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About Last Night (Miss Disrespectful...)

I had no intention of going out last night so when Ahmed called me a few minutes after 10pm, just when I was shimmying into my nightie, I was certain I would respond in the negative. However it occurred to me that I haven't been out in a while and I didn't feel sleepy either ways, so I asked him to come and get me. 

We argued a little about where to start our night; BLD, Churasco or "local". His friends at Churasco weren't going to be there for long so we headed there. 

It was really nice; the conversation, the company, the food and the ambience. Ahmed is someone I'm very veeryyyy comfortable with. He's been asking me out for some time but we do very well as friends plus there's that tribe+religion factor...

So, of all his friends there last night, the most mature and reserved was one whom he referred to as his Egbon. I wasn't quite sure what to make of him, his distinguished grey beards revealed he must be in his late 40s or older. He didn't say much, seemed more of an observer than a talker. The first time he spoke was when Ahmed asked him about work and his eyes immediately lit up. 

"Oh I just took a little break but I'm going back on Tuesday. Work is fine, we just opened three more plants and things are going very well"

I gathered that this quiet man, didn't just work but owned some major corporation. 

Earlier on in the day, sasha boné and I talked about some of our career goals and did some evaluation. I said to her that I needed do much more and be much more, not for today but for tomorrow. I love my comfort and I think luxury is sometimes a necessity, yet in the scheme of things my personal needs are secondary. One major driving factor is my kids. Growing up with not very much, I strongly desire to give them the best education (and life) they could have, they're the major reason I hustle now. 

I don't know about you but I want to get ahead. I NEED to get ahead. So when I heard what this man does and who he is, I immediately joined the conversation and re-introduced myself. He turned his attention to me and we began to chat. I told him that coincidentally I would be visiting his town the same day he said he's heading there and I'd always wondered what it would be like to live there. But more importantly "ARE YOU HIRING???" He chuckled and joked about me looking too expensive for their salary and them not needing lawyers at the moment. 

Unabashed, I began to pitch myself, as a lawyer and then as an individual. I pointed out that I'm very versatile and quite frankly I'm open to possibilities as I've never intended to restrict myself to the legal sector. I noticed Ahmed shuffling in his seat but to be honest, I wasn't sure why and I didn't believe it could have anything to do with me. 

When our conversation was winding down I wanted to hand him my card but I thought i shouldn't, out of respect for Ahmed. So I told him to remember my name because I'll get his number from Ahmed and I'll be in touch. 

Egbon soon left and I was left with a stiff Ahmed, he had turned cold. When I was eventually able to pry the reason for his sombreness from his clenched jaw, I was told that I'd disrespected him. He said I was too forward and I just sidelined him and made him look insignificant. He said I should have talked to him and he would have talked to his Egbon for me, instead of speaking to him directly.

I'm sorry but if people who promise(d) to talk to people for me actually do so, I'd be earning seven figures right now...

I'm not not quite sure what to think, it was fun and drinks on a Friday night and everyone was talking to everyone, so what's Ahmed's problem? I've looked at things through his eyes. I wonder if his muslim/northern background might make him prefer his women to be more demure? I wonder if grabbing an unusual opportunity with someone I may never again be privileged to meet was indeed disrespectful simply because I spoke to them directly? Or perhaps Ahmed is simply overreacting or a bit insecure?

I'll hash things out with Ahmed but let's talk about you. In the order of preference, which is more important to you?

Job security/career advancement 
Eternal life (Salvation). 

Let's talk. 


  1. Topmost on my list is eternal life/salvation on. I work and strive to be a better me each day. Vanity upon vanity.
    Next is family, money, career n sex!!!

    1. Same as Clare's. Chris

  2. Topmost on my list is eternal life/salvation on. I work and strive to be a better me each day. Vanity upon vanity.
    Next is family, money, career n sex!!!

  3. Marriage/Family
    Career Advancement/Security
    Eternal Life(salvation)

    PS: my state of mind, right now. It might change because I'm an evolving being.

  4. Eternal life, money , job security, marriage/family and sex.. In that order

  5. I wish to categorically state that am already 'saved' and I have eternal life, thankyou. Next is Job security/career advancement, anyother one can follow with sex being the last!
    Sorry but I also agree with ahmed, u know what they say abt men and their lil ego, and also being sm1 that has been on ur case, Its understandable y he expected more. U shld have at least asked him if u could ask his friend abt so so & so, den u can take it frm there.

    1. I beg to disagree. If you see an opportunity, you grab it. They were not in a serious relationship. He should find some other place to stroke the flames of his ego

  6. Her Royal hotness Thelma!! I hail..

  7. First,Eternal life..then,
    Career advancement!
    Then marriage and family plus sex.(this isn't even anywhere in my mind at this point in time).

  8. Ahmed might just have felt relegated kind of,he probably wanted you to include him in the conversation,seeing that he was left out of it...BUT,I don't think that's such a big deal for him to have felt that way,he might just be insecured as well.

  9. erm. Thelma, what you did was quite rude. you should have given Ahmed a signal that you wanted to pitch yourself
    that being said.
    sex/career for me

    1. Ok Anon... It just kinda felt like a now or never moment.

  10. Eternal life
    Career advancement

  11. Eternal life,then every Other thing follows. T,seems u are a lover of gowns. Lovely one BTW.

    1. Its a dress not a gown

    2. And what is the difference BTW a dress and a gown?? Ehn?? Anon 1:45 answer o

    3. All join, na gown our parents dey call am.,lol, thanks anyways. E hugs

  12. Eternal life, job security,marriage, sex. money....Well Ahmed would be fine but opportunities like that would not come all the time, next time sha, just tell owner of friend

  13. Eternal life
    Job security/Career Advancement

  14. 1.eternal life again
    88. job and sex

  15. @Kene when you put job and sex in the same sentence, you're gonna leave us wondering what kinda 'job' you talking bout...if you catch my drift

    1. Rotfl! Punintended! You are a case!

      Kene you too! 88 bawo? Lmao!

  16. Thelma you're right it comes with the territory
    You have to be very open minded and careful when having a relationship with someone of a Different culture. Yes it has a lot to do with his mindset- northerners are like that.

  17. I think Ahmed was right. You should have told him about it or cautioned yourself when he started shifting or whatever. Its just somehow when u're on a date with someone and (s)he spends the whole time "pitching" (her)himself to someone else. Its just one kind...

    That said... in my current state,

    Knowing God
    Career advancement

  18. Thelma why don't you display comments critical of you? Your blog should be balanced and objective. Post my comment.

  19. Just wondering why everyone is putting SEX last, yet when out husbands cheat we complain as women.
    1. Salvation
    2. Career advancement and money
    3. Sex, Marriage and family


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