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#Brides #Bridesmaids #Hair #Makeup #Money #Weddings. Let's Talk.





Sometime ago my friend asked me to be on her bridal train and I was very honoured, and over the moon, until I heard what it would cost. First she told me how much the bridesmaids dress would cost and I said, ok. Then a week later something had changed, a style that would require more fabric and cost the tailor a little more, so yes we had to add almost 50% to the original amount. My smile began to crack. Then another call; babe the makeup artist said she will charge you guys _______ for your make up. I checked how much I'd made that month and I wasn't smiling anymore. Oh, that's not all, the hairdresser is going to charge you guys ______ to style your hair. 

At this point I was wishing I hadn't been bestowed with bridesmaid honours. Before I could sob, another one came. Yeah, the fascinator lady said you guys will pay _____ for fascinator

Choi! Hot tears. But hey, too late now. So with tears at the corners of my eyes and a frozen smile on my face, I parted with very hard earned cash. 

I've always thought that brides should be the ones paying for all the bridal costs, including anything and everything her bridal train is wearing and using. Because, after all, they're doing her a favour and shouldn't have to "suffer" for it. But then the financial burden would be too much for the bride, so to be honest I understand asking them to pay.

So yes, we'll happily pay for the dresses. But hair and makeup... Hmmm, cause for pause. 

What do you think people? To the best of my knowledge the brides don't pay for the bridesmaids paraphernalia nor beauty. Is this right or wrong?

What do you think? Who should bear the costs? Share your experiences with us? What's the most you've had to spend on your bridesmaid-duties? Brides what route did you take; did you pay? Did they pay? Has one of your bridesmaids bailed on you because of the cost?

Let's talk brides, bridesmaids, money, weddings...

Comments

  1. I have never been a bridesmaid but if what you wrote up there were to happen to me and I can't afford it,I would jejely tell her am no longer interested. I can't go an kee myself on top another person's marriage.

    I believe she should have arranged for the rest while the bridesmaid pays for the dress.

    ReplyDelete
  2. To me I feel it is an honour to be chosen as bridesmaid if u are not a sister but a friend to the bride,to this end all cost should be on me as part of a way of assisting a friend for her wedding. The cost of make- up should be on the bride,but for the hair stylist I wil take care of it,I have done it before and will stil do it again if it arises,
    Before a bridesmaid bails out cos of cost, it means the bride did not do her pick well, cos as a bride you should know the friends that will stand by you come rain or sun financially and otherwise..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm that friend that will scrimp, save and almost steal when called upon to play a role. Yet, I really don't agree with you. Fingers are unequal and times change. People who usually have may be facing a dry spell. It's not necessarily about being a "good friend", what happens when you cannot "afford" to be one? Besides brides don't always know their friends' financial capacities. I could be dirt broke but my closest friend would think I'm rolling in millions. Likewise I dont always know how bouyant all my friends are, even the ones I'm closest to. So...

      Delete
    2. Rudegirl,I totally disagree with you on that notion.So,as an unemployed babe without help from no one,trying to make things work,take care of the house & other little expenses.A friend now comes with the idea of being her bridesmaid & I politely refuse,then that makes me a bad friend?I will even refuse a sister sef if I see that I can't foot the bills & I definitely won't go borrowing because I want to please a friend who knows that i'm just managing & still decides to saddle me with such expenses without any form of contribution on her path.
      Refusing even makes you better than anyone who will accept & still complain bitterly,abeg..

      Delete
  3. Very stingy and greedy bride! God forbid!!!

    Thelma afo oma gi n'akpu n'ani sometimes abeg ano fit shout!

    ReplyDelete
  4. If you look at it from the financial situation of the bride, you just do Ur bit and believe your own bridesmaids would do same on Ur day. After all she may have paid her own dues in retrospect.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Personally I don't have issues with making my own hair and buying the clothes, but I don't support the idea of the brides maid also paying for her makeup cos that's too much expenses, I have done it before And I love doing it, I actually took care of everything I used for the white wedding and also the traditional wedding because I was the one who led her out but in all I feel it's an honour, if u can't afford it, then it's cool you just drop it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In my case, the bridesmaids paid only 5k. It was for the material and fascinator. I didn't care about their hairstyles. I just let them know the fascinator was with comb not band. I chose Ankara for my bridesmaids and they sewed whatever styles they fancied. Some brides are inconsiderate and should realize that someone agreeing to be in your bridal train is an honour and not compulsory especially when they are footing the bill.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Not minding if your friends go broke just to meet up with your bridal expectations just doesn't sit right with me. It's equally an honour to find people willing to stand by you as bridesmaids on your big day. Not everyone is that lucky. I know because a friend of mine has had to beg/rally I and some other friends for her elder sister's wedding (only the maid of honour was from the bride).

    That being said, it's your choice to go all out (break the bank even) for your personal wardrobe and 'dream wedding', but I feel the financial capabilities of ALL your bridesmaids should be considered and a balance agreed upon for their own ensemble! There are ways to achieve uniformity and still be cost effective. e.g, give them a picture of your preferred hairstyle and let them find a salon that works for their budget. Splitting the dress cost is another way. And who says they all must use the professional make up artist, when youtube certified pros are bound to exist among them? My point, don't make people feel put upon to prove their loyalty to your friendship just because you want a picture perfect wedding. Maybe I'm ranting on because I've never been a fan of bridesmaid being in total uniformity in weddings. I've always preferred individuality coming through in every uniformed group (same colour, different styles sort of thing).

    Bottom line, find a balance that doesn't leave your friends with sweet bitter memories years down the line, especially if all that 'serenre' is capped off with the ceremony being a flop for any reason beyond your control!

    We all can't have blue bloods for friends, make the most of what you do have or foot the bills if you're that buoyant and really must feature on Bella Naija weddings. Selah!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't get.. does turning my friend down cos I can't afford to be her bridesmaid make me a bad friend? Enlighten me please, rude girl.

    Come October, my dear friend would be getting married. Her dress is for 25k but said we would pay 15k, make up artist would collect 5k and the most annoying part is we would all use Peruvian hair (original o and she's yet to give us the cost), a certain sandal which would cost 8k amongst other things (flight fare, bridal shower cost and all).

    I am currently unemployed and she knows this so, does turning her down make me a bad person? Heck! I'm a good friend for telling you I can't afford to be your BM instead of secretly loathing you.

    Don't get me wrong, I would certainly spend some money on the wedding if I wasn't a BM but then, brides need to be considerate! Mind you, this very bride can afford to pay for everything, I mean everything if she wanted to.

    Ndo, rude girl the good girl..

    ReplyDelete
  9. It's your wedding, no one is obliged to spend their money just because they are your brides maid. If the bridesmaid pay up, be grateful if they don't, it does not mean they are bad friends. Personally I don't like imposing things on people even those I know won't mind. Dress o,facinator o, styling hair,make up was all paid by me, gave them color for their sandals. Trust me it's not as if my money was over flowing. If someone pays flight ticket(plus risk of flying), lodges in hotel, plus feeding haba they have tried. None of my friends made me pay for bridesmaid anything, Inshort my very close friends gave me asoebi for free and refused to take my money. Brides feel entitled these days and it's pretty annoying. J

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've been a bridesmaid maybe 7 times or more and I only had the bride cover the cost of these things once. It annoyed me so much that I vowed never to make anyone pay at my own wedding. I bought my bridesmaids' dresses and paid for their makeup. They did however buy their own shoes and do their hair. I think it's really unfair for brides to charge their bridesmaids o, cos most times people never get to wear those dresses again; and if the bride wants her bridesmaids to look some kind of way in terms of makeup, she best be willing to pay or allow them wear their faces however they want!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thelma. in the 90s, braids-maid don't care much about what they wear for weddings.They are good to go on anything the bride provides in terms of cloth. As at then we see men marrying their wives and being the real husband. They man provides almost all that is needed for the wedding. Still in the 90's the bride choose only her friends or relatives and there is no competition amongst the braids maid. These days, men have stopped being the real men, Most brides are the bridegroom in disguise, in order to feel the gap proper, the get to task their so called friends in the name of being braids-maid and footing their bills. Also, Most braids-maid are not related nor friends with the bride, So many ladies beg braids-maid to join her train so as to use that day to show case themselves for prospective suitors. Abeg matter too much these days for ladies and wanna be like another kind of wedding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting.... This one got me thinking... what happened? Why did men stop being real men? You see the answer to this question is within this comment... "Also, Most braids-maid are not related nor friends with the bride, So many ladies beg braids-maid to join her train so as to use that day to show case themselves for prospective suitors." I'm assuming she meant so many ladies beg the bride to join her train...

