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The Dark Side Of Happy (The Reality of Post Partum Depression).




Is there really any joy the supercedes the joy of being a mother? The days and weeks after baby comes, family and friends gather around and rally round. And although you're fatigued and sleep deprived, you're still extremely happy and grateful. 

But for a few it's the exact opposite. I saw my friend, at a time that was meant to be the most exciting and happiest in her life, become withdrawn, depressed, cranky and terribly unhappy. It was the strangest thing ever; for the past eight or nine months all she did was think/sleep/dream/pray baby. Now baby had arrived and she more or less wanted nothing to do with him. So much so that getting her to breastfeed was an ordeal that turned into a losing game which ushered in the bottle at a very very tender stage. Those closest noticed what was going on and secretly wouldn't leave the baby alone with her, not like she wanted to be around the baby anyways...

When I read stories of how a mother threw her week old baby for a window on the 8th floor, or the Chinese Mum that stabbed her baby 6 month old baby several times in the face with a pair of scissors, or mothers that just seem to lose their zeal to live after a baby, I wonder how it could be, how cold hearted and unfeeling these women could be, I begin to curse them out but then I remember post partum (post-natal) depression is real and in some cases extreme. Could that, maybe, be what these mothers are suffering from?

I think this is something that isn't talked about much in this part of the world. I was surprised to hear someone here in Lagos actually say how much she loved her baby, but how terribly depressed she was after she had him, because most people never talk about these things. 

In a country that tends to over spiritualize things, the need to restrain ourselves from doing that cannot be overstated. 1 in 8 women is said to suffer from PPD and if untreated could lead to mental instability. 


Is this something you or someone you know has dealt with? Please share with us and also enlighten us, how long did you feel the way you did and what helped you get out of that dark place?

Thanks for sharing!



***
Photo source; www.thefertilechickonline.com

Comments

  1. I have not experienced postpartum depression and cant say i know anyone who has. But i can relate with the way your friend feels. For 9 months, the pregnant mother is the censure of all eyes, her every need is met by her loved ones and her word is law. Suddenly in the space of minutes, the attention shifts from her to the newborn and its easy for anyone to feel a bit withered. Especially when you pass by a long length mirror and you see the blows the past 9 months dealt on your body. What helps is reassurance from your loved ones, especially the husband. Just to let the mummy know she's still loved and her job doesn't stop after birthing the baby.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank God, I didn't have to experience this, and I pray no one does.

    The pain the body goes through having a child cannot be described.

    I get angry when I feel pangs of pain every now and again, I get irritated when I'm being asked to prepare meals different from what is available, and other little stuff, it's never been so deep.

    The worst part for me is the sleepless nights and that gets me moody all day. It's not easy being a mum, and having no support system makes it even frustrating.

    Your friend needs to be around people she loves nd vice versa. She also needs help (medical attention).
    God will see her through and she will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank God, I didn't have to experience this, and I pray no one does.

    The pain the body goes through having a child cannot be described.

    I get angry when I feel pangs of pain every now and again, I get irritated when I'm being asked to prepare meals different from what is available, and other little stuff, it's never been so deep.

    The worst part for me is the sleepless nights and that gets me moody all day. It's not easy being a mum, and having no support system makes it even frustrating.

    Your friend needs to be around people she loves nd vice versa. She also needs help (medical attention).
    God will see her through and she will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Post partum depression is real. I experienced a mild form of it after I had my baby. The sleepless nights...episiotomy pains...my nippers hurt like he'll and the baby won't stop crying.
    thank God my mom was around to help me and my husband is a very hands on dad...if not...I would have done something drastic.
    I remember one particular episode. .my mom and hubby went to church and left me at home with the baby...I hadn't slept a wink...my baby refused to take expressed breastmilk from the bottle...she wanted me to feed her directly from the Breast ....she had to be rocked before she slept...she was just about 2 weeks old. She started crying just when I thought I could finally have some rest...I remember the force with which I slammed her on the bed. I couldn't believe it. At that moment. ..I understood and sympathised with women going through post part depression. Luckily my husband and mom came back before I could do any harm.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I was depressed and I wanted to die. Felt like I didn't deserved my baby and I wasn't woman enough because I didn't push him out.
    My Ob/Gyn had told me I had a small mid-pelvis and my baby wouldn't be able to pass and that I should prepare for a CS. My mum immediately started binding and casting, said it wouldn't happen and call all the prayer warriors in her churchg. So when my labour pains started, I found myself on the labour room but could't dilate enough then had eclampsia and had to undergo an emergency CS after 12 hrs. Baby had to be reanimated after and I spent 2 days in ICU. My milk didn't come until a few days after cos I spent days before sending out gas and couldn't eat.
    That whole trauma depressed me. I felt like a failure. I refused visitors even family members. Everyone thought I was crazy. I finally came out of it but it's scary, no bi lie. But I didn't think of killing my son, never!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh wow, I sympathize with all women that go through this, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be. I just realized how much work have to do to help prevent this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That sh*t Is real! Wen I had my first child I was slowing entering that zones o! I was dealing with pains from the aftermath and my baby won't stop crying .. I couldn't seat down for days and I had to stand to breastfeed with all that pain! Wen my baby is crying I will be looking at her like "isn't this all your fault" but I thank God for a strong support system if not I would have broken down ! And that period I was thinking to myself all these liars on Social media be making child birth look glamorous they don't tell u what happens behind the scenes .. It's grimey!! Somebody lied ! Lol

    ReplyDelete
  8. I dont know anyone who has experienced this but I know it is real. I remember watching an episode of either Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice where one of the patients had post partum depression. She had a 1 or 2 year old kid already and had just had a baby, her husband had to work so she was at home alone with the kids, always exhausted and the new baby wont stop crying. One day she just wanted some peace and quiet so she filled the tub and submerged the baby(so he would be quiet for just a little while). Of course she realised what she was doing few seconds later, she pulled the baby out and started crying. She rushed him to the hospital immediately and thankfully, he was fine.

    When the doc asked why she wanted to drown her baby, she denied wanting to drown him, she said she was so tired, she just wanted him to be quiet for a bit so she could close her eyes. Her husband couldnt wrap his head around it until the doctors explined the depression stuff to him.

    Post partum depression is real and can be extreme, new mothers should have a good support system so as not to slip into depression or hurt the baby if they do slip into depression. Maybe that's why Nigerians do omugo(did I spell that correctly?), they might not have known about PPD back then but they probably noticed the symptoms and felt omugo might help..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Is this the same as when some women experience some form of mental disorder (madness, more specifically) following a child delivery? I know a lady who went through this after delivery of her first child. The husband narrated the ordeal. She suddenly started behaving weird and violent. I did not ask how but I got to know after she has been treated.

    I have never experienced any form of post partum disorder.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  10. We need to be well informed in Nigeria cos most times we think everything is spiritual.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have never experienced it but I know someone who has. We are not too close so I couldn't really inquire further. Her husband was really worried but she's fine now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's been attributed to the drop in oestrogen and progesterone after birth. Someone I know said hormone therapy helped her out of her post partum depression...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just btw, this comment approval thing makes one feel less inclined to comment. Not sure if ur aware

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's really appreciable message for everybody thanks for sharing this information.Life Coach

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi! I love your blog .Thank you for your share.By the way,i want to share a best free date recovery to you!

    ReplyDelete

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