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About Last Night (Force & Pleasure)

Last night I attended a social function with an interesting mix of people. Guys, do you have any idea how terrible it feels to suffer through a crush for several months; months of thinking, hoping, fantasizing... It's pure agony! And then you finally get to meet and talk to this shining object of your mind's desire and the disappointment couldn't have been more overwhelming? Hot damn! Dude spent so much time trash-talking a lot of ladies at the party, and that's just wrong. If you don't respect women, don't share those sentiments with a woman! I'm sorry I just had to vent.  

Venting done... For most of the night I found myself being beside a particular chic. We somehow got to talking about personal matters. Then she says to me that she's been carrying a burden, one of guilt and shame. I have her permission to post this btw. 

We all know rape is a very serious issue. There's nothing as nerve-wracking and gag-inducing as a man who says "it's not rape if she enjoyed it". I've heard a few fellows say this and it's very pathetic. (Admittedly some women have rape fantasies, but those are just fantasies that are often conveniently devoid of the mental and emotional trauma, oh, the physical ones too). In any case, yes a guy who suggests that someone deserves to be raped because they might enjoy it, or that if a woman enjoyed rape then she has no right to complain, ought to be beaten with a stick!

But what happens when it's coming from the mouth of a woman. A woman who isn't quite sure if she was a victim or not, because although it was forceful, although she begged him to stop, although she said no, although there were even bruises in the course of the scuffle, it turned out to be probably the best sex of her life...

How then does she come out and say she was raped, especially when she didn't want it to stop...

I was surprised to be at the receiving end of such personal information from a virtual stranger, but alcohol does loosen the tongue. And yes, that burden of guilt and shame that she's been carrying is borne because the very reprehensible and criminal act many (women) fight against, was one that she found very pleasurable.

She didn't know what to make of it, and not neither do I. Would you call that rape? Logically and legally speaking, once force is used and penetration occurs it IS rape. But when you find yourself grabbing him tight and begging him not to stop, is it still rape? Does she indeed deserve to feel guilty and ashamed of herself? And now the question that kills her; could she still accuse him of rape? What do you think?


  1. "Logically and legally speaking, once force is used and penetration occurs it IS rape"...
    Well, let's just say it started off as rape but ended in pleasure which doesn't still eliminate d fact that it was a forceful attempt(rape)!
    Having said that, accusing him should depends on the way she personally feels about d whole thing! I say he shld still be accused, she myt feel otherwise so...

  2. Well, I feel there isn't any clear way of handling this. Like you have emphasized if force is used and penetration occurs, it is rape. Several question looms still, including could a singular sexual encounter both be rape and consenting sex, where does one draw the line at rape because clearly there was some form of pleasure from both parties and if rape is proven, does she have credible evidence in form of semen stained cloths, pictures of bruises consistent with rape victims, corroborating witnesses etc. As with all law cases, precedence would be a good starting point.

    In addition, I'd advice she sees a qualified/certified Shrink or counselor (preferably an expert in sex matters) to get better perspective on the encounter.

    Also, she might be more attuned to BDSM as a form of sexual expression (she might want to consider educating herself more on this area).

    1. @ your last paragraph; one of those aspects of sexuality Africans refuse to acknowledge.

  3. It's still rape. Her body had an involuntary response, that's all. If a man is raped he still gets hard and has orgasms. Still rape.

  4. Thelma thelma this your mirror picture no be here o. You're looking too fine these days, kilode? I'm coming to raid your wardrobe very soon.

  5. I was at a socialite event on Friday aswell, whilst Iyanya was on stage, some naija celeb lady sitting next to me said she could rape the dude. And I go like huh? Sista what a choice of word!

    Rape is strong. Whether it was enjoyed or not, when done under duress kills it all.

    Meanwhile Tee be slaying these days. I likey!

  6. Thelma this ur short gown barely covering ur bum is calling one to just bend u over, raise the thing and rear end you into your island of bliss.

    Forcefully or consentually I know the words "harder" "harder" " no, don't stop" will eventually be blurted out ur mouth if it's my cock. Will that be rape?

    1. You are funny and disgusting the same time. J

    2. Not funny, just disgusting, crass and uncouth..

  7. It is rape,forceful entry,physical and psychological trauma are major characteristics. The fact that she enjoyed it only opened her eyes to a sexual preference. BDSM is a sexual orientation but at that, it can still be tagged rape if one of the party involved didn't give his/her consent. So even if it is her fantasy, the fact that she wasn't a consenting partner rules it as rape to me

  8. Thelma all i can see is that dress and its length!!!!!!!!! Sisturrrrrrr on fire.

    1. Aunty MFA but it was night nau. Ok I'll pull it down next time.

  9. It's rape oo!! Thelma u've said it all

  10. I think its still rape cos it wasn't consensual. Like Chrisyinks and Lilia said, the fact that she enjoyed it simply means that shes more open to BDSM.

    As for acusimg him, if she did not get a rape kit, its a "he said, she said" situation and coupled with the fact she at some point begged the guy not to stop, it will be very very hard to proove that she was indeed raped.

  11. It is rape, however the proving this will be severally difficult and embarrassing mostly for the lady. It's really painful seeing the confusion of emotions she is passing through.

  12. Was there force? Yes! Did she beg him to stop? Yes! Did she say no? Yes! Was there a scuffle? Yes! Were there visible bruises? Yes! I don't know what else she's looking for? As someone said the fact that she enjoyed it was just her body betraying her. As someone also rightly said if you rape a man he still get aroused which results in an election and he still hits climax.
    The guilt and shame she feels is because she knows without a doubt that she was actually raped. She's looking for someone to tell her that she wasn't and that's not possible. Some rape victims ended up enjoying it but that doesn't change the fact that they were victimized.

  13. Thelma I won't judge you but you cannot serve God and mammon, choose a hustle church or club? Wwjd?
    Could you preach to me dressed like that and I'll listen? Ponder on that?
    I love you girl. Lord knows I do

  14. Thelma I won't judge you but you cannot serve God and mammon, choose a hustle church or club? Wwjd?
    Could you preach to me dressed like that and I'll listen? Ponder on that?
    I love you girl. Lord knows I do


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