Here's your one-stop blog where we have conversations on real life stories, inspiration, relationships, sex, fiction, humour, politics, lifestyle and everything in between. Join the conversation!

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

What We Wouldn't Do To Keep Our Men!

Sometime in my mid twenties someone made me an indecent proposal. Back then I'd thought I was pretty experienced, or exposed, still it hadn't prepared me for what I was about to hear. Being a giving or generous person means you often get asked for favours (and at a time when I didn't really have any financial intelligence I gave gave gave, as the requests seemed never to stop!). Yet this favour was of a different nature. In fact if I obliged, I would be receiving this time, not giving, and receiving quite a lot!

The favour?

Oh well, after spending a lot of time thinking and praying about it, she decided it was something she would have to do to keep her husband happy. He wanted a threesome, she would give him a threesome. And for reasons beyond my own comprehension (I'd like to think it's because I'm known to be a very loyal and discreet friend. I hope that's it oh! LOL), she thought I might be a good candidate for this task. 

You know, when I think back to that day I don't remember my shock, I don't how I gently said No, I don't remember thinking about what she'd offer in return.. I remember the pain, frustration and desolation in her eyes. I always imagine how many tears had been shed before she finally gave in, how many fights had been fought before she conceded. Because you see, that act in itself was an act of defeat. The resignation; the thing I must do to please my husband...

Doesn't it make your skin crawl, getting in bed with a married couple? But I think what's even more unthinkable is sharing my marital bed with some random third party. Ever since then I've prayed to God for a husband with very traditional sexual tastes. 

Over the years I've come to learn that wives often go above and beyond to please/keep their husbands. Here's something a blog reader sent to me this morning, he said he saw it on Twitter. Please be warned that it contains some explicit content and adult language. 


Hia @ is there anybody going through this? I was like Nne this your cross is one of a kind, very unique...

Ladies and gentlemen please share your thoughts on the above, if you have any. But I've got a question of my own; does giving in to all your man's sexual demands, both the orthodox and the unorthodox alike, really keep him from doing the 'dirty' with someone outside? Most of us say it doesn't, so why then do wives continue to bend over backwards? 
    Men please weigh in, does her catering to all your sexual fantasies, fetishes and desires keep you faithful? Do tell. 

Monday, 28 September 2015

Advanced Warning. To Abort or Not?

They say children are a gift from God but it doesn't always seem that way. I used to know parents of a special needs child and I got just a tiny glimpse of how severely challenging and demoralizing it could be. First there's the psychological trauma, and then there's the never ending financial burden, there's sleepless nights and tear-filled nights of frustration and regrets. There are the schools turning the child away and society not being so kind to her. These burdens sometimes take a toll on the couple's relationship and chip away their affection and attraction for each other. Lovemaking becomes a distant memory and conversations are flat words snapped at each other. 

I caught just a glimpse and I would occasionally wonder; do they sometimes wish they'd foreseen this? Would they still have had the baby? I'm certain nobody dreams of having a child born with birth defects. I remember in Shameless how this seemingly loving couple who very desperately wanted to adopt a baby immediately varnished like smoke when the said baby was born with Down's Syndrome...

I've been staring at the pictures of a baby born with most of his brain and skull missing, apparently the couple were warned and even advised to have an abortion but they refused. I'm torn between admiring their love and courage for staunchly insisting on having their baby, and wondering if their decision was selfish; if the termination might have been a kinder option for the child... Or if they were perhaps too weak to admit that they did want it...

I know this is very sensitive but seeing as it does happen, and is more commonplace than one would like, I feel the urge to ask. Do you think detecting a birth defect in a foetus is a good ground for abortion?

#ChildNotBride? Emir of Kano & The 18yr Old...

I'm sure you've heard that the Emir of Kano, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, just married the 18 years old  Sa’adatu Barkindo-Musdafa, the daughter of the Lamido of Adamawa, Muhammadu Barkindo-Musdafa as his fourth wife.

This news has elicited mixed reactions. Some people are ranting child not bride!, others are chanting 18yrs is no child! Some among them are quick to point out that Omotola Jakade Ekeinde got married at 18, Kanu Nwankwor also married his wife, Amarachi at 18. 

But then that's not really the point. The child not bride hashtag is not appropriate in this situation, in my opinion... But we can't compare this to Omotola and Amara Nwankwo. 

The 18 year old is not a child, but is she psychologically prepared for marriage? And to a 54yr old? You know, I'm aware that Islam permits a man to marry four wives and all that but I'm just a bit surprised  that SLS with his pedigree and level of exposure would marry someone barely outside childhood. 

But maybe I'm just tripping. Beyond all this hullabaloo, when you really come to think about it, has Sanusi Lamido Sanusi done anything so shocking by marrying the beautiful 18 year old Sa'adatu? 

Obviously general consensus shouts SLS Carry on! See some tweets below. 

SLS, Yerima; same difference?

Dear Blog Reader @ The Palms; I'm So Sorry!

I'm not quite sure where to begin. I was about to write about the couple I met at The Palms on Saturday night; apologize to the guy and explain myself just when I saw this comment. Read below:

Sunday, 27 September 2015

The Only Man I Cook For!

