Skip to main content

There's Joy In Sharing; Beds, Husbands & Breakfast.





"He said I should give you this letter if you ever got better... I'm so happy you did. Honestly, I am.... I really care about you Christie, I really do. I know you may not believe it, but I really do. I'm so happy you got better". Her words and emotions seemed very genuine, the love and empathy in her eyes were as clear as day. But barely seconds before she said the words above, she'd just come clean to Christie that while she, Christie, was ill, she had an affair with her husband, and that she really did love him. 

Christie was torn between this shocking news about her friend and her husband, and the display of sincere emotions by this same friend. In one breath you tell me that while I lay ill in a sick bed you were sleeping with my husband, in our bed... then tell me that you really care about me and are so happy I got better???... She would have loved to call bull shit, but how could she, when it was this same friend who nurtured her back to health, took care of her little baby all those months she was ill, and helped her regain her memory and learn to adapt and live a normal life. Christie wasn't sure whether to hate this woman for defiling her marital bed or love her for her kindness and devotion. 

This one scene in a movie I stumbled upon made me question so many things. Could our love for self push us to do certain things, even hurting those we love... And even though we've intentionally hurt them, does it mean we love them any less? Are things really so black and white?

My friend often tells me about how they tried to contrive ways to poison their stepmom when their dad first brought her home, but years later after learning her story and all the things she had been through, they actually began to empathize with her and stop seeing her as the enemy. 
     Some acts are so condemnable but I wonder if we actually dig deeper, what we find might make us more empathetic towards someone who did something normally considered very abominable. I also wonder if sometimes the need to be happy, or be whole, or get ahead, or have a life and a future, is stronger than any sense of loyalty we might have...

***
Speaking of polygamy people, I'm sure you all saw the tweet of the woman asking people to pray for her husband and his new bride who were wedding the next day. Ladies, can you ever be so "generous" with your husband (also your home, your kitchen, your monthly allowance (LOL)? Would you rather a second wife or a mistress? Please share your thoughts. 

Men, both single and married, I would particularly love to hear your answers; if your tradition, religion, society, family and 'bank account' permit you to marry more than one wife, would you? And why?

Comments

  1. With those conditions I'll surely choose polygamy mehn.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Can I be generous? No. Would I rather polygamy or a mistress? The simple answer for me is neither. Hey Thelma its been a while. Sigh. Been reading, never stopped reading but so busy with school and life...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Dr makes an appearance! Lool! We've missed you here jare! :)

      Delete
  3. Are things really so black and white? It isn't!!! And everyone knows that but when they come to make judgements on some people, they just go in, guns blazing, esp. without understanding the situation from both sides (one side is definitely wrong but if we were in DAT position do u think u wud easily get out of it unstained? 85% No!). Anyways, it takes a liberated mindset to actually make apt judgements. It doesn't take your righteousness to actually be on the wrong side. Because, guess what, no one is perfect after all.

    I wrote a comment about man's nature some posts ago, we are naturally not empathetic about our fellow beings... It only takes the right kind of experience to really think deep through things before we make judgements for ourselves. And in Nigeria esp., we really don't care.
    Our tradition makes it even worse. No one cares, so far he's not from your family or village.
    Its so glaring in our political hemisphere(politicians giving contracts to uncles,aunties n co.), In our economy(employment first for family n village associates), In our higher education(admission first for family n village associates still).
    Its pretty much the way of life in our country Nigeria. So empathy isn't one of our strong point. Let's hope it gets better sha!

    As for marrying more than one wife, I think my sociocultural upbringing has wired me into a monogamous mindset. I don't see why I would need more than one wife to live a full life of conjugal bliss. I hope I don't fall into temptation by committing adultery(its not easy) but making it formal by adding her into the family is not in my book.
    I think I prefer the American system for marriage. You just can't be legally married to more than one wife at the sametime. You either divorce or stay with one. Period.

    Good morning everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Could our love for self push us to do certain things, even hurting those we love... And even though we've intentionally hurt them, does it mean we love them any less? Are things really so black and white?" - these question is perfect for cheating spouses.

    My answers are no and no. My love can't push me into hurting others. When it comes to polygamy, a big no. I'd gladly take a walk.neither will I support a mistress. Yes, I'm selfish liked that. :). Why should I share him when he won't share me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Enjay, I guess you're looking at it just from the spouse cheating angle. Life is not black and white. Consider other relationships, parent and child, friendships, our God relationship. The love for self is very very strong and sometimes denying ourselfs hurt. Although I guess we can find joy in knowing that our loved ones are happy. But then not denying self doesn't make you love less. How many times have you disobeyed your parents or God. Does it mean you don't love them? And then sometimes, when we deny ourselves for loved ones, we pour out aggression on them because we feel we're sacrificing so much for them and they don't understand. Now cheating is out of it( although some of them still genuinely love their spouse). Basically all I'm saying is life is not painted in black and white. Shalom.

      Delete
  5. I am a very generous person; I will share my food, my money, my time but not my man, inshort you cannot go there with me,my claws would just come out!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mehn the emotional occupation of one woman is enough, why would I want to add another one when I'm not mad?

    As for the rest I'll refer you to Uyi's comment above, I'm not sure if I agree a 100% but he made some valid points, plus I'm driving in traffic and can't type plenty

    ReplyDelete
  7. They are some personal standards...integrity and loyalty wise that would help one to be unselfish sometimes sorta altruistic.

    Who even said it's genuine love that made Christie's friend take care of her and baby whilst she was hospitalised?
    i. Some people are naturally inclined to take care of people.
    ii. Her friend could have been that helpful because it helps her getting close to Christie's husband; show off to him (read act out) her nurturing 'skills', when she "fell in lust."

    Look, if I were Christie, that friend's TLC is null!...well, thanks but no thanks!
    If she weren't available, we'd still have found a way. So I don't care for her "help" and kill at the same time.

    Obviously, I don't like to share in this respect.

    ReplyDelete
  8. One wife is okay for me..Although am a product of a second wife,my big mum persuaded my dad to get married to my mum after series of miscarriages, after a long while due to love the man agreed.And finally we came.But all the same Dad always advices us no matter what should we marry a second wife, in his words "nna anukwana nwanyi na abuo" lol..funny man.Don't get me wrong our house is a peaceful and loving home that am always home sick when I travel back to base.But I gats follow my best friend's advice because "it is from listening to old men that you gain wisdom"..

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa