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Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Hello Mr President! Muhammadu Buhari Wins 2015 Presidential Elections.


These Nigerians aren't loyal. SMH.




This is how the states voted:

Ekiti: APC – 120,331 | PDP – 176,466

Ogun: APC – 308,290 | PDP – 207,950

Enugu: APC – 14,157 | PDP – 553,003

Kogi: APC – 264,851 | PDP – 149,987

Osun: APC – 383,603 | PDP – 249,929

Ondo: APC – 299,889 | PDP – 251,368

FCT: APC – 146,399 | PDP – 157,195

Oyo: APC – 528,620 | PDP – 303,376

Nasarawa: APC – 236, 838 | PDP – 273, 460

Enugu: APC – 14,157| PDP – 553,003

Kano: APC – 1,903,999 | PDP – 215,779

Jigawa: APC – 885,988 | PDP – 142,904

Katsina: APC – 1,345,441 | PDP – 98,937

Kwara: APC – 302, 146 | PDP – 132, 602

Kaduna: APC – 1,127,760 | PDP – 484,085

Anambra: PDP – 660,762 | APC – 17,926

Abia: PDP – 368,303 | APC – 13,394

Akwa Ibom: PDP – 953,304 | APC – 58,411

Imo: PDP – 559,185 | APC – 133,253

Plateau: PDP – 549,615 | APC – 429,140

Ebonyi: APC – 19,518 | PDP – 323,653

Niger: APC – 657,678 | PDP – 149,222

Lagos: APC – 792,460 | PDP – 632,327

Bayelsa: APC – 5,194 | PDP – 361,209

Gombe: APC – 361,245 | PDP – 96,873

Cross River: APC – 28,368 | PDP – 414,863

Rivers: APC – 69,238 | PDP – 1,487, 075

Adamawa: APC – 374,701 | PDP – 251,664

Zamfara: APC – 612,202 | PDP – 144, 833

Kebbi: APC – 567,883 | PDP – 100,972

Benue: APC – 373,961 | PDP – 303,737

Bauchi: APC – 931,598 | PDP – 86,085

Yobe: APC – 446, 265 | PDP – 25,526

Edo: APC – 208,469 | PDP – 286,869

Taraba: APC – 261,326 | PDP – 310,800

Sokoto: APC – 671,926 | PDP – 152,199

Delta: APC – 48,910 | PDP – 1,211,405

***********

It's finally over people and GMB emerged victorious. How do you feel about this?



Goodluck Jonathan Has Called Buhari To Congratulate Him?

Well that's according to Chude Jideonwo and Debola Williams.






Debola Williams and Chude Jideonwo who work with Gen. Buhari claim GEJ has called to congratulate Buhari over the election results.

As it is we're waiting for the Commission to reconvene at 8pm to give us the result from Borno, the only state left. 


Mrs Selfish or Mrs Sensible?






How do you guys feel about welcoming guests into your marital home? Some folks won't even invite you over for Koolaid on a Saturday not to talk of weekends or moving in!

Good luck? Bad Luck? Who Knows?





Sunday, 29 March 2015

This, That & Vengeance.







I called my friend last night. I was meant to spend the election weekend with her and the boo but I really just wanted to be with my family during the period. However when I called her at night and she began ranting seriously about some guests le boo had that were really infuriating her, I knew my night was about to get more exciting so I packed an overnight bag, hopped into the car and off I went. 

Thing is, some girls are just trouble makers. They came in to the house, the guy says "Meet my girlfriend *Stephanie" and instead of just saying hello and keep it moving one of them said "Girlfriend? That's the first time we're hearing about her". Strike 1. 

My friend was watching E before they came and le boo was reading the news online. The chics, noticing what she was watching instead of politely asking if they could watch something else to know what was going on with the elections turned to her boo and started to complain; "nawa o! You people don't care to know what is going on? How can someone be watching E at a time like this? Ha!!!"
Le boo, being polite to his guests ask Steph to change the channel to AIT. Strike 2. 