      Women have become so desperate for marriage that they can go to some ridiculous lengths to seek attention. I'm assuming the men have sensed this desperation and therein lies the real reason. In the 90's (the past) men used to crawl and beg women to marry them and they could do anything to make the woman their wife even if it meant paying for the clouds in just to make the bride happy.
      These days it's the other way round, the women are the ones crawling and begging for proposal so the men don't feel the need to sponsor the whole wedding. After all in their subconscious they feel they were arm twisted into proposing in the first place so if she wants so and so she should pay for it. They really didn't want to get married in the first place. That's the same reason why more marriages are breaking down these days than in the 90's (the past). Lol

      That's how I see it sha o, I could be wrong. hehe

      Delete
  12. I won't say it is wrong or right because the bride knows her friends,she knows who can afford what.If she decides to put the entire burden on them she knows it won't weigh them down.People should learn to say NO when they can not afford certain things.
    If you sincerely cannot afford to be on the train, pls say so with reasons and nobody will crucify you.
    Bridesmaid costume shouldn't even cost so much because they are usually discarded after the wedding.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What this post and comments helped me achieve is a concrete plan towards mine. Points duly noted for future reference.Truth is there will be a whole lot of expenses for the bride and splitting cost I agree is ideal. There has to be an agreement as to what % of cost the bride is willing to cover - I'll do 60/40 :-) and be sure to not have 20 bridesmaids.

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's selfish on the part of most brides. Personally I decline bridesmaids duties...to me its a croc of shit and a money wastage expenditure. Too many people are more obsessed with their pictures than the said friendship. I would rather hold my money and buy bonds for the couple's first child than be a bridesmaid in these current climes. Someone will ask you for N30k for aso ebi, then ask you for n10k for bridal shower, then n35k for dress, n20k for hair and makeup, then contribution to hotel room etc. When I am not the bride why are you demanding so much of my resources?

    I believe the people who do it are selfish.if you truly want your friends on your train, pay the costs and be considerate. If not keep the costs minimal. I got married and had only one maid on my train - i knew she had to travel for the wedding...her aso ebi in lagos and make up was free, so were her hair, makeup and dress for Zanzibar. Matter of fact she fought me because she appointed herself maid of honor and i was sow worried about all the costs and we settled for inexpensive items.

    Some people assume that because they are getting married the world should stop on their behalf. Some people have the money to spend but get very upset when you ask them to spend it on meaningless sistuations...for me that's where he conflict comes in and thats where i draw the line. I would rather give you a n20k cash wedding gift and move on from the whole thing. Bridesmaid or not it has no bearing on the marriage.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Its always 'wise' to be considerate of other people's pocket when you are involving them in 'helping' you make your day memorable. some people go as far as giving 'killing' bills to the bridesmaids....not nice....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
  16. Every day I hear new tin, so because you want to do brides maid you will go and steal. Why can't the brides maid do her own her and makeup? Or are all of them supposed to look identical?

    Sorry, that's not what I wanted to even ask... Abeg which one is fascinator again? Dis people will not kii me... Father please bless me with a wife that doesn't care about all these things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao. Unless you're actually dreaming of a make-up free wife or living in Shrek's world, this prayer no follow o.

      All my sisters keep running down my phone battery with group chats on fascinators, beads, hats, makeover... I try escaping by going out of the group and they drag me back in. It's crazy. WOMEN!!

      Delete
    2. Lool, I also want to know what a fascinator is? Is it that comblike thing they put on the head? I find commenting these days difficult, I don't know if its my phone or network.

      Delete
    3. Dear Steele...

      Sunshine doesn't care....

