Can't we have dates in Nigeria that don't involve food? As you know, most dates take place at night, especially if it's on a week day, and as you might know, I'm seriously struggling to keep my weight down. It doesn't help matters that I find myself at some restaurant every other night... Most nights I actually just nibble on nuts or a salad. Last night however, the buffet table was like a sexy pole dancer you try not to look at but just cannot resist. A bottle of Chardonnay accompanied the meal, which only made me want to eat more.
Did the two teabags of green tea I steeped the moment I got home really serve any purpose? I think not, unless the purpose was to make me feel less guilty. My date however thinks I'm fine the way I am and a few pounds wouldn't hurt. (I vehemently reject it!)
Very interesting fellow I must say. I noticed him the minute I got to the check in counter at the airport, he was arguing about something or the other and I rolled my eyes, he was obviously one of those fastidious people that come with too much wahala. On getting to Lagos, he came just when I needed him. My friend who had promised to come pick me up had just got called for an impromptu meeting and I hadn't budgeted for an airport cab. Either ways, while I walked to the ATM silently wailing about the numerous bills I have to pay and how I need every kobo, he stops me with a disarming smile and long story short put me in a car home.
Last night I met up with him at Jade Palace where he was having dinner with some colleagues. He was sensible enough to suggest we go somewhere else seeing as it was our first time out together. At his suggestion we drove up the road to Federal Palace Hotel and he was pleasantly chatty all the way.
Then suddenly, he looks at my head and says "there's this hairstyle I want you to do". I was taken aback, like, how? "There's this hair that will fit you better, I want to see it on you. That's the hair you will be carrying from now. When we go to Abuja (when did we decide on that biko?) I will call the woman and she will do it for you, you won't do this one again".
The gentleman thought he was being gentlemanly but red flags immediately waved themselves before my eyes. I'm about to deal with a control freak. And oh, not only is he dictating the hairstyle I would do, he's also dictating the ones I will not do. Seen! And Abuja, "when we go", without any input from me he has made plans for us. Who's this homosapien?
At the Federal Palace Hotel after my second stint at the buffet table, while I'm trying hard to negotiate with the gods of calories; I've been really good and I'll continue to be, please don't let these ones tonight count, he barges into my thoughts; "I like you. I really like you. I really really like you". And the reason for all this "liking"; spend the night with me.
Since when did that become a good enough reason for sex on the first date? I have absolutely nothing against anyone who chooses to sleep with someone on, or even before the first date. But I was quite surprised that he would ask, and actually expect no resistance from me. (I should learn faith from this guy, like ask God for something and expect without any doubt that it's already being done...)
There's something rather interesting about some very intelligent people; I love the way they argue with so much confidence and vehemence even when they know everything they're saying is total BS. So I listened to him tell me how if we're meant to be we will be and what we do tonight would not determine or disrupt our future together. How spending the night together is the perfectly natural thing to do as he really likes me and he senses it's mutual. How when you let these things drag on for too long it's always a let down when it finally happens (True or False?). And how he went through a lot that day and the "love making" would really help clear his head for the defence he's making at NNPC the next day.
In any case, I smiled and ate in silence and said with conclusive finality (tautology, I know); "not gonna happen so let's move on".
And move on we did! And you see, that's the beauty of actually keeping sex aside, we got to have a beautiful evening without the clouds of eroticism hanging over our heads. He's very opinionated and a versatile conversationalist, who not only gave me some very helpful tips for a career path I'm about to tow, but also gave me some very important life lessons and then cracked the most hilarious jokes.
In all, last night was splendid. That last phone call before bedtime was also very cute. But should I be feeling mushy over a man that tried to bed me on the first date, one who's controlling and probably a tad misogynistic no less?
No one is perfect but there are character traits I will "non-negotiably", absolutely not put up with in a partner. (And I'm not saying he's about to be my partner). What about you? Are there traits a person possesses that would make it totally impossible for you to have a relationship with them? If there are do share them with me and tell me why you think you cannot live with these traits.
For instance I don't do well with control. I cannot date a controlling person because asides from the fact that I like some bit of independence, I think controlling people have a tendency to be abusive, and that's something I wouldn't walk into with my two eyes open.