Skip to main content

Thank God I'm Not A Woman, I Might Have Killed Someone By Now.





I want to make a general, sweeping statement. I know it will sound unfair and rude, and I’m sorry. I truly mean no insult. It is just me expressing my view on a long list of issues.
So, here we go…
Sometimes I am grateful to God I am not a woman.
I can’t have an education or it will make me lord it over my man, and tempt me to be the head of the home.
I can’t have a job because I will become proud and un-submissive.
I can’t have a job that pays more than my husband’s because it is an insult to his manhood and he will be emasculated. One day I will even use it to rubbish him outside.
I can’t be single at 25, and unmarried at 30, or without a single child at 35. It means I am cursed, have a spirit husband or have a bad character and no man wants to be with me.
Any achievement of mine is a waste and useless if I have no boyfriend or husband, and it will only make me more arrogant and unattractive to men.
Heaven forbid I own a car or a house for the same aforementioned reasons. The only place I can live till I marry, is my parent’s home.
Only loose women stay in hotels. If my job requires I travel, I must stay with older people, friends or an elderly couple who can talk to me about this my job that won’t allow me settle in one place and marry.
Expensive things are not allowed. I can’t marry quick with them.
I can’t speak about anything under the sun without a ring on my finger and babies who have suckled my breasts.
If my boyfriend/husband cheats on me, I must endure it and manage. All men are the same. There are no good ones around any more.
Whatever my husband says (even common pangolo boyfriend that doesn’t know his left from right) I must agree. The moment we got together, I lost my sense of reasoning and purpose in life. his word, even if foolish, is law and I must die to please him and obey.
How dare I expect my husband to hire a maid or ask anyone asides me to clean? What did he marry me for?
My husband, cook and clean? Am I mad? Is that not witchcraft?
Why should he take care of the kids while I sleep, travel or go out? Is he my mate or my servant? Am I a fool?
Oh, so I don’t know I must cook fresh soup everyday? I must be an idiot.
So, I don’t know I must wear make-up , heels and sexy dresses or be naked all day? Do I want him to go out and cheat?
The home falls apart because I’m a useless and stupid woman.
The marriage ends because I am a useless and stupid woman.
My husband cheats on me and beats me because I am a useless and stupid woman.
The children grow up horrible because I am a useless and stupid woman.
I am a useless and stupid woman…because I am a useless and stupid woman.
Its bad enough men think this way. To see women do it too, and fight men like me who have been carrying women’s rights on our head like we are the next Malcolm X, Luther or Madiba, is shocking and sad. Maybe one day things will get better.
I pray it does, because anyone who says the aforementioned trash to my baby girl(s) will hear from me, and they won’t forget me in a hurry.
Sometimes I am grateful to God I am not a woman. I might have killed someone by now…


***
My friend saw this on facebook and sent it to me. She said it struck a cord, I said she has no idea... Women, especially us Nigerian women, all I can say is we are STRONG, we deal with a lot! 

Can you relate with this post? 

Comments

  1. What people should realize is that a man and a woman have completely different physical and psychological response to Nature. The man sees things from a woman's point of view and decides he'll go berserk if he was in her shoes. Fair enough, but have women put themselves in men's shoes and felt *sane*? From both angles, life is bitter-sweet. What seems like hell to men is actually nothing to women, and vice versa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls Memphis,what else do men do asides making money?you dont know the half of what women go through so dont even compare the two roles.if its just to make money,any jane,samantha and sandy can do that

      Delete
    2. What shoes might that be actually?
      Women have been taught to live like they shldnt depend on a man (because one day he might actually leave u with the kids and what next?).
      Women have been encouraged to go to skl,learn a trade,earn a living, support in paying the bills, own properties, learn to drive, etc while still being the stellar homemaker,why? Cos she that's the only insurance she has for herself - self reliant!
      Anytime women talk bout how it's doing them, men sha wanna rope themselves in so what shoes again do u refer to?

      Delete
    3. True, but still women go through and tolerate a lot of 'shit' than the men.

