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Friday, 31 July 2015

5 Ways I Knew I'm Officially Old.






1. Talking to a former law school classmate and he suddenly says "I saw him after my wedding" and I absolutely thought he was joking. Was about to lmfao when he immediately followed it up with details about said wedding, and then pictures. Wait, weren't we in law school just yesterday? When did you become a man? Who told you you're old enough to be a husband??? When your male age-mates start getting married then it's time to apply the anti-wrinkle cream!


2. When a Blog Reader called me to complain about her boo's complaints about her dressing and she said "what does he want me to wear? Iro and buba or boubou? I'm still young, I can't be dressing like an old woman, like I'm 30 or 40". Wait, WHAT??? Did she just say that? Was she taking the piss? Just... What?


3. When a love interest asks "So how old are you?" and I pause because I know the next few seconds could make or entirely break this fragile thing we have brewing...


4. When I realize that at my current age my mum had already been married for several years and had her first two kids. WT...?


5. Trying to read Thought Catalog which I totally loved just months ago. Now I skip about 70 posts before finding something I'm remotely interested in reading. Last night I muttered "everything on TC these days is just crap", then I realized they're still posting the same things I used to love. And then it hit me; nah, you're just old. 



LOL. Ok, I know I'm not old old, just older than I used to be. I think I'm in shock. I mean this morning I woke up to a tirade from my elder sister. She went off on this maddened tangent on how I need to realize that I'm not a baby, and I need to start this this this and that. Like a petulant child I stuffed my ears with my index fingers and she screams louder; "You obviously think you are still a child. Very soon you'll get married, you better start to act like it!" I took my fingers out; "why do I need to act married when I'm still single?" I asked, all wide eyed innocence. Exasperated she hissed and stomped out the room. 

Haha. So yes, I think I'm in shock, realization only just dawned. 

When did you realize that you're no longer as young as you used to be? There's fun in sharing!




*Big grin*. Have a great weekend guys. I might be taking a long road trip to a neighbouring country (not Ghana. LOL). It was actually slated for next weekend but seeing as that's when we're having our hangout, I'm trying to bring it forward. It may or may not be possible considering I'm not going alone and I already got my partner to change plans from 1st to 8th when I thought we'd have TTB hangout on the 1st. Now to change it back from 8th to 1st, that might not be easy. Either ways I'm likely to have a full weekend. Im'ma catch up with y'all in a couple of days. Much love. 



...The Improper Product of a Polygamous Home!




*Oluchi has been engaged to *Ugo for over a year now, with no wedding in sight. The couple is still very much in love and eager to make it official. However Oluchi's in-laws to be are reluctant to welcome her into their fold. They loved her when she and Ugo were just dating, it was all fun and games until Ugo got down on one knee and proposed. Suddenly his entire family remembered that Oluchi is from a polygamous home and their son therefore cannot marry her. 

In moments of frustration there are times I wish I could go to Ugo's family myself and tell them just how wonderful Oluchi is, how amazing she is as a person; kind, accommodating, industrious and compassionate. I know her and know for a fact she's even a better person than I and most other people from "stable", "proper", "functional" homes. Made me scream BS at the stereotypes that follow people from polygamous families and broken homes. 

Broken homes and the stereotypes... I thinks that's even worse, another topic entirely, perhaps. 

Then some months ago I had the misfortune of meeting someone whose character stunned me, not on a good way, and then did this thing that resulted in me saying indeed someone from a proper home wouldn't act this way. Just maybe these stereotypes are founded after all. 

And then my colleague who's from a polygamous home says he will never marry someone from a polygamous home. He says so many unprintable things about his experiences growing up, and why most people from polygamous (and broken homes) end up having behavioral problems. He constantly reiterates that he cannot marry a product of a polygamous home, and neither will his children. I once had to ask; you're adamant in your refusal to as much as date a girl from a polygamous family, so which single girl from a "proper" home is going to have the ill luck of being stuck with you?  

I dislike stereotypes and it particularly irks me because I know some people from these homes, well rounded, solid individuals. And I've known people, befriended people, dated people, from traditional homes, the supposed proper homes, who happen to be bloody wankers! 

