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11 Naija Wives, On What They Never Expected In Marriage.





One afternoon I bumped into Tina at the salon. The Tina that sat beside me was different from the Tina I knew a few years back. She was the big sister of my friend whom we all envied; her bank job, her nice clothes, her vibrant social life with the absence of a curfew, the flashy cars that used to come pick her up in the evenings, her expensive high-end make up, her shapely body and her nicely done hair which she did only at Downtown or Make Me. The Tina that sat beside me was a portly matronly woman; her nose seemed to have doubled in size, perhaps it DIDNT always return to the pre-pregancy size, her tired sunken eyes seemed to be dragged down by the heavy bags underneath them, her skin seemed much darker and sallow, and her once bouncy hair had thinned tremendously. 

I smiled and acted normal to hide my surprise. We got talking about husbands and marriage when she said to me; no matter how you watch or test a man there is no guarantee. Marriage is like a gift. You can never know what is inside unless you unwrap it. I was tempted to ask her if hers had turned out to be more of a curse than a gift thus her gaunt exterior....

Earlier today my friend, out of boredom, googled herself. She was surprised to see a tweet from 2010. The tweet read; it would make all my dreams come true if you agree to go on just one date with me. She retweeted and did something like roll her eyes and shrug the smitten chyker off. It was something that was very long forgotten. In fact she's even forgotten that once upon a time she and her husband were on Twitter and used to 'tweet-flirt'. Reading those tweets she found on Google, It seemed like several lifetimes ago. 
       Now, three years of marriage and three children later, she read the tweet and bemusedly tried to reconcile it with present reality. She rushed to show her husband the tweet; Look o! Remember when you were begging me for just one date? Do you remember when just one date with me made all your dreams come true? We all had a good laugh, life can be very funny sha. 

I just saw the below on www.woman.ng and thought to share, eleven women on challenges they never expected to face in marriage. 
 
Lizzy

married, having kids and having a career is serious work! Enjoy your spinsterhood while it lasts – if you are single.

Shade

I didn’t understand how your freedom dies when you get married. I no longer take decisions on my own – where to go, what to eat – anything! It’s now about “all of us” and “we”

Ann

Being dis-virgined on my wedding night was hell. Thought it would be amazing. Well it got interesting after that…

Anonymous

I thought love would grow with my husband, it didn’t. I dread him touching me, there’s no love, no chemistry, no intimacy. It’s been frustrating. Please be attracted to whoever you want to get married to.

Kemi

I never thought Mills and Boons novels were lying to me all those years! Marriage is not a bed of roses!

Tega

Love needs to be nurtured otherwise it dies. I discovered that little actions are what make love thrive. Once I neglect the little things, the joy and love slowly reduces

Beauty

The first few years were harder than I expected. We fought, were hurt, but forgave each other. Once we adapted to each other, it became beautiful. You need to stay strong and be patient.

Larin

I married not only him, but his whole family! I practically inherited everything – the obligations, stresses and benefits. They are great anyway- just a little nosy

Sharon

I’m not always wildly attracted to him. When we were single it was so intense now we have cooled down (laughs). But our love is more grounded and solid now.

Anonymous

Having a life before marriage is very important. I think I got married too early. I should have waited a bit longer. I love my kids but at 37, I feel like I buried my potentials and dreams for marriage. I love my kids though.

Anonymous

He still doesn’t like going to church. I though getting married would change that.

***

Reading this was fascinating yes? What do you think about it all? And our married brothers and sisters in the house, share with us the things you had never expected in marriage. Share with us the surprises and lessons; both the pleasant, the not-so-pleasant and the totally unimagined!

Comments

  1. Hmmmmmmmm marriage marriage marriage, okay let the married ones come and talk so we can learn plss. Thelma sweetie plss where is beautiful phransee?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Thelma.I always love reading ur post but I never comment maybe because I always get lazy going through Internet to post a comment.I had to write to you today because much as I love reading from you,I am worried about u travel by air so frequently,hanging out late at night.I get worried for you and I realise that maybe because u have so much freedom to do whatever you want to do.Pls just limit ur travels and hanging out ,especially very late at night.From a concerned reader.Have a beautiful weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see your point Buggie. I think so too.

      Delete
    2. Hi Buggie, I'm touched by your concern. I think I go out as much as I do because the locations are relatively safe, even though I don't think I go out 'that' much.
      On travelling; someone said "if God didn't want us to move around He would have given us roots, not legs". However I'm not oblivious to the risks, and daily I commit my ways to Him. I do this and because I have faith I believe that He is always with me and that Ps91 & 121 avail me. But I do see your point and I've already made a decision to limit the travelling. Thanks a lot Buggie, have a beautiful weekend too!

      Delete
  3. The main thing for me post marriage is to remember to need my husband. Being a fiercely independent spirit...that adjustment didn't come very easily...if i don't need him staying married will be a challenge. Other than that, i didnt have any lofty aspirations on romance...for me friendship is a big deal

    Many times with Nigerian marriages...we often rush to pop babies and then 3 years into the marriage and 4 kids later we realise we never really had time with our spouses alone...kids don't leave the house for a minimum 10 years - if you are brave enough to send them to boarding school.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cooking all the time. I don't have a choice. I've got a family to feed. I love cooking, just that it's tiring when you have kids with almost zero appetite. I guess they took after me.

    Your time. Wherever I go, I'm always mindful of the time. Less or no hanging out with friends.

    Managing career and family was 'wonderful'. Thanks to my mum who was there too asides my nanny. Yet, it wasn't so easy.

    Bye bye to freewill. Your actions are controlled by the fact that you're married and expected to behave in a particular way. To act otherwise will be disrespect to hubby. I also have to plan my sleep. Thanks to my hyper-active children.

    Nevertheless, marriage is beautiful when you have a friend as a spouse. I wouldn't trade my family for another. Tolerance, patience and understanding has a lot to play. When you have this, love becomes easy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thelma... I didn't know ur mum (buggie) was a blog reader too... *rolling my eyes @ that comment*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe, I'll even encourage Thelma to travel more !!! I love travelling! The world is too big and too beautiful to be stuck to one location. T please extend ur wings and fly !!!

      Delete
    2. Lamao @buggie being Thelma's Mum. Thelms ur readers ehhmmmmm. Okay now

      Delete
  6. So I woke up to bbm updates from an ex colleague, I pinged to say hi and then we started chatting.
    Surely the talk about marriage popped up and in my ENTIRELY life, I have never felt the burden of my single status. but whilst she prayed for me, I got so overwhelmed with emotion and cried for the time, after realising that I am actually still single while all my friends except one are married. looool.
    God's time is actually the best cos I know with him I'm surely gonna end up with the best.#patientlywaiting.

    Friendship,Love and Marriage are all beautiful.I have experienced 2 outta 3 tho.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Let me smile and just read the comments.

    ReplyDelete

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