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Dear Thelma... (Serious Dilemma)

Good morning Tee and BVs. Please I need advise desperately. I am engaged to be married to the man of my dreams and I feel it is a dream come true because I have faced several disappointments in relationships in the past. This year I turned 33 so my engagement is a big testimony. Unfortunately for me breaking up with my ex, let us call him seun for privacy sake, was very hard but his parents refused with all their heart that we should marry, tribal problems, later they said their pastor also said that I am not his wife. It was very hard for us to separate that even when we broke up we were still seeing ourselves and we were still sexually intimate. I saw him for the last time and we decided to have one last night together for closure and to part ways finally since I am now in a serious relationship leading to marriage, him too is dating someone now. Unfortunately I recently found that I am pregnant and at this point in time it could be for seun or it could be for my fiance. My mother is already suspecting that I am pregnant but I am so confused whether I should just do a d and c to be on a safe side or whther I should take the risk and try my luck as it could be for my fiance. I have come close to confessing to my dear fiance many times but I don't know if he can forgive me, and I don't want to mess this opportunity to finally marry and start my life. Please what can you advise me to do. Thank you all. A.


  1. Chai! I don't even know what to say to you ma'am! May the good lord lead and direct you...

  2. How far along are you? For your mom to notice it's up to 3months. Go and run a test first and try to calculate properly, it could be for your fiancé. After that, if it seems it's for Seun remove it. Drugs or an injection can still work.

  3. The myth is not a myth afterall. Like they say, most first borns are not usually the husband’s.

    1. Hahaha! I've not heard that before but it's really thought provoking

  4. Terminate the pregnancy. Unless your partner and shag buddy look alike. Always use a rubber. DO NOT confess. You have chopped. Just clean mouth and continue with your relationship.


    1. So what happens after she does the d&c and her womb is damaged leading to inability to ever be pregnant. Pls poster dont terminate dat pregnancy what if u loose your life in d process nko? So what will u now tell God.

  5. Na wa oh,i don't no if a test can be done on your foetus so at least u no the next move to make,the bible says we should be honest at all times,i don't no if telling ur fiance will be a good idea oh.

  6. Dear Poster, see this:

    " engagement is a big TESTIMONY..when we broke up we were still seeing ourselves and we were still SEXUALLY a D & C to be on a SAFE SIDE..."

    GOD has granted your dreams and you give TESTIMONY. As humans we make mistakes, you made a serious one, being INTIMATE with seun. But under the circumstances how will you FEEL SAFE after murder and still give TESTIMONY? For you to even have the presence of mind to say that means you consider eating your cake and having it. That shouldn't be an option.

    Good thing is you're remorseful as you've said you've come close to confessing a couple of times. Pray about this and talk to your mum or the closest person to you other than your fiance. I wouldn't advise you live in denial by "trying your luck" in case the baby belongs to your fiancé, but this seems the only viable option...since he shares almost equal blame and you're not sure of his reaction if he gets to know about Seun. Just pray about it. Whatever you do, please don't go the D&C way. Stay blessed dear.

    1. U talk to much for a guy. Desperate lady needs advice and u r writing epistle

    2. Lmao. The epistle wasn't for you Anon. Aiit let me summarize.

      D&C and TESTIMONY cannot agree, so please don't even think about it. A child is a beautiful gift whether it's for Seun or Fiancé, and..well..Fiancé doesn't have to know about Seun since you're not sure who owns the child. You still need to pray though. GOD bless dear Poster.

    3. Taaaah! My friend gerrarahia!

    4. I don't understand, guys aren't supposed to talk?

  7. Hmm, reading comments today!

  8. No brainer here. D and C my dear. If u tell ur fiance, den u might as well start looking for anoda boyfriend. And if u keep it, ur mind will eat u alive. U r 33 and not young. U made a mistake by fucking ur ex and I will never judge u for that. Go get a D and C now and then carry on with your wedding. Don't let any holier than thou convince u otherwise dear.

    1. U have said it all


    2. I just love it when people make sense, chai, spot on!

    3. At 33 (not 23) and she should have an abortion just to save face and guilt? Kill an unborn child just to feel what? So I guess having a wedding is more important than having a child. So no we are celebrating Abortion because of thrill of being married?

      *sigh. We are really in new era.

    4. Uyi... Oya gba kiss! :*
      no be today I don dey talk say things are upside down these days. Wrong priorities!
      And of course, any one that thinks "otherwise" is either judging you or is tagged "holier than thou"...
      very soon, you'll hear things like "you are broke and hungry, and the next guy has 5k, kill him and collect the money... it's a no brainer"

    5. How can anyone advice a 33 year old woman who's about to get married to have an abortion? Are you guys really reading the words you're typing?

  9. Pls go for a d n c... if u don't,ul regret and don't confess plsssss

  10. Dear poster,

    Please, terminate the pregnancy and keep quiet. Like the anon above me said, "don't let any holier than thou convince you otherwise".. terminate already and see the removal as a fresh start with your intended. Trust me, when it's terminated, you won't feel as much guilt as you do right now

  11. Hmmmm......all I can do is smile.I wish there was a way for you to know for sure that your baby isn't Seun's.

    I wouldn't advise a D & C cuz apart from it been wrong....what if you damage your womb procedures notwithstanding.

    Also I wouldn't say tell your fiance the truth....what good would that do?So after you have told him....what next?If indeed it's seun's,so he will marry you and you will raise another man's child in his house knowing fully well you were 'panching' your ex after you got the ring.

    Also you sound quite desperate to marry your fiance cuz of your age.

    Dear Poster....I really don't know but talking to your mum sounds like a really good idea(if you are close that is).

    As an aside.....can we fast-track to the future where you can know the paternity of an unborn child?

