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Monday, 30 November 2015

Giveaway Winner!




I wish I could give the gifts to everyone who wants them but alas I can't! So I'd like to use this opportunity to ask those of us who have items to giveaway to please do so through the blog. You could giveaway new items, money, recharge cards, gadgets, fairly used items and things you no longer want/use that are still in very good condition

You never know who truly needs what you can give. When a few blog readers complained to me that some people reached them through the blog and asked for money or clothing items, I asked that people be careful who they give things to. I also mentioned that people be mindful of whom they give their used clothes. Those are just personal beliefs of mine as I find I'm particular about certain things. Yet over time and even after that I've sent my clothing items to blog readers who have reached out to me because they seemed to really need them. And I would like to enjoin you to mail me if you've got things, new and otherwise, to giveaway. It would be great to make someone smile especially in this Christmas season.  

For the bag and shoes I picked Steffi Laba, because among everyone who asked, she's the one who's read the blog the longest and still comments regularly. So based on that, Steffi Laba, you won this giveaway!

I'm not back yet but please try to pick it up sometime this month. Mail me for details. 

Thank you...

Before and After Pictures of My Edges- Tonkabelle.






I was scrolling through some old pictures of mine and I came across this picture of my edges. I was attending a friend’s child’s one year old party and my edges were absolutely sparse. I would say that the reason why my edges looked like that was a result of a bad relaxer I had as well as the post partum shedding I was experiencing at the time.

Here I was with my five month old baby and my hair line was looking really terrible. When I saw the pictures I could hardly bear to look at them. I am so glad I did not have them deleted as I would not have been able to share my progress with you all. The comparison picture is one I took during my holidays. I was looking for a picture where I would show that same side of my hair (and this is the best I could find). Now still I have a lot of baby hairs in front of my head because I guess the front has to play catch up to the back, however my edges have grown in leaps and bounds as you can see.


Up the top of my head I would say that what helped me the most was oiling my edges every day with my Wura’s Secret Hair Growth Oil and also making sure to deep condition my hair as much as possible at least once a week or once every two weeks (depending on how much time I had). This is what I still do and I can say these two things have been absolutely beneficial to the overall health and length of my hair. 

If you are having problems with your edges kindly share or if you have been able to grow out your edges please share what you did to achieve this.





***
The blog Wura's Secret Hair is run by my darling friend and blog reader, Tonkabelle. She's a very experienced corporate lawyer but her passions are diverse. One of her great passions is HAIR. Her blog was created to help everyone understand the importance of hair care and how to achieve the best results possible using her hair products as well as any others. She features sections on basic hair care, natural hair care recipes/remedies and hair styling. Her main aim is to educate and inform through online interaction. It is her belief that anyone regardless of nationality, genetics, hair type etc can achieve longer, healthier hair.

Sugabelly; Rape. Infatuation. Lies. Stockholme's Syndrome.Victim-Blaming...




In the last few days I've read the dizzying account of the rape allegations made by Sugabelly. I cannot
and will not rehash the whole thing here because I presume most people have, if you haven't just google it and prepare for a roller coaster ride or read it Here . Summarily; Sugabelly who's 26 alleges that Mustapha Audu whom she dated at ages 17 and 18 not only raped her several times but did so with his friends, cousins and brothers. Mustapha Audu is one of the sons of the Abubakar Audu, the recently deceased APC governorship candidate.

When the tea was spilled, opinions were split, anyone who knows (or follows Sugabelly) knows she courts controversy. Some immediately cried blue murder and some lashed out at her saying she was not raped. They questioned the validity of the rape accusations seeing as she continued going back to him. They said it could not have been rape if she continued to date him or remain in love with him. 

Well, the thing is she was 17. And while I must question how she was raised and what kind of parenting she experienced for her to have been so sexually experienced and evolved at the time, it's still not reason enough to blame the victim. More importantly, she was 17!


This comment from sisiyemmie's blog only makes matters such as these even more harrowing, as you will see from this comment, such things do happen. 