So what gives? What informs these beliefs that any product from a polygamous home is automatically a flight risk and as such, should be avoided? That people from polygamous families are likely to be dysfunctional, and naturally polygamous by default. What factors or attributes contributed in birthing this stigmatization and what attributes keep it thriving even in modern society? Or do people just act based on preconceptions?

What are your experiences in your dealings with people from these homes? How have you found your relations and interactions with them to be? Do you really consider them different from you?
     More importantly, are you from a polygamous home? Do you feel stigmatized or feel your background has caused you certain losses; maybe opportunities, maybe relationships or marriage?

Please do share. 

Single Is Bad.




One of my close friends is single. Our friendship is easy because there are certain similarities in our situations, and we're both hungry. Hungry for different things however. Less than a year ago her hunger lay within the work/career confines, now I don't hear any of that anymore, she wants to marry. We're quite open with each other. A few weeks back we were talking about things. I dismissively said "marriage is the last thing on my mind", she immediately replied "it's the first thing on mine. Me I want to marry soon abeg". In the last few months I've listened to her talk wistfully about marriage, there's this glint in her eyes when she talks about former classmates now married. I've tried to hear her reasons out and so far what I gather is she wants to marry because we're at that age, because our mates are all getting married, because it's the natural progression of things, because she'd expected that by now she would be married... Basically the same reasons most people our age have. But I don't think they're "valid" enough. 

I should want this more! I can't even bring myself to pray about it. Like when I say my prayers and I pray about a husband I feel like I'm wasting God's time. Suddenly the fervor leaves my voice and the fire leaves my heart, I'm just going through the motions, praying about marriage because that's what a single thirty year old woman ought to do. 
     A while back I set time aside for a retreat with God. Erniesha Tibs patted my back, saying yes do pray, and pray about that husband. Tibs is young, early/mid twenties, and married to an amazing guy. I adore that couple! But I confessed to her that I didn't intend to. "Why?" she asked. "It's just not what's 'doing' me now Tibs, I need to get certain things sorted first. There are more pressing issues in my life. I need for this this and that to happen first". She urged me to pray still, saying that I could pray for all those things to come; praying for a husband and getting one wouldn't stop the others from happening. I completely agree with her. Still...

My burning desires lay elsewhere. Or maybe having never been in a long term relationship the concept of forever eludes me like smoke through a net. 

Or perhaps I hunger for love and on some level I fear that marriage is the ruination of love...

I read a comment, a valid reason in my honest opinion, finally; because everybody wants someone they can come home to at night and share their lives, dreams and aspirations with. True. But that's love, not marriage. Marriage does not guarantee that. I just need to know why I should pray and fast for a husband, that's all. 

When I read your comments on the blog; Tiwa and her fiancé, Tolulope and her hubster, Miss Pynk and her Mr, and all the lovers... I'm filled with butterflies and longing. I want I want I WANT mine! I want to love and be loved. But none of these card-carrying marriage propagandists ever talk about love; it's just MARRY! Why? 

So tell me, why is Single bad? Don't tell me about age. Don't tell me about society. Tell me what makes it so bad that someone in a marriage quite worse than hellfire would still have the temerity to pity me for being single. Tell me why that woman in an abusive marriage with an unrepentant cheat feels superior to single women. Tell me why that woman's accomplishments meant nothing because she's not married. Tell me why they urge Toke to take Maje back, not because she still loves him, not because forgiveness is godly, not because he publicly denounced the sidechic while publicly declaring his love for Toke, but because "single is bad". Tell me why.


***
While this post might wrongly read as irritable and defensive, this is also an opening for those who know and those in it, to tell me the many wondrous joys of marriage, the beautiful things about it, and what what and what I'm missing. Believe me, I itch to know. 

One of the most fascinating comments I've seen on Bella Naija is "As for me, I just want to marry and procreate, as expected of me by society. Nothing more nothing less". It was magnificent in its simplicity and honesty. 

Single ladies, I'm asking this because I'm suddenly very curious; why do you want to get married?

Thursday, 30 July 2015

Funke Akindele vs Queen Nwokoye. Who's Nigeria's Queen of Comedy?




Guys you would agree that Queen Nwokoye and Funke Akindele are easily the two funniest women in our movie industry. They've both played some really hilarious characters and really cracked our ribs. But the question is, who do you think is funnier?

