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Dear Thelma... (Dilemma. His Ex Is Still In The Picture!)





I need your advice on an issue n I know I'll get valuable advise from fellow blog readers too.
I started dating a friend of mine early this year, we just decided to go head in first, cos I felt to an extent I knew him. To cut a long story short he told me immediately we started dating that he had a business relationship with his Ex and that they were still good friends, their break up was amicable and that when the business eventually kicks off and things pick up they'll ve minimal contact, so I shld'nt worry basically. I then felt it will be nice to meet her cos I thought since she'll be in our lives I might as well be friendly and get to know her.
I suggested means and hows for us to meet, my BF had his own suggestions too, but it was not to be as she's outrightly refused to let it happen.
She'll call him when we'r hanging out and I was uncomfortable with it and mentioned to him, he told her and I've not had to deal with such in a while.
I told him I'm not comfortable with their relationship seeing as she's refused to want to get along but he's told me that he can't force her and he's invested so much money into the business (that hasn't fully kicked off), so what will I have him do?
Now there's another business contract he wants to pursue with this same Ex cos her father is a director in a government agency and has access to a lot of government contracts.
He wants to register a company and she's insisting she has to be part of the company if she has to help him get a contract.
He doesn't want that and is trying to get her to settle for the commission that she gets from the contract normally, but she's adamant on being a part of the company. 
I don't understand what I'm in now cos I've mentioned my concerns to him and he continues to reassure me that it's just business between them. However last weekend I couldn't reach him on phone and he later told me that they went hiking with some of her friends. He says he's doing these things just to sweeten her up. 
He's agreed on not making her a shareholder but I'm certain he's still yet to tell her of this decision.
Right now I feel my best option is to back out of the relationship because I'm not comfortable at all, we're all in our thirties and I personally wouldn't want to waste my time in the wrong relationship. Am I being irrational or should I just take things in good faith? Please I need your advise. 

Comments

  1. Hmmm, this is kinda a tough one. I really don't get why she doesn't want to meet you. Also, your bf could take you to one of such meetings so you will meet her, dat is if there isn't anything to hide. Babe, you are in your 30's, please have an overhaul of yourself cos if you are feeling this way when you guys are just dating, how will u feel wen u get married? Remember, with the way things are going, his ex will be in his life for a very long time. Really think about it, and pray for wisdom. Walk away if you are already feeling uncomfortable. My 2 cents though.

    pamscrib.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmm, this is kinda a tough one. I really don't get why she doesn't want to meet you. Also, your bf could take you to one of such meetings so you will meet her, dat is if there isn't anything to hide. Babe, you are in your 30's, please have an overhaul of yourself cos if you are feeling this way when you guys are just dating, how will u feel wen u get married? Remember, with the way things are going, his ex will be in his life for a very long time. Really think about it, and pray for wisdom. Walk away if you are already feeling uncomfortable. My 2 cents though.

    pamscrib.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. So ur boo didn't tell you he was going hiking with his other boo, sorry ex?
    After the reggae,u knw what next...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lmao, she's back

      Delete
    2. Enjoy yourself o baby boo... cuz even your boo get a boo... lmaoo! Sasha bone o!!!

      Delete
  4. Pls leave the guy and move on. Any man who still sticks to an ex cos of money has his priorities screwed up. Hes even going on play dates. My dear, you are a side chic.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My dear, you are on a long thing. The guy definitely has misplaced priorities. He definitely aint putting you first. Who sticks to an ex cos of money and truly loves the current. Please i believe you are the 3rd party in that relationship. Please take a long walk and dont look back.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's not easy to make money these days so I won't blame your Boyfriend but if he loves you he should put your feelings first and set boundaries. That ex still wants to date your bf that's why she doesn't want to meet you. Tell him exactly how you feel and that you will break up with him if he does not put a lid on things, if he lets you walk then at least you'll know where you stand.

    ReplyDelete
  7. hmmmm, if your guy dosent like her anymore then she may still like him and they still spend time together, the possibility of them hooking up Is 80%. Your fear is understandable. And he likes the girl with the money, cannot say no to her, she is more in control of him than you are the moment. it is complicated
    U know wat, take two steps backward and let him come find you. Call less often. He needs to make a choice.
    And whatever religion you are, pray more often, for yourself, to see your truth and reality. all d best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Couldn't have said it any better babes. Let him work for you, since he is he'll bent of working with the ex.

