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Truth. Lie. Abstain?

Hey guys!

Do you ever wonder what your report card would be like if people who know you were given slots to write their opinions of you? I really can't imagine how mine would read. But that's besides the point, this thing called i ju ese (meaning to ask questions) done in igbo land and I imagine almost every other culture, where when a person is about to become espoused to another they go and enquire about that person and their family. The questions are unlimited; is there any encumbrance on the person? does madness run in their family? Do they steal in their family? How did her grandfather die? Has anybody committed murder in their family? Do they have leprosy or any other strange disease? etc etc etc

Well that's the ones the parents do. The youngens are more modern, there's the Internet, and then there are friends and acquaintances. The reason behind all this talk this morning is because some person just asked me about some other person. Neither person is close to me, both are acquaintances   at best. 

So what do you say when some one asks you questions about someone you know they're hoping to settle down with, when you know that if you say what you really want to say, the person might take to their heels?

Do you tell them the truth; hmmmmm, is that who you really want to spend the rest of your life with; that "cheerful giver" whose pot the whole neighbourhood licks soup from? That person without respect for people even the elderly? That one that people avoid? That one famous for borrowing and never paying back? That one that gets fired from everywhere they work in three months or less? 

Do you lie; hmmm, they're alright... They're fantastic, in fact I wish my brother/sister could marry him/her!... You have nothing to worry about, hey, congratulations in advance, you're very lucky to have him/her!

Do you abstain; I really don't know


If the person asking is close to you then you're most likely to be honest with them. If the person being asked about is close to you then you're most likely to lie about them. 

But what happens when you're a mere neutral 3rd party and you're being asked about someone you know is no good? Someone you would never allow someone you care about propose to or settle with? 

Whether you tell the truth or you tell a lie, it actually has no effect on you either way as you're not close or related to either one. What do you do please? Be honest, be false or abstain from saying anything?

Thanks for your answers.  


  1. I'm sorry but I abstain. When I was in school I heard of a sister telling her own sister that her toaster is a player only for the foolish sister to tell the toaster that " I can't date you because you are a player". The toaster asked "who told you that?" and the goat said "my elder sister". Well toaster goes to confront the sister and delivers some slaps as a warning to keep her mouth shut next time. I don't really know saving people from slaps since time immemorial.
    Having said that because my sisters are sensible I would be honest but for friends or acquaintances I'll abstain.

    1. The guy is just crazy! Slaps ke?! For what nah?! Mstchewww! Just imagine!

  2. My dear, say the honest truth. No salt n maggi! Be as straightforward and blunt as possible, without sounding judgemental

    1. Uyi be straight forward u mean? So if someone neutral asks u about some chic he wants settle down with, you will gladly dish out the person's past I guess? Remember when pointing a finger at someone, the rest will definitely be pointing back at you. As for me, I would rather abstain, who am. I to dish out someone's dirty past to another? I would rather say I don't know much about her, what's my own to start spoiling someone? He who is without a sin should cast the first stone.

    2. "He who is without a sin should cast the first stone."- please tell that to the person asking in the first place.

      "I would rather say I don't know much about her"- that would mean me lying to protect someone I don't know. Why Plz? Except I'm used to lying already.

      With regards to Ur first question, I said be straight forward without being judgemental. I'm sure u saw that part.

    3. Is there to be straight forward without sounding judgemental??? Because as soon as u decide to be straight forward my selling the person's past out then u are already being judgemental.

    4. Maybel you are right.
      Uyi bro,you can't be straightforward without being judgmental because, whatever info you let out, will either make or mar that relationship. If the person isn't my blood, I will simply not meddle.

    5. Thank God you understand me @bloggitup.

  3. Depending on the sensitivity of what you know you can either say the truth or abstain, do not lie.

  4. I believe if u have nothing nice to say about someone, dont say anything at all.
    One thing my granny told me is never judge someone by what side of themselves they show u cos as humans,we have different sides to different people depending on how we relate with ourselves.
    If I have nothing to say,I'll simply tell him/her to get to knw the person personally.
    (one trick to use is try to piss them off sooner in order to knw just who/how they are. No time for honeymoon

  5. I can abstain for africa, even when you are close enough to me.

  6. I will abstain.who am I to say who's good or bad.

  7. It all depends on a whole lot of factors but if am to be d one asking, I'd listen to body languages and facial exppressions more than the verbal answers.

    1. Body language? *side eyes*

  8. A man that honestly wants to marry a woman goes with big cotton wood in his ears. Abstain, lie, do not tell the truth. A man that wants to marry a woman would marry her no matter what people say. Them say them say would always say something.Some men actually marry some women because of what others saw as negative trait. Ask those that went to brothels to pick their wives.

    1. Yep,all hail Kanye...!!!

    2. Lol, Sasha bin sarcastic since 1960.

  9. I won't say anything but just advice that they put their ears to the ground. Even if they must get any info biko it wouldn't be from me.

  10. Since you are not close to the person being asked about, how are you sure you know her well enough to give an honest answer? How are you sure a lot of those bad things you heard/know about her are the facts? Since I am not close to either, I would abstain. I would tell the 'enquirer' I am not in a position to tell you. I can however share harmless information I know about him/her.

    However, if I have facts with evidences to back them up and I know these facts could harm the enquirer or cause serious trouble for him/her, I may divulge and take the consequence as a price to pay for saving somebody from impending danger.


  11. If they are both acquaintances, I would jejely abstain abeg... especially if I know bad things about the person in question. but if the lady or guy is good(or rather, I know good things about the person) and i'm very sure, haa, that one.. I wie say what I know. It won't hurt to have a nice romance story play out in front of you... especially if you had something to do with it.. lool

    But if I know the both of them, very well... and they are my friends... oga! I won't abstain o.
    Good example is a friend of mine and sunshine. He has always liked sunshine... but I know he drinks and smokes(i know some of you don't see anything wrong with this) but we do.. + I know him to a certain extent... and i'm like... naaAh... thing is, I love my sister... and I will not sit back and pretend like I don't know anything when I do. if she can deal with all of this, fine! At least she wasn't oblivious to it. The guy is not a bad person at all... there are just some you know.... and it'll help her know what she's going into.. if she can deal with them fine... if not... she knows what to do.

    My point is, for my sister and my very good friends, if I know... I will tell...! but that I will "abstain" or rather refrain from telling them... nah! I won't! Lai lai! As far as the person asking is my darling darling. And I know the person they are asking about!

  12. Well everyone has a past and any one can change good or bad, so I will ask the enquirer to try to find out for themselves and make their decisions accordingly, cos before, my very eyes I have seen a cousin's wife whom everyone said was a runs girl blah blah blah become the best wife any one could marry, I still thank God for that relationship/marriage till today. For once I'm grateful my cousin was stubborn.

  13. We are probably sentimental because it involves marriage. How about general references, such as a job, request for loan, etc.

    Would you tell?

  14. Depending on the sensitivity of what I know, Just like Memphis said, I would say the good part and abstain from the bad, No lying.

  15. Everyone has a past and some people in the future make concious effort to change their behaviour get older,so for that reason I would give the person a benefit of the doubt and just abstain.


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