My heart was racing even before I woke up. He's coming today, my eyes flew open! He'd already informed me that he wanted to eat when he gets here, and living solitarily for now, I knew I probably didn't have anything edible at home so rushing to the market was the only option. Market runs done, I put my mittens on and got cooking. Last minute, it occured to me that this meal would go very well with some very succulent dodo. 

Once again I jumped into the car and sped to the closest roundabout to buy a bunch of plantain. I needed food to be ready and served when he got here. Lastly, I needed to check the drinks, check that they were chilled, he had hinted at juice but I threw in a few sodas, just in case. Oh there was also mention of chocolates and thankfully I have lots of those at home, he would have more than enough when he gets here. 

You see, I aim to please my men, I don't let it be said that there's something wanting, something more I could have done, something extra that's missing. No missy! I aim to please, completely; whether it's a lover, a platonic friend or a blog reader. Yes, it was a blog reader. Uyi was coming over and if he was coming all the way, then I would see to it that he left a satisfied customer. 


The day was very interesting, well Uyi is very interesting so it's only to be expected. After getting fed, we.......... Honestly I have no idea what we did and where all the time went, it was a whole day and it was gone in a flash! But as they say; time flies when you're having fun, right?

We then decided to hit the road, with no clear plan. Of course options in Nigeria are often either food-centric or movies. We chose movies, and if you haven't seen The Intern then you should! It's a very beautiful movie starring Robert Deniro and Anne Hathaway. It was a near-perfect movie, everything was perfect, save for the couple sitting to my left. If I didn't know better I'd have thought the guy was partially blind and deaf. I mean, the movie is no Matrix or Inception, yet he needed her to explain what was going on at each step of the way; what did he say? Why did he say it? What just happened? What is going to happen? Why are they laughing? Why is she crying? Aaaaargh! And the chica would painstakingly answer all his questions. Love, love in a beautiful thing. I mean at some point I could see them kissing from the corner of my eye. She's a better person than I am; if I have to explain everything to you at every other scene, you ain't getting no sugar, you've completely killed my vibe!

But doesn't it make you think? You know how nobody is perfect? Yeah our lovers come with flaws just like everyone else, but most people have that one thing they do or say that gets our goat. That one thing your boo does that drives you up the wall! You know what I'm talking about, yeah? Please share with me bae's most ANNOYING mannerism(s). Hehehe!

I'm currently talking to this pretty cool guy whom I like quite a lot, but jeez can he belabor a point!!! Like he can repeat the same thing over and over and over again and in the slowest, most infuriating manner that you just want to tear your hair out and feed it to yourself! LOL. Still, I like him though. 


Ps; of course Uyi isn't the only man I cook for ooooooo, just in case you were wondering. Some days ago I talked about meeting Memphis through my blog. Uyi is another special person I met through the blog, and there are many others who are just as special. But what's even more beautiful is seeing people who met on my blog form strong friendships, business relationships and romantic relationships. Apparently quite a lot goes on behind the scenes, I've got my eyes on y'all and I'm loving it!

Saturday, 26 September 2015

Single To Stupor! And Three Situations.

OMG. Just bring the one you have!!! Hahahahahahahahaha. Epic!

But seriously though, this is a lot of girls right now; just bring the one you have, man is man!


Well I've got three friends in different situations at the moment and I would like to hear your thoughts on the matters. 

Samantha whose been seeing Damola for almost two years now just learnt from one of his colleagues and close friend of hers, that during an office discussion he said he likes her but she's not the love of his life. Unfortunately he's the love of hers and after two years together she thought they were headed for the altar, in fact he's said stuff to allude to that. She's wondering if she should confront him and follow it up with the where are we really going? talk, or consider herself as single and searching as marrying someone who merely likes her isn't very appealing. Thoughts?

Nwamaka whose boo is getting really close to another lady because she can help him with jobs and contracts as she's dating the Oga at the the top. She's actually gotten him a few small contracts and there are promises of bigger ones in the foreseeable future. However for this, she expects to spend time with Nwamaka's boo, and he in turn wants to keep her happy and keep the contracts coming. He explains to Nwamaka that she knows he's in a relationship and he's not going to leave her for this other lady, but he needs to do what he's doing and he is doing it for "Us". Nwamaka is confused, yes the monies from the jobs have really helped turn things around for them and even enabled them to put down some cash for their wedding. But is she really to turn a blind eye when this other chica calls her man at odd hours, and expects him to spend alone time with her? (The boo assures Nwamaka that he's just trying to keep the lady "happy" and he's never slept with her and doesn't plan to. Nwamaka isn't sure she believes this). Thoughts?

Funke isn't yet in a relationship with *Taiwo but they're headed there. However Taiwo recently visited Funke at home for the first time and saw her dog. Taiwo then tells her how much he hates dogs and back home he was known to kill dogs and cats as he killed nearly all the stray dogs and cats on their street. Funke is slightly amused as she thinks Taiwo is joking, she then asked him how; does he set poison for them or what *chuckles*? Taiwo then explains with all seriousness how animals are blinded by very bright light, so at night he would go out with a very well powered torchlight and just wait till he sees a cat or dog, startle them with his torch and they're shocked by the light so they're momentarily unable to move, then he strikes, forcefully hitting the animal on the head with a large stone and crushing it's skull. Done! Yes, I killed all the cats and dogs on my street. 
      Funke isn't sure how to react to this. It's one thing not to like animals, but it's another thing entirely to kill them for fun, with your bare hands and then brag about it. Should this be a problem or nah?

