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Fat Thighs, Flabby Arms, a Pot Belly; Still Gives Good Loving!(Insecurities)





"I've always been shy about my stutter" mumbled my good friend Clark Kent. I marveled at how someone so tall, good looking, successful, smart and sexy could worry about something so trivial like a stutter. But it does make you realize that so many people deal with insecurities. 

I for one got teased about my fat legs when I was a teenager, and then my "generous" size when I got older. I read Michelle Dede's post yesterday and I'm reminded once again how insecurities could be the bane of our lives and a stumbling block to complete happiness. She said;

Many of us think, I’m ugly, I’m dark, I’m white I need a tan, my lips are big, small, I need a nose job, I wish I had smaller eyes, bigger eyes, delicate features, long hair, high cheek bones, straight hair, curly hair, I wish I was thinner, more toned, tall, had a booty like Jlo, was sexy, feminine, beautiful, I wish, I Wish, I WISH blah blah blah!
... Now I don’t know everything, but I know what it’s like to dislike what you see in the mirror. I hated my eyes, forehead, lips (yes I was told my lips were thin for a black girl while in school in Australia), disliked my height & more. 
Insecurity is defined as uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. I guess its safe to say that most of us have things that make us feel insecure. For some it's something in their physical appearance, it could be buck teeth or a very flat butt. It could be our weight or height. And then it could be non-physical; It could be a speech defect, it could be our health, breath or probably a stutter. 
If there's one thing I know about insecurities is that it's never as bad as we think it is. My friend above for instance, I found his stutter to be quite normal and maybe even cute. Yet, he shies away from public speaking (and sometimes speaking in general), making presentations and doing anything where he would be the centre of focus. Another friend of mine used to be so insecure about her tiny titties, wearing wonder bras and turning down lovers solely for fear of having them see her breasts, or lack thereof. She met someone who actually finds them adorable and she realizes, it's probably not as bad as she thought. One life hack I've learnt about insecurities, especially those that you cannot change, is being happy regardless and acting like they don't exist. That way most people don't even notice them! But when you're overweight and you drag yourself around like a bag of akpu with a drab look on your face, you're only drawing more attention to your excessive weight.
So tell me, have you got insecurities? How have to dealt with them so far? What coping mechanism do you adopt? Have you insecurities ever stopped you from going for something you wanted? 
Let's talk, ok?
*You see, that's why I love the song by Freshly Ground; even though I've got fat thighs, flabby arms, a pot belly, I still give good loving. All those things don't stop her from giving good loving. *big grin
So, insecurities anyone?

Comments

  1. YES! I feel awkward standing close to ladies taller than me. So if you're above 5ft 11" just smile and wave from afar. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Memphis can I take a picture with u?am 5ft 12''....TNHW

      Delete
    2. Ahhh, memphis. Where have you been?

      Delete
    3. TNHW, 5ft 12" is even worse than 6ft. No deal. Hehe..

      Anon, my dear...one kin yeye bush like that...

      Delete
    4. Wait isn't 5ft 12" the same thing as 6ft?

      Delete
  2. Yep, im skinny and I've got acne.
    I've done water therapy. Drank natural water, mineral water, flavored water,salt water etc (as recommended by memphis), yet kosi...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abia. I can bet that/those therapy/therapies didn't last 2 weeks. Lol. You have to go at least 3 months to get the feeling.

      Delete
    2. Hormones Sasha...you should check on them. I know a few women that have gone on birth control to manage acne and it has worked.

      www.pynk360.com

      Delete
  3. I am very insecure abt my arms especially my forearms,i feel like dey are too muscular nd am still not over it,still lookin for a way to make them smaller and more feminine...so sad bt i still thank God cos some pple dont have arms

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I, on the other hand, will give anything for your muscular ( replace that word with "sculpted ") arms my sister....

      Delete
    2. I kinda dig girls with chiseled physique. I melt when I see them

      Delete
  4. Thelma all I see is Clark kent..... Insecurities hell no!!!!!TNHW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too TNHW! Clark Kent is all I see, Thelma. Chai! *shines teeth*

      Delete
  5. I stutter too.. I have always avoided presentations.. But of recent, I just do it.. I wear glasses so people won't see my face lol .. Anything to get the job done right ?.. I used to bear myself about it so much l.. Even cry but not anymore.. I have a nice voice so people have to hear me speak!! Stutter or not.!
    I also have a big keloid on my private area!! Omg I want it to taken out before any relationship because it's really embarrassing.. So that's a new insecurity. That bump has stopped me from having sex and thank GOd because things didn't workout with the man. Dermatologist appointment sometime next week

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i once heard something on TV that has stuck with me. it was (paraphrased) "there is nothing more reassuring than the sound of your own voice". I find that in presentations, the moment I start talking and I can hear my own voice, i feel like "Okay Ada, you've got this! the ball is now in your court". So I'm glad you said your voice sounds nice. hone in on that strength and know that you've got this!

