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Thelma Asks...

Hey guys, I would really love to know what you think. So I'm being approached by this guy in his mid-late 30s for a relationship. So far he's seemed ok, however last night he called me on his way to my place. A couple of his friends were in the car with him and I'm not exactly sure what happened but he complained to this friend to drive well. Immediately the two other men in the car started to abuse him, like very serious abuse o! They said he is very stupid and annoying and he should just shut up and focus on the call he is making. He too was shouting back and they continued to shout him down. At some point one them said if you don't shut up we will park and throw you out of this car, fool! 

Hmmm, it was not playful banter or jibes among friends, it was a very serious exchange of harsh words and when it became too much he quickly cut off the call. He called me about ten minutes later and said he was almost here but I told him I'd gone to bed and suggested we see tomorrow. 

The thing is I became so turned off by everything that had just happened. First off, I don't want a relationship with a man who exchanges words like a market woman. One that still trades words with his friends like JS1 QC girls would do. But my main concern is the way his friends insulted him without any bit of respect, not even caring that he was on the phone with a lady that he's trying to woo (most friends would at least wait till you're off the phone to "finish" you, but these ones sounded like they even wanted the chic to know that the guy is a pant! Biko I'm not calling him that o! That's just how it all sounded). In fact it not only sounded like they have zero respect for him, but like they hate him and barely tolerate his presence. 

While I have not developed any sort of feelings for him, I was willing to give him a chance and see if we could work. Now I don't think I want to date this person anymore, I believe I am a dignified person and I want to be with someone worthy of respect, at least from his own friends! 
      Am I overreacting by not wanting to date someone that is the butt of jokes and the subject of mockery and disdain among his friends? Do you consider it important or necessary for your partner to be respectable and respected by others, or do you consider this a non-issue? Please tell me what you think. 


  1. Yes I consider it important and necessary for my partner to be respectable and respected by others. It's a big deal for me.

  2. THELMA!! Easy does it Pls,in as much as you r not perfect ,there is no perfect person. My two cents.

    1. It's not about being perfect...... action speaks, nd from what she heard, the guy is not respected and doesn't command respect from his friends. That sucks

  3. I don't think it is about being perfect, no woman wants to be with a man that people don't respect. Don't you know that your partner is a reflection of who you are?

  4. Apparently,your guy and his friends were either drunk or simply making a fool of themselves in the car and trying to distract him from the call he was making to you.Quite childish I must say.
    That shouldn't put you off totally, cos you haven't even met his 'friends'.They might be loud but cool who knows.

  5. It's important to be respected by the friends you keep. But I suggest u keep him as a friend and talk to him about the conversation you overheard on the phone and see his reaction. Probably they all act the same way to each other. It's too early to be judge mental dear. Or he might not realise how stupid his friends make him feel.

  6. huh? how is this even a problem. Have you not been around guys who actually diss each other jokingly but it comes across as serious? What make you think his friends know he was trying to woo you. Don't assume all of this just from that brief over-the-phone encounter. I think you should give him a chance and maybe even jokingly bring it up with him to see what he says. Abeggy.

  7. The one that is paining me is that after the guy told you he was on his way, he called you again to say he is almost there and then you tell him you are going to bed? Whatt?? I hate when women do this. Its totally disrespectful. Atleast you will see the guy and make the visit brief. But to make him turn back is totally wrong. Which levels?


  8. I dont think its enough reason to write him off yet....

  9. Have lunch with him, see how it goes. Ki ni big deal.

    I know girls who yab each other like kilode, but they are besties. It's the level of relationship that determines the level of yabbis.

    If you do realize that he is a no-no, you can friend-zone the dude.

  10. Thelma! There's sha something wrong with all of them.

    I don't think this is reason enough to not give him a chance. Guys play stupid play like that all the time but even if his friends dont respect him, if he's a good person and you can respect him then you can talk to him about them and get him to either change them or keep his distance from them.

    I think this reason is too flimsy.

  11. Thelma ssssseriously???
    granted, no one wants a wuss for a bf but c'mon...
    No man will ever ever be tall, dark, handsome, faithful, rich, God-fearing, charismatic, brave, a good orator and still be humble, caring, responsible, sensitive and compatible with you.

    You gotta pick qualities that are most important to you and accept or help tie up the loose ends...would you rather date someone who's abrasive as opposed to (an alleged) a pushover.
    On another note, my friends are like that. you should, or maybe shouldnt hear us get into're probably making a big deal outta nothing.

  12. I don't think only that phone call is enough to write him off.
    I also don't think it's fair you refused to see him just because of that.

  13. You don't want to give him a shot cause of that? Very immature thinking, this explains a lot. Hian!

    1. LOL explains a whooooole lot.

  14. Thelma dear,you have a problem I must admit.Really??You refused seeing him cos of this?? Tell me how perfect you are and how much respect you think you command??That's really insulting and too shalow.Have a rethink dear and get realistic.

  15. T I think u shld get to knw him beta and see how thingd go.. Just get to knw him a lil bit more so u'd be able to make a beta informed decision.

  16. Thelma, na wa o!


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