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On The Days You Hate Me...





You love me. You love me. At least that's what you can't seem to keep from telling me. I believe it, at least I believe that you believe it, and that's good enough, most times. 

You love me. Because I make you feel good, I make you feel happy, because you think I've got a pretty face, because I've got a decent personality; I'm the caring, kindhearted respectful girl who your friends envy you for having at your side. Because I'm loyal and faithful and I love you too. Because we have such beautiful moments of great conversation, tinkling laughter and pure undiluted joy. Moments where we could either kiss softly wrapped in the warm cocoon of our love on feather-stuffed beddings, or moments where we trudge through the nasty Lagos traffic in the hot sun, cursing under our breaths. Still, moments of happiness, because you love me, and I love you. 

But on days, some days, my halo falls off. On those days I'm short tempered, I'm cranky, I'm difficult. On those days your friends try to cheer me up and I snarl at them baring bloodied fangs, causing them to recoil in fear, and you to twist in embarrassment. On those days I'm fastidious, I'm distant and I eschew even your greatest efforts to show me love. On those days I know that I should soften a bit but my mind isn't having it so the more you pull, the more I push, until I push you away. And then you hate me, on those days. 

On those days you hate me I revel in your displeasure, but only for a moment. My reveling passes in a flash and is quickly replaced by fear; what if your hate, unlike my unpleasant moments, isn't just a passing phase. What if in those moments you hate me, your contempt is so intense it pales every cause I gave you to love me. Or worse yet what if it passes but fails to revert to love and leaves you in a place numb and cold, and so you become, to me, indifferent. What if you just from there stop loving me?

On these days I want you to know, that I'm the same woman you love, that those moments of my unwelcome display are only transient, mainly resulting from some discontent, discomfort or displeasure. Or probably simply because of the occasional unwanted, yet recurring mood swings. 
    So please remember that these moments are few and far between (I promise), and that beneath the cloak of irritation, is a love that burns so bright, for you. In those moments, hard as it may be, I yearn for you to be patient with me, and no matter how hard I test you, still love me. In some of those moments, is when I need your love the most. 

So yes, I sit across from you and I see that the soft curves of your face have turned to sharp edges, I see your jaw clenched and I watch you tense. And I know, today is one of those days your love for me falters. It hurts, because I brought it on, but please as day washes away the darkness of night, let it wash away your aversion, and as day is rebirthed, rebirth your love for me, even fresher, stronger and more pure. 

And I promise to do the same on days I hate you. 



***
Relationships aren't "rainbows and butterflies" (in the words of Adam Levine), some days they are mud and a pot of burnt beans. Can you relate to this? Tell me about the days you absolutely hate your partner, and the days you make them hate you! And tell me how you've been, I know I've been a bit scarce, I pray you forgive me, it's outside my control. 

Comments

  1. I can relate because nobody is perfect and eventho I pride myself on been a good fiance there are days that I make the boo want to kill me but thank god he knows that I don't mean it. Nice read

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good morning Thelma and TTB readers. I cannot relate because no relationship since 2012, I've been praying seriously but it's like my prayers are always ignored. Btw where is Ruthylicious?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my! Dis happened recently,me n him got into a very heated argument n I was d viper or shud I say serpent.I was just spitting out my venom in different forms, b4 I could say Jack Frost I was dumbfounded 4 like a min.the slap had reset my brain..mehnnn it was nasty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omonye, the slap? Should we be concerned?

      Delete
    2. Omonye you in an abusive relationship, I hope you know that's not normal.

      Delete
    3. Errr.... maybe not exactly. my point is, some men have breaking points. The most easygoing and gentlemanly man I know, who has been married for 55years, confessed to me one day that in the course of those years, he slapped his wife once! I like his wife but she has her excesses which she still displays till date... she gives reasons for them tho but I think she just has to let go of the past to give way to joy in the present and future.
      Now back to the slap, he told me she referred to his parents, he warned her but she still continued and he had to caution her. Needed a way to tell her and make it clear that was a no go area in their arguments. Now, this man married in the late 50s where marrying one wife meant you were poor... but he chose to marry one wife and he stuck to her. people easily call him a weakling for stomaching his wife's excesses(e.g traveling abroad and leaving only him to fend for himself in Nigeria for months unend. Note that is not like she went for omugwo or anything like that)

      Am I making excuses for an abuser? No!
      Is it right? No!
      Are there other ways to get your point across to your partner? YES!

      But some people know only that way... and when they reach their limit.. that's the only way to... aaaarrrgh! okay this sounds like i'm defending wife beaters.
      Okay let's make this short... omonye admitted to spitting venom... and we don't know where the venom hit the Mr hence the reaction. doesn't absolutely make him an abuser or the relationship an abusive relationship.
      So omonye, you know your guy and you know what you said... now weigh it.... Should we be worried...(like thelma said)... were you trying to draw blood cuz I fight dirty sometimes and I know just what to say to rev you up and get you really upset(trying to kill that thing before I start dating or get married)
      It's a really terrible thing...

      So yeah... omonye! Decide for yourself. Cuz we don't have the full story, hence we can't judge your Bobo based on this....

      Disclaimer: i'm not defending abusers once again. I'm just trying to be rational and to see from a different perspective. I believe there are other non-violent ways to get your point across which is way better.

      Delete
    4. Slap?Babes,you better have a serious rethink about that relationship.

      Delete
    5. Kabuoy the hell are u yapping? If I could slap u 4rm here now, I would have given u 3 brain resetting slaps already! Infact take 3 e-slaps, tawai, tawai tawai!!!

      A common boyfriend gives u a brain-resetting slap and u are giving me dz breaking point crap? For goodness sake, these 2 senarios aren't the same. That gentleman u mentioned up there would hv slapped his wife say 10 years into the marriage and only did it once.

      But I don't blame u sha, pls whn u get in2 a very serious relationship and ur boify gives u brain-resetting slaps, come back and write dz long epistle 4 us again.

      Delete
    6. Lmaooooo! You that you just threatened to gimme 3 slaps nko bayi? In fact you gave me 3 resounding cyber slaps!!! Tawai! Tawai!! Tawai!!! Hahahaaa! Smh!!!
      How are you any different jare?
      O well, omonye has cleared my doubts... so I have nothing to say to you Eesah! Absolutely nothing! *puts ice on cheek*

      Delete
  4. First time it, he bore it,
    second time, he fled.
    The end

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG!! You guys need to calm down.i am no way in an abusive relationship.if u had heard what I said I would av slapped me too;nt dat I'm justifying violence.he's d nicest guy I've

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wht did u say??? I don't expect u to kno that most abusers are d nicest pple that u'll ever meet na. They'll hv ur brain messed up till you start doubting weather u are d one with the problem. Seems u are headed there!

      And keep saying the things u say!

      Delete
  6. He's d nicest guy I've known relationship wise.i guess he reached his breaking point dat day cos he apologized immediately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yada yidi yidi yada. Yeah yeah, he appologised immediately, that's what they all do!

      Delete
  7. Omonye please if he reaches the breaking point again before marriage, break it off because in marriage there will be lots of "breaking points". In marriage some things which you do not consider to be breaking point may become breaking point.

    Is there anything your mum or dad can say or do to you that will make you slap them? My point is that even in breaking point, if a guy sees himself as someone that will never beat a woman he will never do it. That is what I asked a guy that was justifying slapping his girl friend, he called the girl immediately and apologised. J

    ReplyDelete
  8. Holy Lord, and I have to start dealing with dz comment aprroval ish again?

    Issokay

    ReplyDelete
  9. Self control is key here. He is still a boy friend. Even a husband should hit his wife, how much more a boyfriend.

    When a man hits you, some things can never be repaired even after you forgive him.

    Once was probably a mistake, second time.
    it's a no no!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Do u knw slightly burnt beans (the bottom pot) is actually the sweetest??? Lolz

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes Sasha. Sometimes I intentionally burn it slightly,turn it,do it 3 or 4 times Kai it's so sweet. I'm not referring to the black burning type of burning o.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Women, Obirin, Umuwanyi, Yarinya, you will have an argument with your husband and u start insulting him, kai, and then all you will say is sorry after the damage is done, in an argument don''t say anything you will regret. Biko, break ups and divorce are on the rise,....SHE/HE THAT HATH AN EAR LET HIM HEAR WHAT THE SPIRIT IS SAYING

    ReplyDelete
  13. Women and Men make una use una mouth well, i can relate to this, she has said things that make want to break up with her, and she has done it more than once but i still love her......I choose to

    That said women should watch what they say to their husbands/boyfriends, even in an argument, fight fair, no abusive language, face and solve the matter. because what u say could lead to bye bye.....She that has an ear, let her hear what the spirit is saying.....

    ReplyDelete

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