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About Last Night... Sex on the first date

Can't we have dates in Nigeria that don't involve food? As you know, most dates take place at night, especially if it's on a week day, and as you might know, I'm seriously struggling to keep my weight down. It doesn't help matters that I find myself at some restaurant every other night... Most nights I actually just nibble on nuts or a salad. Last night however, the buffet table was like a sexy pole dancer you try not to look at but just cannot resist. A bottle of Chardonnay accompanied the meal, which only made me want to eat more.  
     Did the two teabags of green tea I steeped the moment I got home really serve any purpose? I think not, unless the purpose was to make me feel less guilty. My date however thinks I'm fine the way I am and a few pounds wouldn't hurt. (I vehemently reject it!)

My date....

Very interesting fellow I must say. I noticed him the minute I got to the check in counter at the airport, he was arguing about something or the other and I rolled my eyes, he was obviously one of those fastidious people that come with too much wahala. On getting to Lagos, he came just when I needed him. My friend who had promised to come pick me up had just got called for an impromptu meeting and I hadn't budgeted for an airport cab. Either ways, while I walked to the ATM silently wailing about the numerous bills I have to pay and how I need every kobo, he stops me with a disarming smile and long story short put me in a car home. 

Last night I met up with him at Jade Palace where he was having dinner with some colleagues. He was sensible enough to suggest we go somewhere else seeing as it was our first time out together. At his suggestion we drove up the road to Federal Palace Hotel and he was pleasantly chatty all the way. 

Then suddenly, he looks at my head and says "there's this hairstyle I want you to do". I was taken aback, like, how? "There's this hair that will fit you better, I want to see it on you. That's the hair you will be carrying from now. When we go to Abuja (when did we decide on that biko?) I will call the woman and she will do it for you, you won't do this one again". 

The gentleman thought he was being gentlemanly but red flags immediately waved themselves before my eyes. I'm about to deal with a control freak. And oh, not only is he dictating the hairstyle I would do, he's also dictating the ones I will not do. Seen! And Abuja, "when we go", without any input from me he has made plans for us. Who's this homosapien?

At the Federal Palace Hotel after my second stint at the buffet table, while I'm trying hard to negotiate with the gods of calories; I've been really good and I'll continue to be, please don't let these ones tonight count, he barges into my thoughts; "I like you. I really like you. I really really like you". And the reason for all this "liking"; spend the night with me. 

Since when did that become a good enough reason for sex on the first date? I have absolutely nothing against anyone who chooses to sleep with someone on, or even before the first date. But I was quite surprised that he would ask, and actually expect no resistance from me. (I should learn faith from this guy, like ask God for something and expect without any doubt that it's already being done...)

There's something rather interesting about some very intelligent people; I love the way they argue with so much confidence and vehemence even when they know everything they're saying is total BS. So I listened to him tell me how if we're meant to be we will be and what we do tonight would not determine or disrupt our future together. How spending the night together is the perfectly natural thing to do as he really likes me and he senses it's mutual. How when you let these things drag on for too long it's always a let down when it finally happens (True or False?). And how he went through a lot that day and the "love making" would really help clear his head for the defence he's making at NNPC the next day. 



In any case, I smiled and ate in silence and said with conclusive finality (tautology, I know); "not gonna happen so let's move on". 

And move on we did! And you see, that's the beauty of actually keeping sex aside, we got to have a beautiful evening without the clouds of eroticism hanging over our heads. He's very opinionated and a versatile conversationalist, who not only gave me some very helpful tips for a career path I'm about to tow, but also gave me some very important life lessons and then cracked the most hilarious jokes. 

In all, last night was splendid. That last phone call before bedtime was also very cute. But should I be feeling mushy over a man that tried to bed me on the first date, one who's controlling and probably a tad misogynistic no less?

No one is perfect but there are character traits I will "non-negotiably", absolutely not put up with in a partner. (And I'm not saying he's about to be my partner). What about you? Are there traits a person possesses that would make it totally impossible for you to have a relationship with them? If there are do share them with me and tell me why you think you cannot live with these traits. 

For instance I don't do well with control. I cannot date a controlling person because asides from the fact that I like some bit of independence, I think controlling people have a tendency to be abusive, and that's something I wouldn't walk into with my two eyes open. 