Ngwa nu, please share your thoughts. All accounts are factual but all names have been changed. Let's hear what you think. 

Ehen, any single to stupor sisteh in the house? LOL. I wouldn't even talk about this matter, before they say I have come again. 

The Things Love Does Not Conquer.

My name is Raymond; I am from South South, Bayelsa State to be precise. I am in my mid 30s, working with one of the branches of United Bank for Africa (UBA) in Aba, Abia State.

I was involved in a ghastly auto crash a few years back on my way home from the east for christmas celebration. We were between life and death before God eventually sent a duex mechina to our rescue.

The incident damaged my reproductive system. The doctor declared me impotent ever since then. I met a girl in 2008 who came from one of the private institutions in southeast for her 6 months internship. One thing led to another, we both fell in love with each other and that was how the journey started.

During our first date, she told me she was a virgin and I promised her ‘no pre-marital sex.’

Four years down the line, we are still on. The parents are aware of our relationship. In fact, I just declared my intention of walking her down the aisle in December, but the question is that how would she feel when she discovers that I’m IMPOTENT? I dont want to lose her’

Please if you're dating or married to a man with certain erectile dysfunctions, impotence for instance, can you tell us how you both work around it, how you have coped so far and if it affects your relationship, and your happiness. Thanks. 


Let me begin by saying that I really empathize with the poster for the accident and particularly having his reproductive system damaged. That's very unfortunate. 

People who say "be weary of men who too readily accept the 'no sex till marriage' rule", are on to something. I've heard only too many times about people who painfully regretted that decision not to test the ride before the purchase. Please I'm not trying to pervert God's words, merely stating that it's a huge risk to take, and some people willingly agree to it for their own very selfish and wicked reasons. 

But that's really not the issue now... I read this feeing very angry with this brother for leading this girl on for four years knowing fully well that he does not have a functioning penis. He's not just sterile, he is impotent! And no, I don't believe he loves the sister. But hey, the sister obviously loves him and I'm putting myself in her shoes. If a man I really truly love and am about to get married to after a 4-year relationship, tells me that he's impotent before the wedding, would I still get married to him?

To be honest, I don't know. I think sex is way toooooooooo important. I mean, even if there are medical methods of getting me pregnant, my life would still be very incomplete without sex from my husband. And I honestly don't think I can settle for a life time of average sex, much less no sex. Sex has got to be the bomb! Omo, I might sound shallow right now but I honestly don't know if love can conquer this. Yet, the thought of throwing four years away just because of sex, hmmm, is it worth it; worth losing four years for...? That's another thing to consider. 

He's asking how she will feel when she discovers that he's impotent. Please can you answer him, how would you feel in her shoes. But more importantly, what would you do? Can love conquer impotence?



Photo source: Mail Culled from: DailyPost

Attitude Check!

LOL. This cracked me up, like, seriously. Yay me, my attitude on the street is apparently very good. Is yours? I enjoyed Sallah meat sha. I went to pay my parents a visit and there were bucket loads of Sallah meat from friends and neighbours (LOL. My parents' attitude on the street is very good too), and then when I got back home my Hausa boo already had mine waiting. Still later on at night I got to feast on more Sallah meat. And then much later another of my boos wanted to send me ram meat. Noticed I said "ram meat", not Sallah meat? Yeah, the uncooked one. Ain't nobody got time for that! LOL. I said, no thanks.

I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday, you know there are just those days you're so spaced out that you forget the things that matter in your life. Like it was almost midnight yesterday when it occured to me that yekpa I have a blog! LOL. 

This is such a great method of checking my readers' attitudes. Which category do you fall into;
(a) I have good attitude, I got Sallah meat, specially packaged and sent to me. 
(b) Chai! I need to work on my people skills! 
(c) Others. (Please specify)


How were the holidays guys? 

In the spirit of Sallah I'm giving 1500 airtime to the first commenter, please include your email address if you're interested. 

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Is Expensive Effective?

Yesterday I went to the bank to bring down the roof, they've been very ineffectual of late and have been causing me to lose some monies. They couldn't even begin to verify what the problem was as their systems were down, as usual. 

I was in the middle of my rant when I heard some figures mentioned, you know, a number with six zeros, and then I heard the banker tell the person on the other side of the line that the transfer had been done, yes she's aware that it's for school fees, yes, Chrisland, yes. 

Oh wow!

Now I don't know how many kids the fees are for, it could have been two or three but still, millions? Just wow. 

Just some days ago I had a chat with my friend. His kids are in a pretty ordinary school somewhere in Lekki. His brother's four kids are all in Lekki British International. My friend spoke about his brother in a condescending manner, describing him as stupid for spending several millions on school fees for just a term alone. He said a smart kid is a smart kid and a dumb kid is dumb! It's not about how expensive the school is. He complained about parents spending so much on children's education for the wrong reasons, eg keeping up with the Joneses and peer pressure. 

