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Is Intimacy Without Sex Possible?

"Where can we find these young single men who are interested in dating and having a meaningful relationship without bringing sex into the equation? I’d really like to know because there are also sisters out there who want to date without sex and it seems like we and these men are on different ends of the globe. Anybody?"

LOL. This comment came under a post which had intimacy in a sexless relationship as one of the themes. I'm certain that this is a challenge that many young people face, having been there myself. Dating without sex. Veeeeeeeeeeery few people are open to it. And what happens when you find the few who are open, how do you guys stay intimate?

I often prefer for us to learn from each other's comments that's why I say less and ask more. I watched one of the Real Talk with Cornelia O'dwyer videos and the question was asked if its possible to have a relationship/intimacy without sex. I was surprised to hear all her guests agree that it's not. I wanted to ask about those that became sexually active only after they wed, does that make the relationship they had before invalid or unreal?

So yes, of course you can have a beautiful, real and fulfilling relationship without sex. And I believe that two people can be intimate without sex. 

Do you agree with me? If you do then share with me how you think that two people in a relationship can be intimate without having sex. Or how you and your partner are/were able to be intimate with each other without sex. 

If you disagree I'd really like to read your list of reasons why intimacy without sex is simply impossible. 

I'm all ears!

Oh and remember that young lady asked a question. Where can a sister find a single young man who's willing to date without sex these days? Ideas anyone? They do exist, right?


  1. Actually they do exist, you have one of them right here.

    The real challenge is meeting someone that's on the same page with you, even some girls don't want to be in a sexless relationship. I know cos I've met a few. One of them told me that if we don't start having sex soon we'll become like very close friends then like brother and sister. And that without sex the intimacy we are supposed to share as lovers will die.
    So I've never met a girl who agreed to a sexless relationship, even when we start out agreeing that we won't have sex till much later, we get into bed then one thing leads to another and the next thing I hear after I say we have to stop is "so you were serious about that no sex thing, me I don't think I can do it, what are we now doing with each other?" "Or I can't believe there's a man alive that will see a naked and willing woman in his bed and say he's not doing. Are you sure you're alright?" It is hard but not impossible to achieve that feat, you guys might be able to abstain for the first few months but if both of you aren't willing to put in the work then it will flop. One person will always be weak at some point, when that happens the other has to take responsibility for both of them. It takes real maturity and discipline.

    I think you guys can use PDA, kissing and other acts to stay intimate but that's where another real challenge is. These acts cause arousal and it's very hard to control the urges of the flesh when you find yourselves alone in the house.

  2. Yes it is. I still know a few out there...

  3. Anything is possible really. Greetings!

  4. Please where are those men located cos i am seriously searching for them. Infact that has been my prayerpoint, if God can give me one i will honor him for the rest of my life. I don't mean all those '' church bro bro'' using church to cover face to deceive young girls.

    1. You don't want 'church bro bro' but you want a sexless relationship, I'm getting you. Most men that stay in a sexless relationships do so as a result of religion, other than that I can't really find what will make a man stay celibate in a relationship

    2. Note she said those 'church bro bro" using church to cover face and deceive young girls. Those can't really be considered church bro bros then, if they are in it just to catch unsuspecting females. Its hard to find a real church bro these days who has real fear of God in his heart that constrains him from doing certain things, even if the temptation is rife. Same with a real church sis. Fear of God sadly has taken a back seat.

  5. Oh Yes it very possible. I had one for years. We were just too close that we forget we were opposite sex. I know almost every member of his family while he also knows mine. We don't hide things from each other. We met in the camp as youth corp members. Is he handsome Oh. Yes, What of me, standing 6ft slim and fair. Never kissed more or less having sex.

    1. You guys are obviously very close but you don't sound intimate. Except I don't know what intimate means.

  6. My first relationship went on for three years without sex. Just a few kisses. Nothing more. So yes, it's possible. It was indeed a beautiful relationship, just that he was the only son and his mama no gree..

  7. One of the most intimate relationships I ever had did not include sex.
    There was kissing but no sex and this went on for a year.
    He was a church leader so to speak ( now a pastor) so we strove to keep premarital sex out of it.
    It was an intense relationship, to be honest, I wanted him so badly- but envisioned the consummation that would take place after we got married ( cos he went there but that's another story).
    I think it also gave me the opportunity to "see" him clearly and not through rose coloured lenses.

  8. Hi guys..... So the picnic is by 3 right?

  9. You know, when I watched that video, I was worried and appalled to say the least.
    I looked at all of them, and for the first time, the reality of the world I live in hit me. And I was like, how don't these people know that sex actually does more harm than good before marriage. I've come to understand that sometimes, God's laws seem so strict and it feels like it takes away all the fun from life.. but I realized that it actually does serve to protect us. But of course, we've devised means to step out of this protection, hence the several stories that touch that we hear everyday.
    I totally get the "we are different" and "we were brought up differently" and "we have different values" and all of that... but really though, when this one doesn't work out, that one crumbled using same approach, why not try it differently. Lots of women have been able to separate the men that just want sex from the men that actuaLly want something real by deciding to be celibate. That's not to say you won't find a man or even a good one if you're sexually active before marriage... (in popsy's voice) chances are, you might not or it'll be really hard. I digress!

    Yeah, there are men out there that are waiting till they say I DO, before doing the do(i really wanted to say that... lol) but like Steele said, some of them are asking if there are still women that don't want sex before marriage or won't see you as impotent or sick if you don't make a move on them in a relationship. So u see... they do exist. just like we pray to meet the helper of our destiny... or that one person whose influence would turn your life around for good, you can actually pray to meet guys like that. They do exist. and yes, not those Yeye fake church brothers that use spirituality to cover their horrible character... or the ones that pretend to be celibate and then try to have sex with you whilst quoting a scripture from the bible that makes it okay! Yes you read right. Some do! You'll be amazed how people read the bible upside down these days.

    1. Please how many are coming for the picnic? I'd really love to meet you guys in person. I have to say thanks to all of you. I have some coded mentors here.

    2. Steele it's good you said coded. Don't hope beyond that, she's taken.

    3. Kabouy,your answers are always intelligent and make me think from another angle.definitely wise beyond your years.keep it up girlie ��

    4. Lmao, Memphis who are you referring to?

    5. Lmaoo @ ekun! Hahahahaaa! Nubian princess! :*

      Steele... i'm sure you already found out that I didn't go. loool. I'm very shy like that.

      When your crush says you're taken! *oya shakitibobo bobo* lmao!

      Thanks Anon! *kisses and hugs* you made me blush! Looool!

    6. Alaye... you've got somfn to say to me?! *cocks gun* Okay! Let's hear it! Lol!

      Uyi where are awa pishures nah! Why are you taking your sweet time.... pls send them in and let thelma do our most anticipated post! lool! TTB picnic!
      I want to see Tiwa, my crush, Steele, Enjay, chocolate, clare and all that went. I know what you look like... soo if you like don't send in yours. Did miss pynk go? I want to see miss pynk too. Sunshine keeps saying she's "very yellow" lol!

    7. Sorry to disappoint you. I couldn't make it. Lol @ very yellow Miss Pynk.

    8. Kabuoy! Until you sha typed dis tin. You go meet me for house today! Yeye someborri.

      @Uyi, biko send the pictures in so we can see o. Hope my crush-in-law came sha? Na only him i wan see *winks*

  10. It's very very possible, so far as the guy agrees wholeheartedly to it... Cos I know a girl can hardly rape a guy,..... I dated my ex for over 2 years without sex,.. She was even the one begging for it at some point...., but we had already made an agreement

  11. I've heard it's possible but I'm yet to experience it. Staying celibate has caused me so many would be relationships. Before it used to hurt but now, I just shrug it off and keep it moving.

    My girlfriend says am single cause of it but I refuse to budge.

    1. Please keep it moving queen spicey.

      I pray that God's will for you in marriage would be done and you won't regret waiting! *hugs*

    2. Please keep it moving queen spicey.

      I pray that God's will for you in marriage would be done and you won't regret waiting! *hugs*

  12. The short answer is No, it is not possible to be intimate without sex.
    I think many people here are mistaking being very close to someone, or even dating someone for being intimate with them. But they can be mutually exclusive.
    I don't think true intimacy is possible without leading to sex (immediate sex or sex in the not too distant future). Intimacy is the precursor for sex, and it makes me wonder at accounts of people being intimate for years without sex. Mba nu!!! I can understand dating someone for years without sex, but that usually works when the bobo and the sisi have agreed to keep their hands and bodies away from each other. I find it difficult to accept that two grown adults with blood running through their veins can be intimate for a protracted time period without having sex, or planning to have sex after a milestone in the not too distant future, which is usually marriage. That would just be all kinds of unwarranted blue balls and sexual frustration.
    This is one reason why dating for a christian staying away from pre-marital sex is different from dating for pro-premarital sex-ers. Those who are pro-premarital sex can date very easily, catch feelings, get intimate, have sex... and carry on with their lives... and this is the natural course of a romantic relationship. But for the christian, they date, catch feelings, possibly get intimate... and then the next step is sex, which they are trying to avoid. So how then do they have romantic relationships like the rest? Well, they don't. In their case, any intimacy would be with the view that they would (hopefully), be tying the knot soon with this person, and then they can progress to the next natural step, which is sex.
    So yes, just as water follows salt, so does sex follow intimacy. You cannot separate the two.
    I've said so many things here. Hope I somehow made sense :-)

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