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The Trouble With 30; Calling All The Men From My Past!




30 has been an interesting age so far, there's not been any other like this. There are things that I love love love about thirty. But this post is not about the things I love. It's about some of the things I do not love. Specifically the boy-girl things. Dating has suddenly become so hard, it's already difficult finding a decent single man to date, but it turns out the older you get the smaller the pool becomes. 

So last week my friend calls me and out of the blues starts prophesying doom telling me how I need to think back and imagine who from my past might pop up and propose to me. I tell her everyone I dated in the past is either married or not a 'viable' candidate. She begins to admonish me; I need to realize that at my age it's unlikely that I'm going to meet someone new and it's most likely that it's someone from the past I would settle down with. Of course we eliminate those already married, and I must begin to eliminate the factors in the others that make me think as not viable; ie forego any "standards" or whatever silly ideas I might have. 

Right. 

The next morning I wake up to this message below from another friend. You see where I asked her if she and *Soso had discussed me?




So once again I'm reminded that it's "only people from the past". I refuse to accept this. Wholeheartedly. Neither do I understand the concept of it being difficult to start a relationship with someone new. Even people in their 40s meet new people and start relationships with them. When did 30 become the new 50? I don't get this. 

Now there's this other issue of lowering standards the older one gets. Quick question; besides desperation, is there any other reason for lowering standards? Let's assume my standards were reasonable four, five years ago, is still being single at 30, reason enough to lower them?

I refuse to succumb to the pressure. 

Now the issue isn't necessarily about standards. The guy in question is a Yoruba man and a Muslim. Are those things that you think I should be able to overlook?


So do tell, do I need to dust off my phonebook and call up all them brothers from all those years ago, as the chances of meeting someone new are super slim or non-existent?

And I understand that individually tribe and religion shouldn't be factors. But when both persons are of different tribes and religions, should it be an issue or not?

Thoughts please. 



*Oh, I also do pray for the gift of discernment and an ability to "recognize him when he does appear*

Comments

  1. Its difficult to find new friends and potential hubby if you are in the same environment. If you are open to changing your location, then you can be optimistic abt meeting new peeps.

    Anyways, if u r not ready for marriage, don't rush it. But if you think you are ready, then find reasons why he's a viable candidate and not reasons why he's not. Stay blessed and hopefully make the right decisions for your happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am kinda uncomfortable commenting first but here goes...As long as your 'standards' are sensible and reasonable, there is no reason to lower them. The good meaning pple in our lives who mount pressure on us will only follow us to the wedding and wave us good bye as we face the outcomes of our choices FOREVER. You can meet someone new at ANY stage in your life and I don't encourage calling up old lovers...just pray and if it will be any of them, God has a way of arranging these things and he will call YOU! Let me just leave it at that....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi,
    For me, religion is a sensitive issue. Tribe has never really been a big deal to me (I am ibo and one of my most serious relationship was with yoruba guy), but with religion i don't think i could take the risk. For me, its a bit too sensitive, and issues like 'what religion will the kids follow?' 'won't the other party feel some typa way about the kids not partaking in his/her faith'? Once again for me it's too dicey, but then again I know one or two people from different faiths who have and are still making it work.

    Basically, we are all wired differently, so if you feel like you can deal, then go ahead....else, you may like to reconsider. #My2Cents

    P.s - Stumbled on your blog address from your comment on pynk360.com. Can i get a bell of blessing for a first timer pls!! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yoruba baby boys. Their gist is a daily affair on twitter...lols

      Delete
    2. *rings bell* you're welcome Nkechi! :*
      Don't stop commenting and letting us know what you think! :)

      Delete
    3. U welcome to the ttb family Nk, big bell of blessing for u sweets.

      Delete
    4. Welcome baby girl...

      Delete
    5. Yay! Welcome Nkaytchee. I'm ringing bells over here!

      Delete
    6. Joining to ring bells of blessings. You are heartily welcomed.

      Delete
  4. You don't lower your standard on values. At 30, I believe you should be self aware to know what you will tolerate and what you will not accept. Try fishing in another pond. What about non Nigerians? Tall, dark and handsome won't put diesel in the generator or pay the bills. Let go of the physical things and look at values, character and humanity. There must be a commonality of values for any relationship to succeed. Who are you? Then start to look for that in others. Accept that people don't change. When you pay attention, you will see someone's true self in how they treat others. Someone who cheats the Mallam selling cigarettes on his street, will cheat you.

    You don't need to go the past. Face the future with conviction. Hold tight to your values and you will connect with someone with similar values.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm still a small 'gial' so i'll pass on this one. Pls people of Thelma thinks, help me praise the Lord o. My resit exam result came out today and I passed. My friend didn't pass though so I'm a little sad. And please help me pray that the good work God has started in my life, he'll be faithful to complete it. God bless you guys

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congrats Iyanu, I'm so happy for you. Certainly God is ever faithful and never disappoints, may your mouth be filled with one testimony after the other.

      Delete
    2. Praising God on your behalf. Congratulations. Sorry about your friend, hope next time brings better fortunes. This is just the beginning with God, many more blessings are following.

      Delete
  6. Welcome, Nkaytchee! Pls stay, don't leave. :)

    Congrats, Iyanu! May God continue to show you His wonders.

    Thelma, I've seen two Muslim/ Christian working great. The children chose their own faith. May God guide you well in Jesus name.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I've seen that too. But igbo-christian and muslim-yoruba, that gives me pause.

      Delete
  7. Congrats Iyanu. "Your Iyanu has se le-ed"

    Go forth and prosper/excel even more.

    To the New TTB reader (NK). You are in the right place.

    Even pynk360 is family here, so two good blogs are better than others-Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Firstly, please don't bow to pressures and accept what you absolutely don't want just because you want to be married. Don't make a decision that could make you resent your marriage and yourself after the initial euphoria following a wedding might have died down. Marriage is not a piece of cake. You need to choose a man you can live with through thick and thin.

    That said, I believe a woman is the ultimate decider in cases like this. I'm not sure anyone can give you that perfect advice because we are made differently and have different likes & dislikes. t's only a woman who can decide who she may or may not be able to live with.

    All the best.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahahahaha in my devil laugh. ThanGod for making me a man. See issues abeg. Am sure Thelma's Yoruba man has atleast breastfed. Breastful giver.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks everyone I appreciate the love...

    ReplyDelete
  11. As in what's wrong with a Yoruba man? I don't get it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmaooo! Tolu, you'd hvae to be in naija to unswestand that oooo! An igbo-christian and a yoruba-muslime.... omoh! Combination yen ma mad gan! Lool!

      Kabuoy

      Delete
    2. Toh kabuoy if I say so lol! I understand the religion aspect but why the tribe aspect ! But I guess everyone has a right to their choices innit lol

      Delete

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