We argued back and forth about the benefits of putting kids in super expensive schools vs putting kids in "ordinary schools". Yes, there's the idea of your child eventually belonging to an upper circle, being more exposed and all what not. But does an expensive education automatically equate great education? Is there any thing to prove that the product of a Lekki Britishish school does better than a product of Pampers? 

Given the opportunity and the finances, would you put your kids in an extremely expensive good school, or an averagely priced good school? Care to tell me why...

Run, Little Girl RUN!!!

You're such a pretty young thing, your beauty is still untouched, untainted, saintly. You're green, still green, yet to embark on hurt's journey. Green, leafy green, not yet jaded, not yet faded. Run, while you're still ahead. 

He stands tall, his shoulders wide and broad, fanning his slender hips. He just got a shave; sharp and modern. His white native is very well tailored, he looks like a million bucks. He's got the right words, the right lines, always knows the right thing to say. And it doesn't matter if he's flawed when he says "I'm making you mine, I'm not here to play". I know he makes you weak in the knees but those legs need to be strong, you need them to run. Run, little girl run, while you're still ahead. 

He's something new and different, something exciting, something mysterious. There's just something so sexy about something that might be dangerous. But with this Prince Charming there can be no danger, your happiness is the only thing for which he's desirous. When you're with him you're happy, you're excited, you're delirious! You try to hide it but you can't hide the obvious. Run, baby girl run!!!

After church service last night I met up with a friend at The Palms for a movie. I ran into my Ex, who happened to be on a date. When I looked at the chic he was with, my heart melted. Classic case of the Lion and the lamb. *Lekan is so going to slaughter this girl! This first word that came to my mind was RUN!!!

She's so young, about 21 or 22, but it's not just the age, it's her wide eyed innocence, her vulnerability, her naïveté. There's something so open and trusting about her that made me want to wrap her in my shawl and take her home to her mummy. 

Barely an hour after they left Lekan called me. The call is actually to gauge my reaction, to weigh if I'm upset or nah. I assured him I'm not upset, I'm just worried. 

"About what?" He asks. I say; "Lekan, that babe. Please nau guy! Couldn't you find someone else? Couldn't you find somebody wey don tear eye like you? Why do you want to scatter that innocenty?"

Lekan laughs, a very sinister and knowing laugh. "Seriously, she's so innocent. Why do you want to do this, you know you just want to f***!" . More laughter, he's not denying it. He knows I'm right, we both know I know him too well and he can't BS me. "Seriously though, sometimes look at these girls like your sister. How would you feel if someone did what you're doing, to your sister?"

"Abeg abeg abeg. She's not my sister jare!" he says dismissively, ending that conversation. "But Val, I dey miss you ooo", he says. I smile, and SMH. Lekan is the only person who still calls me Valerie...

I can't stop thinking about her, and I send her my best wishes wherever she is. 
     But then maybe it's just as well, maybe this is her rite of passage into womanhood... there must be battle scars on this journey, she's found her first conqueror but she will survive it, we always do. And it will make her stronger and wiser... I wish I could say it always does. Unfortunately some of us never get wiser. We keep falling for the same types of jerks that use our hearts to play ping pong... (This is only pardonable if you're still in your 20s IMHO)

It's that mystery I've never been able to unravel; why do good girls love bad guys? Why do bad guys love good girls? Why don't they date girls that are just as "bad" as they are? Not fair!

Do you remember your very first heartbreak? Yay if you do, who was it, how old were you, how long did it take you to get over him/her.  Spill, I've got nothing but time today! My heart has be broken like plate, shredded like suya, torn like paper, too many times to remember the first one sef. Smh! 

Happy Eid-El-Kabir to My Darling Muslim Readers

As you celebrate the Eid, I wish you immeasurable joy, peace, love and all that your hearts desire. Barka De Sallah!

Meanwhile I was planning to travel this morning but my trip just got cancelled and I made no plans for today or the rest of the weekend. Any one of you here in Lagos cooking ram at the moment? Please can I come? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please...

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

What Would You Do If...

This picture above, of fake cocacola being produced has gone viral. It really doesn't bother me much because I don't drink sodas, so all you cocacola addicts out here, y'all need to be careful. You can see how filthy the place is, just looking at it can give you hepatitis C!

Now here's what I want to ask and I'm hoping I get honest responses. What would you do if you just found out that this is the source of your partner's income?

I used to know someone who was engaged to a gentleman who deals in fake drugs. Initially she wasn't too sure what exactly it was he did, as his answer to that questions was always a vague "Business". We were however sure that whatever it was brought him a lot of money, with which she was spoilt silly. When she eventually found out she really didn't seem to mind much. It was quite surprising because she's a rather pious, kindhearted, daily mass-attending sister. But the fact that her boo was knowingly putting the lives of people at risk didn't seem to bother her at all. 

Truth is she's just one among many. I myself, I'm not too sure what I would do, to be honest. 