Then one of them said "Uncle Bee we're hungry o! Abeg make I check wetin dey for kitchen" and before le boo answered she was already on her feet, headed to the kitchen, rummaged through the fridged and warmed the spaghetti my friend made. Strike 3. 

At this point, my hot-headed friend couldn't take it anymore, her patience and forced hospitality were quick running out. It was then she called me and I ran over. By the time I got there my friend could no longer contain it and was already dropping acidic hints making it obvious she wanted the girls to leave. I knew if I didn't get her out of the situation there was going to be a cat fight, as it seemed the girls were actually having fun goading her on. 

I made her come with me to the balcony and Uncle Bee (le boo) came to join us, to try and mollify her. My friend then started screaming at Uncle Bee, telling him that she would kill him, she would smash his head and send his remains to his children (he's a divorcee), she said she was going to organize 'boys' to "tidy his f*ck up in this Lagos". LOL.

Uncle Bee laughed and said it wasn't possible. Then said he would get his 'boys' first. I laughed at this. Understand that my friend is a natural born psycho (she once stepped out of her car in the middle of the road, jacked the man driving behind her and gave him the beating of his life, just because he was driving too close to her thereby pissing her off) but Uncle Bee is ajeburra to the core. Born into a wealthy family, he left Nigeria for Europe and the US over 20 years ago and returned just a few years back. He's a metrosexual male, very particular about grooming and has a bit of OCD. The kind of man that would hand you hand sanitizer before accepting your handshake, the kind that eats oatmeal and fruits for breakfast and fresh salad and green tea for dinner... The kind that you'd imagine would like to stay away from trouble. So I laughed and laughed; Uncle Bee, you? Boys? Story!

And then he took his phone and dialed a number and it started to ring. I thought it was a random call but then when the person answered, I knew Uncle Bee meant business. The person's voice was dry and gravelly, the type that has been made hoarse by excess smoke and alcohol. 

"Who be dis?" He asked. 

"Na me, Oga Bee, you no get this number?"

"Haaaaa! Oga Bee! Chairman sir! I'm loyal. Sorry I no get this number"

"Samuel, o nwe onye na kpasi m iwe" there is someone making me angry

"What do you want us to do? Should we off him?"

"Mba. Just shoot one of his legs. Or two... As you like. But don't off him"

"If he is making you angry why don't you want us to off him?"

"I have my reasons. Let us just warn him this time. Call your boys. High tension and Cable" I was stunned but when I heard High Tension I burst into laughter. "High Tension", that's so obvious, so Nollywood. 

Uncle Bee quickly wrapped up the call but only after telling Samuel to hold on and await further orders before calling his boys. 

Now in all of this what I have found most atrocious is that there were no questions asked. Uncle Bee, an average Nigerian citizen called a thug and told him someone had upset him, and immediately the thug was set to go and kill somebody last night, no questions asked. Wow!

Isn't that sad?

This reminds me of when someone broke my heart in one of the institutions I attended. Our relationship, although rather brief, was very popular. Everyone knew about it, including the staff. So one day, after he dumped me for a "friend" thereby publicly humiliating me, the Dean of Student Affairs called me to his office and sat me down. This is how I remember the conversation. 

DSA: I heard what has been happening. I'm very sorry about it. 

Me: No problem sir. 

DSA: But people are very stupid you know? Does that boy know that if you want to spoil his life you can easily do it?

Me: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

DSA: Especially if your mind is clean and you didn't wrong him

Me: I never wronged him

DSA: I know you didn't. That is why I want to help you. You can destroy that boy's life. Especially is you people made love and he still disappointed you. 

Me: We never ..... made love (saying those words to an old man made me uncomfortable)

DSA: Are you sure? Well even if you didn't, so far he disappointed you like this, he hurt you when you did not hurt him, what do you want to happen to him?