  12. If u ask meeeeeee na who I go ask?...

  13. Serious one!
    D&C would seem the viable option but who knows what may follow it? And the God-factor?
    I'll go the Kabuoy way.....go to God and let Him lead you.


  14. Babes, don't go the D&C way, ask those who have done it, it haunts them for the rest of their lives.... did I do the right thing? How old will my baby have been now? What would he/she have looked like? Trust me, they think about it everyday!

    See ehn, what will be will be whether or not you remove the baby so think well. And please, if you eventually have the baby and you find out its not your husband's kid, please tell him as soon as you find out.

    God bless.

    1. Spot on!
      I agree its a serious issue but D&C shouldn't be the way to go,not at all!

    2. Na wa o.....
      This kain talk, I just don't understand.....

    3. Thank you Sunshine

    4. Great advice Sunshine. But, even though it's kinda difficult, I'd rather she kept her mistakes from her husband if she realizes one way or another that he's not the father of the child. That info could possibly dent her marriage. Ultimately, Life ought to be preserved in this case. Kudos :-)

  15. Poster, don't mind sunshine and co abeg. Nothing will haunt you. Don't let these inexperienced people deceive you. Remove it please. They do not wear same shoes with you so, wouldn't know where it hurts. Cheers to a frigging fresh start with your man!

    1. Anon, are you wearing her shoes too? Are you also experienced?

      I have never been in her situation before but I know people who have and very very very few of them have happy endings and it would be very naive to conclude that this one will end happily.

      Anywaiz, all we can do is talk, the poster is the one who has a decision to make so poster, weigh all your options carefully cos at the end of the day, its your life and you're the one who's going to have to live with the consequences of your actions today.

    2. Apart from the fact that she feels guilty getting pregnant and she's confused about the paternity, please what other *shoe* are we not seeing?

    3. I wonder... Wat other perspective are we looking at this situation? Cos I'm confused here.

  16. Babes, don't go the D&C way, ask those who have done it, it haunts them for the rest of their lives.... did I do the right thing? How old will my baby have been now? What would he/she have looked like? Trust me, they think about it everyday!

    See ehn, what will be will be whether or not you remove the baby so think well. And please, if you eventually have the baby and you find out its not your husband's kid, please tell him as soon as you find out.

    God bless.

  17. Since everyone is being concerned about how keeping the baby and telling her fiance would hurt her,what about the D&C,see if you think removing this baby would give you the peace of mind that you so desire,my dear that's a big fat lie!
    It would still come back to hunt you day and night.... that you not only cheated on your fiance with your ex, but then got pregnant and then aborted the baby without informing him,would you still have the conscience to live???

  18. Don't terminate the pregnancy, postpone your wedding until after the delivery. Carry your mum along. Let your finance feel the baby is his while you keep your fingers crossed. After delivery go for a paternity test and put things right. Do not marry your fiance with this doubt cos it'll almost kill you. Anne

    1. The fact that she's "postponing" the wedding instead of speeding things up already raises brows of suspicion. What excuse cld she possibly give her fiancé while her tummy grows with each passing day?

  19. Implication Implication, I hope God helps you to make the right decision.

  20. Please keep that baby and focus on you becoming a mother. If anyone loves you enough, they would stay with you no matter what.

    He who is without sin should throw the first stone...


    1. It's amazing seeing some TTB mothers supporting the D&C option even when Poster's life isn't threatened, she's not without a spouse, and she's not financially handicapped. Just to GET PEACE OF MIND, the innocent life of a child should be at stake. If this option is viable under these humane circumstances what then gives us the right to be angry with terrorists? We've truly lost our humanity.

    2. I'm telling you memphis! I'm really really scared for this our generation! Sometimes, I have to shake myself from the shock.
      No one is thinking something might go wrong during the D&C, and that the poster is 33! And is not as if her life is in danger or anything like that...

      Poster, your life is in your hands o. The easiest route is not always the best route o. These people telling you D&C is a no brainer, won't live with you after this decision o. They won't share in whatever trouble(heartache, guilt, fear) you might face after the abortion. So before you take a decision, be sure you're ready to face whatever comes after it.
      I wish you God's wisdom. I know i'm not wearing your shoe... and I can't claim to know where it pinches or understand what you're going through... but please, calm down and decide carefully. *hugs*

    3. Its like people are oblivious of the issues with 'D&C'... SMh!

      This is not about being 'holier than thou' or being a saint.

      Set that priority of yours right. You are pregnant, please celebrate it.

      Do you know the current world best footballer Cristiano Ronaldo was almost aborted by her mother?
      Please he's worth 100+million today. Let that sink in.

      If 'holier than thou' is an issue, let this be Ur motivation.

    4. As in ehn! I shuddered when I saw some people asking her to go for d&c, Haba!

      God bless you guys for standing up for the truth.

      'If this option is viable under these humane circumstances what then gives us the right to be angry with terrorists? We've truly lost our humanity.'...... So true.

  21. If your intended marriage is truly a testimony- i mean a marriage that you truly desire not because of your age- go ahead and do a D and C. Do not confess shit to anybody but God. Secondly as you are doing that d and C make sure you can find a licensed therapist to talk to before you end up in deeper emotional turmoil than you started out with. Keep your mouth shut...confess your sins to God only and God to the therapist under an alias...lest Nigerians dont know how to stay confidential.

    Pray and talk to God- your sanity right now really depends on it. You are human and are not above certain mistakes- how you handle the said mistake can influence the rest of your life.

  22. I had a friend that was in your situation exactly. She went ahead to remove the pregnancy and as soon as the guy got a clue about it he broke up with her immediately. She lost both the guy and her baby. Till now she regrets ever taking that decision.


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