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When Your Boss's Wife Hates You.

One of us, who also happens to be my cousin, is in a bind and has decided to share with us. Let's call her Sope. Sope has worked for her company for over five years and has risen steadily in the rungs. She's always had a very good relationship with the boss, and meeting and surpassing her targets made her a favorite of his. He would extol her great virtues not just at the office but also at home. 

Sope became close to his family and became a regular at most family functions. The boss's wife loved Sope and I remember a particular incident where Madam scolded Sope for carrying a knock off Versace bag. Sope bought that bag at that place in Manhattan where you get amahzing knock offs that were almost the real thing. Those ones that are even more authentic than the items people pass off  as "original designer" in Lagos. Still knock-offs nonetheless. This particular knock off cost Sope hundreds of dollars and in her mind she was a big geh. Until madam scolded her for carrying a fake and then invited her to her home the next day. And while there madam handed Sope the orijo of that bag which she apparently had just bought. This bag costs several thousand dollars!
      Well in truth, over the years madam had given Sope several designer items, travel tickets, bundles of cash, gold jewelry and other things. Madam clearly loved this star-staff who had gone above and beyond for her husband's company (which we've now learnt was actually built and is run on madam's money). 

About two years ago Sope suddenly noticed that she was no longer getting invites from Oga and madam. Things were still very fine with oga so she didn't worry immediately. She then decided to call madam to say hi and madam's reaction was very cold. Sope noticed this same coldness the next few times she saw madam. A few months later she finally decided to ask oga if everything was ok and he assured her that all was well. Yet madam was getting colder by the day. 

At one party, Sope ran into madam with her friends. Sope went to greet her and madam blatantly ignored her then turned to her friends and muttered "all these stupid lagos girls", to which all the women cackled loudly and Sope walked away with her shoulders hung low. 

Coincidentally they all attend the same church and even at church madam's coldness wouldn't thaw. Madam had gone from responding to Sope coldly to not responding at all to sometimes making scathing comments aimed at publicly humiliating Sope.

Eventually Sope decided that since oga continued to say nothing was wrong it was best she had a talk with madam. She sent her a text asking if she had done anything wrong and then apologizing if she had. She sent several of these texts and madam responded to none. 

Months later, Sope thought she should confront madam in person since all her texts had gone unanswered. She actually (as she said) went on her knees and apologized to madam for anything she might have done wrong and still begged for madam to tell her what exactly it was. (Sope is in her early 30s, madam is in her 50s). Madam listened to all her pleas and then called security to throw her out and asked them never to let her back on the premises. 

Sope gave up, but not before her parents intervened. You see, when things were rosy madam and oga would send gifts, cash and food items to Sope's parents during festive periods, birthdays or just randomly. So the parents thought it would not be out of place for them to reach out to madam. Still, even that yielded no result. 

Earlier on, when Sope first noticed madam's attitude, she felt that madam probably thought she was having an affair with oga, so Sope took her fiancé to meet and greet madam at her office. Sope also made sure he accompanied her for every social function madam might attend just so she could know that Sope and her husband were/are not having an affair. 

It's been two years and madam makes its clear to everyone who cares to know, just how much she detests Sope. Everyone at the office knows this yet no one seems to no why. Even oga who Sope has asked almost 100 times never gives any answer. It's been Two years of madam shunning Sope's greetings and humiliating before her colleagues and even strangers, sometimes calling her derogatory names publicly.

And that was why at the office Christmas party last week Friday Sope steered clear of madam. She stayed in a corner and ensured that she and madam did not cross paths, thinking that's what madam wants. You'd think so too, right? Well, wrong. 

Earlier today, oga called Sope's phone and rained down fire and brimstone. He said that his wife has never been this upset, saying Sope now thinks she's so big that she no longer greets her. He says Sope has obviously become to big for her breeches and his wife feels personally affronted. Sope tried to explain that she thought that that was what madam wanted, after all she had greeted her everytime for over two years and it only seemed to anger her. Oga shut her up and continued to scream into the phone, telling her that she was no good and after all that madam had done for her he couldn't believe she would show such disrespect. 

Sope went home in tears. She is confused and depressed. This whole thing has affected her output at work but with this last phone call from her boss she's not even sure if she can still function properly in that environment. Jobs are hard to come by but Sope says she thinks she should quit. She's reluctant to because she has contributed immensely to the growth of the company (which is probably why she still has the job) and it's actually her dream job.
     Sope has tried severally to get to the root of madam's sudden intense hatred but no one, not even madam or her husband has told Sope why. Sope is wondering if she should quit the job even though she has no other job to fall back on. She's wondering if in the alternative she should call madam and apologise for the recent event. She's wondering if she should remain at the office and continue to treat madam with docility and reverence or just take a walk... She's also wondering if it's only a matter of time before madam tells her husband to fire her and insists on it. In Sope's shoes what would you do?


  1. This is one other reason why I don't like familiarity with the boss' partner.

    I think she should just text, then call Madam to apologise and even send a Christmas text, then go no further to fraternize with her family.
    Let it be all business and courtesy if they meet.
    Make sure to avoid her, let it not even be that you both are obviously aware of each other and then Sope "ignores her as a big girl." Please Sope should try and grow thick skin to Madam's talks. The accusations are false anyway, not so? She has even made efforts at reconciliation.