Me: Sir? *confused*

DSA: What do you want to happen to him? Say it now, say it and it will happen (he said this forcefully)

Me: Nothing sir (I was getting very very uncomfortable). 

DSA: Do you want him to die? Do you want poverty to follow him? Do you want him to be impotent? You want him never to know peace? What do you want to happen to him?

Me: (yes I was hurt but nah, it wasn't that serious). Nothing sir. It's in God's hands. 


The Dean wasn't convinced but I really didn't want anything to happen. Oh well, maybe not "anything", yes, I was hurt and I wanted many bad things to happen to him. I just didn't want to be the one to do them. 

But you know how it is... Have you ever been so badly hurt or double crossed by someone that you really really really just want(ed) to strike back at them for hurting you? Be it an Ex, a friend, a business associate... Sometimes people hurt us so badly that we want to do something to them to make them feel just a bit (at least) of the pain that they caused us. Has anyone ever put you in that situation? Did you go through with it?



*But in times of hurt and disappointment remember Romans 12:19*. 

Saturday, 28 March 2015

A Tub of Untitled Tales.








One. 
Leye's first week at work had gone horribly. His colleagues treated him as though the other guy was fired just so he could take his place. The only kindness he had encountered was from the pretty auditor with the gentle smile and long lashes. Leye thought she was very beautiful but knew she was completely out of his league, besides the audit was done and the next week she would leave their office, it was unlikely he would see her again. 
     It was Friday and all Leye wanted was to go home and sleep. Unfortunately his cousin Ronke had set him up on a blind date with her friend and it was only now Leye realized he should have checked her profile on social network, he had no idea what she looked like. As Leye reached for his phone two ladies walked through the door. Too late, Leye thought. 
     The First Lady wore a blouse cut so low her nipples were almost on display, it clung tightly to her protruding belly, her skin; multi-toned, bleaching gone bad. What the hell was Ronke thinking? He thought as she approached him, but thankfully she walked past his table. And the other lady, just behind her; beautiful was the only word to describe her. Leye got a closer look, this is too good to be true, he thought. 
"Oh dear, what are the chances?" She asked in a bare whisper as she smiled that gentle smile and fluttered those lashes that had haunted Leye all week long. Leye's week suddenly got brighter. 


***

Two.
"Who here has any reason why this couple shouldn't be joined together in Holy matrimony? Speak now or forever hold your peace" The minister boomed. It was mere protocol, nobody ever spoke and he wondered why they even bothered with this part. 
"I do!" Shouted a voice from the back just as the minister was about to proceed. The couple's eyes widened in shock as everybody turned to the back to look at the dare devil. The bride broke into tears as he came forward. 
"I'm sorry Sarah but I cannot let you do this. This man doesn't love you and you know it" John said, extending a hand to her. The groom opened his mouth to say something but words failed him. Sarah looked at her groom and then back at John. She saw her mother's face in the sea of faces, white like she had just seen a ghost. Her mother was shaking her head no, her eyes, pleading. 
     Sarah suddenly broke into laughter and she took John's hands, together they ran down the aisle, and hopped on his Ducati parked close to the door. They sped away without a backward glance. 

Yes, this was the man she loved, she thanked God he showed up just before she made the biggest mistake of her life, just so that she could please her money-grubbing parents. John wasn't wealthy but he was a good man, he worked hard and most importantly, he loved her. That was all that mattered. 


