Here's your one-stop blog where we have conversations on real life stories, inspiration, relationships, sex, fiction, humour, politics, lifestyle and everything in between. Join the conversation!

Sunday, 31 May 2015

That Hurt That Makes You Want To Hurt Them More. (Ps 109).

Just some weeks ago I showed my friend this psalm and her mouth hung open. We read together and I continued to ask what kind of grievance someone could do to another, to make them "invoke" this psalm. We thought about it and shook our heads and moved on to funner things. I didn't have to wonder for long. 

Just this evening my friend calls me crying and tells me how the guy whom we had thought she was going to marry is getting married to someone else. I really feel her pain because I know that they've been through so much together, she has been through a lot because of him, and he, all the while lead her to believe that it was leading somewhere. 
     A lot of us have been in this circumstance so we know how badly it hurts. I know her story might be a bit different because she has sacrificed and lost a lot for him. Now not only did she just learn about his engagement, he also went around spreading false stories about her, to justify dumping her for someone else. 
     Amidst tears my friend says she embarking on a 7 day fast and the only prayer she will pray is Psalm 109. When she said this I shuddered. I honestly feel that this guy deserves nothing good but isn't this Psalm a bit too extreme? Now I'm asking those of you who believe in prayers, wouldn't you advise that she not bother and just accept that vengeance is for the Lord? She says if that's the case then the Psalm won't be in the Bible. Fine, but I still think it's an overkill. To be frank I've always wondered what someone could possibly do to a person to hurt them so much they that resort to this? Me, I have never been so badly hurt, and I think that no matter how terribly someone hurts me, I can never bring myself to say such a prayer. What about you? Please read the psalm below and tell me what you think.

109 I praise you, God; don't remain silent!
Wicked people and liars have attacked me.
They tell lies about me,
    and they say evil things about me,
    attacking me for no reason.
They oppose me, even though I love them
    and have prayed for them.[b]
They pay me back evil for good
    and hatred for love.

Choose some corrupt judge to try my enemy,
    and let one of his own enemies accuse him.
May he be tried and found guilty;
    may even his prayer be considered a crime!
May his life soon be ended;
    may someone else take his job!
May his children become orphans,
    and his wife a widow!
10 May his children be homeless beggars;
    may they be driven from[c] the ruins they live in!
11 May his creditors take away all his property,
    and may strangers get everything he worked for.
12 May no one ever be kind to him
    or care for the orphans he leaves behind.
13 May all his descendants die,
    and may his name be forgotten in the next generation.
14 May the Lord remember the evil of his ancestors
    and never forgive his mother's sins.
15 May the Lord always remember their sins,
    but may they themselves be completely forgotten!

16 That man never thought of being kind;
    he persecuted and killed
    the poor, the needy, and the helpless.
17 He loved to curse—may he be cursed!
    He hated to give blessings—may no one bless him!
18 He cursed as naturally as he dressed himself;
    may his own curses soak into his body like water
    and into his bones like oil!
19 May they cover him like clothes
    and always be around him like a belt!

20 Lord, punish my enemies in that way—
    those who say such evil things against me!
21 But my Sovereign Lord, help me as you have promised,
    and rescue me because of the goodness of your love.
22 I am poor and needy;
    I am hurt to the depths of my heart.
23 Like an evening shadow I am about to vanish;
    I am blown away like an insect.
24 My knees are weak from lack of food;
    I am nothing but skin and bones.
25 When people see me, they laugh at me;
    they shake their heads in scorn.

26 Help me, O Lord my God;
    because of your constant love, save me!
27 Make my enemies know
    that you are the one who saves me.
28 They may curse me, but you will bless me.
    May my persecutors be defeated,[d]
    and may I, your servant, be glad.
29 May my enemies be covered with disgrace;
    may they wear their shame like a robe.

30 I will give loud thanks to the Lord;
    I will praise him in the assembly of the people,
31 because he defends the poor
    and saves them from those who condemn them to death.


Please share your thoughts, and after reading this, do you think she should go ahead? She'll read so please talk!

And while we're talking about hurt, have you ever been so badly hurt buy someone or people that all you could do was cry out to God to hurt them just as they have hurt you? Please share with me. 

You know, me for, I find that although forgiveness can be extremely difficult, sometimes we need to do it, not for them, but for ourselves. It can be liberating. 

Good night guys. 

Dear Thelma... (Meeting His Family; Lies & Codes of Conduct).

Hey Tee, plz help post this. I am meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time and I need advice. He told them I have a masters degree which I got in Dundee amd I hope to get my doctorate degree soon. It's a lie, maybe one day I will go for my masters but I am still looking for a job right now. Also I think his family is very churchy and strict so any tips on what I should wear, makeup etc. And please I don't know if I am supposed to help out in the kitchen if they are still cooking when I get there, should I offer to wash the dishes after eating? What kind of things should I talk to his parents about? I agreed to go with the lie because he said he told already told them and cannot "untell" them. I was not happy but he said it is because his parents are academics and he wants them to like me without any reservation. He is encouraging me to go for my masters and has promised to help me financially so I forgave him a little.but my problem right now is how to handle myself tomorrow. For instance what kind of questions will they ask me about Dundee or my MBA program? I am very nervous, BVs plz come and help me out. 
Ps,I have never gone to Dundee

Hey poster, I'm sorry I couldn't post this last night. I'm hoping it's not too late. Goodluck.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Being a strong woman isn’t remarkable, it’s normal

On May 29, 2015, writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie addressed the class of 2015 at Wellesley College in Wellesley, Massachusetts. Below, an excerpt of her remarks to the women graduating this year. 

I wasn’t very interested in makeup until I was in my twenties, which is when I began to wear makeup. Because of a man. A loud, unpleasant man. He was one of the guests at a friend’s dinner party. I was also a guest. I was about 23, but people often told me I looked 12. The conversation at dinner was about traditional Igbo culture, about the custom that allows only men to break the kola nut, and the kola nut is a deeply symbolic part of Igbo cosmology.

I argued that it would be better if that honor were based on achievement rather than gender, and he looked at me and said, dismissively, “You don’t know what you are talking about, you’re a small girl.”

I wanted him to disagree with the substance of my argument, but by looking at me, young and female, it was easy for him to dismiss what I said. So I decided to try to look older.

So I thought lipstick might help. And eyeliner.

And I am grateful to that man because I have since come to love makeup, and its wonderful possibilities for temporary transformation.

So, I have not told you this anecdote as a way to illustrate my discovery of gender injustice. If anything, it’s really just an ode to makeup.

It’s really just to say that this: your graduation is a good time to buy some lipsticks—if makeup is your sort of thing—because a good shade of lipstick can always put you in a slightly better mood on dark days.

It’s not about my discovering gender injustice because of course I had discovered years before then. From childhood. From watching the world.

I already knew that the world does not extend to women the many small courtesies that it extends to men.

I also knew that victimhood is not a virtue. That being discriminated against does not make you somehow morally better.

And I knew that men were not inherently bad or evil. They were merely privileged. And I knew that privilege blinds because it is the nature of privilege to blind.

I knew from this personal experience, from the class privilege I had of growing up in an educated family, that it sometimes blinded me, that I was not always as alert to the nuances of people who were different from me


 Victimhood is not a virtue. We can not always bend the world into the shapes we want but we can try, we can make a concerted and real and true effort. And you are privileged that, because of your education here, you have already been given many of the tools that you will need to try. Always just try. Because you never know.

And so as you graduate, as you deal with your excitement and your doubts today, I urge you to try and create the world you want to live in.

Minister to the world in a way that can change it. Minister radically in a real, active, practical, get your hands dirty way.

Wellesley will open doors for you. Walk through those doors and make your strides long and firm and sure.

Write television shows in which female strength is not depicted as remarkable but merely normal.

Teach your students to see that vulnerability is a HUMAN rather than a FEMALE trait.

Commission magazine articles that teach men HOW TO KEEP A WOMAN HAPPY. Because there are already too many articles that tell women how to keep a man happy. And in media interviews make sure fathers are asked how they balance family and work. In this age of ‘parenting as guilt,’ please spread the guilt equally. Make fathers feel as bad as mothers. Make fathers share in the glory of guilt.

Campaign and agitate for paid paternity leave everywhere in America.

Hire more women where there are few. But remember that a woman you hire doesn’t have to be exceptionally good. Like a majority of the men who get hired, she just needs to be good enough.


All over the world, girls are raised to be make themselves likeable, to twist themselves into shapes that suit other people.

Please do not twist yourself into shapes to please. Don’t do it. If someone likes that version of you, that version of you that is false and holds back, then they actually just like that twisted shape, and not you. And the world is such a gloriously multifaceted, diverse place that there are people in the world who will like you, the real you, as you are.

I am lucky that my writing has given me a platform that I choose to use to talk about things that I care about, and

 The only acceptable way of wasting your time on earth is online shopping. I have said a few things that have not been so popular with a number of people. I have been told to shut up about certain things – such as my position on the equal rights of gay people on the continent of Africa, such as my deeply held belief that men and women are completely equal. I don’t speak to provoke. I speak because I think our time on earth is short and each moment that we are not our truest selves, each moment we pretend to be what we are not, each moment we say what we do not mean because we imagine that is what somebody wants us to say, then we are wasting our time on earth.

I don’t mean to sound precious but please don’t waste your time on earth, but there is one exception. The only acceptable way of wasting your time on earth is online shopping.

Okay, one last thing about my mother. My mother and I do not agree on many things regarding gender. There are certain things my mother believes a person should do, for the simple reason that said person ‘is a woman.’ Such as nod occasionally and smile even when smiling is the last thing one wants to do. Such as strategically give in to certain arguments, especially when arguing with a non-female. Such as get married and have children. I can think of fairly good reasons for doing any of these. But ‘because you are a woman’ is not one of them. And so, Class of 2015, never ever accept ‘Because You Are A Woman’ as a reason for doing anything.

Finally I would like to end with a final note on the most important thing in the world: love.

Now girls are often raised to see love only as giving. Women are praised for their love when that love is an act of giving. But to love is to give AND to take.

Please love by giving and by taking. Give and be given. If you are only giving and not taking, you’ll know. You’ll know from that small and true voice inside you that we females are so often socialized to silence.

Don’t silence that voice. Dare to take.




Friday, 29 May 2015

Dear TTB Readers, Do You Believe Change Is Here?

The Things That Matter To You?

The weather was simply fantastic this morning and I couldn't let it go to waste. I decided to go for a nice long walk which turned into a full workout, thanks to peer pressure. LOL. Everyone seemed to be doing one exercise or the other and my sluggish stroll was incongruous with their frenetic activities, so I picked up the pace. Well, you know how those settings are, you get to meet people, which is the sole idea behind working out there, for some people. 

Someone came to chat me up, lively conversation. In the looks department he wasn't exactly easy on the eyes, but when he opened his mouth to talk it was a silky smooth baritone that you wouldn't mind falling asleep to. We chatted for a while, about ten minutes or so, but it was enough time to gather that he's really smart and has a great personality.

While I may never see him again, thinking about it makes me wonder. One lady might swoon over him for his great personality and charm, another might flick any thoughts of him away because of his below average looks. Doesn't it make you wonder at the things that matter to some and the things that matter to others?

So I'm just going to do a little test. On the scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do these in the opposite sex, matter to you?


I don't mind going first. 
Looks-6. Personality-9. Education-6.5. Finances-9. 

Like most people, I find that a person's personality is important. But unlike most people I'm willing to admit that I like money, the things money can buy and the lifestyle money can afford. Oh before you say it, of course I intend to be financially independent, but with our combined awesome finances, imagine what magic we can make!!!!!

Now it's your turn, show me your answers. LOL. 

Thursday, 28 May 2015

That Other Side of Royalty.

Some nights ago I happened to be privy to a conversation a young married couple had. The husband lost on older family member and had just returned from his trip to the village. He was telling wifey how it all went when she asked; "How long did the church service last?". His reply; "there was no church service". "Ah ahn. Why nau? Christian burial without church service. Or wasn't he a christian?", she asked. "He was a Christian but he was a titled chief. They don't bury them in church. His 'people' came to do the burial in the burial ground". "Nawa o! All these fetish practices! And you're planning to get ozo title! Abeg o! Please think about me and the children, we are Christians". "What does being a Christian have anything to do with it?" He asked. "Those titles and royal families in Nigeria, the traditions don't go hand in hand with Christianity. Even if you say you are a Christian, all those rituals and oaths and everything that you must do... They are not Christian, they don't go hand in hand". The conversation was serious yet lighthearted, so it moved on to other topics. 
Yet, it stayed with me. I've thought about it off and on since then. So when I saw the comment below made by a self-proclaimed well-meaning lady on Bella Naija, on a post about the popular Lagos socialite cum TV personality and her soon to be husband, who happens to be the son of an Oba, my interest couldn't help but be piqued (is it grammatically ok for one sentence to be this long?) Read comment below;
"Dear, from one woman to another, I hope you know that when you get married, you don’t just marry a man alone but the entire family. No matter the foreign education and oyinbo mentality you have. Your fiance-to-be might say otherwise but after this marriage,there will be portions and rituals that you will have to exercise, both in your presence and on your behalf.
Am wondering if you are religious or not. Please be sure what you are about to get yourself into, is it what you really want for your life and future kids. There will be generational spiritual implications. When you love someone, make sure you can also handle their family.
You see now you are not yet married so nothing much, totally different afterwords.
Goodluck ."

It immediately reminded me of that conversation from a few days ago. And as can be expected, I started to wonder... What do you think about the comment above? Is this a load of crap or reality? What exactly is entailed in being Royalty in Nigeria, or having a title? Can one be truly religious and be titled? Are the women in this post right in their thinking or is their reasoning void? Are you or someone you know from a royal family, or related to a titled person, what exactly goes down biko; should the Christian wifey above right to be concerned about her husband's title ambitions? Let's talk. 

Dear Thelma, (First Date Wahala).

Please i need a quick advise from you before i make a mistake again. Is it advisable for a girl to go to a guys house for their first date. I actually like the guy and i'm willing to start a relationship with him but i'm skeptical about going to his place the first time we are actually meeting. It might create a bad impression or something. What do you think about it please.
    You can also throw it open for the house but i want your own honest answer first. The date is taking place tomorrow.      

About Last Night.

Hey people. My posts these last few days have been neither here nor there. I don't know if my service providers are affected by the scarcity but service has been extremely poor. The WiFi connectivity is dead. It doesn't work for hours and then for about 5 minutes it does. That's how I've been able to put up the few posts I did.   

Last night I struggled for hours with the internet. I have some things I need to handle outside town and I knew I'd be out for the weekend. When I'm not working I'd be in my hotel room so I tried to download as many movies and series as possible, to keep me company in my solitude. I even called Uyi to suggest some good things I could watch. This kept me up till 2am. I finally gave up and fell asleep. At 3am I heard noises. Not to go into details but there were armed robbers in the house. And they were in the living room. We later learnt they were five. 

It was probably the scariest moment of my life by far. I called the emergency lines over a hundred times, each time some bored sounding person would ask me to calm down and reassure me that officers have been dispatched. They eventually showed up well over an hour after I made the first call. While it was still ongoing and different scenarios flashed before my eyes I quickly ran to pull off my bum shorts and wear a pair of jeans and a boubou. I beat myself up thinking that it was my fault, because in the evening I went grocery shopping and I thought I must have left the door unlocked. But then, even if I hadn't locked the door, it's the type that cannot be opened from outside without the key, so I was very confused. In the midst of this panic I got a message on my phone from Chocolate's Mum. This was past 3am and a very unlikely time for anyone to send messages. It was a breakdown of Psalm 23. This came at a time when I could do was pray anyways. So I calmed my nerves, read the message and prayed. 

I thank God no one was harmed. We learnt that cut the barbed wires and came in through the window.

Well I've been up since then and had to reschedule my flight. I'm so thankful to God for his mercies. Everything is fine. 

I've got this friend I love dearly but who happens to be the most pessimistic person I know. She has the kindest heart yet the most pessimistic mind. When we talked this morning the first thing she said was "They are going to come back". Who does that please? I immediately replied saying God forbid! And she tried to convince me that they would. Imagine that. 
Likewise, when my family member was passing through some major challenges and I needed all the hope I could get, she outright told me "it is going to fail". It gets tiring, having one of the people you love the most constantly tell you that your worst fears will become realities and point out reasons why anything you do will fail. 
     In truth, she's also this way with herself. She refuses to travel and hasn't boarded a plane in years because she believes without a doubt that whenever she does, her plane will crash. She's constantly thinking and expecting the worst. I have tried to talk about this severally and she says she cannot help herself. She also says expecting the worst means that when it does happen, she will not be too disappointed. I've tried cutting off from her becasue of this but while she's literally the most pessimistic person I know, she's also the kindest and easily the most selfless. Yet, after telling her about the ordeal this morning and the first thing she said was "They are going to come back", and still try to convince me that they would, I'm left with a bitter taste in my mouth. How do you best handle people like this?

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Dear Thelma... (To Post or Not To Post).

I told you last month that my husband has been cheating on me. I don't know if my husband has ever been faithful to me since the beginning of our marriage but before he used to have the decency to try and hide it. After our first baby he stopped trying to pretend. Please how can a man go to a bear parlour every night and come back in the morning, what do they do there? 
I have begged cried prayed fasted even threatened to leave him but he does not care. That is the most painful part, when I say I will leave it is almost as if he is happy. With two children and my unemployed situation I cannot go anywhere. My friends have said I should ignore him and focus on other things, everybody says all men cheat and I should get used to it, that if I see what is happening in other marriages I will thank God for my own. I don't know how to get used to my husband sleeping with other women but I have tried. Now, my husband started dating this girl Chioma. Even the girl did not have the decency to hide the relationship. She buys him perfums and boxers and she will buy greeting cards and write her name, can you imagine that my husband stopped bothering to hide her gifts anymore. Can you imagine that that jezebel traveled, and bought things for my husband and my children? if I know where she lives I will have gone straight to and warn her. I know it sounds stupid my friends say how many will you go and warn? But she is taking it too far. She calls him anytime she wants and he doesn't hide anymore. His excuse is that after all I have already caught him so why should he continue to hide? I know you people will say face your husband and leave the girl alone but this girl is taking it too far. Last week I did some FBI and found out his password. Thelma last night Chioma sent him her naked pictures, not only that but the pictures of her female friend sucking her b**bs and other naughty pictures. She said as his birthday present she and her friend have a surprise. God knows that I am tired of praying and fasting and i know I sound stupid but I love my husband and I don't believe in divorce . I have it in mind to publish her pictures and even her contacts, I sent everything to my phone. She sent her faces even in the naked pictures. Is it that she is that stupid or she trusts my husband this much? 

*Chioma is not the real name, I changed it. 
*The mail was sent to me personally but I'm unauthorized to voice opinions on marital issues. She gave me her permission to post. 

She has said a lot but her main question is doesn't "Chioma" deserve to have her pictures and personal details posted online? Is that a punishment well deserved or should our dear poster "temper Justice with mercy"?

Giveaway... Size 42 Shoes!

Good morning guys! I've been meaning to do this for weeks but I haven't had the time. 

These are all size 42 shoes, all flats save for one and all fairly used, a few have never been worn though. The ones that are fairly used still have several years left in them, they're all great quality, some quite high-end (there's a Russel and Bromley and a pair of Salvatore Ferragamo), and we can kinda vouch for the quality of those shoes. If youre a size 42 and you're interested, leave your email in the comment section. Random selection. But you've got to be able to pick it up from Lekki, Lagos, or send someone to. There's no time frame but if I have them with me too long then it's likely I'll give them to someone else. 

Since the shoes on the far right are older than most of the others, I decided to compensate with a pair of Christain Dior heels, I've worn those just once or twice. 

One person gets three pairs each. 

I've also got some giveaway size 16/18 clothes. Some new, some fairly used. If you're  interested in the clothes then please don't leave a comment, mail me. You know how I feel about used clothes so that won't be random selection. 

Good morning all and happy children's day to all TTB Kiddies!

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

Dear Haters, 5 Reasons I Need You.


Make Me Fabulous! Episode 1 Of Stephanie Linus Reality Show, Photos andVideo.

Stephanie Linus’ Reality TV show, Make Me Fabulous premiered on DSTV Africa Magic yesterday and it was a blast! In the first episode, a married couple - Ifeoma and Tunde Asolo, had the transformation of their lives with a chance to bond and resolve their marital challenges like never before.

For a chance to be on this show, couples had to talk about their challenges on Stephanie’s blog This was Ifeoma's challenge as she narrated it: 

"I got married march last year. Had miscarriage in June and Nov last year! Stop my job, hubby is complaining that am getting fatter and also that I worry much about getting pregnant soon without caring about him! It’s really affecting my marriage!! I think I need this to take away some stress off us!"

Stephanie felt so touched by her story that her team contacted Ifeoma and her husband, Tunde for a fabulous treat. The couple was picked up from their home in style with a Porsche car, lodged at the prestigious Intercontinental Hotel, taken for shopping separately at the Mango store and TM Lewin, and had a joint spa session at BNatural Spa. Ifeoma herself got a style and makeover transformation from stylist Bubu and celebrity Make Up Artist Bimpe Onakoya  that made her look so stunning, her husband Tunde could hardly recognise her. They also got gifts from LG, Swatch and Mango.

Some days after her fabulous experience, Ifeoma had this to say: 

"Make me Fabulous help improved my marriage in such a way that my hubby hardly complains anytime I have a mood swing, rather he will say 'do youu need fabulous treat! And believe me, if I say yes, the rest of the day will be wow! It made us to realise that two of us are the most important persons in this marriage. Any other thing is an added blessing and he's never stopped giving me fabulous treats!"

Let’s not tell you the entire script. If you missed the show yesterday, here’s your chance to catch up on all the excitement!

The Love inspired reality show with 12 more episodes to go for the season will air every Sunday, at 7pm on DSTV’s Africa Magic Showcase, Channel 151.

Yay For Toolz & The Captain.

Some days ago Toolz and Captain Tunde Demuren left the country for a vacay in the Dominican Republic. I ate my metaphorical popcorn while reading the "interesting" comments on some blogs. 

She needs to stop deceiving herself he's never going to marry her
He looks so unhappy
Why is he just wasting her time, he should break up so she can move on
His brothers are all married, look at him, what is he waiting for
Toolz is just forcing herself on this guy
Please I don't see anything in the Demuren guy, besides the family money, he should get lost. 

On and on and on it went. But a handful of people made one comment. 
I smell a proposal!

Well here it is. Did someone say FINALLY!!! I'm a fan of these two and I'm so happy for them both. 

*isn't funny how most of us sit on the side and make judgments and conclusions on people's lives when we really don't know anything about it?*

Good Morning guys. Don't wait to see what kind of day you going to have, decide what kind of day you're going to have. 

Mine's going to be simply beautiful; seasoned with creativity, sprinkled with laughter and peppered with love. 

Monday, 25 May 2015

A Well Deserved Tongue Lashing.

Any wonder why Nigerians are treated like scum by immigration all over the world?

... I could just cover my head in shame right now. Which way Nigeria?

Photo source; Linda Ikeji's blog. 

How To Please a Nigerian Man- Etcetera.

This should be an interesting read...

Is something wrong with the Nigerian woman? Has she lost her beauty and power of seduction? How come Nigerian billionaires and politicians are all of a sudden having preference for foreign women? Or has the money syndrome finally caught up with them?…… Oops! Did you say it’s about time?

Hmmm maybe Nigerian men are difficult to satisfy like some of our ladies have claimed. But is that the appropriate excuse? Well, for any woman who truly knows her onions, pleasing a man (whether a Nigerian or not) is never a difficult feat. So ladies, here are some insights to a Nigerian man’s heart that will guide you to becoming the right woman in his eyes.

Submission has got a bad rap in recent years. The feminist movement has even made matters worse. Women are forgetting that submission wasn’t your man’s idea, it was God’s. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) Again the Word says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18). Men should also know that submission does not mean subjection to abuse. Submission simply implies respect for another’s authority.

Ok sweerie, the premiership ends this weekend. You can now have the remote control from Monday morning. Watch as much telemundo and your Nollywood movies as you can from now till August. Nigerian ladies should understand that the key to a harmonious family life is finding that balance. 

Your man may not be a professional footballer and probably may not go to the field and play every Saturday, but if you don’t disturb him whenever he is watching his favourite team play on TV, he will love you more. Remember that by learning to love and support his team, you are creating a deeper bond between the two of you. Be on his side, root for his team, celebrate his victories, mourn his defeats. Even the Bible commands us to “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” (Romans 12:15) lol…

Every Nigerian man loves food. I mean the actual food. There’s no such thing as a modern or old fashion way. A way is a way and the only way to a typical African man’s heart has always been through his stomach. Coming home from a long day’s work, we enjoy nothing better than a well cooked meal. 

Remember the story of Esau in the Bible? He was so hungry and was practically shaking after working in the fields that he was willing to sell his birthright to his brother Jacob for a hot bowl of soup! (Genesis 25:29-34). Ladies, when a Nigerian man is not properly fed, he becomes irrational, irritable and vulnerable to temptation. Feed us well not just for anything else, but so you may have peace in the house…. lol

Now ladies, ask any Nigerian man to choose between a delicious plate of soup and no sex or a tasteless meal and a mind-blowing sex, he will prefer to drink garri without sugar and have that mind-blowing encounter with you in bed. Does that tell you something? Babes, you may be everything from smart, charming with long pretty legs and even God-fearing but if your husband doesn’t find you sexually attractive, SHIKENA. A Nigerian man always wants that thing. 

So, stop holding back whenever he wants it. Adopt the Boy Scout motto that says “always be prepared.” Stop using your sexuality to manipulate or punish him. Our greatest vulnerability is our sexuality, so don’t just go there – No games with that please. Give yourself to him freely every time, every way and everywhere.

The Bible commands you, “Deprive not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:5). Did you hear that? It says even after fasting, you should still give it to him…. Hmmmmm! I love the Bible. No wonder they call it the “perfect book.”

All men want to be successful. But it is so unfortunate that most Nigerian women measure success by what a man has accomplished and not by who he is as a person. It is the role of the woman to help her man see the big picture in life, not through the eyes of someone who wants to purchase every latest trend in fashion, mobile phones and cars. 

The good book of the lord says, “Better is the poor (man) who walks in his integrity than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.” (Proverbs 28:6). So, ladies, always let your man know when he is doing a good job. Praise him for his patience with words like, “I really appreciate that you helped me with the dishes today.” “Thanks so much for emptying the dustbin; I appreciate you honey, even in the small things.” Note that a little compliment to a Nigerian man every now and again works like magic.

Nigerian men are driven by the need for significance. We often ask ourselves this question, “Do I really matter to her?” A man’s thirst for significance can only be quenched in knowing how important he is. That is why we will chase after every vain pursuit only to hear the words, “You matter. You are important. You are appreciated. You are significant.” If a man never heard these words or sensed this approval from his woman, he can spend his whole life chasing someone else who will value his identity.

Support your man at every turn. Be there for him to guide him. This is God’s command for you as the woman. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18). A man needs help in the small things like finding our car keys or in bigger things like building a business. It has become one of the most popular sayings that “behind every great man is a far greater woman.”

With men, two plus two is always four. We are a straight-jacket mind species. Maybe it is so because we have always found solace in being logical. And it has proved to be a sure way one can maintain stability in the home, especially in times of uncertainty or danger. But it is clear that men most times lack that natural intuitiveness found in women. 

Which makes it important, that whenever your man is about to strike a business deal, he needs your input because he might not understand that deep gut feeling you have that something is not right. For a man, if it looks good “on paper,” it is good even when in your heart of hearts, you can smell something foul brewing. Your man needs your intuitive, instinctive, perceptive and discerning insights when making decisions. But as his woman, you should be careful so as not to bruise his ego.

A man is not molded to understand the emotional and dynamics behind the problems that women face. So it is important that the woman doesn’t go running and pouring all her cares, worries, fears, insecurities and troubles on him all at once, it can be very overwhelming. If it is your car that is making that funny noise or something in the house is broken, YESSSSS! he knows exactly what to do instantly. Every man requires that extra training to be a good listener and you will have to working at it until he is there. 

You can simply start by asking him to listen to you for one minute without interruption and gradually build up his tolerance level. If you throw a fifteen-minute monologue at him, he will freeze up, walk away or get annoyed. Make things simple for him. Spell out exactly what you need, even if it is just a simple hug (and you may want to also explain to him that a hug does not mean you want to have sex!)… because e nor dey hard us to conclude.

Every man wants to come home to a peaceful house after a long day at work. But our women don’t always permit such a luxury. We want tranquility and control in every aspect of our lives; that is why we sometimes do everything possible to create an atmosphere of peace and serenity. It is also why every man dreads a nagging woman. A nagging woman drains us of body vitamins and morale. If you nag your man, he will distance himself emotionally and possibly even physically. The Bible says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” (Proverbs 25:24).

Blog Archive