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In Sickness & In Health, And Other Misconceptions.





Good morning great people! I realized a few years ago that what I'd looked forward to all these years, is simply overrated and being an adult is not all its hyped up to be. I mean, I wouldn't want to say this but sometimes it does SUCK!

So I came back to town to find piles and piles of bills and issues; PHCN, Security dues, DSTV's expired, WiFi is out, car battery totally dead, gateman fell down in the bathroom and broke something and needs money for something, no fuel in the generator, dog's been sick and needs treatment... And I just wanted to tear my hair from the scalp, break down and scream!

This morning I've come to the acceptance stage of dealing with grief (LOL) and as my dear friend would say to me right now, "don't let it get to you, stay happy". 

You know, choosing to stay happy is actually working. I'm just smiling through the tears (LOL again) as I bought a new car battery last night, Quickteller'd the dstv and called the vet. 

I'm still walking on Sunshine and I know everything's gon be just fine. 

Growing up though... What is being an adult about exactly? I swear sometimes I wish I was Peter Pan.

Can I admit that I don't envy married folk sometimes. I ask myself, Nwando are you really ready for this kind of responsibility; caring for someone else, shouldering someone else's burdens as you would your own? I think that if some of us are honest we would admit that we're not. But society-forbid you admit that, you MUST (want to) marry when you're of a certain age, whether you sincerely desire it or not. 

I don't always feel this way, but yesterday this couple sat beside me on my flight back to Lagos. The couple is quite elderly and the husband is obviously dealing with some kind of sickness, so he couldn't sit on his own or hold his neck up. He spent the whole flight with his head lolling back and forth, his jaw slack and dropping long threads of drool on his wife's shoulder. 

She resignedly or lovingly (I'm not sure which) dabbed at his mouth every few minutes and mopped at the patch of spit on her blouse. The man could not speak and could only let out incomprehensible grunts occasionally. 
      In that moment I felt more sorry for the wife than I did for the husband who's the actual person dealing with the ailment. (You know sometimes the caretaker suffers more than the cared-for). 

Those images have been haunting me all night. 

When people take their vows do they really know how serious they are, or do they just naively think, or hope that they're exempt from such things? And I'm not referring to sickness and health alone, For richer, for poorer is an even bigger fear of mine. 
     Moment of Truth: I've experienced my feelings change to something akin to resentment when a partner depends on me financially for extended periods. Yet I know that in marriage, there are times a woman might need to shoulder the financial burdens alone. So I ask myself Nwando can you love, honour and respect a husband even if you were the one paying the rent, feeding him and the kids, paying their school fees... Still have to cook for him, shag him perhaps, and take care of him, and the home... Can you? Can I?...

Hmmm.   

Well many women are doing it and still standing on their feet... so help me God. (However Lord, there are certain things I would rather not deal with. Thank You). 

Now speaking about misconceptions, I would love you to share some of your biggest misconceptions with me; what were your misconceptions about growing up and being an adult? What were your misconceptions about marriage, being married or still being single at your age? What were your misconceptions about life in general and what were your moments of realization? Do tell!

Comments

  1. I thought there would be alooooot of sex in marriage.
    I though the work place would be alot of fun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On the contrary I knew there will not be a lot of sex so I had plenty of it before I got married and I have no regrets. When my husband isn't in the mood or is with one of his girlfriends I just thank god I didn't waste my time being a virgin.

      Delete
    2. Strange. Its men that usually complain about lack of sex in marriage. You are a woman and you are complaining. Hmm...
      So do you cheat?

      Delete
    3. Please anon we are waiting for the answer to kon's question

      Delete
  2. hmmmmm. I get scared most times when I hear marri more or less marriage. Let the experts educate us. All I know is marriage is a beautiful thing. It feels like heaven on earth when you marry your friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Emm,how many friends do you have? Are u married to all of them or u plan on doing so?

      Delete
    2. Marriage is not easy but, from my experience so far, once you decide to keep to your part of the covenant, marriage becomes beautiful.

      Delete
  3. I thought being an adult wld mean you wld be rich by default (after all to whom much is expected,much shld be given)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am telling u honestly, I thot it meant being rich by default! Mtcheew.

      Delete
  4. can someone please tell me and my friends.... what is it like being yoruba and married to an ibo ma from enugu especially.... i need advise asap... i and my friends have heard so much about ibos that when peeps from this tribe come to ask for our hand in marriage we say no without thinking twice... but over the years we have met some very nyc ibo men that we are starting to think about our decision twice... at the moment an enugu man is asking for a friends hand in marriage... she likes him but all the things she has heard and has watched in movies are scaring her to make a decision. pls help a sister out.... any advice....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Darling, no one can tell you what being married to someone will be like. If you ask me tribe is a very horrible basis for judgement. It's the individual that matters, what do you see in the person. What kind of character does he have? What are his ethics? How does he treat the people below him? Is he humble? Etc. Most importantly how does he make you feel? These are the things you should concern yourself with and not where he's from.

      Delete
  5. I envy my 8 month old baby most times, she eats, sleeps, sh*ts, plays, eats, ...m and has no worries.

    Being an adult is hard, being a wife/mother isn't child's play.
    But being a broke adult is a very very bad thing.

    I thought I'd groove more

    ReplyDelete
  6. Before i got married someone told me, "Ha, you would cook ehn" I love cooking but thank God I was told, marriage is a lot of work and responsibility but for the responsibility to be more enjoyable, marry who is worth it...Imagine if that man on the plane was a wife beater, the wife would just be thinking why she did not leave earlier.
    My biggest misconception was that everyday we would just be looking at each others eyes, making love and lying on the bed from dawn to dusk gisting, but the funny thing is that we can do all this things but someone(me) would have to get up to fix breakfast, lunch and dinner in between,therefore breaking the flow, Then when the children starts coming omg! inshort let me not go there but if you can even lie down from dusk to dawn then thank God

    ReplyDelete
  7. Recently I've heard some friends complain about finding out about properties or monies their wives have but kept a secret. And the worst part is that they found out by mistake, like an email, or message on the phone, or docs they stumbled on. One of my friends just found out that there's a man that sends his wife money every month. He doesn't know what the money is for, and what the wife does for the man to earn that kind of money. Please wives in the house, do you have any idea why your colleagues do this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Umm,ur question is very confusing. Is the issue here a man sending his own wife money? Or the amount in question?

      Delete
  8. I believe the vacillating nature of life is what makes it worth living, that there's no equilibrium or middle ground. The fact that despite it being bad today, it won't always be bad and vice versa. So don't fret, when things get easier and better, you'd appreciate them more not necessarily because you have a good sense of discretion but because personally you can relate to the alternative.

    Misconceptions about life - that the lightheartedness of childhood period would be a constant through all periods of life, that money won't be something I'd have to stress myself to find or that it would freely flow in, that life in Christ would guarantee one a bed of roses. Daily I realize my misconceptions, but then being an adult means I have to take the roses and the lemons and see how best I can make each day count.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I used to think that living alone is so much fun until the bills begin to roll in ( so annoying) sometimes i just wish i was still living with my parents.
    T i won't lie to you sometimes i ask myself deeply if i am truly ready for this marriage LOL. cos when i am really stressed out i just wanna be alone and sleep seriously the whole day the next thing one person will be bugging the hell outta me. God help me when the time comes amin.

    ReplyDelete

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