Good morning great people! I realized a few years ago that what I'd looked forward to all these years, is simply overrated and being an adult is not all its hyped up to be. I mean, I wouldn't want to say this but sometimes it does SUCK!
So I came back to town to find piles and piles of bills and issues; PHCN, Security dues, DSTV's expired, WiFi is out, car battery totally dead, gateman fell down in the bathroom and broke something and needs money for something, no fuel in the generator, dog's been sick and needs treatment... And I just wanted to tear my hair from the scalp, break down and scream!
This morning I've come to the acceptance stage of dealing with grief (LOL) and as my dear friend would say to me right now, "don't let it get to you, stay happy".
You know, choosing to stay happy is actually working. I'm just smiling through the tears (LOL again) as I bought a new car battery last night, Quickteller'd the dstv and called the vet.
I'm still walking on Sunshine and I know everything's gon be just fine.
Growing up though... What is being an adult about exactly? I swear sometimes I wish I was Peter Pan.
Can I admit that I don't envy married folk sometimes. I ask myself, Nwando are you really ready for this kind of responsibility; caring for someone else, shouldering someone else's burdens as you would your own? I think that if some of us are honest we would admit that we're not. But society-forbid you admit that, you MUST (want to) marry when you're of a certain age, whether you sincerely desire it or not.
I don't always feel this way, but yesterday this couple sat beside me on my flight back to Lagos. The couple is quite elderly and the husband is obviously dealing with some kind of sickness, so he couldn't sit on his own or hold his neck up. He spent the whole flight with his head lolling back and forth, his jaw slack and dropping long threads of drool on his wife's shoulder.
She resignedly or lovingly (I'm not sure which) dabbed at his mouth every few minutes and mopped at the patch of spit on her blouse. The man could not speak and could only let out incomprehensible grunts occasionally.
In that moment I felt more sorry for the wife than I did for the husband who's the actual person dealing with the ailment. (You know sometimes the caretaker suffers more than the cared-for).
Those images have been haunting me all night.
When people take their vows do they really know how serious they are, or do they just naively think, or hope that they're exempt from such things? And I'm not referring to sickness and health alone, For richer, for poorer is an even bigger fear of mine.
Moment of Truth: I've experienced my feelings change to something akin to resentment when a partner depends on me financially for extended periods. Yet I know that in marriage, there are times a woman might need to shoulder the financial burdens alone. So I ask myself Nwando can you love, honour and respect a husband even if you were the one paying the rent, feeding him and the kids, paying their school fees... Still have to cook for him, shag him perhaps, and take care of him, and the home... Can you? Can I?...
Well many women are doing it and still standing on their feet... so help me God. (However Lord, there are certain things I would rather not deal with. Thank You).
Now speaking about misconceptions, I would love you to share some of your biggest misconceptions with me; what were your misconceptions about growing up and being an adult? What were your misconceptions about marriage, being married or still being single at your age? What were your misconceptions about life in general and what were your moments of realization? Do tell!