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Keeping It Real.






"That's a rare gift", he sounded awed by my description of my friend Oby. 

Oby, the one who made someone stop to give us a ride because he noticed that we had been standing under the sun for a while and we were both tired and irritable, but for some reason, while the tall dark one, like almost every normal person, had an ugly scowl on her face, the fair chubby one had a serene smile. That smile drew him in, made him get into his car and give us a lift, all the way from Presidential Hotel in GRA Port Harcourt, to Rumuobiakani. He never could stop talking about Oby's smile in the face of difficulty. 

And that's Oby for you. To be honest there were times I thought Oby was a bit delusional, or perhaps slightly retarded (forgive me if I'm being politically incorrect). I mean, what other reason could there be? Oby kept facing one issue or the other that kept her in university for 12 years, for a 5 year course, (I spent 6 years and in the 6th I was a walking time bomb; I could burst into tears at any moment, any where, and I often did). In all those years, even when her mates had not only gone on to law school, served, got jobs, got promotions, bought cars, got married, had babies, moved abroad, Oby never for ONE moment showed a sign of unhappiness, bitterness or envy. The babe can smile for Africa sha! So I wondered, how is this girl going through all this and still be happy, are we sure she's ok? Maybe she isn't and that's why she doesn't understand the full magnitude of her woes. I was wrong, she did. She just chose not to let her reality affect her disposition. 

Oby's constant cheeriness drew people to her, she's the kind of person that everyone wants to be around. Of course when you attract people that way you're bound to get favours, cash, gifts, help from unexpected quarters and a certain level of security.  

Not many of us are blessed like Oby. For most of us when we're facing challenges, you won't even have to ask, the looks on our faces and the tones of our voices tell it all. For most of us, we're just being real; keeping it real. And as far as we're concerned that's only normal. But do you know that "keeping it real" could also mean "keeping it broke"? 

Yup! Yesterday Pastor Paul Adefarasin talked about how your personality, particularly your disposition could affect your career, especially if it's dependant on you relating with customers. 

I can't begin to count how many transactions I've walked out on because the other person was cold or unenthusiastic. I can't count how many people I've tipped largely or made a purchase I didn't really want to, just because they talked to me pleasantly or had a comely persona.

So think about it, we've all got difficulty and challenges. But the truly special people have the ability to soldier on with a perfectly sunny disposition. As the pastor said yesterday, you may be going through hell but don't let the hell go through you.
     Don't walk around with your shoulders droopy and your voice monotonal, you just might be pushing people away from you. Just by "keeping it real" and thinking it's ok to frown or be unpleasant because life isn't being pleasant, you might be chasing people away, losing opportunities, losing favour, losing potential spouses or relationships, losing businesses, losing new friends, and other things you might never imagine. 

Remember. Your clothes may be Chanel/Gucci, your shoes Crocodile. But you're never fully dressed without a smile. *In Sia's voice*. 


Stay happy, give good vibes. Bad vibes attract more bad fortune... Easier said than done, I know, but doable nonetheless. 


Have a great week guys.


Just one question that I'm hoping you will answer very sincerely; do you consider yourself a nice person? 

Comments

  1. I don't think I am a nice person, but i believe that thought stems from me comparing myself with someone like my mom. She is so peaceful its almost ridiculous. I have only seen my mom sad once in my whole life, even when she lost her mother her disposition was still pleasant. She gives everyone a ride so long as you are going her way, she shares her room when she books at unilag guest house to read with 7 or more fellow students, my mom collects used plastic water bottles to give to the woman who seeks her oil in the market and one other woman who sells liquid soap in her school.

    I believe its a gift some people have, and not everyone can have it...just my own two cents.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not a nice person hunny, you're stuck up.
      No offense, just keeping it 100%.

      Delete
    2. Wow! Your mum is blessed, you have no idea how much. That gift is sooo rare, even most preachers that preach inner peace and contentment don't have it.

      I pray for this gift every day, oh to just have a taste of it would be heaven on earth.

      Delete
  2. It's all about good vibes and positive energy. Whenever I read Humans of New York or Lagos or anywhere else, I realize that someone out there has it worse.
    Wearing a frown or scowling or lamenting has never changed anyone's situation. Just keep it positive. Afterall if you can't change the position of the sun,either stay under a shade or apply sunscreen with spf infinity et portez vos lunettes

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's all about good vibes and positive energy. Whenever I read Humans of New York or Lagos or anywhere else, I realize that someone out there has it worse.
    Wearing a frown or scowling or lamenting has never changed anyone's situation. Just keep it positive. Afterall if you can't change the position of the sun,either stay under a shade or apply sunscreen with spf infinity et portez vos lunettes

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nope... Most tyms I'm not a nice person

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, it is doable!!!!! lool!

    one oga stopped me one day(any time i greet him, he always gives me this warm smile), and said "why are you always happy?" i was like "sir? i don't understand" he replied and said "anytime i see you, you're always smiling and excited" and in my mind i was like ha! you've not seen me on bad days when i just want to give Uyi a punch for a comment... lool just kidding. days i just want to scream and give my mentor(at work) a kick or two... lool. Point is, for the most part, i try to be happy, I laugh a lot(can't even help it.. lool.. it just happens!), and not only has it made people comfortable around me, it encourages them to open up to me(i'm not sure how that relates to being happy..lol).

