. That "my bro talks about you all the time, he say he gon marry you just say yes..." Is sooooo old but I guess some of us still fall for it, cos its still very much in use.

    1. U still fall for it too? @lohla *some of us still fall for it*


    2. Emmanuel this space in your comment resembles one plot of land I'm eyeing. e big gan!


    Marc Anthony was born in New York City to his parents who are Puerto Rican. In 1988 he started his singing career as a session vocalist for dance music known as freestyle. In 1992 he changed his music genre to salsa and other Latin styles.

  4. Lmao, please what's the name of that place so I can avoid it. Maybe there's proposal spirit there, I don't want to take the wrong person there and find myself lying on the ground and begging someone to marry me.

    Meanwhile I can't answer that question you asked as sex doesn't hungry me to that extent, sometimes I wonder the same thing myself. Some girls try to take advantage because they think all men will do anything to have sex with them and they make outrageous demands. Not all men will do anything for sex and not all women will use sex to extort, it's just about meeting the person that's right for you. That's the hard part.

  5. BIA Thelma, you've been calling us out the last few days. Ogini? >(

    1. Lol Memphis, this one pain u baaa. Lol

    2. Lmao @ Memphis... But sometimes you have to ask yourself what's wrong with our kind.
      I just had a chat with a friend. He posted a pic of himself and another hot girl. Now, I know he's married, so I asked who the girl was and he said she's his side chick. And you posted a pic of her? I asked. Then he said his wife trusts him and she knows that he does business with the chick. But this was the part that got me... He said that it's allowed to have a wife and have chick in the corner to keep blood flowing.
      So I remembered how much he begged his wife to marry him and I wondered why men go through all that stress to get married and still disrespect their wives.
      I'm a man but I really don't get it, I probably have to get married first to understand.

  6. Thelma boo is in love with u oh....All this ninja ibo men use to be stingy before marriage oh,but after marriage comes the @ e bu a lawya sef....TNHW

  7. Hmmmm
    Marriage matter!
    *strolls out of dis post...

  8. Thelma haff murdered my dear Anambra accent


  9. i don't get this was all over the place, was it one story?

    1. Joy was this an attempt to be funny? Erm well sorry noone laughed. Pretty dry and lame AF. Yikes.

    2. Leave Joy alone you unhappy person.

  10. I think guys too have friends they just say to "this is the girl I have been telling you about" and they understand. I was watching an episode of Grays anatomy and chief was trying to propose to his date and she told him that before you propose, you should be sure what the person's response will be. So I'm sure the guy knew u would say no. Lol @ igbo ninja

  11. I have died and woken up- this post was just too funny, Hahahaha!
    Goodness gracious!
    Igbo Ninja? Carry your fucking marriage and fuck out?
    Buahahahaha!!!!! *clutchingmysides

  12. Igbo ninja... Naija ninja... All same! Well I feel sex is still overrated, to me. And I wonder why some men take this the extra length. I just want to live an emotional stress-free life abeg.

    If I want sex, I'm gonna be straight. If I want love you would see it too. But how would the opposite sex understand this? Probably in my own hands...*pondering*

  13. That first meme is exactly my reaction when I hear that. In fact I immediately lose interest(that's if I had any in the first place)when a toaster's friend starts give the my friend really likes you speech.

  14. Those old lines in this new era of change. Funny post

  15. Don't blame men, babes are desperate to marry and most girls spread their legs wide once u say the word.

  16. The phone conversation had me laughing real hard. Can't blame the girl for being stingy with her marriage.

    The second meme reminds me of when I had to be that friend that made the call. A very frantic one at that as my friend was on the verge of being beaten and raped. Thank God that I can laugh at the memory now, it really could have been worse.

  17. 'Come to us'
    Na wa o. Which one is come to us?

    Anyway, still love my multitude of Ibo friends ever.

  18. dnt blame d guys at all o.women are desperate to marry,so we dnt fnk staright wen we start seeing someone using all dis yeye lines .its a pity sha...


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Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
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electrovalent bonds....

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with a packet of durex condom.
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