    She should also start applying to jobs. I don't really like the idea of resigning with no back-up.
    Sope should pray about the whole situation.

    1. "This is one other reason why I don't like familiarity with the boss' partner...".

      Seconded. Even familiarizing with the boss is a no for me, no matter the praises. Keep it professional at all times. #JustBusiness. I also think your cousin should immediately start applying for jobs as a testy relationship hurts business and self esteem.

  2. In her shoes, my middle name will become "Fast and Furious Job Seeker" so I can leave madam's Company. And while I'm seeking, I will ensure to steer clear from her but greet her when its not convenient to dodge or ignore her.

  3. Dear Sope,
    Pls just resign and get another job...a job is never worth your self esteem ......and at your next job ...just keep it professional ....dnt go to Oga's house or let his wife give u will cause see finish......not to worry all na life lessons.....

  4. Under NO circumstance should Sope apologize to that woman! I repeat do NOT call her to apologize.

    Sope, don't let anyone tell you there are no jobs! That's the first problem right there... you already believe this is the best you can get and that's why you took all the BS you took for 2yrs!
    It's time to move on babe... you've tried! you've satisfied your conscience, you've fulfilled all righteousness. It is time to MOVE higher. Forget the 2yrs you've given, by forget, I mean don't let it hold you back. that has been your training ground and you're better for it.

    If I was in Sope's shoes, I would quit before they fire me. With the little dignity I have left, I would walk out that door with my head held up high. My being successful in life doesn't rest on any man or company... my understanding of that has helped me view life from a different perspective. i'll just take it as what it is: Time to move higher.

    A friend quit her job because she was not treated very well by her boss and some other reasons she could stick. She just woke up one morning and quit. She didn't have another job or anything. Her parents thought she was crazy. Some said she should have chilled till she got another job. For 6 months, she kept praying and submitting her CV everywhere she could. She reminded God of his promises and guess what? After the 6months wait, she got a BETTER job. And she admitted that if she hadn't quit her former job, she'll probably still be managing till today. So you see, sometimes, being in your comfort zone can block greater opportunities. Sorry for digressing and going off course.

    Dear Sope, i'm sorry for all you had to go through in the hands of your boss's wife. You'll be fine! :)

    1. Spot on my dear! You wrote everything I had in mind and more.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. God bless you Kubuoy, that is my thought. Why should you apologize? Perhaps madam wanted you to be the office FM for her and u are not. Now she is mad, let her remain that way. Go look for a job and make sure you resign before the resign you.

  5. When women hate each other.... the reason for the hate is not hard to guess.

    Oga sees you 5 times a week at work, sees you on Sundays, you visit his house and you are there at every event. Geez. Shouldnt you have calmed down? This is what leads to over familiarity.

    Apologize to madam. Next time you see her greet her properly. Start searching for a job.


    1. Nail on the head

    2. That nail miss road jare. Lol

      The beef started 2 years ago and she's been receiving goodies for herself and parents from both oga and his wife FOR 3 SOLID YEARS. Unless oga (madam) visited a dibia and he pointed a *finger* at Sope, all this sudden cold attitude makes no sense. After all oga hasn't even said his wife is beefing because of female superiority complex. He too is beefing, wetin happen?

  6. Well said anon, Let Sope resign and even set up her own business. Since she put in a lot into someones business and its succeeding, she should do the same for hers. Afterall, she can't become a shareholder there and after all is said and done the end result will be a sack or a resignation. So please take a walk while your esteem is intact before you become ridiculed. Going forward, please if its a knock off you can afford kindly carry it with all class and dignity. Never ever let someone make you feel inferior. If at 30, you can afford a good knock off then at 40 youd do better. Also search yourself and colleagues well, if someone hasnt been spewing lies about. Above all prayerfully commit all to God and ask for wisdom and direction.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Hmm...She should please start applying for new jobs and avoid madam as much as possible till she's ready to present her resignation letter.

  9. Wow! This is quite deep.. Pray over it... Only God knows what is eating her up... Some things are beyond human reasoning atimes... Pray and do ur job diligently, don't quit because of her hatred OK. Encourage Yourself, everything will be fine OK..

  10. The reason we have only 4% of women being CEO's, CO's etc in the worl. Hatred for a fellow human yet we pray to GOD for inner peace. Mercy!!!
    Scope should just start seeking for other opportunities and resign.

  11. The man and his wife are just using her to catch trips. I would have left long ago and taken my portfolio with me. It's not hard.
    That's why I find it hard to work for anyone, I won't take any insult because you're paying me salary.

  12. Nawa! I just cdnt stop wondering what might have gone wrong.eya!
    The thing is somethings are just beyond human reasoning, there z a purpose 4 it so please Sope shld start preparing to get a new work place! Don't pack up immediately, just start seeing usef in a better place andwork towards it.. Trust me, its worth it!

  13. Sope. Please resign. Find another job or start up your own. Lesson has been learnt. Just move on abeg with your self esteem still intact. Don't forget to pray.

  14. how can you stand being in such a pretentious, snobbish, shallow environment to begin with! Get a different job. After that's secure, sue the crap out of them for harassment. If you can't do that, at least slap someone in such a way that all will see and hear WHY. What an UGLY woman!


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