    Are there days i just want to rollover and cry my eyes out, YES! days i'm just not in the mood and i just want to be left alone to brood or think.. hell Yes!
    But for the most part, i try to keep happy, put a smile on my face, put on smile on someone's face, and yeah, i sleep better, it enhances my b "look"(hehehee.. y'all need to see sunshine... that geh is annoyingly fine.. mstchewww! you need a very nice smile to keep up with her. lool)... and yeah... What Pastor Paul said how it affects your career.. i do some things and the manager on the other end(major customer) is still really nice and patient. My Supervisor at work... I dont even want to start on the drama going on the telecoms industry and how God has just been faithful (i like to think that's all God(favor) and not my demeanor) but sometimes it really does help!

    So it is doable! you should try it!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Okay, raising my hand shyly 2 the "are u a nice person" question

    Hulo house, great week!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm a nice person, Yes...but I'm too pessimistic and a tad serious for my own good. my mom is constantly asking me to wear a smile...I just do a default no smile/frown look...lol SBHM

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes oooooo! Well, from what people say, I think I'm a Nice gurl. Uyi tell her now.lol
    The new hire in my office gathered for lunch one day and were gisting in the kitchen when I walked in on them though I had no clue what the gist was about.Immediately they turned and saw me, one of them, pointing at me said "Ahaaah! she made me take this offer o" and the rest chorused "yes o".They all started regaling me with stories of their 1st experience in the company and how I always smiled when they came for the interview and how I was always so friendly when speaking to them over the phone like we were colleagues already, how they felt the organization must be a good one having such a nice staff.
    hmnnnnn! was I flattered? OH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! I just opened all my 32.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lol@bloggitup.

    You just made me remember one hr personnel at a bank when I went for an interview recently,mehn was she nice. Considering the fact that I got there late.


    As for me I try to be nice to people but sometimes you just want to be left alone and can't summon that spirit of being nice....lol. On days like these I just put on a forced and tiny smile..... At all at all na him bad pass.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Im a nice guy. Everybody apart from like 2 ex GFs will say that.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmm.... Am I a nice person? Capital YES, how do I know? Because I've heard it a thousand times from a thousand people. And whenever I'm about to leave any institution I worked in I always get genuine tears from the people I worked closely with, when I ask if those tears are because they are happy to see me leave, they say things like "don't be ridiculous... we've never worked with someone like you" "you're really special" "You'll make some lady real lucky someday" "you're mum and dad did a great job"... Hehe

    Now, am I a genuinely happy person? Capital NO, I'm really not. I go through serious bouts of depression and anxiety that sometimes make me wonder how much more I can take. So I guess the real question is, if I'm really as unhappy as I am, how do I make others feel good and appreciated? I'm not really sure what the answer is but I think it's got something to do with empathy, I really don't like seeing others suffer or unhappy so I do everything I can to make things better for them, and that's where I get joy from. Seeing that I'm the reason for putting a smile on your face makes me smile, no matter how fleeting. Helping others takes my mind off my own challenges for a while.

    So when people see me smiling and happy they have no idea it's cos I'm able to make them smile. I think it's become an addiction as it's now my anti-depressant, I almost can't do without it.
    And that's why some people have tried to take advantage.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think am a nice person cos I try to go out of my way to make people happy
    I need to smile more , when am sad or going thru a hard time all I do is squeeze my face n hiss, am sure my face gets tired on those days
    I want to meet Kabuoy someone tell her for me

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thelma, you finally went to HOTR yesterday.Nice! Hope I'll bump into you one of these days. I hope you felt lifted and the words of yesterday's service ministered to you .

    ReplyDelete
  14. Am a nice person to the core but I rarely smile except I get smiled at, I don't just start smiling while walking on the road, never been my thing, almost everyone around me thinks I should be in the military, lol but asides that, am nice to a fault trust me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes I'm nice! Nowhere as nice as my mother though, and for that I'm grateful to my father. Staying happy through challenges can be a struggle, hopefully I'll get to that place soon.

    ReplyDelete
  16. NO, I am not nice (whatever the definition is).

    One thing I really want to work on is to have the ability to stay calm even in the face of storm. I blow 'hot' a lot of times things go bad.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  17. I don't think I'm nice. I don't smile too. That's the one I don't even understand. I have tried smiling consciously but it just feels weird. I have this default frown on my face especially when I'm on the road.

    My boss keeps asking why "do you like frowning your fine face"..lol I'm really working on being a happier person inside and out. My sis is annoyingly jovial and happy. And when we were much younger, she was the boning sibling while I was the ever smiling sibling, only God knows what happened.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't things get to me, friends wonder how I lay my head on the bed and just sleep off almost immediately. I don't worry about a thing, I've cast all my cares on him because he cares for me more than I could for myself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *don't let things get to me. And how come everybody here is nice.

      Delete
  19. I'm generally a nice person but the fear of being snubbed or treated shabbily always make me keep to myself, hence I come across as a snub who don't talk to people but if someone wants to be friends with me I happily accept and tries to make it work. I think it's inferiority complex.

    My mom and your friend are the birds of same feather she is always happy even when going through difficulties, I tire for her.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I wrote a larger comment and it vanished.

    Anyways, I don't like to think of myself as 'nice'. Its very relative and subjective. Cos I've got principles, if my principles rub u the wrong way I won't be regarded as nice to you. Although most times, people say I'm nice.

    ReplyDelete

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Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
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I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

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That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
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