      Delete
  6. Yea! My fat thighs,my flat arms plus my flat skull. Thelma I can't make Ghana weaving, I can't making all dis trending hair style. So i decided to stick to my weavon. I cry many times when I see some hair styles and I can't make them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ah ahn. cry on top hairstyle again? I don't have a flat skull, but if it makes you feel better, I always do single braids or twists, because I feel they are the least stressful to my edges. Yes, I oooh and ahhh over some amazing ghana weavings and cornrows that I see, and I have many fine pictures of them saved on my iPad. but i have accepted that my edges are more important to me.
      instead of crying over your inability to do weaves, why not think of your weavons as your personal signature. maybe get a different color of weavon that you like... blue, purple, green... i don't know, whatever colour you like and make it your signature look. it may be a full-coloured weavon, or you may just get a small highlight in a certain colour that you like, then you can find a cute uncommon style, and together, everyone knows that when they see you, you always have this cute hair thing going on, it will take away attention from your skull and give you a confidence boost
      **hugs**

      Delete
  7. I'm insecure my bad breath, I have done everything I even brush two or three times a day. Sometimes I am afraid to talk so most times I keep to myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See a Dentist. It could be an infection in the gum

      Delete
    2. Baking soda (not baking powder o) to the rescue! Brush with it.

      Delete
    3. keep chewing gum, or mints handy.

      Delete
  8. I used to stutter as a kid but it improved with time, I still jumble my words up sometimes and whenever I was asked to speak in front of a crowd I used to shake visibly and it only made my speech worse. I've been working on my confidence and these days I tell myself that these people need to hear what I have to say, so I speak anyway. The shaking hasn't completely vanished but it's a lot better.

    I didn't really consider myself as short till my younger siblings started heighting me. Then, I toasted one girl and she said that if I was only 2 inches taller she would have dated me. Then, one day I was having a convo with my sis and I told her that I wonder why whenever I hang with friends, the girls are attracted to them but not me, then she said it was probably because of my height. That really dented my confidence even more and ever since I've wished I was taller. It even made me start going for girls that were tiny so that I could feel tall. But after a while I told myself that I couldn't keep living like this because I'm really more attracted to tall girls, and that I was only as tall as I felt. These days I go for taller girls but e still dey hard me small sha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh please, I know you and you are not short. One or two inches shy of 6ft is not short.

      Delete
    2. why do i have a feeling Steele is Thelma's brother??????????????

      Delete
    3. Thanks a million Anon (whoever you are and wherever you know me from) that's a real confidence booster

      Delete
    4. Lmao! This anonymous Sha. See casting

      Delete
    5. Anon my brother ke? My brother in the Lord perhaps.

      Delete
    6. Lmao! I can neither deny nor confirm these accusations but I'm curious about where you got that feeling from. Please share with us.

      Delete
    7. lol... Steele. i don't know why this your insecurity made me chuckle. i know it's a serious matter, but i couldn't help the chuckle... lol

      Delete
  9. Lol.. TNHW, me too o... Clark Kent finally makes an appearance...

    As for insecurities, I was very shy in secondary school cos i felt I wasn't fine enough and my bumbum was barely there...lol Now, my tummy is my one insecurity :( so I tend to wear gowns these days and big blouses

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've gotten to a point in life where I try not to be bothered about such things.
    I used to be insecure about my dentition.I had 2 lower incisors removed when I was in my teens.Another was growing while I still had the milk teeth,so it had to be removed.Dentist said it will push to the right position by itself but it didnt,so it's not on same line with others.
    I used to be mocked with it back then but now I care not,its not even that noticeable anymore.I've seen people with worse dentition who are always smiling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Preach Sister! I smile a lot too! Not minding my rabbit teeth! Hehehehee!

      Delete
  11. I'm not skinny as I want to be especially post baby but I hide it really well, u will never know it bothers me if I don't talk about it.

    When I was younger u will never catch me outside without make up due to blackheads from puberty pimples but as I have grown older issues like that don't bother me anymore.