If during the investigative phase of your relationship, or even in your marriage, you receive this revelation, how do you react? Is this grounds for break up? Would you snitch? Or would you simply sit and enjoy your relationship/marriage, after all, man must wack?

PS; the source of the pictures plus the location of this warehouse are yet to be unearthed. 

AA Bragging Rights. AS Problems.

I never thought the day would come when there'd be a caste system based on one's genotype. But after listening to someone rant about being dumped after a four year relationship and end the rant with "...and I'm even AA" I knew that day has finally arrived. You know, it was said like "I'm AA, I'm a prize! Why would you give that up?"

In the last few weeks I've found scores of comments online about this genotype issue and dating. This one below sounds similar to the rant above.  

"Broke up with my ex 6 months ago not because we don’t love each other or we didn’t get along but just cos his sisters believe am not too much of a career woman and won’t make a good wife even though it took him forever to meet someone like me that is AA for that matter".

Seriously, isn't this the most unreal thing you've read in a while; even though it took him forever to meet someone like me that is AA for that matter. Oma ga oooo!

Ok, but beyond this is something even more worrying, something that seems to be a source of pain and concern to some. Last week I heard a radio presenter say someone had been trying to hook her up with a certain guy. Finally she gave in and agreed to meet with him, the woman's next statement was "before I set up a date, what is your genotype?". The lady said she was pissed off by the question, but her cohost explained that it was a fair and valid question. Apparently if you're AS its best to know these things while you're still ahead, no point in investing time,emotions and money on a failed cause. 

I saw a few more comments thatreally opened to my eyes to some realities of being AS. 

The below comments are from Bella Naija. 

-Dayo: "AS genotype is really a bitch. Am hardly gingered when i meet a new babe nowadays.."

-"@Dayo awwww am AA get in touch .winks………lets see how it goes."

-"@dayo am AA let’s get in touch ciao ciao"

(Single and searching male AS TTB readers might want to cast their nets wide and mail these chics. Please o! They sound like they're looking for something serious, so if you're not please leave these ladies alone. Thanks). 

Other comments I've seen also bemoan being AS. 

"All the men I meet these days are either married or AS. Talk about caught between a rock and a hard place. Oh well…."

"… The other day my friend and i came to the conclusion that AA guys are assholes! Really! Its like they just feel like they can marry anybody so they just act like mumus up and down the place..pardon my aggression!"

"Been AS sucks a lot,u hav 2 ask which ever guy u meet who is interested in u what his genotype is before u even think of dating him,and d guy would be like so naa only marriage this girl they think about.. I hate been AS

         "I feel you, sister. I so much hate it! It has happened several times, that i would have started falling in like with the guy only to find out that he is AS. Very painful something"

Oh wow. Do you know your genotype? Please it's very important that you do, if you don't ensure you find out as soon as possible. Has your genotype ever caused you any challenges or does it confer a sense of superiority upon you? Have you lost or gained a relationship (opportunity) because of your genotype? If you really loved someone, would their genotype stop you from taking things further, or has it before? Let's talk. 

Lol @ AA guys are assholes. Interesting!

Give Me a Spouse Or I Die!

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Thank God I'm Not A Woman, I Might Have Killed Someone By Now.

I want to make a general, sweeping statement. I know it will sound unfair and rude, and I’m sorry. I truly mean no insult. It is just me expressing my view on a long list of issues.
So, here we go…
Sometimes I am grateful to God I am not a woman.
I can’t have an education or it will make me lord it over my man, and tempt me to be the head of the home.
I can’t have a job because I will become proud and un-submissive.
I can’t have a job that pays more than my husband’s because it is an insult to his manhood and he will be emasculated. One day I will even use it to rubbish him outside.
I can’t be single at 25, and unmarried at 30, or without a single child at 35. It means I am cursed, have a spirit husband or have a bad character and no man wants to be with me.
Any achievement of mine is a waste and useless if I have no boyfriend or husband, and it will only make me more arrogant and unattractive to men.
Heaven forbid I own a car or a house for the same aforementioned reasons. The only place I can live till I marry, is my parent’s home.
Only loose women stay in hotels. If my job requires I travel, I must stay with older people, friends or an elderly couple who can talk to me about this my job that won’t allow me settle in one place and marry.
Expensive things are not allowed. I can’t marry quick with them.
I can’t speak about anything under the sun without a ring on my finger and babies who have suckled my breasts.
If my boyfriend/husband cheats on me, I must endure it and manage. All men are the same. There are no good ones around any more.
Whatever my husband says (even common pangolo boyfriend that doesn’t know his left from right) I must agree. The moment we got together, I lost my sense of reasoning and purpose in life. his word, even if foolish, is law and I must die to please him and obey.
How dare I expect my husband to hire a maid or ask anyone asides me to clean? What did he marry me for?
My husband, cook and clean? Am I mad? Is that not witchcraft?
Why should he take care of the kids while I sleep, travel or go out? Is he my mate or my servant? Am I a fool?
Oh, so I don’t know I must cook fresh soup everyday? I must be an idiot.
So, I don’t know I must wear make-up , heels and sexy dresses or be naked all day? Do I want him to go out and cheat?
The home falls apart because I’m a useless and stupid woman.
The marriage ends because I am a useless and stupid woman.
My husband cheats on me and beats me because I am a useless and stupid woman.
The children grow up horrible because I am a useless and stupid woman.
I am a useless and stupid woman…because I am a useless and stupid woman.
Its bad enough men think this way. To see women do it too, and fight men like me who have been carrying women’s rights on our head like we are the next Malcolm X, Luther or Madiba, is shocking and sad. Maybe one day things will get better.
I pray it does, because anyone who says the aforementioned trash to my baby girl(s) will hear from me, and they won’t forget me in a hurry.
Sometimes I am grateful to God I am not a woman. I might have killed someone by now…