For this post, I will comment as anonymous. I so identify with sugarbelly, at age 17, a 27yr old man called Daniel asked me out, he invited me to his place and he raped me, while his friend george was playing games. I was hopelessly in love with him and forgave him, but the abuse continued. People blame sugarbelly for going back, again and again. In my case, he not only abused me, I got pregnant and I had to abort. He didn't even give me money for d abortion, he said he didn't have money and that it was my cross. He will come pick me up after my jamb lesson and have sex with me like 3times before dropping me at home. Vaginally and anal. Few days he was gentle but most times he was rough and raping me. Each time we had sex, I was always shouting his friend's name, George. He will hit me hard and demand I call his name. But psychologically, George's name was impressed in my head because he was there the first day he raped me. So, he resorted to tieing my mouth so that I won't scream. He had a son and it became my duty to drop d boy at school and pick him up. At that age I became his son's mother. Of cos I failed jamb and I had to go for pre degree, he will come pick me from my school hostel, tie my mouth and rape me. I had a very low self esteem and I could not say no to him. He tells me I am ugly, and that no man can ever date me. That my vagina is so lose, my breast fallen, and that he was doing me a favour. I stole money from my parents to give to him. He never bought anything for me save for few times he bought me meat pie / pepper soup and he always collected d back. I couldn't talk to anyone. By my 1st year in university, I had new room mates who were much older. They were in final year and aged btw 23-24. I was 18yrs then, they kept insisting they met my boyfriend that was always sending for me through d hostel porters. They finally met him and they told me he was far from 27yrs, he later confessed he was 35yrs. Bless my roommates, Ifeoma and tayo. They started speaking sense to me, that I needed to break free from him because he was only using me. They gave me the confidence I needed, they told me how beautiful I was and I will find love again. Nights he will send for me, and they will lock me in d room. He threatened them but they stood their ground. Till date, I have a low self esteem. But I thank God, I am gaining my confidence back. I take lots of selfie's everyday people think I am vain,but it is just a daily reminder of how beautiful I am.



Thoughts? 


(I must add here that I don't hurriedly make opinions and lay blame on matters like this where I have no firsthand knowledge, but the Audu guy has completely failed to prove that Sugabelly is lying. Even when he published her mails from 2008 portraying her as a lovesick teenager, those mails only served to expose him as an emotionally abusive person and a predator. Besides failing to prove his and his wife's claims that Sugabelly is a pychotic liar, he's also guilty of statutory rape!)

The Things That Used To Matter.





Hey guys! I feel like I've been terribly irresponsible, neglecting my blog for days and dragging my feet. I sincerely apologise, I'm so sorry! I have no excuses really, it's just, there's so much to see and do, so many places to go to. I keeping meeting new people so when I think I might get some down time someone suggests something and I find I cannot say no. I'd never considered myself an adventurous person but we learn new things about ourselves everyday (or not...). 

You know, I've not slept before 4am since I got here. Earlier this morning I got a sudden crave to shop for chocolates and I got up and went to this mall, at 2am. While at the mall I got talking to this Indian guy and from no where I thought, this is the kind of guy I'd like to father my children. Its funny because he's not necessarily hot or anything, but there was just something about him. It made me smile to think how things that matter to me have changed over the years. 

Before... 

All I wanted was a tall lanky man with broad shoulders and full lips, now I just want a man with a good job/business who can take care of business. 

I wanted a man with a big package and tremendous bedmatic skills... Now, I guess I still want those things (LOL) but more importantly, he must be kind and compassionate, the kind I would easily leave the kids with and still rest easy. 

I wanted a man that was quite aloof, showing interest in me yet withholding affection. Something about being treated with calculated indifference and having to beg for love drove me crazy with passion and made me want a man more... Now I want a man who loves me even more than I love him and is very expressive of his love. One who says I'll call you in 5 minutes and calls in 5 minutes. 

I thought friendship was the most important thing in the world and I'd carry friendship on my head like a gala seller. Now I've realized that friends are important but not that important. Life goes on just as smoothly even without them. It just doesn't matter so much anymore. 

Money was for the clothes I could buy and things I could eat or for the next weekend... Now money is for my kids' school fees, investments, savings, travel perhaps or for the next few years (and beyond). 

Other people's happiness was more important than mine... Now mine matters more to me. I'll never be a truly selfish person even if I wanted to be, but now I let others deals with theirs while I take care of me (my emotions, my physical needs, my happiness). 

People's opinions of me meant so much. I would do (or not do) things based on what others might think of me if I did. Now at 30 I find I don't care that much. I suddenly realize that we all have our races to run and this year I've seen with my eyes that nobody holy pass... So im'ma do me, because I don't know what you do, behind closed doors.


Looking back, I realize so much has changed, so many things that used that matter do not matter anymore, from my taste in men, to the dreams I had and the things I considered important. 


Do tell, looking at yourself 5 years ago, do the things that mattered to you then still matter? What has changed? Ohhhhh, I would really love to know how your idea of the perfect man (or perfect woman) has changed between then and now. Share...


Saturday, 28 November 2015

Why Are We So Thirsty?





Hey guys. So that's how last night my friend Niran heard I was in town and asked if I'd like to go clubbing. I certainly did but I insisted that we go somewhere there's a blend of different races. You see, earlier yesterday I went to the beach and my friend and I were the ONLY black people there. We stuck out like a sore thumb. I tried to ignore it and enjoy myself but the stares made that impossible. We got stared at like the most unlikely thing one was expected to see there was a black person. The beach was lovely but that ruined my experience so I certainly didn't want a repeat at the club. 