      You're welcome! *shines teeth*

      Delete
  17. One of my best friends who I chose to be a bridesmaid refused because at that time she couldnt afford it and I couldn't afford to pay for her and I was NOT angry or resentful cus I fully understood. The rest paid for their dresses but I bought everything else. And paid for makeup artist etc..it's not fair to force someone to pay for what they can't afford.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Niggas tell their grooms men to buy suits for the wedding. Its not a problem. It only becomes a problem when you pick me as a grooms man 3 weeks to the wedding and Im expected to drop 35k for the suit and 20k for your bach eve. All in one month! Im a salary earner mehn not a comedian or musician.

    Peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, so buy a new suit for every wedding?

      Delete
  19. I am getting married sometime in Sept this year.......i choose to pay for d dresses for my bridesmaids and 50% of the cost of shoes,hair & makeup. I remember my wedding planner getting really upset and asking why i choose to foot those bills myself.......i just smiled cos i understand dat any one who chooses 2 share ur happy day wit u is doing u a big favor........something i really never wanted to do for anyone.....in fact i am a firm believer dat paying for bridesmaids dresses and aso-ebi is a big waste of money and if u and ur husband to be have no money then do something within your pocket range ...... Its only in Naij dat pple buy 3k ankara for 9k just to help d couple .....in d end after d wedding .....money woes will drive d couple to divorceville.........

    ReplyDelete
  20. I loove this discussion thelma!
    Personally, i think its up to the bride if she wants to pay for it all. However,if the bridesmaids are paying, i believe you should tell them in advance so that they can prepare,plan and budget and dont bring surprise expenses after you have told them one cost before.
    As a bride,i told my bridesmaids they will have to pay for their dress and shoes which they agreed. I paid for the make up, added money for the dress and shoes as prices went up,jewelry,fascinator,flowers, dress alterations (some lost weight before wedding while some added weight) , i enjoyed doing this and it wasnt a problem for me.
    I had a friend who i was a bridesmaids for and she paid for the dresses,shoes,accessories,hair weavon. yet some bridesmaids wanted her to get their lingerie for them. Bridesmaids paid for their hair,did their make up but on the side my friend complained about the expenses on her and she did it so no one has a say in the things she got,it worked for her.
    Different strokes for different people,brides dont kill your friends/bridesmaids with expenses,bridesmaids if you cannot afford it honestly tell the bride too....

    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is why I'm only having one bridesmaid at my wedding. And with God's help, buy her dress, shoe, hair and make-up or pay half of the total price.
    Ike adiro 'm ekpe biko.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Na wah oh, when I got married I paid for the dresses and hair the bridesmaids did their own make up and shoes. Why should someone break bank doing me a favor Biko? Even at that my husband s neice had the guts to tell me that I should have paid for her shoes . My friend saw the bridesmaid dresses and was upset cos I didn't charge the bridesmaids Biko do wedding according to your pocket

    ReplyDelete
  23. I don't have a problem with brides maids paying for everything, what I have a problem with is surprise expenses springing up every few weeks. Don't tell me I'm going to be a brides maid and my dress will cost 20k and then "conviniently" leave out the hair, make up, shoes, facinator(whatever that is), accommodation and air fare fees until I have accepted the "honour". That's just cruel. I plan my expenses and the fact that you have a money tree growing in your backyard doesnt mean I dont work for mine.

    #MyTwoCents

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anony 11:45pm,turning ur friend down because you can't cover the cost doesn't make u a frenemy. From my comment I said before a bridesmaid bails out, it means the bride did not do her selection well" (bridesmaid= maid of honour= chief bridesmaid) am not talking about train here o! So if you are currently unemployed and the bride is fully aware of it cos I believe her maid of honour shld be sum1 close to her. My dear, at this junction if she really wants you then she has to take care of the expenses or meet u half way if it is ok by you but if she doesn' t, don't come & kill urslf for another persin wedding o! Biko nne
    @ dika, I hope I carried you along...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The word bridesmaids doesnt refer to the maid of honour only. The maid if honour is the "chief" bridesmaid, the others(train) are also bridesmaids.

      Delete
  25. Bridal glow up with wedding makeup and i prefer H&M, They made my day, very good knowledge and experience they have, I will surely recommend others. Beauty Salons in Mississauga

    ReplyDelete

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