My friend saw this on facebook and sent it to me. She said it struck a cord, I said she has no idea... Women, especially us Nigerian women, all I can say is we are STRONG, we deal with a lot! 

Can you relate with this post? 

Monday, 21 September 2015

Thoughts On Duro Arts' Depiction Of Women?

Yesterday social media went somewhat agog over the works of artist with Twitter handle, Duro_Arts, which he recently shared. The paintings are of black women in rather 'scandalous' positions. From eating social media feeds off a dog dish, to giving oral pleasure to luxury car brands.

I'm not quite sure what the intent behind this art is but this is apparently how the artist views today's woman and the extent she would go to for gratification. 

Quite frankly the visuals are very insulting to womanhood but I honestly don't find them to be false or offensive. The artist would be terribly amiss and even completely ignorant/foolish/blind-deaf-dumb to suggest that these paintings are a depiction of all (black) women.

Ok, I know I'm supposed to be offended and scream blue murder, me being a black woman and all, but... It is what it is; I find these paintings rather apt. I hope he does similar paintings of black men as well, otherwise I have no option but to conclude that Mr Duro_Arts is indeed an insufferable misogynist. Or are men exempt from all that's wrong in the world today?...

They say Art is supposed to provoke, to evoke feelings; good or bad. The artist has succeeded in doing just that. What do you think about this depiction of women? 

Isn't it funny how we got so incensed or excited by the work that we don't get to critique the artist's talent? I'm no expert but this does look amateurish to me...

Just Can't Deal!

Last night my friend Jibola* calls me, all irate and impatient. He tells me that he and bae broke up about a month ago and she's returned the ring. But that's not why he was calling. 

About a year ago Jibola (who was once a boo, of sorts) approached me to incorporate two companies for him. He made a deposit and I began the process. After the names were approved I got him the forms and and gave him directions on how to fill them. He wanted to sign and hand them to me immediately but then I told him, "No, you can't be the only director in a limited liability company. Get at least one other person and apportion some of the shares to them, the amount is at your discretion". He asked me whom I suggest he get and I remember stating clearly that if he didn't have any partners in the business that could come on board as directors, he should add a family member, either his parent(s) or any of his siblings. He's got at least four siblings and they're all adults, so he had a big pool to pick from. I explained that It's got to be someone that he can trust and hold accountable. A director is entitled to a portion of your company to the extent of the shares assign to him/her. That's why if you're registering with no business partners, trusted immediate family members are your next best option.  

So I was surprised when he came to me with the signed forms and the name of his other director was his girlfriend's, with her signature. It wasn't my place to ask or know why, for all I knew they were in business together; in which case it made sense for her to be a director. And they were indeed planning to get married at the time, so... 

Now Jibola no longer wants to her as a director of his companies. That's a looooong thing, contrary to what he thought it's not by 'tipexing' her name and signatures off the forms! I explained the odious process and told him  that if I'm going to handle it, it comes with my legal fees, in addition to what it would cost at CAC. My dear friend says that I should handle it and adamantly says he's not paying a dime for the work. He says that I should have told him that this could happen. Huh?

He's done my head in. First off, my job is simply to carry the details you give me to CAC and get the job done, provided everything is in order and in accordance with CAC regulations, which I ensure it is (was, in his case). But I even went further and told him who he could use and why. Unfortunately love was shacking him and he made her a director. How on earth is that my fault? Please how was I to know that they would break up? How was I to convince him not to use her without sounding like a jealous ex? Was I supposed to force a grown man to make his family member(s) his director(s) if he didn't want to, is that even my place? For all I knew the business belonged to them both or she was an investor, wouldn't it then be ridiculous for me to say "nna, don't make this babe a director"?

Eishhhh! I'm way too busy to start my week with this headache biko. 

Y'all need to really think about the decisions you make when you're in love. Just saying...

*aproko mode activated* speaking of decisions you make when you're drunk in love with someone, is there any you've made that you later came to regret? Spill biko! Hehehe (just last night we were talking about this chica that tattooed Le boo's name on her nether region. Now Le boo don waka. Classic example of regrettable action caused by love. LOL)

Let Me Clear The Air.

I didn't want to do this but staying silent might be detrimental to me, so I think I really need to clear the air about certain things. 

It has come to my notice that some of you seem to think that I

I don't...

You think it's ok to...


I just wanted to get your attention and announce that yay, I did it, I got my exercise on! For the first time in 2015. Smh! I know. But still...