      Delete
    4. Before y'all start misunderstanding me (for reasons best known to you), take a look at the last Post Thelma did on parents. Almost all comments appreciate mothers, just ONE talks extensively about her dad. What does that tell you? Men live in a practical lonely environment which we don't notice half the time. Little love is generally shown them from their kids. Please ladies, walk in this "lonely" world for 3 years and tell me you won't "kill someone" after that. This is a small example. :D

      Delete
    5. The solution is right there, whether she's a housewife or not,share the joys of motherhood with ur wife! Be a hands-on dad. Sacrifice all those "bro-time" and having siide chicks chill with ur wife and kids

      Delete
    6. Memphis, some men caused it for themselves, they say it's the woman's duty to take care of the children hence most children cleave more to their mums than dads. Some fathers are never there for their children, they don't know what the children go through, they'll always say 'their mother is there' so whose fault is it if not theirs?

      Delete
    7. Just for the benefit of some comments let me just lay down a few points:

      Hope N, you sound like you're generalizing what we do even though you used "some". You missed two points. Lol.

      Sasha, "...share the joys of motherhood with ur wife! Be a hands-on dad...". Who says men don't do that? "...Sacrifice all those "bro-time" and having side chicks...", like seriously telling me bro time and side chicks is generally synonymous with fatherhood? And who says mamas don't have girl-times and side-guys?

      But all these ain't what we're talking about people. Let's wait for such a Post. :D

      Delete
    8. I totally agree with you on this Memphis.

      Delete
    9. My sentiments o, @ Sasha n Hope. I had this conversation with my husband, he was saying bla bla, and I said, the biggest "ish" for men is to make money, (pay the big bills). These are roles women are also playing, even much more.

      Men should be in the lives of their kids. My Dad was and still is a great pop. Even as an undergrad, he would pack up my bags for school, run a bath for me even when I was working, cos he knows/knew how tired work was the previous day.

      Now how can I forget a man like that, I tell hubby, you gats to step up your game, so Memphis, the "court is in una ball" -lol

      Delete
    10. My sentiments o, @ Sasha n Hope. I had this conversation with my husband, he was saying bla bla, and I said, the biggest "ish" for men is to make money, (pay the big bills). These are roles women are also playing, even much more.

      Men should be in the lives of their kids. My Dad was and still is a great pop. Even as an undergrad, he would pack up my bags for school, run a bath for me even when I was working, cos he knows/knew how tired work was the previous day.

      Now how can I forget a man like that, I tell hubby, you gats to step up your game, so Memphis, the "court is in una ball" -lol

      Delete
    11. The best way to settle this is equality. The idea of assigning roles to genders is what has caused all these problems; women are expected to be perfect cooking, cleaning, child raising, sex robots, men are expected to have a job and provide for the family and have no emotions or whatever, but all these expectations are ridiculous! a woman's worth shouldn't be measured by her man or kids and a man's worth shouldn't be measured by his money. Hopefully, someday we will reach a point where the men can have more time for their kids instead of work work work and not be seen as less of men for it and the woman can have more time for their own ambitions instead of family family family and not be seen as less of women for it. But until then, all we can do is provide the best support for our partners. Realise that a person's attitude towards life should not be determined by their gender, don't encourage the tradition of putting men down for not making as much as their wives or putting women down for being self sufficient! Contrary to popular belief, the world isn't actually divided into emotionless money making men and emotional house raring women, figure out what works in your own relationship so that you can have a happy home and hopefully we will raise a generation of children that won't end up poisoning their own selves with all these silly gender roles.

      Delete
  2. God created both sexes to compliment each other; the 'defects' in one should be cancelled out by some 'virtue'in the other. A man is essentially wired to be logical and a woman, emotional. I mean no insult with this statement but thats the way it is. Until both sexes realise this and work in consonance, wahala go dey!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is popular to use God as an excuse in situations such as these. There are many illogical men, many logical women, many emotional men and many less-emotional women. Society has been trying to work according to the belief that men are logical and should be the breadwinners while women are emotional and should be the house-rearers. Unfortunately, that isn't working very well for society because you force the men to push away their emotions and fatherly instincts if they are to be viewed as "real men" and force women to abandon their life goals to raise their families. This leads to a very unhappy situation for everybody. If we could all just accept that people are different and some women are better at making money than raising kids while some men are better at caring for children than excelling in the work place we will end up with a happier, more balanced society

