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The Weirdest Thing Ever!

You know how it is when you're on a date or having drinks with a member of the opposite sex and you both start to swap life stories, from childhood till date? I was out just a while ago and having one of those moments and I remembered, and marveled for the millionth time, at something that happened years ago. 

So I was in secondary school in Osun state, Ipetumodu to be precise. Ipetumodu was no Queen's College. Here they believed in using the rod and using it extravagantly! In Ipetumodu you got lashed over any and everything. Miss a class; cane. Miss church; cane. Miss your meal; cane. Get the wrong answer; cane. Have no answer; cane. Come late to class; cane. Teacher is having a bad day; cane. Teacher is taking the piss; cane. Teacher is having a laugh; cane. Don't do your homework; cane. You get the drift by now. 

That Monday, English was the first class we had and for some reason I didn't do my english assignment. Somehow the consequence didn't dawn on me until assembly was nearly over, but a brilliant idea suddenly showed up! Ill or recovering patients visited the sickbay after assembly for drugs or treatment, and I'd noticed that there were often so many people that you could spend the entire 1st period waiting to get treated. Yippee!!! 

Excitedly, I ran to the clinic and sat patiently in a corner. I was very healthy and bursting with life and energy, but the nurse didn't need to know that, she wouldn't be able to prove that the severe headache I was about to complain about was totally fictitious either. And what else; the place was crowded. I might even have to be there well into the 2nd period. Double yippee!!

Unfortunately the fates were not smiling on me, the Principal walked in. The sickbay was too crowded and she wanted anyone who didn't have any urgent case to return to their classroom and return during break. Yekpa! She walked from student to student, asking each one what the problem was, and then immediately sending them away. I watched with my ass throbbing at the thought of six lashes of pankere licking my small behind that morning, I could almost feel the scalding pain. Then the principal got to me. 

Princi: what is wrong with you?

Me: good morning ma. Ma my head is aching me, it has be paining me since yesterday. (I was already getting to my feet to walk to my classroom)

Princi: *squinting at me* sit down, let me look at you. 

She then proceeded to pull down my lower lids and examine the colour of the insides. Internally I rolled my eyes at her silliness. Or could she tell I was lying? Either way, this wouldn't end well. 

I had no idea...

Princi: go to that bed and lie down. Nurse remove her uniform and give her something to wear, let her lie down. 

Guys, if I'd never felt loved by God, at that moment I felt like  I was the ONLY one on earth God loved. I not only got to miss English, I was going to take a breezy nap while doing it. Haha!

...The events that followed in the next few hours, days and weeks, make absolutely no sense.

I slept off immediately. Next thing I know I was woken up hours later, I was very confused. I thought I would be sent back to my class, it was around break by then, instead I was escorted to the Principal's office. At the Principal's office I sat for a while and then I was ushered into a cream coloured Peugeot 504. Next thing I know, I was being drive outside school. 

I was driven straight to Obafemi Awolowo University Teaching Hospital. The next memory I have is of two young doctors, one male, one female, badgering me with questions. But guys, my focus was so shot that I couldn't even tell them my name!

Then I was ushered into a ward and given a bed. Next thing I know, it was dark outside  and the boy in the bed opposite mine was screaming in pain. He had gone hunting with some old men who (supposedly) mistook him for an animal, when he separated from them, and shot him. I remember seeing him bleed terribly before he was moved to ICU and I also remember pointing fingers at him and laughing maniacally. I was delirious. I remember seeing his blood-stained sheets, laughing hysterically and pointing at him, shrieking in the most amused tone; "look that boy is menstruating! That boy is menstruating oooo!!!" And then I would collapse in laughter, I was uncontrollable. The boy in question died the next day. 

The next time I woke up I had needles feeding drip into my veins. It was one drip after another and at the end of that week I had needle scars all over my right wrist. I was delirious half the time, one day I woke up and saw my parents beside me, looking very miserable and hopeless. I burst into laughter. 

A few days later, my French teacher, the sternest, strictest, most fearsome teacher in school; Mr Ajala came to see me. That was the first time I was a grown man cry. My Ajala wept at my bed side and I couldn't stop laughing like a nutcase. The harder I laughed the harder he cried. My parents were distraught. 

I was in OAUTH for about three weeks, and although when I left the doctors thought I was fine, they also thought it wise for me to return to Lagos for a couple of weeks, before returning to school. 

Now I actually couldn't wait to return to school but one week later, I woke up in the middle of the night and the clattering of my teeth could have woken up the people down the street. I was rushed to a hospital in Surulere, off Adeniran Ogunsanya. I was immediately admitted. There I stayed for another twelve nights. Twelve more days of drips, injections, loss of appetite and misery. On the thirteenth day I went home but I was to return everyday for five days for injection shots. At this point I felt perfectly healthy. 

On my fifth day, I was over the moon, it was my last injection shot, I was perfectly fine, and I could return to school soon. Yippeeeee!

I was so wrong. 

I got my injection but two hours after I got home, I began to develop a rash and then my temperature shot through the ceiling. I was immediately rushed to Lagoon hospital Apapa. I prayed, Lord how I prayed, that they would give me an injection and send me on my merry way. It was not to be. 

My parents could not believe it when I fell to my knees and grabbed the doctor by both hands; "please I cannot. I cannot stay in the hospital again. I am tired. Doctor please I am tired, I can't. Please. I have been in the hospital for too long, doctor you won't even find my vein again. There is no more space for drip. Please I will die if I stay here". I cried with all the strength in my soul. I was honestly, honestly tired of hospital beds, drips and living like an invalid. 

My impassioned pleas fell on deaf ears as I was practically hauled to my room. I was in Lagoon hospital for eleven nights. 

Eventually I got back to school about a week to the exam and I'm still so proud to say that that term, among 41 pupils, I came 11th. (It's not impressive but considering I was absent practically through the term, I still 'beat' about one third of my class, that was impressive to me!)

Till date I'm not sure what was wrong with me. I know the words I kept hearing over that period were cerebral malaria, Typhoid and meningitis. At least those were the three ailments that I heard I may be suffering from at OAUTH. 

I still have never understood it, how a perfectly healthy upbeat me, went from pretending to have a headache to avoid getting lashed, to spending several weeks severely ill, running from one hospital to another, most of the time; delirious. 

This has got to be the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. I told it to my date and while it's not a funny story, we both had a good laugh.

What about you? What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened in your life? None? Well then tell me the most memorable!


  1. Oh wow. After reading yours I cannot think of what to type. This is very hilarious and sad at the same time, especially the small boy who died.

  2. One of my most memorable moments, though a sad one, was when I was in my finals and preparing for seminar presentation. I think few weeks to, I gave one of my closest friend(u know everyone has got a clique then, either the forming girls, the razz ones from warri, 'the cultists', the scholars, the wannabe scholars, the ones that pretended to be scholars and then the average dudes)... Yea, I was in clique of nothiningness, all we did was exist.Lol

    Back to my story. i had already prepared everything few weeks to the d-day, so i could pretty much focus on other arising matters.
    I gave my clique-friend my flash drive to use(as he had begged me) in it was all my prepared work I was gonna use for presentation, if it wasnt for friendship sake I wouldn't give DAT flash to anyone. So this dude used my flash and then borrowed it to someone in another clique (taboo) with that person not knowing how important the stuff inside is. My clique friend, I kept asking for my flash, said it was with the other guy and he will get it soon. After like 50 'he will get it soon' later, two days to my presentation I had to go meet the 3rd guy myself to collect my flash. My brother said in his words "ha bros, your friend no tell you, I tell am say the flash carry virus I come need format the flash oh". Which friend? I asked, "your guy Wey give me flash na", "abeg no vex". I almost fainted. All the sleepless overnight browsing at the cyber cafe, wasted... Power point presentation, gone. In two days I had to start my presentation all over again.

    And to think that this dude told my friend days ago and he was still telling me he will get it, instead of just telling me my flash had been formatted so i can find alternatives before hand. I nearly ran mad, both from the betrayal(like he planned it so I'd fail) and the time frame to start all over again.

    I still was able to find a way out before the day. But I will never forget that kind of reality. University taught me something about life that day.

    And I got a B

  3. Hahahahahahahaaaaa! I hope your parents don't read your blog! Well... my sister does and my mom too! so I can't share! Hahahahahahahahaaaaaa! Dahs all I can say!

  4. All those laughing scenes got me scared like, was she running mental? Thank God you pulled through o.
    Weird? Hmmmm still thinking...will come back when I remember any.

    #inothernews shout out to Favorite, thanks for the invite to SOI. That I enjoyed it is an understatement. God bless you dear.

    1. Lol. It's the malaria oooooo. Insanity has no place in my life.

  5. Tee I had a dream about you. Nothing bad tho just that u moved upstairs in our house. To the matter at hand I'm sure it was an underlying illness and God just used the skipping of class to heal u. Like they say he works in mysterious ways. Mines is too embarrassing I can't tell

    1. Talk jor! It can't e that embarassing, oya spilllllll!

  6. Nwando,with the little I know of you, especially from the ones you share with us here; I must say that your life has been quite eventful.

    The most memorable day of my life would be- 17th June, 2011, the day I sat with the former Governor of Enugu State- Chimaroke Nnamani, some top government officials and stakeholders from the Federal and State Ministries of Education. It was at the Banquet Hall of the Enugu State Government. That year, the Enugu State Government decided to celebrate African Child's Day. As part of the celebration, 17 (brightest) primary school pupils were to be selected across the 17 Local Government Areas of the State to have a meal with the Governor and other government officials. Before the meal, we the pupils had to ask the Governor some questions which he proffered answers to. I still remember my question and the Governor's answer. The event was televised severally that I became popular around the neighbourhood as "the boy that ate with the Governor".

    What makes it memorable for me is the fact that my school was not located at my LGA of origin (Nkanu-West). It was located at Enugu-South as I grew up in the State Capital. So at that point, some parochial interest sprang. Some people suddenly recalled that my LGA of origin was not Enugu-South. Therefore, I was not going to represent 'them'. This was after I had gone through the preparation process. SMH. Well, this is the Nigeria we've lived in all these years. My teachers went beserk. I was so moody.

    Finally, on the D-day, news came that Nkanu-West- my LGA of origin had no representative. What a relief?! My teachers didn't hesitate to present me; being from the LGA and amongst the brightest then. That was how I finally found myself in the Banquet Hall with the Governor. Where I shook his hand, asked him questions and dined with him. I felt like the young Bill Clinton on meeting John F. Kennedy.

    My parents (my father especially), never ceased to applaud me for that.

    1. It's actually not that eventful, this mind of mine.

  7. So I was in my final year in uni preping for my dissertation and the life that is to be expected after graduation lol. So this particular night I went clubbing with my friends and we were grooving, I decided to seat down for a minute and a moment later when I wanted to stand up my legs said noooo chill the bleep out! My brothers and sisters this is how I couldnt get up again

    I was blue lighted in an ambulance to the hospital due to excruciating pain! I did not fall and neither did I sprain my ankle. They did all the test in this world and could not find anything. I had to be taken bk home. Missed my finals, desertation etc that semester

    My leg would join swell up and I'll be bed ridden for weeks at a time. I managed to finish all my papers in the summer but the whole swelling and pain on and off continued for years!!! All the specialist drs in the whole NHS UK could not find the cause....they did a lot of trial and error drugs.

    Looong story short after several spiritual interventions 3 years ago Jan 1 I told God save me or kill me And to God be the glory that's the last I have heard of the 'misery' illness.

    Till today drs are still amazed and that by far is the weirdest thing that ever happened to me!

  8. Lol, chaiiii this story got me laughing like a hysterically, from pretence to real malaria??? Okay now, thank God you survived it, the laughing part got me scared shaaaa. Make I think of my own and come back to share.

  9. Uw @Baib

    Am really glad you could make it really have had/are having an eventful life.

    For me can't think of any

  10. Chei! From pretence to getting really sick....
    A cousin had that cerebral malaria one time and it wasn't pretty.

    @Uyi your story is actually scary,what if you had relaxed till the d-day. I can't begin to imagine what could have happened.

    Can't type but what I learnt from the experience is never to totally depend on anybody. Whenever I ask anyone to do something for me,most times I always have back up just in case.

  11. Thelma of life. I have had many moments. No power to type.


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