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Saturday, 31 October 2015

Be Careful!





My dad and I were coming back from office, we saw a police man that stopped us and pleaded to carry him to his check point, my dad being a kind man allowed him in and then told me to come and seat with him at the back seat so the official can seat in the front with the driver. We never got to any check point before the policeman said he’s okay here that he should alight..
We dropped him, then we saw two bullets rolled down from underneath the front seat to my dads leg, we were not conscious, he was like what a pity this man forgot a bullet, we couldn’t turn back and give the bullet back so he took it and threw it out from the window. We got to police checkpoint they stopped us, asked for some particulars, though our glass was tinted they asked for that too, the man checking the particulars insisted it was a stop and search we should come down, then I started thanking God that what if we never found the bullet..
They searched and searched and found nothing they made a signal and one guy went a feet ahead to make a call, came back annoyed then my dad knew what was going on, I’m pretty sure he never thought of the bullet then he said haven’t you searched enough and then they let us go.. That was wen he said did they want to implicate me or what when i was thinking they forgot a bullet..

It’s not a joking stuff o.. Please be security aware

Be Careful Nigerians!!!


***

As written by a Bella Naija commenter under the post of a lady who was nearly kidnapped by a seemingly Good Samaritan who asked for a ride. 

It seems that as christmas draws close people are getting more creative about robbing other people. These days there's news every day of one type of robbery or the other. I don't think we've seen such since the 90s and I'm going to try not to mention Ambo, tired of the rant. 

For those of us who love to give pedestrians rides, this might not be the time for that. Imagine what would have happened if the bullets were found in their car. An act of kindness would have turned into a nightmare. 

Let's be very careful guys. 

About Last Night (Miss Disrespectful...)





I had no intention of going out last night so when Ahmed called me a few minutes after 10pm, just when I was shimmying into my nightie, I was certain I would respond in the negative. However it occurred to me that I haven't been out in a while and I didn't feel sleepy either ways, so I asked him to come and get me. 

We argued a little about where to start our night; BLD, Churasco or "local". His friends at Churasco weren't going to be there for long so we headed there. 

It was really nice; the conversation, the company, the food and the ambience. Ahmed is someone I'm very veeryyyy comfortable with. He's been asking me out for some time but we do very well as friends plus there's that tribe+religion factor...

So, of all his friends there last night, the most mature and reserved was one whom he referred to as his Egbon. I wasn't quite sure what to make of him, his distinguished grey beards revealed he must be in his late 40s or older. He didn't say much, seemed more of an observer than a talker. The first time he spoke was when Ahmed asked him about work and his eyes immediately lit up. 

"Oh I just took a little break but I'm going back on Tuesday. Work is fine, we just opened three more plants and things are going very well"

I gathered that this quiet man, didn't just work but owned some major corporation. 

Earlier on in the day, sasha bonĂ© and I talked about some of our career goals and did some evaluation. I said to her that I needed do much more and be much more, not for today but for tomorrow. I love my comfort and I think luxury is sometimes a necessity, yet in the scheme of things my personal needs are secondary. One major driving factor is my kids. Growing up with not very much, I strongly desire to give them the best education (and life) they could have, they're the major reason I hustle now. 

I don't know about you but I want to get ahead. I NEED to get ahead. So when I heard what this man does and who he is, I immediately joined the conversation and re-introduced myself. He turned his attention to me and we began to chat. I told him that coincidentally I would be visiting his town the same day he said he's heading there and I'd always wondered what it would be like to live there. But more importantly "ARE YOU HIRING???" He chuckled and joked about me looking too expensive for their salary and them not needing lawyers at the moment. 

Unabashed, I began to pitch myself, as a lawyer and then as an individual. I pointed out that I'm very versatile and quite frankly I'm open to possibilities as I've never intended to restrict myself to the legal sector. I noticed Ahmed shuffling in his seat but to be honest, I wasn't sure why and I didn't believe it could have anything to do with me. 

When our conversation was winding down I wanted to hand him my card but I thought i shouldn't, out of respect for Ahmed. So I told him to remember my name because I'll get his number from Ahmed and I'll be in touch. 

Egbon soon left and I was left with a stiff Ahmed, he had turned cold. When I was eventually able to pry the reason for his sombreness from his clenched jaw, I was told that I'd disrespected him. He said I was too forward and I just sidelined him and made him look insignificant. He said I should have talked to him and he would have talked to his Egbon for me, instead of speaking to him directly.

I'm sorry but if people who promise(d) to talk to people for me actually do so, I'd be earning seven figures right now...

I'm not not quite sure what to think, it was fun and drinks on a Friday night and everyone was talking to everyone, so what's Ahmed's problem? I've looked at things through his eyes. I wonder if his muslim/northern background might make him prefer his women to be more demure? I wonder if grabbing an unusual opportunity with someone I may never again be privileged to meet was indeed disrespectful simply because I spoke to them directly? Or perhaps Ahmed is simply overreacting or a bit insecure?

I'll hash things out with Ahmed but let's talk about you. In the order of preference, which is more important to you?

Money. 
Marriage/family
Job security/career advancement 
Sex 
Eternal life (Salvation). 

Let's talk. 

Friday, 30 October 2015

Le Ex!






Heartless-Kanye West
Johnny- Yemi Alade
Trouble- Pynk
Bed of Lies- Nicki Minaj
We are never ever getting back together- Taylor Swift

Hehe. I could go on and on and on


Your turn!

Group Set to Hold Support Programme for Nigerian Military





Zeta Galleon Centre For Leadership has expressed its sincere commitment to continue to provide support for the Nigerian military battling terrorism and insurgency in the North-east region as it commenced preparations for this year’s programme known as ‘Support Our Troops Against Terrorism (SOTAT) rally to be held in Port Harcourt, Rivers State on December 11.

The group which is a branch of Brothers Across Nigeria (BAN) has tagged this year’s event ‘Support For The Wounded Warriors’ to shore up love, support and prayers for the military in the daunting task of defeating the Boko Haram terrorists.

Speaking with journalists on Thursday in Port Harcourt, the group’s Secretary Mr. Ken Agala, said this year’s event would feature visitation to the families of soldiers who died fighting terrorists and also visit some of the wounded soldiers.

According to him, “Our soldiers are our symbol of national pride and we must continue to cherish the roles they play by holding fort so that we can live normal lives. While the various moves to rehabilitate the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) and rebuild the North-east is very commendable, I think it’s equally important to keep identifying with and inspiring these great (freedom fighters) men.”

Speaking also at the event, the group Legal Adviser, Mr. Patrick Etim, expressed commendation for the Nigerian armed forces for the efforts made so far, and therefore called on all Nigerians to put aside political affiliations and other form of sentiment and throw their weight behind the nation’s armed forces. He equally frowned at those who make fun of the army when they suffer casualties, stating that it was the highest level of un-patriotism, and should be desist with henceforth. 

The event which is billed to take place on December 11 will serve as a morale booster to the Nigerian security agencies in the fight against terrorism and other crimes militating against the unity and development of Nigeria.

A senior chieftain of the group, Azubuike Onowu, in his remark, also charged the army to assist the Department of State Security (DSS) and the police in the fight against kidnapping and armed robbery which are also menace to the society.
Other members of the group who addressed journalists, the group Board of Trustees (BOT), Chairman, Mr. Jekwu Ozoemena, and the Director of Strategy, Mr. Eze Wordu, called on a Nigerians set aside sentiment and continue to pray for the country’s economic and political prosperity.


Thisday Live. 

***
Sponsored post. 

Mr "Not Really Married"






Jules met Ikenna at the bank months ago. Right there in the banking hall they exchanged numbers and soon became really good friends. Jules noticed they had chemistry and knew that Ikenna liked her yet she wondered why he was being slow about asking her out. They started to spend long hours on the phone and went on a few dates where they shared hungry kisses, still no relationship talk. This drove Jules crazy, she was quick falling in love with him, worse yet, he was crazy about her too but just wouldn't say a thing. 
     The first time Ikenna visited Jules at home they had sex, very good sex, which made Jules adamant about having this man to herself. Boldened by this desire, she broached the topic and after an awkward silence Ikenna admitted that he was in love with her, but... he's married. 

This threw Jules off. She was mad at Ikenna for not saying anything all this while, leading her on and now making her sleep with a married man. He pleaded and pleaded with her to understand; he realized that he'd fallen for her and might lose her if he came clean about being married. His pleas fell on deaf ears as Jules threw him out nonetheless. 

Love, unfortunately, seldom dies an instant death and the heart wants what it wants. Jules was going crazy missing Ikenna and was failing miserably at forgetting him. It didn't help that he didn't relent in his pleas and often bombarded her phones with calls and texts. She eventually gave in. 

...It's been eight months of a whirlwind romance. Everything has been perfect besides Jules being the 'other woman'. Meaning that, she can't see him everytime she wants, she can't call him late at night, they can't go on certain dates, and other normalcies inherent in such relationships. 

Even in blissful moments, Jules wasn't pleased with Ikenna's jealousy. Understandably he wouldn't want to share her but she expected him to also understand that a girl of her age would want her own home, she needed to be able to date other people as she would like to get married and have her own family soon. After all, Ikenna was happily married with two kids, why should he stop her from doing same?

Jules who had borne the guilt of being a side chic all through the relationship desperately wanted her own husband and her prayers are about to be answered. 

One night Ikenna called her and said they needed to talk. He told her to meet him at one of the nice restaurants in town. Jules was excited and a bit confused. That restaurant was very popular, the kind of place one is certain to run into someone they know, the kind of place she and Ikenna never visited together. 

Yet, it was his idea so she wore a little black dress with killer heels and headed for the spot. 

Ikenna seemed rather fidgety and distracted and halfway through dinner he suddenly blurted "Marry me!"

"Huh?" was all Jules could say. 

"I love you Jules. Please... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've never felt this way about anyone else. Please say you'll marry me"

"Babes, have you forgotten you've got a wife at home? Besides my parents would die first before giving me away as a second wife" 

Ikenna's hand twitches as he takes a sip from his glass. 

"See, Jules, I'm not really married... When we met I was not ready for a committed relationship. I knew at your age you'd want a relationship that would lead to marriage but I wasn't sure I could give you that, so... I lied. I told you I was married so I wouldn't have to make any promises I knew I couldn't keep. I showed you my nephews' pictures and said they were mine... I've never been married, I have no kids.

"A lot has changed since I met you and now I'm not only ready to commit, I want to marry you! I've told my family all about you and my mum has been dying to meet you. I've been eager to meet your family too... Babe, I know it may sound farfetched but even in all those months I told you I was married I was faithful to you. I've not been with another woman since I got with you, and I have no desire to. I love you Jules, without you even expecting or demanding it I've stayed loyal and faithful to you. 