      Delete
  3. The part is I hate is when they see a father changing diapers or bathing a child and they go like " wow! Can't believe he's doing that !" Isn't it his child ???! Funny enough It's women that keep saying all this rubbish and making other women look bad..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm tellin you!we women are our own worst enemies,and until we women can come together and hav each other's backs,we will keep being treated like thrash by men.You see a guy who is cheatin on his partner(not sayin that this is right),but you hardly ever see his buddy snitchin on him,jnfact they'll even lie for him sef!but switch this same scenario and you would find the woman not only snitchin on her 'friend' but even makin up lies to make her friend look even worse.why?so she can break up their relationship and take over the man.Now i'm sorry but if i were a man,why would i hav any regards for such species?so really qe cant put all d blame on the men.women need to learn how to hav each other's backs.End of

      Delete
  4. I can relate with almost everything apart from the single at 25 and unmarried at 30.

    My dad always say no matter what a woman achieves in life, she must up in the kitchen or husband's shop as the case may be and so does her achievements.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The most amusing part is all the people who ended their birthday wishes to me by saying, by this time next year......you will be in your husband house.of course I say a weak amen as I do not want to be rude as opening my mouth will lead to a tirade.

    Seriously, that's the only prayer that you can pray for me,husband's house?Seriously,so what will then happen if I ain't married by then. Life has ended bah.....Nigerians are just amazing........

    Don't get me wrong I am gonna marry and all but I don't see it as the ultimate and my life's journey is bigger than that.Personally I have refused to let anyone put me on a deadline.....ko jor mehn.

    I remember a friend who is in her early twenties,her mother called her one day as early as 6am saying 'my daughter,you need to look fine and marry oh, and my friend said she isn't interested in marriage for now,she is trying to build her business.Her mum went, why are you stressing yourself when you will still end up in a man's house?

    I couldn't stop laughing......it was simply hilarious.....like in this age and time.....a mother can still tell her daughter that.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omg, this is me exactly! I have no problem with marriage but I'm not in a hurry, I'm still trying to get my career on track, pray for that! If I don't get married at 25 I'm not going to kill myself, I have other things to worry about!

      Delete
  6. Personally I cannot murder anyone not even tempted

    Women that think like the above line of thoughts amuse me.....they are simply hilarious.

    This mentality.....i make bold to say is still one of the reasons Africa is backward....i mean women that should be contributing their quota to economic development have been relegated to the kitchen and bedroom.

    Issokai now....lets kontinuu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES!!! Think about all the brilliant minds we waste by delegating women to the kitchen!! It's a colossal waste of manpower! If a woman has an ambition, let her fulfil it. And if her man loves her, he should be proud of her not jealous that she's making more than him.. How is everybody ok with this??

      Delete
  7. Your kids do not show you love and you want to "kill someone" just the kids? you got to be joking. Why not try the husband does not show you love, your in-laws are no better , the work place is a war zone because you have to work 3 times better than the man to earn same position, you want to go back to your father's house because you are fed up? daddy dearest will speak to you(in some occasions shout) and drive you back to your hell hole himself.............

    Even the responsibility of taking care of the family that was solely the man's headache some years back is currently shared by women and men these days.Tell me again which shoes you want me wear to feel that anger that will make a man want to "kill someone " today. J

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Memphis was trying to make a point... But I guess you ladies' minds are just clouded with the 'don't try to compare, we should be killing someone everyday(sorry every minute) for our troubles more' *sigh

      You guys won, yay!!! Can we move on to the point here?

      Agreed you ladies have your way of dealing with what life throws at you(esp. In marriage and when ripe for marriage)
      Men have theirs too.
      Do we really have to make this a competition?

      For the fact that you really don't give a damn what men pass through (as compared to women) is even a cause for alarm.

      Anyways, Tomeito- Tomato... We still gotta make stew for rice.

      Delete
    2. Even me here trying to defend or give empathy to fatherhood... Thinking about my dad doesn't even help my point sef. *sigh

      Delete
  8. I don't mean to be dismissive or naive about the perceptions the African culture engenders about single women, but I strongly feel that this issue seems to over flogged. We hear thousands of words each day, see quite a ton of visual information daily but yet we harp on this same issue - perception of an African single lady. Furthermore, some build their lives on this perception (which may or may not be relevant to one's personal case). The issue with relationships is that we often times get what we perceive, anticipate or expect

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Until this issue disappears to the barest minimum, it cannot be said to be over flogged. If the fight for equal rights for blacks is still ongoing in the US after many years, then we are just getting started in Nigeria with regards to this issue. We need to keep talking about it till we have no reason to talk about it again, till then............. J

      Delete
    2. J, I don't mean to belittle the travails and challenges of a lady/woman living in the African culture, but I'd remark that there isn't much co-ordinated effort to create a change. Too often, people just feel comfortable harping on issues without taking meaningful steps to eradicate these issues and expecting that miraculously these issues would disappear by themselves. NGO's, pushing for legislation that protect women right's, educational and enlightening programs, intellectual discourse, social engagements etc are meaningful methods that can create that much desired change.

      Some other issues listed in the excerpt about ladies aren't concrete and are just what a select few deem acceptable in the African society. That's why I mentioned perception. We own our individual lives and we owe it to ourselves to live it to the fullest satisfaction (irrespective of what some people in the society deem appropriate).

      Delete
  9. Yes Memphis more love is shown to mothers because they sacrifice more and go through more hardship than men so i think they deserve the love and attention showered on them by their kids.#hala

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You miss the point. Trade places (if you're a mom) with your husband and after some time, give us gist. Men can't take crap women take, women likewise.

      Just a thought (make I fin small trouble): why are female CEOs more cranky than their male counterparts? And don't tell me it's because they're married. The single ones are worse. :p

      Delete
    2. Actually Memphis, it's been well documented that female CEOs are NOT more cranky than their male counterparts. The same behaviors (ex assertiveness) that are lauded in the male are condemned in females (bitchyness, oversabi, etc etc). The man is called a boss, the woman a bitch. That's where the perception comes from.

      Delete
  10. Holup people. The Post isn't about what men go through vs what women go through. It's simply "Look at Life from the eyes of the opposite sex and you'll be amazed". So all y'all asking me about "men's shoes", try and understand what the Post is about. You want another example? Women don't seem to understand why men literally worship football even in their presence. No matter how hard and explicit we are in explaining this phenomenon, women simply don't get it. That's the point. So please, spare me of all feminine rants about what women go through, I'm not naive to all that, it's not what this is about.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Another example, Domestic violence. It has been established that men are victims too, but people like Sasha Bone find it hilarious. No biggie. Now *be a man* and let Sasha laugh her head off when Kabuoy pummels you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea I get ur point really ,I used to say I would prefer coming to this world next time as a man but when I look at the things men go through as the head of the house,I just realize its not only women who go through stuffs,trust me,men do it's just that the society don't see the struggles,stress, emotional problems and many others they go through and the men know how to hide whatever they go through because of their Ego as men,swap positions and put urself in their shoes we would understand that they go through stuffs too. BTW I never grew up with a father so u guys wouldn't think I am saying this for d sake of my father.

      Delete
    2. Bob marley said... No woman no cry!
      Very insightful statement.

      Delete
  12. This issue seems overflogged to me abeg... Every single time I come to this world, I want to be a woman over again. And this is not to say I've not been abused by men. But I've learnt my strengths as a woman, I know how to use them. I've also learnt to own my weakness such that people can't use them against me and from where I stand, forget all that bullshit nature has made men superior, if it doesn't seem that way, the weighing scales will be uneven. Women are far superior... Some just haven't realized it. I will cook for my husband, I'll take care of our children and other things I feel I should do. I'll also make my money and help in house building. We women have been giving strength for a reason. Yet all we do is complain day after day. Does this mean I'll tolerate cheating or abuse or a lot of other wrongs? Definitely not. I'm not been feminist or sexist or whatever word is been thrown around this days, I'm simply myself. We all should learn to be ourselves. And no, I don't want to imagine been in a guys shoes, I probably won't be able to handle. Every time I come back to this world I'll want to be a girl... Shalom

    ReplyDelete
  13. "...Every single time I come to this world, I want to be a woman over again..."

    "...I don't want to imagine being in a guys shoes, I probably won't be able to handle..."

    You hit the points. #EnoughSaid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg shut up Memphis,omacha ncha

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa