I went to a lounge that was turned into a club for Woman Crush Wednesday on the 28th of October. I went to the club with a friend who wanted her ex to see her looking hot and good. (So she looked hot in very skimpy clothes).
At the club, I saw a "beard gang"man sitting opposite us (I'm into beards). I mentioned him to my friend a few times(sowed the seed into her head). And she asked me to approach him. I was reluctant so she offered to talk to him for me and I pretended to be shy. My friend went ahead to talk to him. And he came to me when I was alone. He introduced himself and we exchanged contact he offered and paid for our drinks. After a while, I stepped out for fresh air and I saw him outside. He called me and we talked for awhile.
He visited me at home on Sunday. (I live alone). We talked like we've known each other for so long. Then he told me he is 36 (I'm 24) from the North and a Muslim #NotStaunch (We are Ghanaians). But lives in New York and has never been married. He came down for his brother's wedding. To be honest I was disappointed because I'm a Christian, though I have very close Muslim friends, I've always said I wouldn't want be with a muslim.
So he said if I'm free the next day, I should pay him a visit at home (his parents house). I said okay, but I didn't even call him the whole day. He called in the evening and I said I'm tired and will call him later.
We went on a date that weekend and before the date, we went to his house, he wanted to introduce me to his elder sister who he said could help with a project I'm working. We missed his sister but we met his friend and he introduced me to him as his friend so his friend was hitting on me.
He later apologized for himself and his friend.
When he brought me back home, he kissed me and I responded. (The kiss was goood). And he left.
We spoke for 2 more days and then I wasn't hearing from him again. I stopped calling and texting after 3 days of trying to reach him.
Two weeks later he called me from the US and apologized. He said he would be back for Christmas and hopes to see me. And said I could call him anytime. And that I shouldn't be a stranger that HE IS TERRIBLE AT CALLING AND TEXTING but he will try so IF THIS IS GOING TO WORK, I WOULD HAVE TO HELP IN THAT REGARD. He said if I needed him to call, I should send a text.
Now we've been in touch mostly through whatsapp. But I'm always the one initiating the chat or call. (We are in touch almost everyday). So some days, I decide not to call or text. Then he gets in touch.
He says I should plan fun activities for us when he comes. I told my friend ( the one at the club) that we are in touch and he is coming down for Christmas. And also moving back to Ghana next year. Now my friend feels I owe her. And is insisting on going to concerts and partying with us. Saying she will be our "parasite".
He has also invited me to his family's annual New year party and his sister's birthday party.
Now I want to know what we are. Do I just wait to find out or what. I'm really liking him. (He is a good conversationalist)
He patiently listens to me and contributes. (I'm a talkative).
He compliments me.
I'm thinking of asking him when he comes down. Because I don't think this is a conversation to have over the phone or Skype.
How do I ask him about our status without sounding desperate. (I don't mind his age).
And should I be worried about my friend? He is coming down on Monday. And my friend says she is moving in with me on Friday for Christmas and new year. (She lives alone too).
Have you confirmed that this friend of yours is not married? If you have, beyond every uncertainty then I think it's well within your rights to have the "What are we?" talk and I suggest you do that when he gets into town before you both begin the festivities (and you get carried away). Of course as you must know, defining things does not guarantee much, except maybe that in the event of infidelity or neglect you actually have a right to demand explanations/apology and get upset/sad/mad. Still, it's best to ask in order to know if you're both on the same page and know the expectations each person has.
There's no special way to have 'the talk', what's important is that you're direct (send your message across) yet subtle (without being pushy or desperate); In my head I'm asking; "what do you want with me? Am I someone you want to get serious with or some chic you intend to have fun with when you're in town? Is this the start of a relationship or a holiday fling?" Maybe not in these words but you get my drift.
The question is what do you want. Let's assume you both want a relationship, are you ready for a long distance relationship? (Please do not hold your breath about him moving back to Ghana next year). Is the religion no longer an issue for you? If yes, why?
With regards to your friend, YES you should be worried about her. NO, I'm not saying she's a bad person or she has any ulterior motives. But to avoid stories that touch it's always best we keep our friends and our men apart. Sure, include her in a few of your plans but she needs to understand that you and this guy need your space seeing as he's only around for a limited time. She needs to not be a parasite and make her own plans. I also need to add that you don't have to tell your friend(s) everything. Had you not told her she wouldn't be insisting on being your handbag. With regards to our relationships; the less our friends know, the better.
Lastly with respect to the guy, I'd advise you to manage your expectations. Good luck!
Guys, the poster would love to hear your thoughts.