"Please, please marry me". He pulls out a small box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a beautifully cut diamond ring. 

In Jules' shoes what would you do?




***
This is inspired by real life events and "Jules" would love to know what you think. In addition to her other concerns, Jules feels that if she says yes, Ikenna might one day judge her for dating a "married man" and act on it...

Thoughts?

Thursday, 29 October 2015

Quick Question! (Advertise Here!)


Post-Break Up Relationships...




"The minute we broke up you and him had no business being friends! You had no right or reason to continue talking to him" she yelled at me last night.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Biafra & The Zoo. To Which Do You Belong?





Some months ago after a very satisfying date with a darling friend of mine in the South, I reclined my seat as we drove home from the restaurant. He turned his radio on and I'd expected to here some sensual R'n'B music, maybe some Keith Sweat or Joe, to go with the mood. However nna bros had something else in mind as he went straight to Radio Biafra and cranked the volume way up.  

That was my first experience with radio Biafra, and it was quite surreal. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, never imagined something so "unique" existed on the airwaves. Till date I'm not sure if my friend listens to it solely for comic relief or if he's a card carrying pro-Biafran. I've been itching to ask but afraid of the answer... 

As I heard the expletives and angry words, especially the word "zoo" being thrown around once every minute, and several divisive conspiracy theories being hurled, I wondered one thing; what's the agenda, and why? 

Two months ago during a taxi ride from the PH airport into town, I engaged the taxi driver in a conversation as the dial was on Radio Biafra and he seemed very aggressive and aggrieved. He kept on yelling that they should let us have our Biafra, he is a Biafran, not a Nigerian! 
     Calmly, I asked him why. The young man in his twenties couldn't give me any meaningful reason why he says he's not Nigerian. All he said is that Nigeria is a zoo and there's a strong hate for Igbos so they will never 'let us be great'. I was hoping to gain more insight...

In recent months the antics of these "secessionists" have garnered more media attention, and the arrest of their modern day leader, Nnamdi Kanu, seems to have ruffled their feathers, there's near-palpable agitation in the air. 

So, the reason behind this post; I just stumbled upon these comments on Bella Naija on the post titled Pro-Biafra Activists in India Threaten to Destroy Nigerian Embassy and I would like to know your thoughts on them. 

(This in response to a reader saying she's Igbo and very ok being NIGERIAN)-"You are Ok being a nigerian my foot. Who are you fooling you agent of darkness and workers of iniquity. What is wow about being a nigeria?? Let the people who want to go be on their own go. Why are you holding them back?? The solution is very simple, move lagos international airport (MMIA) and and Apapa seaport to the east for only one year and see if you will still be clamoring for your pathetic “one nigeria”. You can no longer fool anyone with your evil propaganda. You are not a Biafran or igbo speaking Biafran rather".

"Please if anybody here is OK with being From the zoo..be sure to indicate when the time for referendum comes because i and millions of other Biafrans are ready to go..Tell urselves the truth-nigeria is not workable and will NEVER be.So u can be free to stay back in the zoo where u enjoy steady light,Good roads,quality education,
Where u come out from school and u have hope of getting a job or u can get loan to start business..where politicians get treated in their country..lol.
(Sarcasm, in case you were wondering)
Free #NnamdiKanu
Nigeria is a ZOO..quote me anywhere and i will defend my stance".



Thoughts, anyone? I have a few questions. 
I. Why do pro-Biafran activists always sound so angry, aggressive, hostile, insolent and caustic? 
II. Why are the pro-Biafran activists ALL in the diaspora? This I. Really. Do. Not. Get... Help, anyone?
III. Are they ready for the impact of another war? Are they really ready? Have they spoken to people that fought that war, even people that lived through the war? 

Pro or Anti Biafran, please air your views. 


I feel a need to include this addendum after receiving a few phone calls concerning this post. I'd thought it was apparent from this post that I'm writing the from a neutral standpoint. From the questions I ask, it's clear that I myself am seeking clarity on the subject and not aiming to inform or impart any knowledge on the matter. I solely aim to present a platform for people to air their diverse views. Thank you.

To Call The Wedding Off Or ...?





This mail sent to @DerrickJaxn got me feeling some type of way. My first reaction was to roll my eyes and ask "What do women really want?". Second reaction was to call her friend a witch. But my third reaction... Hmmm, what if there's an actual valid concern here? What if there's a real self control issue to be contended with? Is he implying that if he had to stay with the friend in the house he would have had to get frisky with her? No woman wants to knowingly wed a philanderer so is she justified in wondering if she should call it off? 

Thoughts?

Dear Thelma...





Good morning Thelma, please help me post this. I'm currently facing a situation that's making me have to make a decision concerning my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years this year. We are both in our 30s, we have good jobs and we're both comfortable financially. I've had the marriage talk with him several times and he always says that we will get married but at the right time. I never put pressure on him because we've always had a very good relationship. I know he loves me very much and everybody that knows us knows this. His family welcomes me as one of them and my family loves him too. We're both very passionate and ambitious people ad he is my best friend and I believe that he is my soul mate because he is everything I want in a man, he has a very good heart and he treats me like a queen so I always believed that soon we will start to plan our wedding until three days ago when I got a pregnancy scare. I missed my period so I decided to buy pt strip and it came out with two lines so I thought I'm positive. Do you know I was so happy because I'm about to have a baby with my bestie, I was not even thinking about marriage or anything. When I told Bae, I have never in our six years of dating seen him behave how he did. His immediate reaction was that I need to see a doctor to remove it, I was so shocked. I decided to give him time to understand maybe he was in shock but the next day he had become very cold towards me and he said that I should go and have an abortion and he started saying things like I thought ur on the pill? Why did you become careless? He even asked me am I sure he is responsible? Thelma this one hurt me very much because in 6 years I have NEVER cheated on him. Also I have never seen this side of him before, I am very surprised and disappointed. I now realize that I don't know him as well as I thought I did, and also if he was so adamant about an abortion, does he even plan on marrying me? Please I need advise, although he says he loves me and he will break down if I leave him, do you think I should stay or go? Is this a red flag please? I'm so scared because after 6 years in this relationship  I don't know where I will start from, also I still love him very much. 


Ps. I'm not pregnant. 

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Drawing The Disloyalty Line.




Mercy and Francess have been best of friends for almost thirty years. They've been in each other's lives, seen each other through challenges, exams, failed relationships, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers and practically everything else. Their bond is so strong and has only grown stronger through the years, the two are closer than sisters.
      During the elections Mercy's husband ran for office and was very popular within his party, so his chances are rather good. However the opposing candidate belonged the then ruling, thus more popular party in the state. As such they had more backers and more resources. One of these resources was in the form of one of the greatest influencers in the state, who also happens to be Francess. Francess has a large platform, a cult-like following and a great track record as an influencer so anyone she endorses is likely guaranteed success. 
       Prior to the election campaigns Mercy had always taken it for granted that when the time comes, she and her husband would have Francess' backing. Partly because her husband is not only very credible, transparent and well qualified, but mainly because of their friendship. However it seems the opposing party favours Francess' business more and is not only paying her and her company extremely handsomely, but can also further her own career goals. 
      Francess, as is expected of her during a campaign period, is very vocal about her candidate on all media platforms and while she hasn't slandered the opposing party; Mercy's husband, Mercy feels a sense of betrayal. Mercy is also particularly unhappy because most people know how close she and Francess are supposed to be. She worries that this might affect her husband's image and chances as people might begin to question his credibility; seeing as the very close friend of a family publicly is supporting the opposing candidate...

Mercy understands that some might think she's petty and unrealistic but that doesn't stop her from feeling hurt and betrayed. Is she wrong to feel this way? Where does one draw the disloyalty line? Can their friendship ever be the same after this? If her husband won the election should she accept Francess back as her bestie or cut her off completely? Is Mercy being unrealistic? Is Francess merely doing what she has to do?

What do you think? 

Have you ever found yourself in a similar position, where you had to blur the lines of loyalty and put your career, advancements and personal prospects firsts. Please share. 


(Post Inspiration: @conniegirlswag)

Monday, 26 October 2015

There's Joy In Sharing; Beds, Husbands & Breakfast.





"He said I should give you this letter if you ever got better... I'm so happy you did. Honestly, I am.... I really care about you Christie, I really do. I know you may not believe it, but I really do. I'm so happy you got better". Her words and emotions seemed very genuine, the love and empathy in her eyes were as clear as day. But barely seconds before she said the words above, she'd just come clean to Christie that while she, Christie, was ill, she had an affair with her husband, and that she really did love him. 

Christie was torn between this shocking news about her friend and her husband, and the display of sincere emotions by this same friend. In one breath you tell me that while I lay ill in a sick bed you were sleeping with my husband, in our bed... then tell me that you really care about me and are so happy I got better???... She would have loved to call bull shit, but how could she, when it was this same friend who nurtured her back to health, took care of her little baby all those months she was ill, and helped her regain her memory and learn to adapt and live a normal life. Christie wasn't sure whether to hate this woman for defiling her marital bed or love her for her kindness and devotion. 

This one scene in a movie I stumbled upon made me question so many things. Could our love for self push us to do certain things, even hurting those we love... And even though we've intentionally hurt them, does it mean we love them any less? Are things really so black and white?

My friend often tells me about how they tried to contrive ways to poison their stepmom when their dad first brought her home, but years later after learning her story and all the things she had been through, they actually began to empathize with her and stop seeing her as the enemy. 
     Some acts are so condemnable but I wonder if we actually dig deeper, what we find might make us more empathetic towards someone who did something normally considered very abominable. I also wonder if sometimes the need to be happy, or be whole, or get ahead, or have a life and a future, is stronger than any sense of loyalty we might have...

***
Speaking of polygamy people, I'm sure you all saw the tweet of the woman asking people to pray for her husband and his new bride who were wedding the next day. Ladies, can you ever be so "generous" with your husband (also your home, your kitchen, your monthly allowance (LOL)? Would you rather a second wife or a mistress? Please share your thoughts. 

Men, both single and married, I would particularly love to hear your answers; if your tradition, religion, society, family and 'bank account' permit you to marry more than one wife, would you? And why?

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Teen Blog Reader Asks...




Please I have no one to talk to or seek advice...Is computer networking a good career and what am I supposed to expect??? My parents are telling me to go for it since they can't finance my medical ambitions..am soo distraught.. I don't understand what Google is saying... Plus is studying it in China worth it??? I really need urgent reply as I have been crying since they told me this... pls help a teenager in dire need, I don't want to do something I won't be happy with in future...


Saturday, 24 October 2015

Answer Me This...




So tell me people, honestly... If you had to marry the last person you had sex with, would you be happy?

Yes? No? Tell us why. 

I guess you may want to skip this question if you're married, or maybe not? I don't know anymore these days *scratches head* *runs away*...


Dear Thelma... (Dilemma. His Ex Is Still In The Picture!)





I need your advice on an issue n I know I'll get valuable advise from fellow blog readers too.
I started dating a friend of mine early this year, we just decided to go head in first, cos I felt to an extent I knew him. To cut a long story short he told me immediately we started dating that he had a business relationship with his Ex and that they were still good friends, their break up was amicable and that when the business eventually kicks off and things pick up they'll ve minimal contact, so I shld'nt worry basically. I then felt it will be nice to meet her cos I thought since she'll be in our lives I might as well be friendly and get to know her.
I suggested means and hows for us to meet, my BF had his own suggestions too, but it was not to be as she's outrightly refused to let it happen.
She'll call him when we'r hanging out and I was uncomfortable with it and mentioned to him, he told her and I've not had to deal with such in a while.
I told him I'm not comfortable with their relationship seeing as she's refused to want to get along but he's told me that he can't force her and he's invested so much money into the business (that hasn't fully kicked off), so what will I have him do?
Now there's another business contract he wants to pursue with this same Ex cos her father is a director in a government agency and has access to a lot of government contracts.
He wants to register a company and she's insisting she has to be part of the company if she has to help him get a contract.
He doesn't want that and is trying to get her to settle for the commission that she gets from the contract normally, but she's adamant on being a part of the company. 
I don't understand what I'm in now cos I've mentioned my concerns to him and he continues to reassure me that it's just business between them. However last weekend I couldn't reach him on phone and he later told me that they went hiking with some of her friends. He says he's doing these things just to sweeten her up. 
He's agreed on not making her a shareholder but I'm certain he's still yet to tell her of this decision.
Right now I feel my best option is to back out of the relationship because I'm not comfortable at all, we're all in our thirties and I personally wouldn't want to waste my time in the wrong relationship. Am I being irrational or should I just take things in good faith? Please I need your advise. 

Blog Reader Asks... (I Can't Stop Overthinking; Just Friends or Second Shot?)




My ex called me up a few weeks ago to help him with something he was working on since I happened to work in the industry he was researching. I helped how I could and moved on. Few weeks later, he got a commendation at work for what I helped him with, apparently, it turned out very well so he sent me a mail to tell me about it and then asked to take me to lunch to say thank you.

I forgot about(read ignored) the mail for about a week and then responded saying the lunch won't be necessary that the heartfelt thank you was just enough, he sent another mail asking me to pls not say No that he would like to really thank me and most importantly see me. We have the same circle of friends/acquaitances so I kinda avoided them since we broke up last year. Anyway, I saw him some days ago and he was all excited and shining teeth and I was just looking like - why is this one shining teeth, did he forget how stuff ended last yr?

Fastforward 2days after I saw him, he asked about the "thank you lunch" again and I gave in. The lunch is supposed to hold this weekend but I have no idea what to expect cos he's been pinging me saying he's really "excited" to see me. Me I don't get all the excitement.

I still like him(not sure about love) and that's what my problem is, I don't want to go and be overthinking things when all he really wants is lunch but I can't seem to help myself, I have been thinking about the possibility of us getting back together but...... I don't even know. Another thought occured to me this evening, what if he wants to tell me he's getting married and that's why he's so "excited" to see me..... looool

Anyway, my questions are, what should I expect? Guys, why would you call up an ex for lunch? Will it really be about lunch or will it be because u want to give the relationship another try? Also, how do I stop (over)thinking this stuff. I just want to forget about it until the actual lunch.

Thanks in advance.



Friday, 23 October 2015

Money or Passion? Do tell.





I spent most of yesterday at or around the Corporate Affairs Commission at Yaba. That has got to be one of the busiest places in Lagos, rarely ever a lull in business. It's so busy that it spills to the environs, and everyone and their mothers have found a way to make a buck from "CAC runs". To be frank I'd not been there in a while and a lot had changed. The customer service lady i used to do a lot of work with in the past has been promoted high up, and she's gone from a size 18 to a size 12. I can no longer pay stamp duties there, it's got to be somewhere on the island. And oh, business name forms are no longer written on but typed on. 

This news, with a few others had me running round and round like a cockroach under floodlight. I was all over the place, CAC and then high court, and then some dingy office somewhere around to do things I could only do in dingy places, then back to CAC, then some koro behind the court... It brought to mind something that's been a theme for the past few days. Hard work. 

During this process I said to a friend and senior colleague, this isn't the life, I don't believe I'm going to have to toil and sweat like someone at the gallows to make 'it'. He, a natural born hustler, the type that leaves the office at 5pm and heads straight to Jibowu to board a night bus to attend to some charge and bail murder case in Onitsha the next day, after which he would immediately hop on another bus back to lagos, no matter the time of the day and head straight to the office, or which ever place he can get butter on his bread, looked at me and scoffed. 

We argued back and forth about this. I pointed out that "working smart" was more likely to get you rich faster than "working hard". Somewhere during this argument I told him about the chorister that pastor Paul Adefarasin handed Range Rover keys to and pointed out that God's grace also makes (rich), not necessarily hardwork.  This irritated him even more; what is someone who probably cannot pay the rent to his one bedroom flat to do with a Range Rover? Where's the sense in giving a struggling young man a brand new Range Rover? Do you know how much the maintenance costs? Can he even park it where he lives? Even God will be unhappy with Paul Adefarasin for that. Acts like these only foster the laziness in this generation, one ought to work hard in order to make it.

I don't disagree with that, my only problem was that his idea of "work hard" seemed synonymous with "suffer", and I nicely jump am pass. Lol. 

So I asked him, I've known you for some years and you've been doing this. Are you to tell me that when you were called to the Bar this was your dream? He said he loves this grind and wouldn't have it any other way, and I find I've been thinking; given the opportunity to get paid a lot of money for a job you don't really like, yet one that takes care of all your bills and some, or the option to pursue your dreams yet spend most of your life "managing", which would you choose? If you had to choose between a unpleasant job that pays you very good money, and pursuing your passion which doesn't pay you much, which would it be?


Yes, I know passion can bring about wealth but I'm asking what you would pick if you had to choose. 

Do tell. 

I'm no longer sure what's right and what's wrong...





A few days back I read a post about a lady who met this guy on facebook. They hit it off and started exchanging texts and phone calls. Eventually they made plans for a date, which was to be one evening on a weekday. The chica being a 9-5'er would meet up with the young man after work at the appointed place. Broda however had other plans. He said she should come and pick him up. (Now, there's nothing wrong with this; but for a first date? The first time you both would be meeting? Come the fuck on!). She explained to him that it wouldn't be possible, his place was exact opposites from where they were meant to meet and her office is in an entirely different direction. Also, you know how Lagos traffic is at that time of the day, going from her office to pick him up and then head for the date spot would take no less than two hours. Of course this kind of chore would be completely unappealing to anyone after a hard day's work. Well bros wasn't interested in this explanation and it was sayonara after that. 

Wow. 

More intriguing is that the lady shared this story on her BBM and most people had her to blame. "You should have just gone to pick him up"... " After all you women expect men to do the same thing". "That's how you've missed your husband". "Maybe he was just testing you to know if you can make a good wife". 

Wait, what?

So a couple of weeks back on a flight back to Lagos I met this guy. We sat together and he was in and out of sleep the whole flight. As our descent was announced he suddenly jerked and started to make small talk with me, as expected he soon asked for my phone number which I gave him. Before I'd even left the mainland he had already called me once and sent a few WhatsApp messages. Words like "I wanted to talk to you from the minute I got to my seat but your beauty made me shy" and "I know we're going to be good friends, my instincts are often right" were said. We chatted back and forth for a few days until he asked me out on a date. Well, that was also expected so I obliged. Then he said "You will have to come to Ojo". Wait. Where is Ojo again? I hear it's after Festac. I asked him why I had to come and he asked me Why Not? 

I told him I wouldn't do that; after all he was the one asking me out on a date, he was the one who approached me, he was the one saying he would like us to have a relationship... And now that it's time to do the work, he's expecting me to come all the way? What for? I mean, he wasn't even suggesting we meet halfway, perhaps suggest we meet at Surulere or Ikeja. No, dude said I should come to Ojo. I said no can do. He disappeared immediately and that's just fine. 

Somewhere during the conversation he started to attack me with the "Island girl" line. Wait, so because you live on the Island you cannot come to Ojo? So if it's not on the island you cannot hang out? So you only date people that live on the island? So island this and island that. Eishhh! I tried to explain that that was not the point. Strictly speaking I don't even live on the island. Bros nor gree hear o! It was either I come to Ojo or nothing. 

I chose nothing. 

And then there's this other brother I met several weeks back. The writer of the above text. He met me while I was walking to my car after dinner one night at Marcopolo and he seemed polite and friendly. I felt this might be a fun person to have around so I gave him my number. The next time we saw, dude freaked out when I told him I'm a lawyer. He said "Nne please don't put me I jail!". "Are you jail-worthy?" I asked. "Hmmm yes o! Over-jail worthy sef. But a man must do what he must to survive". At least he gets points for honesty. 
     Actually his livelihood was my least concern, there were greater reasons I was put off by him. Call it intuition, but I knew he wasn't the one, or even someone I wanted to be friends with, so I stopped taking his calls. Dude couldn't understand why a single 30 year old woman would turn down a catch like him. After several ignored calls he sent me the above text. 

All I could do was smile. Dude just confirmed to me that I made the right choice turning him down. I mean, why get so nasty simply because I didn't pick your calls? And this is whom I'm supposed to "drop me standards" for and call husband? Tufia kwa! I didn't respond to the text and a few days later he began to call again. SMDH!

So really, how much of her standards is a woman supposed to drop? But more importantly, why have men suddenly become so lazy; why ask a woman out and expect her to come and pick you up or drive two hours to meet up with you while you cross your legs and wait? What's to blame for this recent malaise...

But the lady with the Facebook friend was told she was at fault as there was no biggie in going to pick him up... Do you agree with this? Do you think I should have gone to Ojo and seen where things went from there? Should women begin to meet the men halfway and accept this role reversal? When you come to think about it, is there really anything wrong with that? What do you think?

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Dear Thelma... (A Friend In Need...)