      The Ex knows she wields some power over him, until he takes back that power, you will always be the 3rd wheel.

      Give him some space, don't break up, but give hi some space and leave your options open.

      Delete
  8. Forget about this relationship.That ex doesn't want to let that guy go & she's determined to hold on to him whether you like it or not.So it's best you prepare your mind for any shocking news & start considering other suitors.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Please invest tour feelings elsewhere. Dude obviously doesn't give a toss about them.

    www.pynk360.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mehn! I dont know o but if you're not comfortable in ur relarionship then something is def wrong. If ur gut says he's not telling the truth then you're most likely right. I think you need a break. He obviously doesnt care enough to take you more seriously. Life is hard enough without adding an unfriendly, probably jealous, ex girlfriend to the mix. You can do without the drama.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Even your boo, get a boo...lol. Please walk away already

    ReplyDelete
  12. Are we talking about a ceremonial relationship here or something with emotions attached?

    Wat is it with the 'break up' punchline everyone is saying here. I mean, he could easily walk away from her in the first place, he didn't. From what I'm seeing, this guy loves her enough to explain the situation as it is. And he has even tried to make them relate but his ex has refused, so all of a sudden the guy is a good for nothing everyday punk who is trying to take advantage(take advantage of wat self). Cos I don't even know what the lady is bringing to the table except being a girlfriend. Yeah I said it.

    My dear, the only advice that actually make sense here is to define what your relationship is with him and understand where you guys are headed. I will assume since u both are in your 30s then marriage is obviously on the table. So because of your paranoia or those of most commenters (no offence) here, you will throw the baby with the water(sic).

    Another option is to take that 2 or 1 step backwards DAT onyinnye suggested.

    Shay if he isn't capable of taking care of you financially, then they will say he's not a man bla bla bla. Just relax and enjoy your relationship, who doesn't have an ex, she's an ex for a reason, Don't forget that. And he has chosen you, don't forget that. Be proud of your boyfriend and try and be a part of his business dealings too. Help him. Make him value you for who you are and not what you are.

    DONT GO RUNNING AWAY BECAUSE YOU ARE 'SCARED'.
    GIVE HIM A REASON TO NOT WANT TO LOSE YOU.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Mr Uyi,i'l ve you know we're both professionals in our various fields n any man will be lucky to have me,he is quite established but times are hard now n it's not favoured his biz but things will pick up,some people's love for money supercedes all else sometimes,Thanks for all the advise n thelma u're a sweetheart

      Delete
  13. In my opinion, the ex isn't ready to let him go. The business will only create more room for further involvement and contact (forget that "once it kicks off" assurance he gave you). Today he's going hiking with her friends to sweeten her up... What happens tomorrow when there's need for a further "sweetening"? because the truth is, it's human instinct to crave and get more. She already has a hold on him, one he doesn't seem too keen on breaking (I may be wrong though). I think you should take a break from all that drama, rethink the entire situation and decide what's best for you.

    By the way, you don't need to explain anything, or validate your worth to anybody. It's your life, your stage. Don't let other people's scripts confuse or distract you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmmmmmmmmmm.... While reading all this one thing kept nagging at me. You've never met with or spoken with this "ex", so how do you know she's the one that doesn't want to meet you? Maybe he doesn't want you to meet for some reason, cos he knows some things will be exposed. Does she even know that you exist? Is this "ex" still single? Why does she have such a strong hold on your bf?

    My dear I'd advice you to do something for yourself, step out of the situation for a minute, drop your emotions because they can blind you most times. Try to detach yourself. Then look at the situation from a neutral point, then make a logical decision not an emotional one.

    An ex that's still close to your partner is a huge risk in any relationship because they share very intimate memories that make relapsing very possible.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Exes know what buttons to push to turn on feelings that you thought were dead

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'll read all the advice and suggestions....here's mine
    Take a step back.....give yourself a break....do some FBI job....since you two have never met each other, try to meet her and know what's she's all about....sometimes it's good to weigh the competition......observe it very well.....and then know what card to play

    I know you want to trust your guy...and you love him too....but your love for yourself should supercede the love for him.....so put yourself out there and find out what's up....you can never know until you try.....

    ReplyDelete

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