Personally I just can't decide!

Oh Dear! She's Breaking Her Mother's Heart...



Wednesday, 29 July 2015

On Proposals (Jide Obanikoro's et al...)




The addendum cracked my smile; that this would be his first marriage but he's got four kids from three different baby mamas, according to Linda Ikeji's blog... Isn't that too much baggage for a new bride, a young woman at that...?

Love or Money...




Lifetitudes asked a question days ago. Which would you rather have; love or money?

Answers were split but I'm certain I said money, and added that the absence of money turns love sour. 

And I still stand by my answer. If I had to choose between money and love, I would choose money over love. I figure I've lived without love most of my adult life and it's never really bothered me or affected anything. Want to make me sad/mad/bad (that bad is as irrelevant as the K in Know but whatever...!); mess with my money and it's source. 

But this comment I saw on Bella Naija a while ago made me rethink...

"On another note, i wish my dad was just an average man who would come back home and make his family happy rather than the monster money has turned him into. Thus, i would rather me and my family drank garri in peace and love than the fried rice that actually tastes bitter now."

Or let me share this comment from a 2013 TTB post

"Money is not everything. On the outside everybody thinks I'm happy because of all the expensive cars, big house and traveling a lot but they don't know that I'm dying inside. DH doesn't even talk to me talkless of taking me out. Sometimes I wish I was still single". 

Hmmm, ladies and gentlemen, would you rather have true love or money?



How Do They Know?





Good morning people!


I'm so thankful to God for today, yesterday was beautiful and today would be even better. I have a meeting for 9 at the Beehive but I came an hour too early, and they don't even open till 9! Thankfully the staff are kind enough to let me sit outside while they clean. 




So the lady I'm meeting with, she's one of those women who married their long time sweethearts. And you know the thing about long time sweethearts, when the men are that young they are most often broke. 

Watching Love Lounge a few nights ago, I heard Mr Kunle Soriyan say that he was still in school when his wife was already working and earning a good salary. What's more; the Mrs was from a very well off family. While he, he was still in school, he spent 9 years on a 4 year course. He was very wretched and didn't even know how to use cutlery. When he ate there was loud clanks and irritating noises, his teeth always fought with the cutlery. Everyone asked her to leave him and be with someone else, a graduate, with a life, and a future, someone more deserving. She refused. Today, he is one of the most successful Life Coaches in the country and is making mega Dutch. Oh, he also cleaned up nicely and is now a bloke. 

Another lady, a guest on the show, also already had a fantastic job when Le boo was still in school. She graduated 2 years before him and he had little or nothing. She ignored people's advice to break up the relationship and stuck it out with him. Now they've been married 14 years and of course, dear husband is so much more than a bread winner. 

I read a post on SDK on an unemployed 32 y/o guy who still lives at home. He fears his girlfriend of 6 years, who's 30 and employed, would soon leave him. He worries she already cheating on him. Several people said he should leave her alone and allow her marry someone better, while he focuses on building a life. I wonder what the girl is thinking at this point, I mean, in your shoes wouldn't you be tempted to leave? I'm 30 and if I've been with someone since i was 24, yet he's the same person he was six years ago, no visible progress and no change in sight, it would take the grace of God and divine vision to keep me there. 


And that's why I'm asking. These women who dated broke, unemployed, scraggy men who later turned into multi millionaires or billionaires, stuck by them and married them, how did they know? How did they know these men were so much more than the eyes could see? We've heard all those stories about the broke guy living off his friends, she was the one who even bought him clothes, fed him, bla bla bla, and voila today, it's turned out to be a brilliant investment... Most of these women knew it would and I'm more than eager to know how. 

I'm certain intuition plays a big part but are there more practical factors at play? Is that your situation, your story? How did you know and for us who want to know, how can we tell?


So youngens in the house, before you leave that "broke nigger", think/pray/reflect long and hard. Today's Boy Alinko might just be tomorrow's Aliko Dangote!


*just as an addendum, the guest on Love Lounge said that even though he was still a student and she was working, he gave her pocket money, no matter how little. Also he never demanded or depended on her, even if he didn't have. That's how she knew he was a keeper. Oh, plus she's naturally very intuitive too*

But what about those my sisters who stayed and stuck with them when they had nothing, they stayed on the grind, 'ride or die' chicas, soaking garri until it swells then sprinkle a few groundnuts and then drink it with love... Then when the going got good they were immediately dumped like a hot pan. Raise your hands if you've been there. LOL! I read that only one out of ten men marry the woman who suffered with him when he had nothing. Do you agree?

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

One of Those Days. #Happy (I'm NOT Boring!)





Today was one of those days... Quite frankly I'm too exhausted to put it in words, and that's one thing I've prayed for, let my days be so busy and productive that I come back at night and crawl into bed, too exhausted to think!

LOL. 

However it wasn't work all the way. Everything work related ended at about 3pm. 3pm was when my friend's driver came to pick me up and take me to Marcopolo to meet up with him (but I still had to wait!)

Me waiting for Mr Man and food, but food more importantly!

Marcopolo makes great Chinese and the service was pretty fantastic too, but they could season their chicken better IMHO. Lunch was over, we both had meetings to attend but mine wasn't to be for another hour. So my "date" asks 'do you want to make some money this afternoon?' My mind races in several directions but he immediately clarifies; 'come for my meeting with me as my lawyer, do the negotiations. If he agrees to your terms then you get a percentage'. Oh dear. 
     Now the meeting in question was over a JVA worth several millions. I didn't know ANYTHING about it. Bros said he would give me the general gist on our drive there (Marcopolo to Sailors Lounge is barely three minutes) and when I get there I should "just wing it", but I should "make sure not to fuck it up". 

I'm ashamed to say I chickened out of it. I kept telling myself just go, just talk like you don't care and keep a poker face... But, bottomline is I chickened out. We would be doing other businesses together but with those at least I'd be more prepared. 

Quick stopover at Ebeano and then for this other meeting. It's those ones you wonder why it wasn't just held over the phone. Aaaaargh!

Back for a quick change, I'm so happy to see my children, plus I needed that work out after mounds of very calorific rice, sugary sauces and dumplings (you notice my belly is swollen?), and children don't need a reason to jump like a bunch of loonies, so jump we did! (I ate way too much and I was only getting started). 


The later part of the evening, darn I would like to give details but I know the parties involved would read this. One is an IT guru that works with Oracle, the other works with Mobil. My host was actually Mr Mobil, Mr Oracle is his bff. 

We were having a really swell evening amidst fish barbecues, bottles of Heineken and Shania Twain in the background. Then Mr Oracle says to me

'Are you... Are you... Do you think you are almost an introvert?'

'I am an introvert' I say proudly, I might have as well beat my hands on my chest!

'Oh' surprised 'I didn't want to say it outrightly, didn't want to offend you'

'Why would that offend me? I AM an introvert. What's wrong with that? Why are you asking by the way?'

'It's just that... You're actually boring'

Jesu!!! 

In my life no one has ever said that to me. They may have thought it, but they've never said it to me. I wasn't surprised either, I'm really quiet and it's easy to forget I'm there most times. Still... I wasn't being quiet, I was actually making real efforts to be chatty and chip in every now and then.

'I've talked about so many things tonight and an interesting person would have actually contributed more, like, taken the gist to so many different levels, in fact by now we would be talking about things totally unrelated to the original topic and we wouldn't even know how we got there. But you, you just...' he scoffs and shrugs. His tone is accusatory, with a hint of disdain. 

'Well, I'm quiet but I would have you know that some people think I'm very interesting. In fact my boo often says I'm very fun to be with!'

'You?' pointing at me. 'You? He must have mistaken you for someone else' Mr Oracle says dismissively. 

Ah! Kilo n śe bobo yi gan? Hmmmmph! 'Yes me, and he knows me better than you so he's naturally a better authority'. 

'I doubt it, but whatever...' He shrugs. 


He expected me to take offense but I actually found it amusing. Still I had to clear the air (Thelma, defender of Introverts

I would do a more indepth post on introversion soon but let me just say... 