Niran assured me that he knew a place that I would enjoy as there were loads of Africans there and they played african music too. Niran couldn't have been more wrong! First off it cost an arm and a leg to get into the club; almost $100 for the both of us, then the drinks cost an additional head. LOL. It wouldn't have been so freaking annoying if I had fun but once again I saw my friend and I being the only Africans in the entire club. The DJ alternated between American music and Indian music and when I couldn't take it anymore I begged to leave and Niran was only too happy to oblige. 

On getting back to my hotel I saw someone having a cigarette, this was about 3am. He courteously said good morning to me and when I heard his accent I realized he was Nigerian. Finally! I told him what just happened and he laughed and said I should not have gone to that club. He listed a number of cool clubs to visit then suddenly said; "that's a great one but unfortunately your sisters have been banned from entering the club". I looked at him and said "I have only one sister and she's not in Dubai". After politely chuckling he explained to me that the number of Nigerian girls prostituting over here is so alarming that some clubs now feel the need to ban Nigerian women. 
     That's not news, I've been wanting to visit Dubai for a while with a particular friend but everytime I'd suggest it she'd nervously say "Nwando people will think we went to prostitute, let's go somewhere else" and then I would let it go, until I decided that it was rather stupid to live my life based on what people think, but I do see her point...

And that was how the man and I launched into this whole other conversation of Nigerians giving Nigeria a bad name. My new friend (If we can call him that) seems to be a very cultured man. He's a northerner but told me dispassionately that he has no ties to Nigeria. His parents were diplomats so he grew up in several different countries around the world. He got his first degree at Imperial College and his post graduate at MIT (pretty impressive, yes?). He said while growing up, when they spent years in the US his diplomat father forbade him and his siblings from having Nigerian friends, as 9 out of 10 Nigerians seemed to be up to no good. 

He lamented that if its not Nigerian girls prostituting in Dubai, it's Nigerian boys doing Internet scams in Malaysia, or Nigerian boys robbing in SA, or Edo women prostituting in Europe, or Nigerian boys doing tax scams in the USA, or boys in Nigera scamming the whole world through the Internet or something. 

This isn't news to any of us but what I can't quite figure out is why we are so "thirsty". The hunger and poverty in Nigeria isn't worse than many other African countries yet we're the ones willing to do almost anything for money. Why do other Africans have a sense of contentment, content to have enough to get by and live happily but we, we're filled with greed? We can just never have enough! Is it something in our blood, something in the air? What gives? Why are Nigerians so thirty???

Thursday, 26 November 2015

Giveaway!





Hey guys! Was doing a bit of window shopping this evening and I saw this cute pink bag and on another aisle, these cute pink flats. I thought they'd look good together and decided to get them for someone. If you'd like to own this then let me know in the comment section, with your name and email address. The shoes are size 38/39, the winner would be picked randomly tomorrow or next. If you're interested in these please ensure you can pick them up yourself or through a representive between the 3rd and 10th of December in the V/I-Lekki axis. 

Cheers!


The Hardest Thing To Do!














I refuse to call my weight a bane on my life, I'm going to be positive; visualize the perfect weight for myself, work towards it, achieve it AND maintain it. But I wouldn't lie to you and tell you it's been easy. I've had to deal with being underweight, being overweight and yoyo-ing. In the last weeks I've seen my weight yoyo, mainly because I get to socialize most evenings and a lot of dining goes on. Just when I thought I'd mastered the art of saying no in the face of the most tempting and exotic buffets once it's past 6pm, I began to allow myself eat salads sans dressing. Then I slowly progressed to adding dressings, next thing I know I told myself some meat or fish won't hurt and then before I knew it, I couldn't say no to almost anything at all!

Still I promised myself I would put a lid on it, and I have, do far. Yet, after a rather productive business meeting and a tedious viewing of the company's warehouse which I was ordered to carry out since I'm in town, the MD of the company I had to liase with suggested we get treated to some fine Arabian food. I desperately wanted to say no, but the temptation was a bit too much! I indulged, albeit carefully. Still, I indulged!

It scares me to see the product of all my hardwork and discipline of the past months go down the drain. I miss having bigger butts but I don't miss muffin tops and squeezing by pudgy girth into girdles so that I don't look like a blob of fat. 

Through the years of dealing with weight issues I've learnt that losing weight is the easy part, maintaining the weight loss is the hardest thing to do. 

That said, I did enjoy lunch, it was splendid!


Have you been through the weight loss process? What tips do you know to keep the weight off (and please let's leave exercise out of it *covers face*. LOL)

Hello Dubai! (My Igbo Brothers Though...)






There's a 24 hour mall just outside my window (pictured above) and it's not even funny! At 4am I walked across the street because it just won't stop beckoning to me. Said I would just window shop but that's not even possible, I ended up buying and buying and I had to run out before my card turned red. 