    But I don't really have any bodily features I'm insecure about just because truthfully I DON'T care.
    I can speak infront of anyone and everyone, if u don't me it it's really ur problem. I'm old enough now to know these things truly DOES not count.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Flabby tummy, fat arms n legs keep me locked up in my house and make me turn down dates. My face is story for another! Eruption of pimples over my face n boobs. So many things to be insecure abt #sighs#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pimples on boobs? I don't get

      Delete
  13. My own is this big belle. I just feel bloated. Not to talk of my Christian mother arms.

    Stress is not allowing me exercise and diet.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Let me tell you guys the truth. Physically I am very fine, I don't have any insecurities. At least you can cover up most physical insecurity. My insecurity is that I don't think i am intelligent. I run away from talking because most times I have nothing to add. T this has stopped me from looking for a job, I just tell them that Im applying but no jobs but the truth is that I don't even apply because I am afraid that I will soon lose the job because I don't have any value to add.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello anonymous, that's not the way to go about this. Its just not right. For a very long time, I thought I was dumb and going home with average grades didn't help the situation at all. I felt really really stupud that time.

      You know what I did? I educated my self. I started reading any and everything. Blogs, books, articles, papers etc. I started watching the news with my dad every night, followed all the politically and economically inclined people I could find on twitter and followed the discussions avidlly. I might not be book smart but there's nothing you ask me about that I cannot contribute meaningfully to. I would have at least read about it somewhere at one time or the other. I'm the kind of person that will go from blog to blog, website to website just reading about different people's realities and trying to understand the world or a particular topic from their point of view. I also take my job seriously. As soon as I resumed, I clinched to my boss and tried to learn everything about the work that I could so this feeling of inadequacy and idiocy doesnt come up again in relation to work. This really helped boost my confidence level and self esteem. I still shy away from attention but when I'm put on the spot, I will talk without fear of being ridiculed or called an idiot.

      Sometimes the feeling that I'm not smart and infact completely stupid still comes up but I know who I am and that what I have in my head no matter how small cannot be taken away.

      So dear anon, find your area of expertise, read vast and read wide. It doesnt have to be "educational". No knowledged is wasted at all. Just educate your self. I hope this helps even tho you didnt ask for help :)

      *eHugs*

      Delete
    2. Thanks for this advice Sunshine...

      We need to stop the negative self talk because that's where all insecurities stem from. You need to stop telling yourself that you're not intelligent, and that you can learn anything you set your mind to. Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. As a man thinketh so is he, change your thought pattern drastically and you will see changes. Then go ahead and read and learn like Sunshine said. You're smart enough to know that you don't know so you really are quite intelligent.

      We need to learn to boost ourselves and our confidence, one thing I did was to list everything that was awesome about me and start saying them to myself everyday. That helped boost my confidence a lot.

      Delete
    3. O baby mi! I am very proud of you for this comment! You are tiri much! *kisses*

      Delete
    4. I dont believe this! When you get into the work environment you will realize that you are alot smarter than many of the people here. There are alot of dumb people in the corporate world.

      Peace.

      Delete
    5. lol... Kon, you aint never lied. although I will not use the word "dumb"... but very erm... let's just say "incompetent". sometimes you have to sit back and wonder how come some people are still on the company's payroll.
      Dear anonymous, just to add to everything, I have had bosses who cannot spell. Yes, something as basic as spelling, they can't do it, even though they've had 20+ years' experience in the industry. It hasn't stopped them from rising to the top and bossing everyone around, and hasn't stopped them from jumping to write on the board (with atrocious spellings, mind you) in a room full of people. but they do this with a spring to their step, a glint in their eyes, and authority in their stance. My dear, all na packaging. And like I say, life is what you make of it.

      Delete
  15. I am very shy of my big bum. I don't like the way guys just stare at me anytime i walk pass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woow... this is a real problem?! lmaoo! Ogbeni! Gbagbe jooor! Some people wie kill to have you big bumbum... you better enjoy your strut! loool! Mwaaah!

      Delete
    2. ahh baby girl that na your insecurity ?? can you cut small for me ? try to feel proud about it jor!

      Delete
  16. My huge forehead,am learning to embrace it thou

    ReplyDelete
  17. I wish I had smaller boobs n bum.its tiring cos d way guys stare @ me is becoming a problem.
    It got to d extent dat during my NYSC,I was posted to a school in a rural community in Imo state.these student were so vulgar n rude.anyways,these students once dey saw me would march out of dia various classrooms n start shouting "Aunty UKWU!!!!!!! Every blessed day.mehnnn I was so embarrassed.every where I turned Ukwu,Ukwu!!!!my God it was DAT bad....so biko,I wish I had smaller bum n boobs bo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaaa!!!

