"I don't know where he is right now but if I see him I'll tell him to call you". Nothing wrong with this statement at all. Until you learn that that's the fourth time that statement was being made, in two days, and to the same person.
You still might find it rather normal, until you hear that the caller is a wife, asking my friend if he had seen her husband as he hadn't come home in three days and his phones were switched off. You'd also notice that the wife wasn't worried, simply unhappy.
She wasn't worried because as I've learnt, it's rather normal for dear husband to disappear sometimes for weeks. In fact I learnt that sometimes he goes home just once or twice a month. I wondered how a wife must feel about this, being home alone for weeks on end, knowing fully well that your husband is in town, in fact he's right there on the Island with you, probably even just on the next street. And what about the times when he does decide to leave town and he doesn't even bother checking with you first. I wondered how shot her self esteem must be; resorting to calling your husband's friends every other day to beg them to beg him to call you. (At this point If i didn't know the couple personally I would say maybe there's something wifey did. But we know them, and we know he's just chosen to be irresponsible simply because he can get away with it).
Oh, let's also remember that sex in these circumstances become as rare as eclipses... and let's not even talk about the numerous girlfriends, because they're sometimes the least worrisome factors in these circumstances. I remembered the wedding, the pics did grace Society pages and a ton of people tapped into their blessings.
I eventually shrugged dismissively; she's just one among many in a (confusing) situation they call marriage... Years ago my sister's friend gave up on expecting DH to come home at night, sometimes after not seeing him for weeks she would see him on the street driving to work; the guy had moved into a guest house on the same street, couldn't be bothered to hide his misbehavior. But then I remembered that this chica (who made the phone call) is barely 25 and is still as hot af! Then I succumbed to the sadness that threatened to engulf me earlier, that's just no way for a 25 year old to live...
But here's the thing, there are actually so many men in our town, very married yet for all intents and purposes; very single. I remember how startled I was when we asked a former colleague of mine how his wedding went and he said "We've done the wedding, now I can go back to being a bachelor". And isn't that sad? Yet the reality is that so many men live like this. We see them everyday, hopping from one club to the other, regular customers at strip clubs (why is a higher percentage of patronage in strip clubs made up by married men?), sleeping out at will, taking unnecessary trips just to catch trips...
I've been thinking about it and I do not understand. A lot of us girls jump into marriage (either with the right or wrong person) because of age, societal pressure, family pressure, the loud ticktock of our biological clock, friends all doing it etc. But men are often exempt from all these challenges. Which is why it makes no sense why a guy would get down on one knee, propose to a woman, walk down the aisle only to go right back to living as free and single as a high school teenage boy!
Help me make sense of it please, married bachelors why do you do what you do? Why do some men get married when they have no intentions of being husbands? Help, anyone?