Skip to main content

Nigerian Women Are Unambitious.





Ever since I moved to Europe, I have no plans of permanently returning home. There is this spirit of freedom and independence that possesses you in the white man´s land. Germany in particular, provides women with plenty of opportunities. Marriage? before 35-40? Not here oh. Men and women are in competition for financial success and lucrative jobs. Each time I visit my birth country, relatives dnt care about what I do for a living or how successful I am. The first question is “So my daughter, where is your husband? When are you getting married? You know time is no longer on your side” and I am only 25 oh. My mates in africa are on to their 3rd kids already but my mates in Germany are busy building up their CVs and furthering their education. This difference in society is very disturbing. The african society denies women the opportunity to realize their full potential and fulfill their dreams. Getting married is priority. A woman who has low education but married is more respected than a single woman who is financially and academically successful! this is truly disturbing.


I followed the comment thread on a Bella Naija post yesterday and the comments were rather interesting. The comment that followed the one above was in agreement with it, with the poster stating; Nigerian women are unambitious. 

These comments were under Charly Boy's article where he said that in Nigeria, regardless of a woman's success or achievements, if she's not married she's seen as incomplete. Do you agree with this?

Well opinions were diverse and very interesting. Most people agreed that in Nigeria a woman is nothing, if she's unmarried. Others said that Nigerian women are simply unambitious.

So who's to blame; Society? Or the woman for her lack of ambition? Or is society simply to blame for the woman's lack of ambition?


***
As mothers of the next generation, we would do well to break this cycle and raise our daughters with CEO as an end goal and not Mrs as the be all and end all. Our mothers made that mistake but we (ought to) know better. #bethechangeyouwanttosee. 



Comments

  1. Maybe it's because somehow (Nigerian) men feel marriage naturally increases their ego or we're wired to think it's a step further into the *Responsibility Chat* that we hardly complain about things like this, I'm not really sure. But I can categorically tell y'all that the pressure women face here to get married no matter their career status is directly proportional to the one we face...and yeah, irrespective of his career status too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bro... You are so in there with this one. Especially when....*anyways, let me just shut up*

      Delete
    2. Thank you Memphis, the pressure from my parents is crazy. Three years ago my dad told me that he hopes I'll be engaged in another one year. Three years later and I still don't even have a gf but they haven't given up yet. Now it's my mom's turn to harass me.

      Delete
  2. Crap! Ok. Let the woman get married, have kids and be unsuccessful financially. You will get comments from your parents.

    The reason they ask about your marriage plan is because they see that your career/professional path is on course i.e you have a job or a business etc. You think a mother would be asking her daughter about marriage if the daughter is at home, broke and jobless?

    Please please! I dont even believe parents put that much pressure on girls. Its the girls that put the pressure on themselves by envying their friends. A parent will definitely ask her child her marriage plans, but that does not translate to pressure. You women gotta chill.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people are lucky to have parents like that( that don't pressure) I can boast of such parents. But majority of parents put pressure like "you are going for wedding when will people come for yours, you are no longer a child o" etc

      Delete
    2. Kon, I do not agree with you. You'll see a 26yr old cleaner who is struggling through night school, trying to get a degree whose parents are arleady asking whats up with marriage. Your opinion might hold true for men but not for all women.

      A woman gets the marriage question at a certain age(success regardless) while a man gets the question once he attains a certain level of success(age regardless).