So I hope y'all had a great weekend. My weekend was FULL, beautiful and very productive. How was yours?

I'd also like to use this opportunity to appreciate some of my blog readers. 

I remember years ago when I was an SDK addict, I used to stalk some of her commenters, I particularly loved Wide-eyed, I also used to look out for this commenter called Memphis. At some point I stopped seeing comments from this Memphis and then suddenly one day he resurfaced. So filled with joy was I, that I commented saying "Yay, Memphis is back!"

I actually didn't expect him to notice, or care or whatever, but later that night I opened my blog and right there was a comment from this Memphis whose comments I'd been stalking for months. Ever since then, this Memphis has been a huge part of my blog. Now it's not just my blog but my life. I kinda feel we have a priest-confessor relationship. You know, for some reason I can tell him anything, the ones I'd never write about on my blog, the things that really do matter; the real state of things in my love life, my career pursuits, my fears, my spirituality, the disappointments I've had and general randomness... And Memphis always always has something life-changing to say. 

It's just a beautiful thought, the relationships I've built from my blog. 

I really just want to appreciate everybody, especially those that actually understand that there's much more to what they see here, those that reach out, and talk, and share and care. I am really truly grateful and blessed to have you in my life. 

There's not much else to say. 

Except the first commenter gets 1500 airtime. If you're interested include your email address in your comment. 

Do have a beautiful day!

Saturday, 19 September 2015

A Woman's Place. His Big Ego. Hear Me Rant!

So early this morning I drove down for a breakfast date at this place called T Cottage in Victoria Island. My date, whom I was meant to go out with last night but cancelled on because I was in a zone, and because he was at one of those meetings that drag until after midnight, and I couldn't very well wine & dine by myself till he was done..

In any case, we rescheduled for this morning. So off I went, empty belly and all. We perused the menu, I ordered jumbo prawns, Caesar salad and an espresso, he ordered fish in barter and chips. The exorbitant amount led us into believing that it would translate to 'exorbitant' portions. False. The food was superbly cooked. The last jumbo prawns I had at Elkan Terrace, Port Harcourt, almost put me off sea food forever, this redeemed sea food for me. I digress. We ate with gusto but the more we ate, the emptier our bellies felt. My friend, a proper igbo man sniggered; "Nna, dis is not food biko. O nwe one ofe-Owerri I ate in Ajao estate nnyahu. Nna meeehn, toooo much!". I was equally hungry, the fancy food just wasn't werking, so we decided to go to The Place and eat "real" food. 

I didn't think not being satisfied with the breakfast entitled me to more food, that's the kind of thinking that makes you gain weight. I decided to "manage" and just get something for much later, thus, takeout. He opted for same. My food (asun and boiled peppered unripe plantain. Shout out to The Place, they make very decent food.) was packaged before his so when the waitress handed mine to me, I took it and when he was handed his, I started to walk ahead, to the car. Then this happened. 

"Excuse me? Excuse me?" I turned back to see my friend standing on a spot, refusing to move. I was very confused, till I saw his outstretched hand with his food in it. 

I looked at the food and then back at him.  

"Excuse me? Take it" he said. 

Now, we know that Saturday mornings at places like The Place are always swamped with people trying to soak up the alcohol from Friday night. It felt like the multitude was watching. I was torn between telling him he could hold his own food; there by embarassing him, and quietly taking it from him and walking away. Instead I stood there looking at him and his outstretched hand. He looked at me unblinkingly, wondering what I was waiting for. 

"The least you can do is say please" I said. He seemed surprised, his expression, confused, his hand still holding the food out to me. 

"Say please", I repeated. 

"Ok.. Please". He stubbornly conceded and I took the food from him. 

This little incident really rubbed me the wrong way. That please wasn't enough, so I suddenly wanted out of the plans we'd made for much later today. I decided I would tell him I'm not around and just do something else with myself instead. 

When it happened my immediate thought was igbo men and their ego, their sense of entitlement, the need to be treated like kings. All men have big egos but that of an igbo man is morbidly overweight! 

One thing I've learnt about men, however, is that as a woman sometimes you stoop to conquer. It's an easy mumu-button trick (hehe. Don't quote me o!). But you need to be certain that when you stoop, you're conqueror not conquest (you can approach the bench for lessons. Lool. #runsaway). 

That said, it was one tiny incident but one that opened doors to many thoughts. Times have changed but have the woman's role really advanced over time or are we still mere helpers, to stand on the side, fanning our men and also their egos? Or have we become equal... can we ever? 
     Have you ever had to deal with a man with a big ego; relationship or marriage, what coping strategies did/do you adopt? Do you find it more productive to massage his ego or does being headstrong and unbending work better for you?

Also, How would you have reacted in the situation above?

Ps; in fairness to my friend, I later expressed my displeasure and he apologized. 
All's well that ends well, I guess?


The Parents...

Have you read the "embarassing" message a Mum left her son on facebook? This particular line touched me; "I'm your mommy! I gave birth to you. Well actually, I didn't quite give birth, I had to have a C-section to get you out - big scar and hurt like hell - but that's OK... I haven't heard from you in a while and thought maybe you forgot about me? Remember all the times I've been there for you in the last 18 years of your life? I'd appreciate a quick phone call every once in a while."