***

Three. 
"I don't believe it TJ. How could you do this to me?" Samira was both confused and shocked. "You know how hard I've worked for this company. I've worked harder than anyone else, I've put my time, my sweat, my blood into this company to make it what it is today" she said, her voice rising with each word. 
"Samira I I I, hear me out first" TJ was struggling to speak but she cut him off
"You what? TJ? You what? You said you loved me" her voice shook with indignation, and the rest of the Board began to shuffle nervously. 
They had kept their relationship a secret for two years but she didn't care anymore. If TJ could fire her before the Board of Directors then what else did she have to lose?
"Samira please" TJ pleaded
"Please? Please? You're pathetic TJ. Don't bother, I'll clear out my desk. Good luck running this company" the tears where flowing freely now but somehow her voice had taken a strong determined tone.
"Yes, I am pathetic 'Mira, and I'm nothing without you" TJ said, there was something earnest in his voice that stopped Samira in her tracks. She turned back to see TJ on his knees.
"So yes, I'm firing you Samira. But because I'm tired of keeping us a secret, because I love you so much, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
From his pocket he brought out a small box. Samira's breath caught in her throat as she spied the beautifully cut diamond ring. 
"Would you marry me Samira?" He asked
"Oh TJ... I thought you knew me better" she smiled tearfully. "I want to be your wife... but I want to be more than just a wife." She said, overwhelmed with love and regret, all at once. 
"You are much more than just a wife. Babes, you think I'd fire you just so that I can marry you?" TJ threw his head back in laughter as he got on his feet.
"Everybody, say hello to the General Manager of our sister company. Miss Samira Davies, soon to be Mrs Samira Tunde Jalade"
The Board stood and applauded heartily as TJ slid the ring on her finger and kissed her hungrily on her lips. They clung tightly to each other, their love fuelled by passion and ambition. 


***

Four. 
The door flew open and the naked duo on the bed froze. Zina knew that one day she would get caught, in fact it was almost as though she wanted to get caught. She had become so careless, even then she knew Chudi could come home at any moment yet she asked Kunle up to their bedroom and allowed him to make love to her on their matrimonial bed. 
Chudi stood at the door, shellshocked. His beautiful wife was in bed with another man. Kunle jumped off the bed and just stood there, trying to decide whether to jump through the window or fall on his knees and beg his boss for mercy. 
"I'm sorry" Zina whispered. 
Chudi took it all in, quietly shut the door and walked away. Kunle is a dead man, he muttered under his breath, and Zina... Zina. He hated her for letting another man touch her, and in their home, in their bed! But he hated himself even more for being the kind of husband that drove his wife into another man's arms. 
     

***

Five. 
"Please darling, please take me back. I've really missed you. I can't stop thinking about you, I love you". Kathy had longed to hear those words for weeks, she was ashamed to admit it but she missed him too. 
The day she broke up with him, she had gone through his phone and she was shocked to learn that he was sleeping with three other girls, while pursuing a few others. Enraged and heartbroken, she packed her things and left his house, never to return. Or so she had thought. Time had dulled the pain and erased the rage and hearing his voice now, Kathy knew it was all that she wanted. 
"I miss you too babe, I can never stop loving you". She said.
      Unfortunately love doesn't have an ON-OFF button and you don't suddenly stop loving someone. Besides, there may be others but I'm obviously the main chic, she thought to herself, smiling happily. 


***

Six. 
All the other girls sat huddled together. Laughing and talking casually, the relationship of people with a common story, a bond. They were "the girlfriends" and occasionally one of the guys would walk over to the group to ensure that his lady was ok. That was not the case with Temi, she sat alone in a corner pretending to type messages on her phone with feigned concentration, feigning indifference. She didn't know if she was succeeding but she knew it hurt like hell, sitting down in one corner, alone, forgotten, the side piece.     
     She knew Wole wouldn't speak to her till it was time to leave the dinner party, she wondered why he even brought her at all. Oh yes, it was because she insisted, maybe if she could make him take her out, if she could meet his friends and get to know them, maybe then he would see her as more than just a vagina. Big mistake. She stuck out like a sore thumb sitting there solitarily, the other girls wanted nothing to do with her, to them she represented trouble; their boyfriends' friend's fuck-buddy who he couldn't even bother to introduce. And she came here with him, has she no shame?
      Sudden loud laughter caused her to look up from the phone she had been staring at intently. She was surprised to see "the girlfriends" looking in her direction, some with pity, some with disgust. She looked back at her phone and continued pretending to type.
      An hour later she got a text from Wole; "In the car, let's go". Oh dear, he had even been too ashamed to walk out with her, he had to exit first and then summon her. 
      She stood up to leave, taking a final glance at "the girlfriends". She realized they weren't prettier than she was, or better dressed even, they weren't brighter, they weren't better. The only difference maybe, was that she didn't realize her self-worth so she settled for crumbs from a guy who didn't even deserve her in the first place. 
     Outside, she walked towards Wole's car and then walked passed it. He began to call her phone but she flagged down a cab, ignoring the ringing phone. As she headed home she cut off Wole's calls and then followed it with a text; "Please, lose my number". She pressed send and suddenly she felt strangely exhilarated! Is this what it felt like to take back control? I should have done it sooner, she thought giggling happily, ignoring the driver's baffled stare.


