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Shout Out To The Married Bachelors!

"I don't know where he is right now but if I see him I'll tell him to call you". Nothing wrong with this statement at all. Until you learn that that's the fourth time that statement was being made, in two days, and to the same person. 

You still might find it rather normal, until you hear that the caller is a wife, asking my friend if he had seen her husband as he hadn't come home in three days and his phones were switched off. You'd also notice that the wife wasn't worried, simply unhappy. 

She wasn't worried because as I've learnt, it's rather normal for dear husband to disappear sometimes for weeks. In fact I learnt that sometimes he goes home just once or twice a month. I wondered how a wife must feel about this, being home alone for weeks on end, knowing fully well that your husband is in town, in fact he's right there on the Island with you, probably even just on the next street. And what about the times when he does decide to leave town and he doesn't even bother checking with you first. I wondered how shot her self esteem must be; resorting to calling your husband's friends every other day to beg them to beg him to call you. (At this point If i didn't know the couple personally I would say maybe there's something wifey did. But we know them, and we know he's just chosen to be irresponsible simply because he can get away with it). 

Oh, let's also remember that sex in these circumstances become as rare as eclipses... and let's not even talk about the numerous girlfriends, because they're sometimes the least worrisome factors in these circumstances. I remembered the wedding, the pics did grace Society pages and a ton of people tapped into their blessings. 

I eventually shrugged dismissively; she's just one among many in a (confusing) situation they call marriage... Years ago my sister's friend gave up on expecting DH to come home at night, sometimes after not seeing him for weeks she would see him on the street driving to work; the guy had moved into a guest house on the same street, couldn't be bothered to hide his misbehavior. But then I remembered that this chica (who made the phone call) is barely 25 and is still as hot af! Then I succumbed to the sadness that threatened to engulf me earlier, that's just no way for a 25 year old to live...

But here's the thing, there are actually so many men in our town, very married yet for all intents and purposes; very single. I remember how startled I was when we asked a former colleague of mine how his wedding went and he said "We've done the wedding, now I can go back to being a bachelor". And isn't that sad? Yet the reality is that so many men live like this. We see them everyday, hopping from one club to the other, regular customers at strip clubs (why is a higher percentage of patronage in strip clubs made up by married men?), sleeping out at will, taking unnecessary trips just to catch trips...

I've been thinking about it and I do not understand. A lot of us girls jump into marriage (either with the right or wrong person) because of age, societal pressure, family pressure, the loud ticktock of our biological clock, friends all doing it etc. But men are often exempt from all these challenges. Which is why it makes no sense why a guy would get down on one knee, propose to a woman, walk down the aisle only to go right back to living as free and single as a high school teenage boy!

Help me make sense of it please, married bachelors why do you do what you do? Why do some men get married when they have no intentions of being husbands? Help, anyone?


  1. We don't raise the boy child. He learns from his father, uncles and older cousins. That's his definition of marriage. When a girl is told 'Mrs' is all she should aspire for, what do you expect will happen? When you are dating a man and he goes club hopping, disappears from his house, his flat is a boys' hostel or just needs a woman to clean or sex. Do you expect him to sit at home? When your desperation blinds you to these things, the reality of Nigerian marriage will slap you hard.

    Until women see themselves as deserving respect from husband, these things will continue. Men don't change. What you see is what you get. I say nothing to such women. You alone will decide when you've had enough.


    1. Thank you.

      To add, its just the misplacement of priorities when thinking about who you want to spend the rest of your life with.(I'm talking to the women here).

      You want a man that would feed you, cloth you, shelter you. Etc. Now you have one now! Shay life has become all so simple, right? Right?.

      Oh and by the way, those things i just mentioned are things you should provide for yourself and let him respect you enough to look beyond those basics.

  2. That man must be from Bayelsa state.

    1. Leave stereotypes. Bayelsans are more responsible than you give them credit for. At least, my father is....

    2. Its no stereotype! Thats where i live.
      Ur dad is just one of the "3" disciplined ones and i can bet ur dad didnt grow up in BY.

  3. "We've done the wedding, now I can go back to being a bachelor".

    End times...

    1. Real end time,that statement left my mouth hanging.

    2. It's not their fault, we make them feel they are doing us a favor by marrying us....... God forbid bad thing!!!!

    3. Like I told my ex, I haven't proposed because I feel like I'm being pressured by not just her but also her family. I want it to come from within

  4. We are failing as a society to raise responsible men and women with proper self esteem. These two people have no business being married to each other. Wife deserves a husband who treats her right and husband shouldnt have a need for marriage if he wants the bachelor life.

    1. Does the "wife even deserves a husband who treats her right"? Think through that your statement again.

    2. I believe she does.

      I also believe a husband deserves a wife who would treat him right.

  5. Societal pressure
    Family pressure
    Personal pressure

  6. Oriegwu!!! May God protect us from unscrupulous elements.

  7. Anon 2:26 said it all. We really don't raise the boy child. I have male cousins who sleep, eat and turn everywhere upside down. They don't contribute anything to the house and their mamma lets them get away with it. After all, according to her, they are BOYS. The eldest simply spends his day playing games, watching movies and chasing movies. His mamma says "let him be...he is a BOY".
    We need to stop the emphasis on marriage for girls...we just end up making them aspire to that and that alone...taking all available trash. Home-training with emphasis on morals and way of life.

    Should I ever be in that woman's shoes (which I know I wouldn't ),I'll also go back to living like a spinster. Like I tell my family always, WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER...MARRIAGE IS NOT A MUST!

  8. And whose table the blame lies, the man? I don't think so. who are the married men cheating with? The SINGLE GALS. the same gals that condemning this act, are the very ones that are discreetly servicing the married men, and making them very comfortable.Karma is a bitch they say. you gals can't be fucking someone's husband, and expect your husband should be faithful when you get married. abi na ghosts the married men dey fuck? no be single gal too. blame the gals

  9. Na was....nothing wen we no go see.

    I pray the get the strength to continue in such marriages.

    Heaven help us all.

  10. I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.


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