      Sorry. But its funny.

      Delete
  18. Ahhhh my own plenty, I stutter a lot, infact my own is stammer because calling stutter still means am giving it a tushed name, I am also insecure about my big laps and big hip/bum , my stretch marks on both arms even though it ain't visible till one comes closer but men I tend to feel like the own world is seeing it, it's not bad though, just thing line on both arms but I hate to see dem. But I have learnt to move on ojere, I can't kill myself biko.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I wish I had smaller bum n boobs.its tiring,cos d way guys stare @me is becoming an issue
    I tink big butt n boobs r overrated bo,noting special abt 'em.it got so bad DAT during my NYSC,I was posted to a school in a rural community in Imo state.my God these students were so vulgar n rude to d extent dat anytime dey saw me,they would march out of dia classrooms roaring "Aunty UKWU!!!!!!.every time ,everywhere I turned Ukwu,ukwu!! Mehnnn it was really embarrassing.so,I wish I had smaller bum n boobs jare.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I have got stretch marks on my arms and belle, and it bothers me so much because am yet to get married and due to so much weight loss my boobs is looking like it's use to...

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm now back to my big thighs, christian-mother arms and 'pot belly' but each time I'm about to feel bad about it, I just recall that there are people who look a lot worse.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  22. I used to be very insecure about my teeth,so much so that whenever attention is directed at me while speaking I get tongue tied but now not so much.

    There is a gap between my upper and lower teeth and whenever I speak It is as if i use my tongue in speaking. Right now I try to speak without thinking too much about it.

    Also used to worry about my height and wished I was shorter. Of all my friends back in secondary school I was the tallest but now I am feeling the height...lol. I sometimes even wish I added 2 more inches before I stopped growing. But am ok with the height,heels would do the rest....hehehe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's amazing how many things I can relate to in this thread. O yes, self-conscious about teeth, been there done that. I would worry about talking and people seeing my teeth. I would stifle my laughter so that I will not have to open my mouth wide enough for people to see. or when i do laugh, I'll do the whole fingers over lip thing so that I can cover my mouth. and then I learnt how to do this cute smile thing where if someone says something that I should maybe contribute confidently to, or laugh about, I would kind of smile instead, and that would stop me from opening my mouth.
      But after doing this for about 5yrs, I decided enough is enough, I'm not going to let this tooth insecurity rob me of my joy in life, and I'm tired of living under covers. I learnt to laugh again... loud boisterous wide-toothed laughter. i learnt that when I open up to people, they open up to me, and i learnt to be free.
      there are dentists, and these days, they can fix a whole lot of things. if you feel insecure about your teeth, visit a good one, and let him tell you what your options are. but in the meantime, go out there and be amazing!

      Delete
  23. I can't really think of one at the moment, I can speak and I'm ok with my 6", and my appearance has never bothered me. It's just a mystery to me why I'm not so confident in public.

    ReplyDelete
  24. All I ever wanted was to be pear shaped. It bothered me for along time until I realised that there's nothing I can do about it . Now I've finally accepted the fact that I'm an apple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. variety, they say, is the spice of life :)

      Delete
  25. as a teenager, i dealt with a lot of insecurities. and by that, i mean A LOT!!!!... I was a very happy and content child, but the moment I hit ~11, I became self-conscious about almost everything, and it affected my outlook to life, my friendships (or lack thereof), my dressing, so many things. But my mother was my source of reason through it all because I would run to her complaining "My this, my that is not like the other girls at school"... and she would always tell me... "But you are very very normal, and those things you're complaining about are actually assets of yours. Many people wish they had that"... but I wasn't convinced.
    Anyway, around 19, I finally learnt that this world is filled with a whole range of people with different appearances, issues, accents, problems and problemses, and really, life is what you make of it. I really look at myself everyday, and think I am IT! if anyone has a counter opinion, well, they must have a sad life to do so.
    For anyone looking for inspiration, check out "Yagazie Emezi" on Google, the girl is living her life and loving it, despite the fact that she has a massive scar on her leg. But when you see her, your attention is drawn to other beautiful aspects of her life and creativity, noone realises the scar she carries with her, except you look closely, because she has chosen to see the scar as a testament to her survival spirit and tenacity, and not let it weigh her down.
    it's been like 2,000 years since Jesus died on the cross, it's about time we start to lay down all these heavy weights at the cross, and travel light!

    ReplyDelete

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