It's so easy to be oblivious to or ignorant of the love, sacrifices and pain (some of) our parents have happily endured for us. 

In fact it's only when you become an adult, old enough to be a parent that you begin to grasp just a bit of the magnitude. And when you do finally become a parent, then it's an Aha moment. It's then you finally fully grasp it. The magnitude of that love. 

And because some of us still just don't get it, it's easy for us to take it for granted, especially when you're a lot younger. Remember the story about the old man that took his phone to the repair shop because his phone wasn't working? The repair man said "but sir, there's nothing wrong with your phone". Looking at the phone, befuddled, the man asks; "so why don't my children call me?"

Isn't that very heartbreaking? I have an unusually close relationship with my parents so I talk to them, like, all the time. But there are times my mum calls and perhaps I'm having a bad day, perhaps I was hoping it was one yeye boy or bae calling, perhaps I'd been expecting a call to green-light something, and then I look at the caller ID and see mummy and I answer, severe irritation evident in my voice, probably because I've answered a sigh, or with such an unenthusiastic tone to (deliberately) convey my displeasure at being disturbed...

And some times my darling mother on hearing the tone of my voice would begin with an apologetic "I'm sorry, I know I'm disturbing you, I just called to ask if....". Other times, hurt and irritated by my irritation, she'll talk coldly and make the call super brief, (seeing as I'm disturbing you). LOL. I'm sorry mummy!

And you know what's truly is sad is most times she's actually calling to ask if I want or need something. To ask if she should make me afang or egusi, or if I need to talk about something, or if I've gotten that call I've been expecting...

Parents, some parents, are just so amazing and I feel like some times we don't give them the due appreciation and gratitude. 

Ps; I said "some" parents because not all parents are great, not all are good, not all deserve to be parents... But for those simply beautiful ones, I'm shouting out to you. 

What kind of parents do you have? What is/was your relationship with them like? What's your greatest regret or pride when you think about your parents. Do share. 

Friday, 18 September 2015

Aspire To Become!


• Are you passionate about success but uncertain about the future?
• Are you confused about how to turn your dream into reality? 
• Do you find it difficult to study and understand?


Take the first step by participating in this life changing mentorship program.


Topics to be discussed 

• The Right Attitude to Succeed in Life.
• Resourcefulness and Selflessness.
• A.S.P.I.R.E study skills.


Guest Speakers: 

• Mr. Elvis Ukpaka -Youth Mobilzer and President of Vision Drivers Leadership Academy
• Ms. Francisca Chiedu – Local Content Advisor, Wood Group PSN.
• Mrs. Clare Henshaw- Program Director, JEOF


Date: 22nd Sept; 2015   Time: 10am-12noon     Venue: Wahab Folawiyo Senior High School.


Benefits: Scholarship OpportunityMentorship Session, Gift Awards, Life skills and knowledge for success, Tickets to Silverbird Cinema’s, Refreshment and lots more.



The Aspire To Become program is a mentorship program for Senior Secondary School students in a public school in Ikoyi. If you're interested in attending or being involved with the program, the details are up there. 

You can either reach me or reach Clare. 

The Trouble With 30; Calling All The Men From My Past!

30 has been an interesting age so far, there's not been any other like this. There are things that I love love love about thirty. But this post is not about the things I love. It's about some of the things I do not love. Specifically the boy-girl things. Dating has suddenly become so hard, it's already difficult finding a decent single man to date, but it turns out the older you get the smaller the pool becomes. 

So last week my friend calls me and out of the blues starts prophesying doom telling me how I need to think back and imagine who from my past might pop up and propose to me. I tell her everyone I dated in the past is either married or not a 'viable' candidate. She begins to admonish me; I need to realize that at my age it's unlikely that I'm going to meet someone new and it's most likely that it's someone from the past I would settle down with. Of course we eliminate those already married, and I must begin to eliminate the factors in the others that make me think as not viable; ie forego any "standards" or whatever silly ideas I might have. 


The next morning I wake up to this message below from another friend. You see where I asked her if she and *Soso had discussed me?

So once again I'm reminded that it's "only people from the past". I refuse to accept this. Wholeheartedly. Neither do I understand the concept of it being difficult to start a relationship with someone new. Even people in their 40s meet new people and start relationships with them. When did 30 become the new 50? I don't get this. 

Now there's this other issue of lowering standards the older one gets. Quick question; besides desperation, is there any other reason for lowering standards? Let's assume my standards were reasonable four, five years ago, is still being single at 30, reason enough to lower them?

I refuse to succumb to the pressure. 

Now the issue isn't necessarily about standards. The guy in question is a Yoruba man and a Muslim. Are those things that you think I should be able to overlook?

So do tell, do I need to dust off my phonebook and call up all them brothers from all those years ago, as the chances of meeting someone new are super slim or non-existent?

And I understand that individually tribe and religion shouldn't be factors. But when both persons are of different tribes and religions, should it be an issue or not?

Thoughts please. 

*Oh, I also do pray for the gift of discernment and an ability to "recognize him when he does appear*

Blog Archive