  1. Lies. White or whatever shade of it,i can't deal.
    Folks with extreme OCD,they wld always find a fault in whatever you do..
    I think control is cute (as long as it's well within its boundaries)

    1. Why I'm I not surprised? #50Shades.

    2. Lmao, you guys know her too well

  2. If u are on a diet and u have to eat at night from a buffet, d best thing to do is totally avoid the carbohydrates. A buffet is excellent cos u have a lot of choices. Concentrate on the vitamins and proteins which arnt calorific. Eat salads, fruits and overfeed on chicken and fish to satisfy ur appetite. The other types of meat and beans r good too. If there is efo riro or vegetable soup, enjoy that with loads of meat or fish without swallow. Those meals do not add weight to ur body and u still get to enjoy urself.
    And Thelma, might I add that u seem to be extremely choosy? R u looking for Mr perfect? U can't possible raise the red flag over a man that doesn't say the things u dream to hear. U must be open minded and give these men a chance. Plsss understand that u are not perfect just as no 1 else is. If a man comes along blazing with fomance, saying all the things u dream to hear then it wudnt be right.
    The way u dismiss these men is quite amazing in a bad way. Relax and really see how it goes. All the best.

    1. Thanks for the diet tips, he also suggested salads but seeing as I practically live on that already (not like it seems to be making any great difference) I wanted something different, from the exciting array they had.

      That said, I still refuse to believe that I'm too selective/choosy. I'm not looking for a perfect man either, me being far from perfect myself. I haven't written him off just yet, you should know that I don't put up most of the details on my blog, just those that apply to the given post.

    2. And speaking of romance, far from it. I'm not a romantic, I'm not idealistic either. But you know when they say "when someone shows you who they are, believe them"? That's my mantra. Maybe I'm occasionally aloof because I've ignored or excused the same red flags that eventually burnt me. But I hear what you're saying and I would make the appropriate amends. Thank you!

    3. Please T stay away from that man! He is definitely not for u. That's the type of man that will definitely definitely cheat on u. Idiotic fellow

    4. Please T stay away from that man! He is definitely not for u. That's the type of man that will definitely definitely cheat on u. Idiotic fellow

  3. I like control not because I merely want to control the man, no. But because I like certitude. Planning...Control gives me that edge.
    Though, the word sorts of has a negative undertone.
    I am never abusive.

    Now with a partner, all I need to be sure about is his love, respect and good thoughts for me. Then he can kinda control...lay his plans or choices on the table. Of course we would discuss them.

    1. Well the person exercising the control is the person who mostly enjoys it. That said, there's taking or having control, and then there's being controlling. The latter is the one to be avoided.

  4. I think I'm a bit controlling but I'm not abusive(#principles).

  5. GUYS! why do you ask for sex on a first date? seriously? The annoying thing is, if you are also crushing and you accept, you find his "dodo" extremely unripe.#wasteofgermanjuice.
    Guy how would you feel,if I asked for your ATM card, to go on a shopping spree the very 1st time we go on a date?
    You are very correct about controlling men having a tendency to be abusive.I do not respond well to control freaks.Be you man or woman.

    1. I did this to a guy once, he asked for sex even before we went on a date and I told him no problem only if he gives me his atm to spend at least 50k from n he said we haven't even started and am asking him for money, then I laughed and said that settles it. He just maintained when we finally went on a date, we are cool friends now though.

    2. Lets put it this way, Abusive people in a relationship are controlling but not all controlling people are abusive.


    3. What I'm getting from this is that you guys equate money with sex, am I right? So if a guy gives you his credit/atm card on the first date you'll have sex with him. Then all it takes for you to have first date sex is to meet a guy who's willing to give you his card on the first date.

  6. Control? I honestly thought you were going to complain about *Konji 101*, but control? From what I've read I've only seen a normal guy give (naive) beauty tips which you (for some reasons) didn't promptly object to. And mentioned "we in Abuja" which you also didn't promptly address. The other plenty talk na konji talk which is usual with alot of guys. So Thelma, where's the control?

  7. I have a tendency to be controlling myself, highly opinionated and stubborn, therefore, I need my man to be assertive, controlling within limits but not abusive.


  8. I like guys who control me to a certain level because it gives me a sense of belonging, security and it shows how much a person cares about you because trust me a man who feels nothing for you or doesn't like you wouldn't bother. I hate men whose pride is overboard (men have prides but some are worse)., I would never date you once I notice that in you as a man because it's such men that will find it hard to apologize when they wrong you.

  9. As for the control factor- its a bit too early to tell. As for ttying to sleep with you, he was only trying his luck. As human beings we tend to try our luck. Go on a second date amd see how it goes.

  10. I think he was trying to be cute and "caring" when he mentioned the hair style that "will suit" you better. I can't deal with controlling people either, it brings out the very obstinate side of me.

    Maybe your body is telling you to switch things up in terms of loosing the weight, you seem to have hit a weight loss plateau. Maybe its time to add some workout to it?

  11. Some guys try to portray different characteristics on a first date because they aren't sure which the lady will get attracted to. Some women like men who are that controlling, he probably thought you were one of such women. I'll say go on more "safe" dates with him and see what other sides there are.

    Arrogance is a no no for me, because under that trait falls control, manipulation, stupid pride etc. I love confident humility.


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