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The Things Love Does Not Conquer.

My name is Raymond; I am from South South, Bayelsa State to be precise. I am in my mid 30s, working with one of the branches of United Bank for Africa (UBA) in Aba, Abia State.

I was involved in a ghastly auto crash a few years back on my way home from the east for christmas celebration. We were between life and death before God eventually sent a duex mechina to our rescue.

The incident damaged my reproductive system. The doctor declared me impotent ever since then. I met a girl in 2008 who came from one of the private institutions in southeast for her 6 months internship. One thing led to another, we both fell in love with each other and that was how the journey started.

During our first date, she told me she was a virgin and I promised her ‘no pre-marital sex.’

Four years down the line, we are still on. The parents are aware of our relationship. In fact, I just declared my intention of walking her down the aisle in December, but the question is that how would she feel when she discovers that I’m IMPOTENT? I dont want to lose her’

Please if you're dating or married to a man with certain erectile dysfunctions, impotence for instance, can you tell us how you both work around it, how you have coped so far and if it affects your relationship, and your happiness. Thanks. 


Let me begin by saying that I really empathize with the poster for the accident and particularly having his reproductive system damaged. That's very unfortunate. 

People who say "be weary of men who too readily accept the 'no sex till marriage' rule", are on to something. I've heard only too many times about people who painfully regretted that decision not to test the ride before the purchase. Please I'm not trying to pervert God's words, merely stating that it's a huge risk to take, and some people willingly agree to it for their own very selfish and wicked reasons. 

But that's really not the issue now... I read this feeing very angry with this brother for leading this girl on for four years knowing fully well that he does not have a functioning penis. He's not just sterile, he is impotent! And no, I don't believe he loves the sister. But hey, the sister obviously loves him and I'm putting myself in her shoes. If a man I really truly love and am about to get married to after a 4-year relationship, tells me that he's impotent before the wedding, would I still get married to him?

To be honest, I don't know. I think sex is way toooooooooo important. I mean, even if there are medical methods of getting me pregnant, my life would still be very incomplete without sex from my husband. And I honestly don't think I can settle for a life time of average sex, much less no sex. Sex has got to be the bomb! Omo, I might sound shallow right now but I honestly don't know if love can conquer this. Yet, the thought of throwing four years away just because of sex, hmmm, is it worth it; worth losing four years for...? That's another thing to consider. 

He's asking how she will feel when she discovers that he's impotent. Please can you answer him, how would you feel in her shoes. But more importantly, what would you do? Can love conquer impotence?



Photo source: Mail Culled from: DailyPost


  1. You see why I don't believe in that no sex till marriage nonsense. If this happens to me I will have the marriage annulled because he even knew he was impotent since.

  2. I pity the guy too but I love sex too much. More than food sef. I just kent

  3. The relationship is definitely over.
    For 4 years you led me on, making me believe that all is well with you... after investing emotionally, physically, spiritually in the relationship for 4 solid years, you now come and drop the bombshell that junior doesn't function and we have to find a way around it... mehn! I would be really upset and it'll even take me time to forgive you or get over it. If you even marry me before telling me sef... there's a 99% chance the marriage is over. Not to talk of relationship... mstchew! it is sooo over! Wicked and selfish man!

  4. My pastor told us the story of a man who married a lady he cannot have sex with talk more of having children because she has a medical condition and he never cheated on her....... Infact I don't know how they did it.

    This man should have told her about his impotency instead of readily accepting the 'no sex till marriage thing' as if he's a saint. I'll advice he tells her about it and damn the consequences (BTW, he caused it). If she stays, good, but if she doesn't, he should accept it in good faith and move on.

    But I still believe in the no sex till marriage thing o, strong believer sef.

  5. Anon 7:42am, unless you're an unbeliever, " sex till marriage..." isn't nonsense, it's prudent. Don't use that as an excuse to fornicate. I'm wondering how eloquent your defense will be before GOD trying to justify this. "Lord I did it because, oh well, you never know...he could be flaps down there".

    That said, Thelma you're absolutely right. Leading someone on with this secret that will affect the marriage is malicious and wicked. That you love your spouse doesn't mean you have to be selfish. Love isn't selfish. The lady has a right to know and decide if she's willing to stay, and if she decides to leave it doesn't mean she loves him less, it means she's in the category of people (like so many of us) who can't live with their passion bottled up.

    1. Memphis I damn well know u aren't a virgin neither are u married, so are u saying u have never had sex with the girls u dated in the past if not presently?

    2. I have, and the difference is I don't have to explain myself before GOD because I understand this is sinful and have been forgiven. I cannot justify fornication or adultery for any reason whatsoever. So, dear Anon, *test running* before marriage saddens GOD. You don't want to make your MASTER and FRIEND sad, do you? :-)

    3. Memphis, so you know I love you right? Lol.... Running away before Bae finds me... You make so much sense everytime

    4. Lol. Thanks Iyanu. Don't let Kabuoy catch you... :D

    5. *side eye*
      Dialing Iyanu's bae's number!

    6. @Kabuoy no vex.... Just had to say it

    7. See all this love for Memphis o, Kabuoy you can send me jare, would call the bar now

    8. Lmaooo! Thank you jare Ibk! She don repent. I don free her! Lmao!

  6. Others have said it. Why would you date someone for up to four years without mentioning something as serious as this. He should spill and whatever the consequence he should accept it and move on biko.

    Lol @ anon...what if after marriage little romeo stops working,what then? Miracles are still happening,tomorrow Op might wake up to see his jt functioning again. One can never tell with this things.

    Putting myself in the Op's gf shoes am not sure I would stay. In fact I would start questioning the whole relationship because who knows what else you have been hiding from me for four years. I understand he might have been afraid but four years is too long a time to keep quiet.

  7. "... is it worth losing four years for?"
    What's four years compared to lifetime? If God grants them long life, that's a long life of no sex.
    If she willingly goes into such an abnormal relationship, she would be making an informed decision and might be able to make her peace with it. But to have celibacy thrust upon her... mba nu.
    What if she cheats on her own? Won't he be devastated?
    Or worse still, what if he encourages her to cheat, just to have children he can claim as his? Where would all this talk of love be, then?
    When she decides that living with this deception is no longer for her, nko?

    They can always adopt children, if she is willing to explore that option. There's the use of donor sperma too, if his ego won't get in the way. But, this isn't just about having children, is it?

    I am married and I really can't imagine a sex-less marriage, because it's not just about how great and yummy toe-curling sex is... and it is also fosters a bond between the couple. She won't ever experience make-up sex with oga or have sex while pregnant? A na m anu!

    Using a lack of pre-marital sex to cover his inadequacies is just plain selfish... nothing loving about that. Pre marital sex is sinful, but a decision to abstain should be made only because of a personal desire to obey God's Word, period.

    1. Yep, I see sex is food. A balanced diet sef...

    2. @ Sasha, this is about sex, but more about non disclosure. The decision to stay or leave the relationship is dependent on full disclosure. People have been known to marry impotent men.
      A number of women will marry a very very wealthy but impotent man, arrangements can be made to cover issues of the bedroom,

      The guy was/is pretty selfish. The girl my also be so inexperienced on issues like this nd will be asking, wow, so there r still guys like this..... who can date without sex. Where as....

    3. *this isn't about just sex - error coRrected

  8. The guy is wrong in his actions. Yes, it will be a difficult discussion to have but it should have been had earlier on. 4 years is too long. I would break up with him cos he can even keep a secret that is life threatening. These days with sex toys sha he might be able to keep a relationship. Who knows?

  9. Very wicked man! Idiot!
    She will not only leave you, she ll show you d way to hell for toiling wth sm1's life for 4years! Such a satanic thing to do.

  10. The girl sef no try, she didn't ask herself how he was. Willing to tay 4years without sex. She no think am, nothing nothing, she just dey mumu dey go! Selfish girl too! Men who jump into that rule only intend to date for a few months and then marry u right away. No be 4years no sex, u deylook am dey go.

    1. Thank you Queen, all I was thinking while reading this is how gullible and inexperienced she is, and the guy isn't right for taking advantage. If she was experienced she'd know that a guy who says no sex till marriage will still have a monster hard on whenever they get a bit close or intimate, or touchy Feely. Takes us back to why some men like dating young innocent girls, it's because they can get away with murder.

      Once a friend of mine told me that her fiance is impotent and as much as she loves him and is going to marry him, she can't stop having sex. Once she meets a guy she's attracted to she has sex with him and it doesn't affect the love she has for the fiancé.

    2. Pls define Impotent. Is it zero libido (as in John refuses to stand) or shooting blanks?

    3. Steele and Queen... you guys are being very unfair. really! I say that because that could have been me up there. If I believe we are on the same page about no sex till marriage, I won't be wondering why you're willing to stay 4 years without sex... I sincerely doubt if there would be intimate touching or anything... people have done 6years or more.. so why should I suspect you or go looking for trouble(by trying to test you) simply because I think it is impossible for a man to not want sex till marriage. is it really that impossible?!!!

      Sasha... impotent is *junior refuses to stand*. lool. These people have several names for their kini. John, Junior, "the Uyi", lmao! Uyi noh vex abeg!

    4. Make Uyi kach u,na koboko u go chop sogbo.

    5. @Kabuoy, I have come to understand that no matter how a man is spiritual or let's say morally upright, there comes a time when Even him seeing you sets him up and he just uses scope to cover up. This is usually not all the time, but that once is always noticeable. Im kinda free with my male friends, and I happen to have some very spiritual brothers, so I know.

    6. Uhmnnnn... okay! I need to know what to look out for tho! Lmaooo! It'll be amusing to catch a spirikoko "bro" in the mood! Hahahahahaaaa! *walks away calmly*

  11. The relationship was built on lies. 4 years is toooooooooooo long a time to keep such a secret.

    He is selfish and has wasted the precious time and emotions of of that lady.
    There is a possibility she would have agreed if he came clean. Bringing it up after 4 years is mean.

    I'd walk away for sure, love or no love. The deception is heavy

  12. Dude shouldn't have waited 4 long years to spill, what the heck is that?!! The moment they got very 'serious' in the relationship was when he should have mentioned it to her, and trust me there are women out there who wouldn't mind being with him despite his condition (who knows, She just might be one of them).

    For me, it's a bit too late and it's getting messed up already.

  13. Na wa,is sex food? Yes he messed up by not telling her but who says the girl is looking for a power horse? For all we knw,the chick might not even be into sex.
    My own Q is, was his stuff damaged so badly that not only can it not stand, there's no juice is his nuts? Like is it possible to just store the juice in a bank and have someone father a child for him thru whatever means technologically possible?

    1. Might not be into sex is not equal to no sex at all ke Sasha!

      True.. she might be able to deal with it... Infact, they can find a way to work around it... the problem here is waiting for 4 years before telling her. that's just callous! What if she can't deal? And she already gave you 4 years of her life? Haba Sasha? You too tink am nah! That's all shades of wrong!

    2. Sasha, sex can never be food, but it is a very important aspect of a marriage, period.

      The crux of the matter, anyway, is the horrible deception.
      "Can two walk together except if they agree?"

      It is sex now, it could be something else tomorrow. Where do we draw the line with deception of any kind?

      Impotence means that it is impossiboe for him to achieve or maintain an erection. She's bound to find out some day, and if that happens within the confines of marriage, do you think she would find it easy to ever trust him? What manner of marriage will they have then?
      Does she even have a say in (not)choosing a 'power horse?

      There's been one victim already, no point making her one too.

  14. I will walk away. The issue at hand is so important that non disclosure of that before marriage renders that marriage void ab inition. It is a ground for annulment. So he should not even think of it. He sounds so selfish that he may go ahead with marriage without telling the girl. It is wicked to have kept this girl for 4 years without disclosing this, pure 419. J

  15. What is four years compared to a life time biko?I can't cope with a sexless marriage, never, it's just like cooking soup without salt and maggi, can u imagine how it will taste like? The guy is really selfish, how can u lead a woman on for that long? It's not his fault he is impotent but the least he should have done is tell her, if she can live with it,fine and if she can't, she would have to take a walk rather than keep her in d dark for so long. But bros,u fit kill ohhh,because anyone capable of keeping such a huge secret can as well kill. But the babe sef ain't smart,it's rare to see a guy that would accept no sex before marriage condition, for the guy to accept without argument or a debate between both of them,that's where she should have smelt foul play.

  16. Guy was selfish, Lady was selfish(I don't want to bother with the religious reasons why she's being selfish).

    Now the guy has to be blamed for this because he's the one who's supposed to always ask for sex before marriage (as usual). *sigh.
    And the lady is the victim(?)

    This should be an awareness campaign because no relationship should be based on lies. You want to get married to someone, you go to the hospital and do sexual check ups(irrespective of whether u want to have pre or post marital sexual affair).
    I would rather choose to see this post as educative than some emotional betrayal shii like we usually do.

    1. I agree with you on the educative part...

      Bia Uyi! Biko, How is the lady selfish? If a lady tells you she doesn't want to have sex till her wedding night from the beginning, You have a chance to walk away bro! Like literally and metaphorically walk away.

      The guy is not being termed selfish because he is the one supposed to ask for sex... nope! he is being termed selfish for keeping such an important and sensitive detail from the lady he wants to get married to for such a long time. Knowing fully well the implications... now that's not only selfish but callous, evil, iniquitous... uncle Chris help me abeg! I can go on and on!


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