Good morning T and the house. Please I need your advice on this issue. My best friend hooked up with her ex who was visiting the country and they didn't use protection because they used to be in a serious relationship. Now he has gone back to Canada and now she is pregnant. He is engaged even and his wife to be too is pregnant. My friend does not want to keep the baby which I think is the best idea she can have for now. My problem is that she wants me to follow her to the clinic because she cannot go alone. I have never done an abortion because  I am always very careful and I know abortion is not an option for me, because I feel like it is a big sin, like murder. I have heard pastors say that if you escort someone for an abortion you are just as guilty as the person in the eyes of God, is this true? Apart from that anything can happen there and I might be held responsible. Please I need advise, she is an only girl and doesn't have much friends she can trust except me so I know she needs me, but I don't really feel comfortable going there. Please what should I do?

Morning Inspiration For The Mrs.




Women in the house, please can do the following things for/to our men and see what amazing wondrous glorious things could come out of it?

If you do these to your husband for a month, do you think it would make him
Love you more and stay faithful?
Or
Drive him crazy?


Have a blessed day guys, be kind to someone today. 




Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Your Very First...




I think I could do with a bit of laughter right now, eventhough what led to this post wasn't remotely funny. I had to mail someone following some enquiries I made for a business concern and had to copy some guy who works with the company. I couldn't believe that his email address was coolbloke360@xxx.com

Seriously! But I recall the advent of electronic mail, some of us were still in secondary school and struggled to come up with the coolest sounding email addresses. Most of our first email addresses would be simply hilarious to hear right now. Mine was letsplay@yahoo.co.uk. Chocolate's was rottenrascal@xxx.com (LOL), another friend's was prettypu**y@hotmail.com (smh). Just asked my colleague and his was iyke_4u@yahoo.com

What was yours?
 

So You Think Blogging Is Easy?





I just read a blogger say blogging can be very tiring and depressing. I smiled.

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

About Last Night and The One That Got Away...





Yesterday evening I had to meet up with a friend to collect some documents I'd left with him to sign. He had a meeting slated for 7 at The Palms so I decided to meet up with him there. He was rounding up just as I got there. Formalities out of the way, he began to ask me about work and business and all of that stuff and I was dutifully answering his questions when he cut in with "Can I at least look at your eyes while you talk?". 
     Haha! I couldn't look him in the eyes, I didn't know why but I'd hoped he wouldn't notice. Smiling, I made eye contact and tried to hold his gaze while I talked but I failed miserably. I know there are no feelings left anymore but maybe I was scared if he saw my eyes he would see into my soul and read my thoughts. Would he hear the wistful What ifs? and that crazy voice screaming I wanna have your babies!...? No, I couldn't look at him so I stared straight ahead while I talked about work and family and other mundanities.  

I knew I would get into some traffic if I tried to leave just then so I decided to watch a movie. I'd been looking forward to it really; enjoying the movie in solitude and unashamedly muttering to myself intermittently. Alas, broda said he would like to join me. 
     I laid back while he went to get the tickets and our snacks and when we walked into the theatre, he stood back to allow me go ahead of him. He's always been gentlemanly, that one. So no surprises there when my sniveling nose wouldn't stop running and he ran his hands over my shoulders to keep me warm, that didn't help much so a few minutes later he took off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders. Rom-com stuff but he'd always been a rom-com kinda guy. 

Halfway through, the whole place went dark as the screen went blank and someone came to apologize about some technical issues, they apologized and promised the movie would be back on in ten minutes. "Bloody hell" we cursed at the same time, and then both said "Jinx" and burst into laughter. The laughter abated into happy sighs as we both sank back into our seats, content smiles on our faces. 

"Doesn't this remind you of old times?" He asked, literally reading my mind. 

I chuckled, I wouldn't admit that it did. 

"Nope", I lied, swearing we never went to the movies together. We both knew that was a lame lie so he began to remind me of movies we saw together when we were still together, here at The Palms. Thankfully before could walk too far into memory lane, the sharp light of the movie rudely intruded, shocking us back to the present, to reality, to our present reality; that me being me I turned away one of the best men I've ever known, and he being him, after recovering from a broken heart, was soon snagged by his present belle. Belle... He used to call me belle... Stop it Nwando. 

It was the Friday night FNLP and I went clubbing where we bumped into him that I first truly regretted letting him go. She kept asking me "Thelma, how could you? Why did you? He's soooo (cute/nice/perfect/FUCKING AWESOME?)"

Oh well, there's always that one that got away...


Do you have one a "the one that got away"? Tell us about him or her? Why did you let them go? Do you regret letting them go? Do you think you could still have a future with them? 

Speaking of the future, I believe that even someone without a ring is not fair game. I mean, if you're in a relationship I would respect that. But that's just me. What do you think; do you believe that when it comes to your happiness you sometimes need to be selfish and do what's best for you, damning all else? Have you ever had to do this; put yourself first eventhough it (possibly) hurt someone else, either in your love life, your career or at your workplace? 
Do you believe that sometimes in life you just need to be selfish and do what's best for you? Let's talk about it.  

Hard Work or Sheer Luck? Linda Ikeji & The 5 Things We Can't Stop Talking About.





Did the title of this post make you roll your eyes? Did it, infuriate you, perhaps? Are you tired to seeing that name everywhere you turn, hearing it everywhere you go? Well I can empathize with you. 

We've not as a people, had such a healthy debate over any singular topic in a long time, perhaps since the PDP vs APC debates pre-2015 elections. The topic; Linda Ikeji. And I've noticed five major subtopics from comments on various blogs and people's conversations...
*Who Will Marry Linda Ikeji?
*Who Will Linda Ikeji Marry?
*Is Linda Really an Inspiration?
*Linda Should Please Shut Up About Being Hardworking, Her Story Is a Result Of God's Grace. 
*Laura Ikeji The Leech. 


Who Will Marry Linda Ikeji
The lady herself asked the question in a tweet, albeit cheekily; "who will marry me?" And if this question hasn't crossed your mind then you're not Nigerian. Buhari's (then) long awaited ministerial list has nothing on this subtopic, it's a source curiousity, fascination and keen interest to practically all. 
     Will she marry up? If yes, then who's the bachelor wealthier than she is? Will she marry down? If yes, then she should beware, he must be marrying her for her money! Where will they live? Can she "submit"? What will he bring to the table? (The D, sperm, a warm body at night, someone to talk to... That's good enough, no?). 
     And there are those who strongly believe that Linda is already in a serious relationship, probably altar bound, but she's just keeping it hush hush and would surprise everyone as she did with the white Range Rover and the Banana "mansion". 

Who Will Linda Ikeji Marry?
Well because, this is Linda, she just bought a mansion worth almost $3,000,000. If you spend half a billion Naira on a house then you must have almost a billion left in your account (that's just my thinking and it's only logical but I could be wrong). Therefore she's likely to be the bread winner... But that's not the sole point. The bible says He who finds a wife... But Linda, might not only find a husband, she will find husbandsss, sift them like chaff from wheat, pick them like a bowl of beans, and choose whosoever she damn well pleases. 

Is Linda Really an Inspiration? 
This is one of the interesting sub topics. The argument that Linda is no inspiration; "what's inspiring about a woman that sits at home and makes money from bringing other people down, sharing gossip that ruins homes and happiness, spreading rumours, writing about egg plant this and nipple that? So what if it makes her millions? Is that success? Are you suggesting that success is the possession of money? I fail to see what's inspiring about Linda Ikeji". 

Linda Should Please Shut Up About Being Hardworking, Her Story Is a Result Of God's Grace. 
And for this subtopic I will share a comment that very accurately reflects the thinking of those in this school of thought as seen on Bella Naija:

"Come what is all this about Linda Ikeji????????? Is she the first woman to purchase anything of that magnitude in Nigeria? And whats all this nonsense about hard work and patience, abi do you guys think shes the only hardworking woman under 40 ni? Please she’s favored by God who blesses those He wants to bless and gives grace to those He chooses...

Not every girl that doesn’t own a blog and carries designer bags sleeps with men or married men for money! If you investigate, I am sure you would find a few women in that island that worked very hard to get there. What is all this fuss about? PLEASE leave everybody to their own story...

You might be age mates with Linda but not grace mates. Let the 15 years old that wakes up as early as 3am to make buns and later hawk it and then still go for night school and while at night school still selling the buns tell you what hard work is. Let iya bisi that is permanently on the road side frying akara under the hot sun and still gives you jara when you buy from her, even with the little money she makes, shes is extremely generous tell what hard work is. Are the hard works of these people not valid because they did not build or own mansions? What of those that stay overnight in the banks and marketers that are always strategizng to meet bank targets etc facing all kinds of embarrassments, abuse, insults and the likes, are the hard works of these people not valid because they live in rented apartments?The way this news has been up in the air one would think Linda ikeji is the only woman under 40 that works hard in Nigeria. Nigerians are born hustlers and survivors, its reflective everywhere!

As for those that sleep with men, I despise it with all my heart but I seriously doubt that 90% of them want that life for themselves. you graduate school, no job, your family is expecting you to take them out of poverty, you try business, it doesn’t bring profit, you beg people they tie their hands obviously the next resort is to go use what you have. The men use their laptops for fraud and women use their bodies for money. some are driven by greed but most want to get out as soon as they can! Please ladies don’t compare yourself oo, make the best of your every situation and don’t forget to laugh and smile with family and friends. In the end that is what counts."

Laura Ikeji The Leech. 
"Laura will be the fall of Linda". "Laura should stop riding on her sister's success". "What does Laura do for a living besides spend her sister's money and posting pictures online?" "Laura even shared the pictures before Linda did". "Laura is more excited by Linda's success than Linda herself is". "Laura should please get a life". 



***

Ok... These are my observations from the last few days since the news of the N600,000,000 Banana Island home hit the net. I just stumbled upon a post from 2010 on Oluchi Orlandi blasting Linda for saying they used to be friends but now Oluchi has grown too big and doesn't recognize her anymore. Oluchi allegedly tweeted:

"Go and jump in the fucking Lagoon. High school its been over 12 fucking years. I don’t remember YOU!!! I speak FACT!! Get lost!”

"Yeah she is a low life desperate Blogger!!! Get a LIFE Loser! There are better things in life to dwell on!!"

The funny thing about that post was that the commenters mocked LIB and said Linda should go and get a real career. Funny how as of this past weekend everyone has suddenly recognized blogging as a real profession and most have now decided to become bloggers. LOL

Share your thoughts in the comment section. 

Monday, 19 October 2015

Zumji and Uchenna!






Wait what? "Imagine that donkey from the north courting our sister". "Are not Ibos smart enough to take the virginity of their girls!” “Are our cocks too short and small? Bloody Hell”



When I first saw this on Dr Lanre Olusola's page I thought it must be some kind of joke. Apparently I thought wrong.  




Teachers have said that they were mandated to include this book among the literature books and failure to do so would attract a sanction. Ministry of Education well done oh! Could the lessons within the covers of this book be so great that the tribalistic theme, vulgar language, swear words and adult content become small prices to pay? 

What do you guys think?

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