We aren't (necessarily) boring, we just like to connect on a more intimate level. (when I said "we" they said I make it sound like we have a club. LOL, yeah I took it personal!)
We prefer deep conversations and are both inept at and uninterested in small talk. 
We prefer our own company to anyone else's 
Large crowds and people in large numbers drain us
We are unlikely to contribute to a conversation being had by a group of people
We don't like being the centre of attention, we almost hate it even. 
We think and think before we say anything and sometimes by the time we're ready to talk the convo has moved on to other things (nawa for us sha) so most times we end up saying nothing (SMH). 
We have some of the most brilliant minds but if you're impatient (like Mr Oracle) you'll miss that. 

During my tirade, Mr Mobil inserts; well just do you, as long as you're happy. 

And I couldn't agree more. I'm happy.

LOL. My happiness is only tainted by my chickening out earlier today. Professionally I'm a trained mediator and conciliator, but not a negotiator. But should I have just taken a risk and winged it, regardless of if I "fucked" it up? At worst they would have looked at me like who is this effete idiot? (But life would go on). At best I would have made an impact (and) some cool cash and have a fatter bank account.

Oh well, spilled milk.

I will end this post by saying introverts are not boring. We are just the most misunderstood set of people out here *sobs*. 

I'm curious to know. What's your personality type? What are the traits you love most and least about your personality type? And, do you consider yourself an interesting person?

*feel free to respond when you wake up. Good night my dearests.* 



Hey Guys, Re: TTB Picnic.




Hello, good afternoon...

I'm asking to be sure who's coming and what date works for you. Personally I've got plans for both Saturdays and I would like to know which to cancel. So it's going to be a majority carries the vote type of thing. Please, if, and only if, you would like to be a part of the Lekki Conservation Center picnic/hangout, let me know if you would like us to go this Saturday, the 1st, or next Saturday, the 8th. 


Also... My phone seems to dislike BBM (everytime I open bbm it says 'setting up blackberry messenger' and this could go on for hours) so for now our channel is on hold.

Like I said before, a day at the centre costs 25k for a group of 30. But there's also the option of 1k per individual. So even though the admin said that even if we're less than 30 we would still have to pay 25k, if we're much less I guess we'll just do the individual thingy and pay 1k each. I would make further enquiries when I'm sure of the number. 



America's Rapist. (Too Far?)




I'm sure by now you're familiar with the Bill Cosby rape brouhaha. New York Daily News made this their front cover, following the New York Times feature that interviewed 35 women allegedly raped by the Ace comedian, with this these women as its cover photo. See below:








Rape is no small matter but I can't help but ask where these women were all these years, why were they silent and why are they all now coming out to speak up? Well I guess it was a chain reaction... Whispered mentions of it, then that brash stand up comedian who made bold crass jokes about 'Bill Cosby the rapists', at first people were enraged, then people began to realize there's no smoke without fire. The one of the victims finding an opening, spoke up, then others followed suit. 

Rapists deserve to be severely punished. 


But guys, do you think this is taking it too far? Personally I feel like it is, I feel like he's already been shamed enough, I feel like there's an agenda to destroy him completely, tarnish and totally wipe out every memory of him. And I worry that a man his age might not be able to take all of this, like he might just cave in and croak! But it seems that's what they want, is that what he deserves? What do you think?

Monday, 27 July 2015

Sunday, 26 July 2015

Peter P-Square Has a Question For You




I dunno why but I found this so hilarious. I can't even decide.... Looool. Enemies? Issorai! Well in the spirit of the game I pick 14; crying and sweating. Choi, the magnitude my success must really be disastrous for them. LOL 



What number(s) do you pick?

Dear Thelma...





Dear Thelma please I need advise from you and BVs. I'm a graduate of 23 and an accountant. I work with a good company and everything in my life is fine. My problem is that my family is vehemently against my relationship. My parents forbid him from coming to our house but I'm still able to see him because I have a job, but without telling them. I'm the last in my family and my siblings are not supportive too. We have been together for two years but now that I'm working we want to get married and that is what I want, but I know myr family will never agree. It is not likes he's a bad person, the problem is his age because he is nineteen years older than me. But he has never been married or has children. I know his family and even talk to his mother regularly. When everyone was making me paranoid I asked his mum and she said I am the first woman he wants to marry. Please what can I do? I love him so much and I cannot see myself with another person. My parents have told me that I can marry him if I want but I should count them out. Help please. Ps age is the only problem they have with him, I am 23 and he is 42. Or do you agree with my family that I should marry somebody younger?

