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Sugabelly; Rape. Infatuation. Lies. Stockholme's Syndrome.Victim-Blaming...




In the last few days I've read the dizzying account of the rape allegations made by Sugabelly. I cannot
and will not rehash the whole thing here because I presume most people have, if you haven't just google it and prepare for a roller coaster ride or read it Here . Summarily; Sugabelly who's 26 alleges that Mustapha Audu whom she dated at ages 17 and 18 not only raped her several times but did so with his friends, cousins and brothers. Mustapha Audu is one of the sons of the Abubakar Audu, the recently deceased APC governorship candidate.

When the tea was spilled, opinions were split, anyone who knows (or follows Sugabelly) knows she courts controversy. Some immediately cried blue murder and some lashed out at her saying she was not raped. They questioned the validity of the rape accusations seeing as she continued going back to him. They said it could not have been rape if she continued to date him or remain in love with him. 

Well, the thing is she was 17. And while I must question how she was raised and what kind of parenting she experienced for her to have been so sexually experienced and evolved at the time, it's still not reason enough to blame the victim. More importantly, she was 17!


This comment from sisiyemmie's blog only makes matters such as these even more harrowing, as you will see from this comment, such things do happen. 

For this post, I will comment as anonymous. I so identify with sugarbelly, at age 17, a 27yr old man called Daniel asked me out, he invited me to his place and he raped me, while his friend george was playing games. I was hopelessly in love with him and forgave him, but the abuse continued. People blame sugarbelly for going back, again and again. In my case, he not only abused me, I got pregnant and I had to abort. He didn't even give me money for d abortion, he said he didn't have money and that it was my cross. He will come pick me up after my jamb lesson and have sex with me like 3times before dropping me at home. Vaginally and anal. Few days he was gentle but most times he was rough and raping me. Each time we had sex, I was always shouting his friend's name, George. He will hit me hard and demand I call his name. But psychologically, George's name was impressed in my head because he was there the first day he raped me. So, he resorted to tieing my mouth so that I won't scream. He had a son and it became my duty to drop d boy at school and pick him up. At that age I became his son's mother. Of cos I failed jamb and I had to go for pre degree, he will come pick me from my school hostel, tie my mouth and rape me. I had a very low self esteem and I could not say no to him. He tells me I am ugly, and that no man can ever date me. That my vagina is so lose, my breast fallen, and that he was doing me a favour. I stole money from my parents to give to him. He never bought anything for me save for few times he bought me meat pie / pepper soup and he always collected d back. I couldn't talk to anyone. By my 1st year in university, I had new room mates who were much older. They were in final year and aged btw 23-24. I was 18yrs then, they kept insisting they met my boyfriend that was always sending for me through d hostel porters. They finally met him and they told me he was far from 27yrs, he later confessed he was 35yrs. Bless my roommates, Ifeoma and tayo. They started speaking sense to me, that I needed to break free from him because he was only using me. They gave me the confidence I needed, they told me how beautiful I was and I will find love again. Nights he will send for me, and they will lock me in d room. He threatened them but they stood their ground. Till date, I have a low self esteem. But I thank God, I am gaining my confidence back. I take lots of selfie's everyday people think I am vain,but it is just a daily reminder of how beautiful I am.



Thoughts? 


(I must add here that I don't hurriedly make opinions and lay blame on matters like this where I have no firsthand knowledge, but the Audu guy has completely failed to prove that Sugabelly is lying. Even when he published her mails from 2008 portraying her as a lovesick teenager, those mails only served to expose him as an emotionally abusive person and a predator. Besides failing to prove his and his wife's claims that Sugabelly is a pychotic liar, he's also guilty of statutory rape!)

Comments

  1. There are three sides to every STORY. Her side, his side and then there's the truth. Even the stories our minds tell us about some situations aren't true, we choose what we want to believe in the end.

    I've seen situations where girls accuse guys of rape just because they wanted to get back at him for a sext they saw on his phone. A friend of mine was accused in London because his gf heard him talking to an ex on the phone, luckily he had a perverted roommate who put a hidden camera in his room and videoed the sex session. It was that video that saved my friend from going to prison and getting deported.

    Although in this case I would lean towards the girl because of her age, and forgive me for judging but some of the things I've seen some of these rich men's children do to girls is shocking to say the least.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Thelma,
    I have been so disturbed about what this girl has been through.I don't disagree that she has been lying before now but on this issue I believe her.What saddens me is how some people are passing the blame game on her and not considering the pain she has had to live with.Even a prostitute should not be treated in this way.At 17,her life just started and we all can remember how we felt falling in love at our teenage years.I agree that she was too sexually exposed but did she deserve to be treated that way?This girl's life has really been messed up,I just hope she finds closure very soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Because I schooled in the north and I have good knowledge of how these northern rich kids behave, I can say I'm not surprised at her claims.

    These kids are perverts, drug addicts, etc, if you can "thunk" the vice, yes, they do it all.

    Yep, they even inhale very stale excrement to get high.

    People shoud look beyond the surface, and fairly cast their blames.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahah!!! Calm down! They do whuh?! Inhale stale excrement? Loool

      Delete
  4. Excuse me ma but this is not fair.
    This was a comment I left there to help others- I'm not proud of it- and to see you making a topic of my ordeal is making me feel very somehow. Pls this is not right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Anonymous, I saw this comment being posted and reposted on Twitter. I then traced the origin so I could credit the source, ie sisiyemmie's blog. Meaning that it was already on several places on the Internet before being posted here. That said, I sincerely apologise if you think I posted it here to hurt you, my reason is the exact opposite; to lend credence to Sugabelly's accusation of rape and show those who are victim-blaming that they're wrong, as someone of that age (which is the same age you were) is very vulnerable to such things. Please don't feel "somehow", we need to shed light on such evils. Plus your anonymity is still protected.

      Delete
  5. Thelma,
    Since you are a lawyer, what is the age of consent to sex in Nigeria? I read the "cease and desist" that lawyers at Afe Babalola sent to Eche, Sugabelly's friend who posted the allegations on his blog. In it, they stated that the age of consent in Nigeria is 14.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 14? What year was it 14 and what year was Sugabelly 17?
      Laws change and the time of its change is equally important...

      Delete
  6. I've followed this issue very closely, and out of all of this, I just hope one thing that comes out of it is that Sugabelly finds peace. I have followed her blog for the last four or so years, and by follow I mean I check every once in few months. I don't follow her blog because of any of its content - I find it too dark and depressing. But I go just to make sure that she's okay and pulling through. A short while ago she didn't make a post for 6 months or so, and I got soo worried. I was so elated when I discovered she had a Twitter account with more recent posts.
    Re: the kind of parenting she had, I think her father has played no role in her life, and her mother, well... I don't know the full story. She seems to blame her mother for a lot of things, so... I don't know.
    I just hope she finds peace. That's my prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't get, this is a rape case and accusation. This isnt about what type of childhood she had or who or where her parents are.
    Does the presence or absence of a father or mother justify rape of anyone?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rape is never justified. I think sugabelly's is a different kind of scenario in that she kept going back, which brings up the question of how much self esteem, social support and guidance did she have, which is again inherently tied to the kind of upbringing she had... hence why the presence/absence of her parents is being brought into the conversation

      Delete

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