So that's how last night I got dressed and went to meet up with this fellow. So, this fellow in question I've kinda been avoiding him for plenty reasons, but since he wasn't far from my house I went to go see him.
First off on Saturday he gave me a much needed ride to the conservation centre, as I had the box of cakes and drinks to transport. On the brief ride he starts to lament about how girls don't want to mary good young men anymore, they want papas, they underestimate them because they think it's only papas that can spend on them. "Nwando I know that is why you are treating me anyhow. But you don't know that right now I can just vex and give you 10 million!". I laughed. As we drove into the conservation centre the small chops guy called to tell me he was at the gate. I turned to my friend and smiled. "Sweets I don't need 10M right now, just bring 20k let me pay this guy off". The fellow began to babble, next thing he says "What is 20k? Marry me first and see how I will turn your life around!" Odi egwu!
(The small chops cost less btw)
Last night I went through, mainly because I was hoping we could do some mutually beneficial business together, if love or something like that comes later (highly unlikely) that's fine. Business and love are not mutually exclusive nau abi?
Two memes reflect yesterday.
1. "MyFriend is crazy about you"
He says to his cousin, "this is the girl I've been telling you about. Nna meeeen I Lov this girl. This is the girl I'm going to marry. See na, she is complete. She has everything I want in a woman. She is even katolick, God matched us well. Nwoke m please help me explain to her"
Cousin turns to me "my sister, please come to us. We are good people. We will take care of you. Ya perent will be happy that you are with us. Nne come nnu, nwanyi oma. Hmm e bu a lawya sef. Nne bia nnu, we will never betray you. My brother wants to marry you, he has been telling me about you since since".
Right on cue the fellow drops on his knees "just say yes. You know you want to. I will never let you regret it. I will never betray you". Turns to the waiters "Uche, what are you people still waiting for? Come and help me beg her! Come naaaauu!"
Uche and his colleagues rush to their pay-master and kneel with him. Uche actually lies on the floor. "Antie please say yes. Please say yes antie"
All around there are chants of say yes say yes. I laugh and laugh and laugh to keep myself from crying.
"Say yes so that they can stand up" he says to me
I continue to laugh like a lunatic so it looks like I'm so consumed with laughter I have no breath to speak. Then he says to them that they can go, It's like I've agreed.
2. Meme 2. (The Emergency Friend).
Every (single) girl must have this friend. That friend you message when you need to get out of an unwanted situation with a man. I have at least three of those. The beautiful thing about these friends/friendship is that you don't have to explain. See meme below.
I suddenly needed to get out. I'd been there for 8 minutes and it felt like 8 days. Who are all these people? I start to fidget with my phone. I hola'd sasha boné.
He stepped out to take a call so I couldn't take Sasha's then. I needed him to hear me tell the person that I'm on my way now now now.
Which was eventually what I did after sasha called; "I'm sorry o! I forgot I had a client coming this night to drop some documents with me. She's outside my house, I've gotta go!"
I didn't even wait for acceptance or pleas. I was on my feet in a flash.
He offered to walk me to the gate and I heard the most outrageous thing in a while. Some man was on the phone with someone. This is what I was hearing "fucking bullshit, gerrout! You say you are not ready for marriage. You are not ripe for marriage. Nonsense. Get the fuck out fucking idiot. Who even wants to marry you? Carry your fucking marriage and fuck out! Idiot!". Hia! Is it by force to marry please? And one day some unfortunate woman would marry this man and say she has a husband. Sad.
My friend starts to laugh; "you see all of us want to marry. See what a girl like you is making him do? Is that what you want me to do?"
Who were all these loonies ensconced in the same location? Am I sure I wasn't in Yaba Left annex?
I rush out and call sasha to tell her about the violent proposal I'd just heard the man on the phone making.
On getting home the guy called a couple of times but I wouldn't pick.
Needless to say, we won't be doing business together as I have no intention to seeing that igbo ninja again.
But men, please why do you go to insane lengths for sex? Yes sex. Because I'm 101% sure that all he wants is sex. Men, why? Just yesterday my friend whom I served with called to tell me that some (single) guy had been on her case and he recently asked her to marry him. Well guess what? I know the guy in question, I also know he's very married, and his marriage is barely a few months old. WTF is wrong with you men?????????????
*Pheeew*. Writing this was physically and mentally exhausting. Just goes to show how toxic that fellow is, or how silly the whole thing is, or how useless, or how I shouldn't have bothered typing this. Unfortunately it took took much of my energy so I must post. My strength and time can't be wasted like that. moving right ahead...