My Super Fun Healthy Breakfast!

 


The picture on the left was either taken late last year. The one of the right was taken last weekend. Although as of when I went on a diet I'd gotten bigger than I was on the left, as you can see I haven't lost that much weight. I'm taking my weight loss very easy, making sure I don't do anything drastic or starve myself. I don't want to lose too much weight and frankly I'm not sure I want to lose much else. I'm big-boned and the Creator never intended for me to be slim or skinny. But more importantly I'm losing my pear shape and that's honestly frightful. Being a big woman, it means a lot to me that I have a pear shape, but now I wear some clothes and I don't see hips! I can't have that. Lol. 


Well it's Sunday and I wanted to do something fun for breakfast. Like I said I'm taking my diet very easy, if I really wanted to I would have lost an additional 10kg or more by now, but then the chances of me falling off the wagon would be higher. Taking it easy means I still get to enjoy fun meals, eat chocolates but in tiny bits, eat cakes and biscuits too, in tiny bits. Also it means that I can make my meals fun. 


This is imperative because if you go on a very strict diet (as I once did) and cut every "naughty" thing out (as I once did), you're more likely to have sugar/crab cravings and the minute you cave in you might go on a binge and find yourself eating bars of chocolates, large chunks of cake or a small pot or rice. And then end up gaining even more weight than you lost (as I did. LOL). 

This way you're still able to indulge your sweet toothe but stay very healthy. 

I missed having French toast, haven't had any since I went on a diet, this morning I asked myself why not? After all I had all the condiments for French toast. I used

2 slices of wheat bread
2 eggs (egg whites only)
Milk (skimmed)
Brown sugar
I pinch of salt
1/2 tsp of Cameroon pepper

For my smoothie I simply used a few slices of pineapples, watermelon, a bunch of seedless grapes, half an apple and 3 tbsp non-fat yoghurt mix. 














Voila! If you want something really moist you might want to try it with syrup, but it was simply amazing just as is. The toast tasted just as good or maybe even better than if I'd made it with white bread. If you're on a diet, organic maple syrup is your best bet. Also the yoghurt mix turns your smoothie from basic juice to creamy strawberry milkshake! And it's still very low fat! The mix might be a bit pricey, and it's actually meant for making your own yoghurt but I use mine for smoothies, not a yoghurt fan. 


*remember portion is key. Two slices of wheat bread is just fine. And this is particularly filling because it's heavier, and the rich smoothie also fills you up. 

Ok guys, that's that. 

Please if you've got tips for healthy fun meals, share them with me here. Thank you. 

Toke Makinwa, Ebuka Obi Uchendu, Dakore Akande and more at the FayrouzLoriginal.


Our celebrities pulled out all the stops at the FayrouzLoriginal which held last night at the Oriental. Enjoy!

Toke Makinwa

Taje Prest

Adunni Ade

Tonye Garrick

Gbemi Olagbegi-Olateru 

Zainab Balogun

Moet Abebe

Lanre DaSilva, Vimbai

Beverly Naya

Ebuka Obi-Uchendu 

Gideon Okeke

Sharon Ojong

Dakore Egbuson

Bolanle Olukanni

Isio Wanogho

Omalicha Itsede

Gbemi! 


This has got to be one of Gbemi's best looks, and Toke Makinwa's outfit made her the indisputable belle of the ball! Both dressed in April by Kunbi. 

If you were to give the Best Dressed award, who would you give it to?

Saturday, 25 July 2015

I Love Men!!!



President Obama in Kenya, Defends Legalization of Gay Marriage.





"The US believes in the principle of treating people equally under the law and that they are deserving of equal protection under the law.and that the state should not discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation and I say that recognizing that there may be people that have different religious or cultural beliefs but the issue is how does the state operate relative to people. You can look at the history of people around the world. When you start treating people differently not because of the harm they are doing to anybody but because they are different, that's the path whereby freedom is beginning to erode. 
If somebody is a law abiding citizen who is going about their business and not breaking any law and obeying the traffic signs and doing all the things good citizens are supposed to do and not harming anybody, the idea they are treated differently based on who they love is wrong. Full stop." 
He said, during a press conference in Kenya this afternoon. 


***
Does his explanation sound good enough to you anti-gay marriage activists?

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