***
C'est fini. 



Thought I'd write some tales for you, what say you;
-Whatever. 
-I liked them
-I really liked them
-I liked ........ most
-I can really relate to .......
-This is how I would have written that one; ........
-I have a tale for you too, it goes like this ........

Whatever it is you say, just say something, I'm bored and I want to hear from you *Big Grin*




INEC's Official Website Hacked.



‘Its 2015 Elections And We Are Here again But This Time In A Different Form, APC Claimed They Hacked Into INEC DATABASE But We Own The DATABASE Long Before Now So No Worries No Fear To All nigerians…GO And Cast Your Vote And We Assure You That Your Vote Must Count Because We Are The Kings Of The nigerrian cyber SPACE.
Note: we gat access to other high ranking nigerian government servers, but we are not here for that today!. Inec dont try to rig because we have been watching you day and night for months now but dont be scared we mean no harm cos if you attempt to rig you will pay!! We are the the voice of the youths!!
We also use this medium to advice all political parties: who price go pay. We do not forgive we do not forget  expect us!’



We are aware of the recent hack of our @inecnigeria website, we are currently investigating this incident



***
LOL @ Strucked by ...


Dear Thelma... (Blog Reader Needs Your Advice).




I don't know how to start but I will keep it as short as possible so that i don't bore everybody. Some months ago me nd my boyfriend had a very serious fight just after he said he wants to marry me. Some days after the fight i hadn't heard frm him nd he was wasn't returning my calls so I started to think that maybe he had broken up with me. My former classmate has been chykin me since nd he called my phone that day, he wanted us to go out but I wasn't in the mood so I asked him to come to my house instead. One thing lead to another and we had sex that night and in the morning. The next day my boyfriend called me and he started begging me, I was missing him too and I told him that we should just forget about the quarel because I love him very much. I went to his house dat night and we had sex nd continued the relationship nd our wedding plans. Later I tested positive for pregnancy nd immediately told my boyfriend nd he was very excited, we told our families nd they re bringing the wedding very closer so that we can wed before I become heavy. Thelma it was after I went for proper blood test nd found out how far I am that I remember that I had sex with another man and from the date he or my fiance is responsible. I am almost 4 months now nd the wedding is getting nearer. Sometimes I want to tell him but he does not condone cheating nd if I tell him I cheated he will break up with me, not to talk of telling him that am not sure the father of this baby. Pls BVs what should I do? Thank u pls no insults.

Friday, 27 March 2015

Damilola Adegbite & Chris Attoh Wedding Photos.


Here's something to brighten your day. These pictures put a sunny smile on my face, most especially this one below;



Pictures courtesy of Bella Naija
~ Wedding Photography: Photography by Abi
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Proposal Photography: AdeWest Media | www.facebook.com/AdeWestMedia
Wedding Photography: Photography by Abi | www.photographybyabi.net/blog |instagram.com/photographybyabi
Bride’s Makeup: Lawrencia Owusu |instagram.com/lawrebabe_the_makeupartist

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