Anyhoo... I'm here for a few days, i thought I deserved a vacation and life is just one biko so I thought why not! 

Coincidentally I bumped into a friend of mine on the plane and she has her itinerary all planned out, there are a list of places she's planned to go and things to do. She's on her way to pick me up and I can't wait to head out. 

Any suggestions on fun places I should visit, and places I can shop "till I drop" at AFFORDABLE prices? Do tell! 

Meanwhile I came into Abu Dhabi last night with the airport shuttle and the minute I stepped off the bus, the first person who rushed to the door to get passengers was an igbo man! The minute I heard the accent I turned to look at him and I chuckled. I comot cap for igbo men oh! No matter where they find themselves dem no dey dull! 

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Happy Birthday Mabel!!!




Happy birthday Mabel! You deserve all the happiness that life has to offer. I pray that as you get older you're filled with wisdom and grace to be just the woman God created you to be. Sending warm hugs & kisses your way. Happy birthday sweetie. 




(I might be offline and unable to approve comments for a while. Bear with me plzzz). 

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Happiness Is... (Thelma Asks Ladies; Great Food or Great Sex?)





Like clockwork I woke up at exactly 5am this morning and I was very displeased about this. The older I get, the more I have to think about; the less I sleep. In case you're wondering the correlation between sleep, age and thoughts; two years ago I had much less things to worry (I know worrying is unproductive but I'm human and I kent help it) about, so I could wake up at 4 or 5am, look around me, snuggle deeper into the sheet, close my eyes and drift back into blissful oblivion. Now however I'm up by 4 or 5 and before I get the chance to shut my eyes again I'm staring at 4, 5, 6 or 10 things I need to do, or I need, or I want, or I don't have, or I'm about to have (or something) and voila! Good bye sleep. 

With my eyes shining like the proverbial torchlight, I knew I was done with sleep for the day, it didn't matter that I'd gotten barely four hours sleep. I then wondered what to do, it's important that one be productive regardless of the hour of the day (or night), and then it hit me, my tank was empty and I've got a lot of running around to do. I immediately shut off the bed, donned a bra and shimmied into a boubou. With my hairnet and morning breath *covers face* I jetted off to Forte Oil at Lekki phase 1 roundabout. I was there well before 5.30, my car was the 5th on the queue and in a little over thirty minutes even before they started selling fuel the queue had become mile-long. So happiness is filling my empty tank and not having to worry about fuel or black market for the next few days. (Oh Nigeria... See what I'm happy about?)

...
Moving right ahead... Some weeks ago I put up a picture of a bohemian-like human hair I wanted and I asked if anyone knew where I could get one. Somone suggested I check out @hairbyomoh on Instagram which I did. I got this from them. J, you asked if I did, yes I did. Here's the picture taken this morning. 


***

Lastly... We always ask the men which they would prefer but nobody ever asks the ladies, so I'm asking. Which do you think is more important, and if you had to choose between; being a sex-kitten that's verily able to blow your husband's (boyfriend's) mind in bed OR being a grade-A cook and constantly overwhelm his palates with satisfaction, which would it be?


Ladies (for your man), would you rather be great in bed, or be a great cook?



Monday, 23 November 2015

It's 30 Days to the Christmas Family FunFair Featuring Santa Village In Lagos. Are You Ready?






It's 30 Days to go for the biggest thing happening for families this Christmas in Lagos. It's bound to be breathtaking as the organizers, Buzz Media, have partnered with Play Barn - Nigeria's Leading company in children entertainment to bring you The Christmas Family FunFair featuring a Santa Village. It's all happening at Muri Okunola Park, Victoria Island, Lagos.

Venue: Muri Okunola Park, Victoria Island, Lagos
Time: 10am – 7pm daily

Gate Fee- N2000

** A percentage of every ticket goes towards feeding a child in need this Christmas in our Santa Meals Program **

How to Buy Tickets:

- Early tickets can be gotten online from 


- Tickets also available in the following places; Sweet Sensation Adeola Odeku, Bode Thomas, Ikoyi, Alagomeji and Bruno's Place in Ikeja Mall.

- Tickets will be available at the gate also

- For group tickets or corporate organization tickets kindly call 07001111933 or email: akin@buzz.ng

This event also presents an opportunity for companies and corporate organisations to host end of the year parties for their staff children and families in a conducive environment. Christmas in Lagos will never be the same again.

For sponsorship and partnership inquiries, please call Akin on 0809644828907001111933 | Add BBM PIN 593F526B | Whatsapp 08096448289 | Email akin@buzz.ng

Santa Meals Is a program by Christmas in Lagos management and partners to give back to the needy this Christmas. We believe every child deserves a good meal this Christmas and this will be funded from tickets sold.

Afromedia is an Outdoor Sponsor of Christmas In Lagos.

Follow the buzz on Social Media:

Instagram: @christmasinlagos
Twitter: @christmasinlag 

Be the first to know Text ‘Buzz’ to 20822 for a chance to win giveaways. SMS costs N10



Sponsored content



.

Female Bosses = B*tches?





I just had an infuriating experience at a NEPA office that makes me wonder if people who say they prefer male bosses to female bosses are not just being biased. 

So my situation is, no meter at home. Paid for a meter since June but they have refused to give us one so every month its one outrageous arbitrary PHCN bill after the other. Some months it runs into 70,000 or 80,000 and there's nothing you can do about it, and no, the power supply is not great! What this means is that on some months one might have to pay part of the money and carry the balance over to the next month. I learn this is quite a normal procedure and so far this has been fine with the man in charge, provided I pay more than half the amount and the outstanding is not so much. I never knew how tough things could be till I found myself alone in August with all bills on my shoulders, so this part payment has been my recourse on some months. This month the bill (outstanding inclusive) is simply outrageous, the kind that makes me say (rich) Husband, come soon!

I went to the office to pay about half the amount (outstanding inclusive) and when I got home I saw that they'd come to cut my electricity supply. I went back to the office to explain that I'd paid but I was told that there's a new sheriff in town as Mr xxxx has been replaced with Mrs yyyy.
 
I went to try to reason with Mrs yyyy but she said she's not having any of it, no light until all outstandings are paid. So I tell her we paid for a meter months ago, showed her the receipt and said if we'd been given our meter we wouldn't have to receive such crazy bills and I wouldn't have a problem paying them. She said she don't care, and no amount of begging, pleading or entreaties could soften this woman. 

Her subordinates told me I was only wasting my time as Madam would never budge. 

As I Left the office I began to wonder if women placed in positions of authority feel they have something to prove and inadvertently or inevitably become cold and bitchy... 

Anyways enough of my rant, let's find out what you think; would you rather work under a male boss or a female boss? Reasons please!


(Oh, I know a lot of us are or aspire to be our own bosses, but don't let that stop you from sharing your thoughts). 

...Anyone else care to rant about PHCN bills? Plus the bigger issue of why they outrightly refuse to give a tax paying citizen a meter that's been paid for months ago, and thereby get away with charging ridiculous sums and stuffing their coffers...

Concerned Husband: "She Loves Her Liquor!"






I got married to my wife 6 years plus ago. We met at a mutual friend’s house and quickly became enamored with each other. We were best of friends and because i was seconded outside Lagos we decided we didn’t want to wait too long before tying the knot.
We got married and were quickly blessed with 3 kids within a space of 5 and a half years. Throughout my wife’s pregnancies we had been living in Ibadan but i got posted back to Lagos shortly after our 3rd child was given birth to.
I was relived and the posting and was happy that we would once again be near family and friends. For my sake as well as that of my wife’s because she had constantly complained of being cut off from the world while in Ibadan.
Some weeks after we got back to Lagos i noticed my wife having a glass of wine. That was my first time seeing her drink any sort of alcohol and i teased her about being a learning drinker. She smiled and refused to give a comment.
Subsequently i noticed bottles of whiskey in the kitchen closet and upon enquiry i learnt my wife had hosted some of her friends and they had drank whiskey. Whiskey? what kind of friends visit you in the afternoon and drink whiskey i wondered.
Somehow i forgot to ask her about the kind of friends who visited that day and i must say i regret my negligence. Because my wife has metamorphosed to a drunk. She spends her afternoons drinking and snoring. It has now gotten so bad that i come home from work to meet her drunk and asleep. The most annoying part of her habit is the stench in my bedroom coupled by her neglect of the kids.
I tried talking her out of the bad habit but she refused to stop. When the matter became unbearable i had to report to our pastor who urged me to exercise some patience. I tried, but when she refused to change i started beating her. Not because i wanted to but because i thought it would make her change.
While checking her phone last week i discovered she has a group of friends she meets up with to drink. They are all married women who have resorted to drinking their “sorrows” away as they call it away. I am honestly fed up. I don’t want my kids  t bttggggggtg thn bgrowing up under the tutelage of a drunk. I have asked her to go but she has refused to do so claiming she loves me but refusing to accept that she needs to stop drinking.

***

I saw this post on LIFETITUDES just after seeing the picture of the wife who had her ear cut off by her husband, with a plier. That image is deeply etched in my mind so I read this with some what you could call biase. But I acknowledge that this is an entirely different matter. What do you say to this?

No Dignity In Loneliness (Looking The Other Way).





Good morning hunnays! 

I've been awol since Friday, it just couldn't be helped. I sincerely hope you had a swell weekend?

During some down time over the weekend I watched reruns of Devious Maids. Below is a dialogue between wealthy socialite, Mrs Delatour and her maid of over 20 years Zoila. Mrs Delatour is going back to her ex husband who not only cheated on her severally with no regard, but did so even with her friends and her own sister. 

Mrs Delatour: we're going ahead with the wedding 

Social: Why!!!

Mrs Delatour: I love him

Zoila: Love someone else!

Mrs Delatour: I have... But when I'm alone at night, he's the one I think about

Zoila: he will continue to cheat on you

Mrs Delatour: I wouldn't be the first wife that learns to look away...

Zola: I don't understand you. Where's your dignity?

Mrs Delatour: What's dignified about growing old alone?

...

Shortly after this scene I happened upon a mail supposedly sent to Joro Olumofin by a 52 year old woman who's been married for 30 years and I read her advise for younger wives. 



The conversation between Mrs Delatour and Zoila is an apt depiction of marriages today. You get cheated on left, right and centre but you know, you might as well deal with it. Besides the alternative is much more dreadful than infidelity; being alone. The chances of a woman finding love (or companionship) once she reaches a certain age are very veeeeery slim, so...its best to sit your ass down and look the other way

And then not long after I read that mail and once again, the words of another older woman who's been married for the length of my life advices young women like myself to look the other way, just like Mrs Delatour is doing. 

I'm not sure what to make of all this. In my past relationships the thought of my man cheating was something I couldn't quite deal with. Yet I'm being told that in marriage I would most likely be cheated on, and I would have no choice but to accept it and continue to love and support my husband while he philanders. 

Nna nawa oh, this marriage of a thing isn't for the faint-hearted...

My people, what do you make of the mail sent to Joro Olumofin. Do you think it's good advise or nah? Are you currently in a relationship/marriage with an unfaithful man, how have you handled it so far?



(Ps... My hair is courtesy of my younger cousin's hair line. Check them out on Instagram @gabbyzwigs_weaves. And they're really affordable too!)

Friday, 20 November 2015

7 Ways To Spot A Married Bachelor - Bride2Mum





The change of marriage shouldn't just affect the lady alone; she changes her name to yours, you pretty much get an indoor restaurant and free "bad thing" whenever you like... I hate when a man gets married and still wants all the perks of bachelorhood, I feel when we get married we are both changed, you cannot act like it is only your spouse that has to be responsible while you pretty much ball alone, we can either ball together and be responsible or don't ball at all.
There are some things some married men do and get away with that is just so wrong and to me it is bachelor behaviour, you haff  marry stop acting single puleaseeeeeeee.
 
 
How To Spot A Married Bachelor
 
Alone with my thought: He always wants to be alone, He wants to have his own time, all the time. He may provide school fees and a lot of other stuff but doesn't want to hear the noise,doesn't want to get a bit messy and runs away from every chance to bond with the family.
 
 
Iya Basirat Character: I cannot wrap my head around men that cannot eat one soup twice, ha! I love cooking but that is tough, everyday new soup? I had a friend that once her husband is in town she is not as excited, there was a day she ran quickly to choir practice before the guy got home, the guy don't only want new food everyday, he wants her to cook it fresh, For Instance, if he is coming now, the food should be almost ready, don't cook it down and drop in the fridge and no, tomorrow there should to be a new soup or food, no food sleeps overnight and she has to buy the ingredient fresh, I was stunned!
I asked myself if this is not witchcraft, what is it? Was it something the girl did while they were dating that he is paying her for? When he is offshore he eats anything o.
Dear married bachelor if you cannot eat soup that  stay in the fridge or freezer then you would need to find a buka around the corner, afterall they cook daily.
 
 
Don't touch my phone: I hear some ladies say, it's his phone, he doesn't allow me touch it, let me allow him have his privacy....Na LIE! The phone is not private to nobody, it is his phone doesn't mean you cannot snoop look around, it is not that every time you pick it and go " let me see what you have been up to" but you should be able to look through his phone, share in some of his gist, laugh at jokes he made with his friends, what I mean is that you should be able to hold his phone and he doesn't go into a panic attack or it result in a big fight.
If you are not yet married and  your boyfriend is telling you that he should be accorded phone privacy then trust me you don't need to be there.
 
Friends first, family later: There are some men when you hear what friends have to say about them then you the wife would go "abeg is that my husband" you hear how he was there for his friends and he even extends it to their families, things like "your husband is so nice when I was out of town he helped my wife with the school run by taking our kids everyday to school on his way to work, he picked me from the airport etc" then you ask yourself is that my husband knowing that for him to do you a favour, he cannot! Chai! When they talk about our husbands outside may we know it is them.Family first!
Hanging out with the boys: I don't have anything against a guy having a guy time here and there but when it becomes guys over family, then there is a problem. "Oh hanging out with the guys"I want to go hang with my guys", "It my guys birthday"," it my guys sisters wedding", "just me and the boys", why can't our wife see your boys na and a married man should enjoy his wife and family more than your guys...I know someone whose husband never goes out with her even to weddings, they have one car and if she insist on going out with him, he must find an excuse or leave the car with her and use a taxi or even a bike, She is pretty and looks good so that is not the problem, it is bachelors behaviour, he doesn't want the burden of her coming along with the kids, he just wants to be free from all of them, I heard he travelled to London recently, though they all got visa, he said he would go check out the place first.Na wa..
 
Going out and Coming anytime: As a bachelor you did not owe anything to nobody but when you are married and you want to go out, tell your spouse where you are going to and when she should expect you back. I was at a friends place one day and she had a visitor, when the visitor was talking about her husband, she did not seem to know when he would come back or where he was, she ended up saying, I normally don't wait for him, I just drop the key where he can find it and go and sleep, bet why? Why would you act like this men? Imagine you call your husband and you ask where are you , some would say "somewhere, around the corner, hanging with my guy" when are you coming and they go "I don't know na, don't wait up o'....It is all bachelors behaviour and bad manners for marriage,
 
Hiding assets and sharing liabilities: Some men would not tell their wives their assets, they will not say their salary they kind of feel it is theirs not hers but the truth in marriage is that there is no mine , it is always ours but when they get into trouble the first person they call is their wife, and start asking for advice and seeking prayers.
Some men would rather take advice from friends than their wife...very dangerous, no one has got your back like your wife. Dear men, you can do better, she is your wife!
 
There are a lot where this came from but I would let you tell me some married bachelor behaviour you know or have experienced first hand.
 
Married Bachelorette coming soon

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Thanks Bride 2 Mum for sharing. I'm eager waiting for Married Bachelorette. Please don't make us wait too long. 
Bride2mum shares  her inspirational thoughts on marriage, motherhood and life in general on her blog www.bride2mum.com


Ladies, Can you relate with being married to any one of these married bachelors? Fellows, do you recognize yourself in any of these men? Do tell us! 









Should People Be Allowed To Do This?






So I just got message which read something like:

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Love; Yes. Marriage; Yes. Baby Carriage; NO!


My friend *Tonye dreaded getting married to her boo. Not because she didn't want to marry him, but because of what might come after. Some 4 years before she got married she confided in me that she didn't want kids. And now seven years after her marriage ended, she still insists she does not want kids. I always thought it rather unnatural. 

However after reading an article by Mnena on Bella Naija, I find that there are many other women like Tonye, who have nothing against children but just don't desire to have any of theirs. We're made to believe that as women, nurture comes naturally for and to us. However this is not necessarily true. Several comments on that post echoed the poster's sentiments, voices of women who do not want children, but this particular comment stood out. 


Meanwhile, my mom didn’t want kids. She told us she had us due to the fact that it was expected of her….and she had 6 of us cos my dad wanted a large family. She made him promise to take care of us , which he did….it was so serious that I have no early childhood memories of my mom….he did everything, picked us from school, made sure we were fed by the maids….I hung out with him at work, I barely interacted with my mom…..well, that was till my dad passed. She was stuck with 6 children she didn’t want….she had my grandma move to come care for us….if you as much had a headache, you got shipped off to grandma’s place.

You can imagine the horror called my childhood!When she was in the house, she didn’t want to hear a word….or movement. It was like she didn’t want anyone else in the house. She threatened to leave us….she still does (we don’t live together o!) 😂😂. She has never complained about being alone since we all left the house. This past summer my mom still called to rant about my brother being disrespectful and as usual, as in the last 27years, she ended the rant with how WE ALL ruined her life. She says for don gbeja if not for the fact that she’s a christian….and the list goes on.
Someone like her should have never had kids in my opinion! She is caring to friends and family….but I think us kids just rub her off the wrong way. And I don’t blame her.

Summary is that ‘unconventional’ women have existed since time immemorial…folks are just speaking out. The fact that you have ovaries doesn’t mean you have to use them….and the fact that you used them doesn’t make special or better still a hero…lol.

For me? I only want a child for vanity purposes…to see what I can produce…you know, I’m just really curious what my offspring will look and be like! Shikena. My friends say I’m stupid though 😂😂
If I ever make it rich….I’ll adopt/foster kids. That’s what I’ve always wanted since I was younger :)

...My parents were unhappy. Things were peachy and my dad loved his daddy duties. They had a game plan and everyone played their part. The only thing they didn’t factor in was death!

I remember having night terrors at 5 and my dad coming to get me from my room…my mom just ganpa on the bed looking at me like were did you come from 😂 (one of the few memories I have of her). My dad didn’t even flinch or complain about having to get me every other night for almost 2years.

I love my mom. She worked her ass off to give us the financial quality of life my dad had planned. Now I realize she deals with me better if I relate to her as a friend. She’s a great friend. Lol.


Thoughts? What do you think about women who don't want children? Are such women are an anomaly or purely normal? Do you want children?


I strongly admire women who refuse to be bullied by society into conforming with set norms and standards that deviate from their natural inclinations. That said, I do want to have kids, it's one of my greatest desires. 

A Very Happy Birthday To Our Darling Clare






It's with great delight that I'm wishing this beautiful, awesome, fantastic yummy mummy a very happy birthday. Clare you're such an important member of this family, and an individual that I have so much love, respect and admiration for. I pray that today and every day of your life is filled with happiness, peace and love. Live long and prosper Clare Henshaw, we love you!  


I should have done this hours ago but if you're a Lagosian trying to make a living you'd understand that things could be crazy at times! But better late than never, yes? Let's wish Clare a happy birthday. Any other birthday celebrants in the house? 

Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Dear Thelma... (She's Cooking For Him!)




My boyfriend went to the US two weeks ago for a vacation. He told me he met a chic on the plane and as it was a long flight they started talking. On getting to the airport she had some issues with immigration n he said he was being polite so he waited for her, for about 3 hrs n eventually when it was sorted n he wanted to go, her sister who came to pick her up offered to give him a ride to his hotel. He said her elder sister asked her to collect his number and told her to make sure she calls him later to thank him. This was after the sister asked if he is single or married. 
     I was not happy about it but he assured me that he told them he's in a serious relationship. I learnt that he and the girl have been talking and she has brought food for him three times now. He insists that she's just being friendly and grateful to him for waiting with her at the airport. Worse yet is that I live in Lagos and they both live in Abuja. He said she's bringing him food again today, he talks about her very fondly but says that she is just being nice because they are abroad and there's lack of Nigerian food there. Please ladies do you cook for a guy you just met out of mere niceness? Even though there is nothing I can do from here I am so worried sick because my instincts are sounding like he may not only cheat on me with her but that he may even leave me for her, as they have the next month with each other uninterrupted, and they both live in the same area in Abuja (wuse 2). Should I just start looking for another boyfriend to save myself the heartbreak? I love him so much but I don't know what to do at this point. And please I'm not comfortable with her cooking for him and taking to his hotel every other day. Could this be innocent and I'm overreacting? Please tell me what you think because I will send him the link to this post. God bless. 

Please, Caption This.





Tuesday, 17 November 2015

#LetsJustBeHonest. Would You Leave Your Man For Cheating?




…and captioned it “These are my thoughts. What’s yours ? I posted this for the comments LMFAO! If you don’t want to be cheated on , buy some dildos like Waiguru and f* yourself coz the next man these days is like the first . Too many hot gals out here! And cheers to all the side chicks who ain’t getting pregnant for these men, some wives can remove your womb with Their bare hands #Tutabanana #PapaHapa #LetsJustBeHonest #LetsJustBeReal” (source; Bella Naija). 


***
Huddah speaks for herself...
But being honest; 9 out of 10 men I know cheat. 1 out of 10 women I know have left their man for cheating. #JustSaying. Why?


Thoughts? 


You Don't Know What You're Missing!





Sex. That's one powerful thing/tool/noun/verb... But really what makes sex so seemingly ultimate?

Sometime ago during lunch with two of my girlfriends, one very very sexually active/liberated/adventurous and the other, a virgin. We got to talking about everything from work to money to who's getting married, to who just had a baby, to who's travelling where and who just got a promotion, when in the middle of this very chaste/serious/boring conversation Miss Sexy suddenly asked our other friend "Come, are you still a virgin sef?". To which Miss V replied with an emphatic "Yes!". 

I just read on Lifetitude's blog about a 36 year old lady who, like Miss V, has not only never had sex, but never been touched or kissed by a guy. Somewhere between her strict religious upbringing, her duties at church and her long work hours, it's just never happened. She says she doesn't miss sex (you do not miss something you never had) and also doesn't even think about it. 

She wants to know if she's normal but what I want to know is if she's really missing something. My friend Miss Sexy said, probably 10 times in one minute to Miss V; "Ahh, you don't know what you're missing". 

Are these ladies really missing anything? What makes it so big a deal, really? What exactly is sex for you, and to you; Is sex something you do because it's a pleasurable activity? Or because you need to make babies? Or because it's a bonding experience between you and someone you love?
    Does an adult who's never had sex or experienced any sexual activity like kissing or fondling deserve sympathy? And what's the possibility that Miss V and Miss 36 are asexual without knowing it? 

Oh, and lastly (the amebo in me just has to ask) can you live comfortably without sex? 

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