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Nigerian Women Are Unambitious.

Ever since I moved to Europe, I have no plans of permanently returning home. There is this spirit of freedom and independence that possesses you in the white man´s land. Germany in particular, provides women with plenty of opportunities. Marriage? before 35-40? Not here oh. Men and women are in competition for financial success and lucrative jobs. Each time I visit my birth country, relatives dnt care about what I do for a living or how successful I am. The first question is “So my daughter, where is your husband? When are you getting married? You know time is no longer on your side” and I am only 25 oh. My mates in africa are on to their 3rd kids already but my mates in Germany are busy building up their CVs and furthering their education. This difference in society is very disturbing. The african society denies women the opportunity to realize their full potential and fulfill their dreams. Getting married is priority. A woman who has low education but married is more respected than a single woman who is financially and academically successful! this is truly disturbing.

I followed the comment thread on a Bella Naija post yesterday and the comments were rather interesting. The comment that followed the one above was in agreement with it, with the poster stating; Nigerian women are unambitious. 

These comments were under Charly Boy's article where he said that in Nigeria, regardless of a woman's success or achievements, if she's not married she's seen as incomplete. Do you agree with this?

Well opinions were diverse and very interesting. Most people agreed that in Nigeria a woman is nothing, if she's unmarried. Others said that Nigerian women are simply unambitious.

So who's to blame; Society? Or the woman for her lack of ambition? Or is society simply to blame for the woman's lack of ambition?

As mothers of the next generation, we would do well to break this cycle and raise our daughters with CEO as an end goal and not Mrs as the be all and end all. Our mothers made that mistake but we (ought to) know better. #bethechangeyouwanttosee. 


  1. Maybe it's because somehow (Nigerian) men feel marriage naturally increases their ego or we're wired to think it's a step further into the *Responsibility Chat* that we hardly complain about things like this, I'm not really sure. But I can categorically tell y'all that the pressure women face here to get married no matter their career status is directly proportional to the one we face...and yeah, irrespective of his career status too.

    1. Bro... You are so in there with this one. Especially when....*anyways, let me just shut up*

    2. Thank you Memphis, the pressure from my parents is crazy. Three years ago my dad told me that he hopes I'll be engaged in another one year. Three years later and I still don't even have a gf but they haven't given up yet. Now it's my mom's turn to harass me.

  2. Crap! Ok. Let the woman get married, have kids and be unsuccessful financially. You will get comments from your parents.

    The reason they ask about your marriage plan is because they see that your career/professional path is on course i.e you have a job or a business etc. You think a mother would be asking her daughter about marriage if the daughter is at home, broke and jobless?

    Please please! I dont even believe parents put that much pressure on girls. Its the girls that put the pressure on themselves by envying their friends. A parent will definitely ask her child her marriage plans, but that does not translate to pressure. You women gotta chill.


    1. Some people are lucky to have parents like that( that don't pressure) I can boast of such parents. But majority of parents put pressure like "you are going for wedding when will people come for yours, you are no longer a child o" etc

    2. Kon, I do not agree with you. You'll see a 26yr old cleaner who is struggling through night school, trying to get a degree whose parents are arleady asking whats up with marriage. Your opinion might hold true for men but not for all women.

      A woman gets the marriage question at a certain age(success regardless) while a man gets the question once he attains a certain level of success(age regardless).

  3. You cannot deny the fact that society moulds its people and Nigeria is not an exception. Emphasis has been placed on marriage as the ultimate goal for a woman since 1900 and that has shaped our mentality as women. However change is a constant phenomenon and we must take advantage of that with regards to this matter.
    Things are gradually changing which is good but I hope that we change for the better and not move from one extreme to the other. I think we should aim at striking a balance between what was/is in place here and what is obtained in the developed world. A woman should be able to enjoy starting a family while advancing her career. She should not be pressured to give up starting a family as a condition to building a career and vice versa. Our laws must help women to balance this. Men start families while building their career, why should women give up one for the other.
    In my opinion it is ignorant to say Nigerian women are not ambitious. Even in some developed countries some woman are forced to choose career at the expense of starting a family and vice versa. That is not idle. Nature has made it a woman’s duty to birth children and that role is vital to human existence. That role should not be a disadvantage to women rather we must be given a concession for playing that role which ensures that the human race does not go extinct.
    On a funny note, imagine if men gave birth, women will suffer. You will hear things like, “I will not deliver any baby in this house till you learn to cook” “you better change your ways or no baby for you” we would be lectured on how they can wipe us from the face of the earth if they choose. hehehehe. J

    1. Yes, balance is the way forward.

  4. I think its all about how individuals define their success, and society also. My dad once said that abroad, they take care and cater for their old, but here its the child that takes care of the old. So if you do not raise your child well you'll be left alone. In Africa, we place priority on family not on self, with the woman seen as the person who does most of the family construction hence the thinking that African women are unambitious. I personally will feel very fulfilled and successful if I have my family in shape that doesn't mean I'm not making plans on how to be so financially independent that I would be able to tell my husband to go fuck himself the day he begins to step out of line. Shalom

    1. I agree with you. Nigerian women as ambitious. In their individual endeavours. There are not many of us in higher ranks in corporate Nigeria. That is why we have created our own opportunities in support services. What is our definition of a successful woman? It isn't the same in Sweden. In the West, being childfree is not something to be ashamed of. Even if she fries akara and feeds, clothes and houses her family from that income. I will define that as ambition and success. There isn't one definition of ambition.


  5. The Nigerian society shapes the mind of the women to believe that the ULTIMATE goal is getting married.
    "You can have ambition but not too much, you can pursue a career but not too much."
    Quite often ladies are trained to be "good" wives and so they grow up with the idea that life is all about been married.

    Secondly, I think that in addition to the society's influence on the Nigerian lady, there is the absence of exposure. Many are not reading the right books and watching the right videos.

  6. I do not agree that Nigerian women are unambitious. In Nigeria...we're surrounded more than ever by superwomen who have both marriage, kids and career. Take a good look at most of the 'power women' we have in Nigeria. ..Ngozi okonjo iweala, ibukun awosika, oby ezekwesili etc. ..they're living the best of both worlds.
    Unlike in the western world where women are forced to choose between career or marriage because childcare options are limited and expensive. For example...In the US there's no paid maternity extended family to help care for children...nannies are expensive.

    In don't choose...u can have both..though marriage may temporarily slow down a woman's career...It doesn't stop it totally.

    Most of the comments on bellanaija were made by single women living abroad.
    There's nothing wrong with being single and career driven if u haven't found the right man....but making it seem like marriage and career are mutually exclusive is a lie from the pits of hell

  7. Anon 9:53pm just spoke my mind on this issue.

    I don't think Nigerian women are unambitious, that's just wrong. The MD of the company I work with is a woman, she's married and also a very highly placed official in one of the biggest churches in Nigeria. Look at Ibukun Awosika, the chair person of First Bank's board, Mo Abudu of Ebony life, Stefanie Linus, Uche Pedro of the Bella Naija that this person made this comment on, these are all ambitious and successful Nigerian women.

    There are a lot of Nigerian women who are excelling in their chosen fields, you might not see them everyday or on the news, it doesn't mean they don't exist. There are also a lot of young women who are working hard at not being liabilities to their husbands and families. They are taking professional courses, furthering their education etc, are these ones also not ambitious?

    That said, I also believe that any woman who leaves the corporate world to start a family and ends up with a well grounded family is ambitious and successful just like the Anonymous above has stated. Ambition means different things to different people. Its ignorant and disrespectful to the ambitious ones to just sit down in your office/house abroad and say "Nigerian women are unambitious" just because.

    There are unambitious women just as there are unambitious men.


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