      Delete
  3. You cannot deny the fact that society moulds its people and Nigeria is not an exception. Emphasis has been placed on marriage as the ultimate goal for a woman since 1900 and that has shaped our mentality as women. However change is a constant phenomenon and we must take advantage of that with regards to this matter.
    Things are gradually changing which is good but I hope that we change for the better and not move from one extreme to the other. I think we should aim at striking a balance between what was/is in place here and what is obtained in the developed world. A woman should be able to enjoy starting a family while advancing her career. She should not be pressured to give up starting a family as a condition to building a career and vice versa. Our laws must help women to balance this. Men start families while building their career, why should women give up one for the other.
    In my opinion it is ignorant to say Nigerian women are not ambitious. Even in some developed countries some woman are forced to choose career at the expense of starting a family and vice versa. That is not idle. Nature has made it a woman’s duty to birth children and that role is vital to human existence. That role should not be a disadvantage to women rather we must be given a concession for playing that role which ensures that the human race does not go extinct.
    On a funny note, imagine if men gave birth, women will suffer. You will hear things like, “I will not deliver any baby in this house till you learn to cook” “you better change your ways or no baby for you” we would be lectured on how they can wipe us from the face of the earth if they choose. hehehehe. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, balance is the way forward.

      Delete
  4. I think its all about how individuals define their success, and society also. My dad once said that abroad, they take care and cater for their old, but here its the child that takes care of the old. So if you do not raise your child well you'll be left alone. In Africa, we place priority on family not on self, with the woman seen as the person who does most of the family construction hence the thinking that African women are unambitious. I personally will feel very fulfilled and successful if I have my family in shape that doesn't mean I'm not making plans on how to be so financially independent that I would be able to tell my husband to go fuck himself the day he begins to step out of line. Shalom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with you. Nigerian women as ambitious. In their individual endeavours. There are not many of us in higher ranks in corporate Nigeria. That is why we have created our own opportunities in support services. What is our definition of a successful woman? It isn't the same in Sweden. In the West, being childfree is not something to be ashamed of. Even if she fries akara and feeds, clothes and houses her family from that income. I will define that as ambition and success. There isn't one definition of ambition.

      Mallama

      Delete
  5. The Nigerian society shapes the mind of the women to believe that the ULTIMATE goal is getting married.
    "You can have ambition but not too much, you can pursue a career but not too much."
    Quite often ladies are trained to be "good" wives and so they grow up with the idea that life is all about been married.

    Secondly, I think that in addition to the society's influence on the Nigerian lady, there is the absence of exposure. Many are not reading the right books and watching the right videos.

    giftogwa.blogspot.com
    #ItsKaydo

    ReplyDelete
  6. I do not agree that Nigerian women are unambitious. In Nigeria...we're surrounded more than ever by superwomen who have both marriage, kids and career. Take a good look at most of the 'power women' we have in Nigeria. ..Ngozi okonjo iweala, ibukun awosika, oby ezekwesili etc. ..they're living the best of both worlds.
    Unlike in the western world where women are forced to choose between career or marriage because childcare options are limited and expensive. For example...In the US there's no paid maternity leave...no extended family to help care for children...nannies are expensive.

    In Nigeria....you don't choose...u can have both..though marriage may temporarily slow down a woman's career...It doesn't stop it totally.

    Most of the comments on bellanaija were made by single women living abroad.
    There's nothing wrong with being single and career driven if u haven't found the right man....but making it seem like marriage and career are mutually exclusive is a lie from the pits of hell

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anon 9:53pm just spoke my mind on this issue.

    I don't think Nigerian women are unambitious, that's just wrong. The MD of the company I work with is a woman, she's married and also a very highly placed official in one of the biggest churches in Nigeria. Look at Ibukun Awosika, the chair person of First Bank's board, Mo Abudu of Ebony life, Stefanie Linus, Uche Pedro of the Bella Naija that this person made this comment on, these are all ambitious and successful Nigerian women.

    There are a lot of Nigerian women who are excelling in their chosen fields, you might not see them everyday or on the news, it doesn't mean they don't exist. There are also a lot of young women who are working hard at not being liabilities to their husbands and families. They are taking professional courses, furthering their education etc, are these ones also not ambitious?

    That said, I also believe that any woman who leaves the corporate world to start a family and ends up with a well grounded family is ambitious and successful just like the Anonymous above has stated. Ambition means different things to different people. Its ignorant and disrespectful to the ambitious ones to just sit down in your office/house abroad and say "Nigerian women are unambitious" just because.

    There are unambitious women just as there are unambitious men.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa