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Thursday, 31 December 2015

Happy New Year 2016. Welcome To Your Best Year Yet!

What can I say guys, I always strongly believe that the best is still ahead, always ahead. And that's why I'm certain, that regardless of how great or ungreat your 2015 was, 2016 would be phenomenal!

I'm very thankful to God for keeping us alive to see this awesome new year. I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude, I can't even explain how blessed I feel right now. 

Happy New Year TTB readers, God bless us all!

My 2015 Flashback.

Things are looking very promising, and I know in good time I would be able to share my testimony in full. For now, all I can is my 2015 is the classic case of light at the end of the tunnel. 

Let's talk about your 2015. When you flashback how would you describe it, in as few or as many words as you choose. Share. 

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Baby Mama Drama! Davido To Uncle Dele Momodu; "I'm not a meal ticket or an ATM".

I was just minding my business and trying to stay on the conscious side of a drug-induced haze (I'm quite ill at the moment), when I decided that Instagram would be a good way to stay awake a few minutes longer. It was there I bumped into this very interesting read. As you already know I'm no SDK or LIB and I have no background gist on this, even though there's obviously a lot of background. I enjoyed reading this solely for the literature and entertainment value, but your aproko love might be greater than mine, in which case, enjoy the read and fill us in on all we need to know!

Meanwhile who wrote this for Davido?

Dele Momodu has this say:

Ok goodnight. 

Yoruba Boys.

So some days ago I met this guy who looked like he just stepped out of one of the pictures above, the prototype destiny-changing yoruba boy that instagram and you momma warned you about. Sharp looking clean cut beard-gang member, white native (the modernized Agbada), fila (cap), designer shoes, lekki accent (rme) and general Lagos fuck-boy swag. 

I'd be honest I was taken aback, albeit pleasantly, when he chased down my car to ask for my number, I don't usually appeal to that type and that's been perfectly fine by me, because I really don't think I have the anointing to handle these high BP brothers. 


After he took my number he called a few minutes later to give me his and my friend gave me this Don't do it, don't go there! look. 

She said "Nwando it's not worth it, these yoruba boys are just demons; devourers, looking for hearts to break. Haven't you heard about them on social media?"

Well I certainly have but I've always wondered where this #yorubaboys talk originated from. Is this just baseless social media gab or are yoruba boys really guilt of the sins they're being accused of? 

With regards to my Yoruba boy, he's no Mr Right but in the meantime I see no reason not to have fun with Mr Right Now. *wink*. 

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Stumbling Blocks and Springboards

An American man walked into a restaurant in London. As soon as he entered, he noticed an African man sitting in the corner.
So he walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! I am buying food for everyone in this restaurant, except that black African guy over there!"
So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food to everyone in the restaurant, except the African.
However,instead of becoming upset, the African simply looked up at the American and
shouted, "Thank you!" That infuriated the man. So once again, the American took out his wallet and shouted, "Waiter! This time I am buying bottles of wine and additional food for everyone in this bar, except for that African sitting in the corner over there!" So the waiter collected the money from the man and began serving free food and wine to
everyone in the bar except the African.
When the waiter finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the African simply smiled at the American man and shouted, "Thank you!"
That made the American man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said to the
waiter, "What is wrong with that African man? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except him, but instead of becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts 'Thank you.' Is he
The waiter smiled at the American and said, "No, he is not mad. He is the owner of this

I read this story above and it motivated me to also share *Chinwe's story. 

My friend had worked in this law firm firm for about three years when things started to go awry. The Principal's wife met her for the first time at his birthday party which all the staff attended. After that she got uncomfortable and began to agitate to have my friend fired. Now my friend swears nothing inappropriate happened between the boss and her, says he had a girlfriend and she wasn't not the one. Still, the Mrs wasn't comfortable with her in the office and must have been giving Oga a lot of heat at home. You know what they say; happy wife, happy life. Oga terminated her employment; one man business tinz. 

But guess what, knowing that my friend did no wrong, he used his connect to get her a job in the legal department of one of the great multinationals in the country; she's earning more than twice her pay at the law firm, she has an official car, she gets to travel abroad on trainings and other events, the job is a big step up from the firm, the hours are less, work is more diverse yet less grueling, and it's a huge jump in her career.


May the stumbling block put in your path be the springboard that would propel you into greater heights and dimensions. Amen. 

Do these stories remind you of a particular situation in your life or in the life of someone you know? please share. 

'Tis The Season To Be Merry... Is It Really?

Christmas is a fun time for many so it's easy to get carried away with the festivities and forget that the world is full of unpleasantness and bad things don't take a break from happening just because it's Christmas. 

Last night I got a bit bored so I began to scroll through my whatsapp contact list and I was shocked to see that three good friends of mine had recently updated their status/pictures to announce the death of a parent! I was shocked to see Nnenna's father's obituary, and the other two saying adieu mama. I was so weak that I just sat on my bed and sobbed. 

A few days before Christmas, my friend at Ajao estate travelled out of town leaving his wife and maid at home. Later that night armed robbers visited their home and I'm not sure why robbers do this, but even though she didn't resist and readily gave them all the valuables at home, they shot her in the leg, just a few inches away from her vagina. Then they casually asked "e touch you?", saying it was a mistake. It was a mistake yet after shooting her and carting away all her valuables and ATM cards, they returned thirty minutes after leaving to ask for the pins, promising her that they would come back and kill her if she gave them the wrong pins. She's still at Igbobi Hospital at the moment and things just aren't so great right now, even though the family is thankful. 

Today I read about the police man that killed twin brothers and their friend at Ketu. Then turned the gun on himself. I read that the twins; Taiwo and Kehinde, are the only children of their mother. That happened on Christmas Day. 

There's also news of the Nigerian father and three year old son that died in a car crash, also on Christmas Day. 

And of course terrorism and terrorists don't take a break either, so suicide bombers keep suicide bombing and killing innocent people, for no apparent reason. 

So yes, not everyone is having a Merry Christmas. I talk to some blog readers and even in this season of cheer, some are still lonely, hurting, ailing or wailing. 

I'm reminded once again how much I have to be thankful for. I may not have the man of my dreams, the perfect job, the desired account balance but I've got loads of love, health, my loved ones and of course, you! 

So good or bad, intense or uneventful, happy or sad, tell me the kind of Christmas you've had so far and your hope for the new year. 

Clare Says...

Dear friend I trust this message meets you well, compliments of the season. In this season of love I'm reaching out to you to please support me as I try to raise funds for an extremely intelligent young boy I know who may lose his admission to Unilag next week due to lack of funds. His mum is a widow. He needs 120k and I'm putting down 40k, please join me to help this very smart boy. No amount is small. PLEASE my acct: Clare Henshaw Diamond bank 0005661757. God bless. 

Guys, tiny drops of water make an ocean. Let's do what we can to help. Thank you!

Saturday, 26 December 2015

Monogamy Is Ridiculous!

There's this commenter on one of my fav Nigerian blogs who also happens to be the famed one time Head-Girl of Queen's College, whose myriad of academic achievements are internationally recognized. I love her comments because they're often brief and quirky. But one thing I find very interesting about her is her views on monogamy which she often expresses on infidelity/marriage posts. She often states that monogamy is unnatural and its pursuit is futile. I always find it funny because I guess I still view her as an efico, lil miss nerdy goody two shoes. LOL.

Last night I caught an episode on TLC with Jodie Marsh trying to get to the bottom of cheaters and cheating. She interviewed a number of people. One was the CEO of a dating website which provides services for married people looking to have extramarital affairs. The website is still fairly young yet it has a turnover of over $20,000,000. The creator said the site has over 2,000,000 registered users worldwide, both male and female. He also said that most of the users were between the ages of 30-40. The noteworthy thing about it all is that, according to him, most of the users love their spouses and don't want to split, but just want to try something different which is only natural. 

One married man on a date with a lady who allowed himself to be interviewed without showing his face, said he doesn't feel guilty even though he has a lot of affairs..., but NO he doesn't want  divorce. When asked why, he said he loves his wife very much. He said;  "she's my partner, mother of my children, we talk, watch tv together, eat together, we have a history together and I love her very much. She is the woman I married! And I would also understand if she has a few affairs too, it doesn't mean we don't love each other"

Another person that was interviewed is an owner of a Private Investigation company. She said she has a lot of clients and based on her investigation business which she has run for several years, women cheat more than men. She said men tend to be more paranoid (maybe women aren't paranoid because we already kinda expect the men to cheat?) but women cheat more. She said; "Of the people we investigate 80% of the women are guilty, 50% of the men are guilty". "But then it's only normal" she says, "human beings are designed to cheat. It's in our nature, everybody has it in them". 

And this right here is the same view my afore-mentioned commenter holds; monogamy is unnatural, humans weren't designed to be faithful to one person and the sooner we accept that, the easier our lives would be. 

And maybe she's right. Maybe monogamy is ridiculous and acceptance is key. After all, research has shown that open marriages are happier and last longer than traditional marriages. (Could that be why Will Smith and Jada's marriage has outlasted most Hollywood marriages?

Anyhoo, what do you think? Is monogamy really unnatural? How do you feel about sleeping with the same one person for the rest of your life? Have you ever cheated on a partner? Would you prefer a monogamous relationship with a secretly unfaithful partner or an honest polyamorous relationship? Do spill! 

My Neighbours.

Yesterday I went to spend Christmas with my parents and I was bemused to see different dishes in the kitchen with different kinds of rice, chicken and moi moi or salad. Each looked and tasted different and that's because they all came from different households. 

I was like wow! It's been ages since I saw this that I thought it had stopped. I mean, would you believe that I've lived in the lekki axis for three years now and I have never seen my neighbours? I do not know and have never seen the people that live in the houses beside and behind mine. I hear their voices sometimes, I see their cars drive in and out, but I've never seen, much less know them. This is a far cry from my parents neighbourhood where during religious holidays people still cook and send dishes to the neighbours. During Sallah the muslims still send you juicy pieces of fried ram and rice too. 

Coincidentally I came back home to an episode of Come Dine With Me SA. During a conversation, one of the diners said she couldn't imagine herself living in a neighborhood where she couldn't ask her neighbours to help keep an eye on her kids, or where she couldn't pop into a neighbour's house to borrow something. Apparently she loves the kind of communal living most of us grew up knowing. On the contrary, another diner said she just couldn't stand the thought of living in a neighborhood where you had to keep running into your neighbors, or be friends with them or have them in your business. She said she's perfectly fine not knowing who her neighbours are and actually does not want to know her neighbours or have to be friends with them or have them in her business. 

Later in the evening, while still at my parents', I saw little kids from different families all come out to play together, the girls ran around gossiping, playing tenten, suwe and other fun games we played as kids. The boys chased balls, played with fireworks or toy cars. It was fun to watch, it was also alien to my nephews watched from a distance in amazement. 

It made me wonder, don't these games among children foster a sense of bond and togetherness among the kids, does it perhaps improve their social skills, better than those kids whose play-time is limited to video games or computer games? But most importantly, doesn't it just build this sense of community? When we were kids it didn't matter if my mum had cooked or not, we could just pop into a neighbour's house and ask for lunch and be very well fed. 

But apparently, like the second diner, not everyone likes this kind of living. Which do you prefer; the communal neighbourhood or the impersonal neighbourhood? Which kind of neightbourhood did you live in, growing up? Do share.

Quite honestly, I find that as a single young woman, I prefer the impersonal neighbourhood (even though there are times I wish I knew and had a relationship with my neighbours, for different reasons), but as a mother I'm not sure I'll still feel the same. 

Tiwa Savage's Outfit; 'Love It' or 'Make It Stop!'?

Mavin First Lady Tiwa Savage arrived the Mavin Access Concert in this hot number on Wednesday. Are you loving it or nah? 

Y'know, this is just what I needed to wake me this morning. I dragged my tired body off the bed and sleepily skulked to the kitchen to boil some water for coffee. I was almost drifting off to sleep when I saw this picture and BAAM! I was wide awake! Before I even saw the face I already thought what is this hot ratchet mess?! Then I saw its Aunty Tiwa and my disappointment soared. Tiwa has been trying too hard since she had the baby (me thinks), and it makes her come off as extremely insecure, as though she's worried that she's lost her place on a throne and is thirstily trying to regain it. I guess as they say all publicity is good publicity, but some people take that too literally. 
      Tiwa was this a dare, did someone put you up to it, or are you so desperate for attention that you're willing to sink so low just to get some? In any case you should fire your stylist ASAP, even the nails and the red pumps look ratchet... I usually prefer to start my day on a brighter note but I just kent help myself right now. 

But hey, maybe it's not as bad as it looks in which case I should hush and hear what you think. Do tell. 

Friday, 25 December 2015

A Very Merry Christmas To Us All!

I pray that as we celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, our lives and spirits are enriched by the festivities of the season. I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas. I love you all so much.

Thursday, 24 December 2015

Shout Out To The Married Bachelors!

"I don't know where he is right now but if I see him I'll tell him to call you". Nothing wrong with this statement at all. Until you learn that that's the fourth time that statement was being made, in two days, and to the same person. 

You still might find it rather normal, until you hear that the caller is a wife, asking my friend if he had seen her husband as he hadn't come home in three days and his phones were switched off. You'd also notice that the wife wasn't worried, simply unhappy. 

She wasn't worried because as I've learnt, it's rather normal for dear husband to disappear sometimes for weeks. In fact I learnt that sometimes he goes home just once or twice a month. I wondered how a wife must feel about this, being home alone for weeks on end, knowing fully well that your husband is in town, in fact he's right there on the Island with you, probably even just on the next street. And what about the times when he does decide to leave town and he doesn't even bother checking with you first. I wondered how shot her self esteem must be; resorting to calling your husband's friends every other day to beg them to beg him to call you. (At this point If i didn't know the couple personally I would say maybe there's something wifey did. But we know them, and we know he's just chosen to be irresponsible simply because he can get away with it). 

Oh, let's also remember that sex in these circumstances become as rare as eclipses... and let's not even talk about the numerous girlfriends, because they're sometimes the least worrisome factors in these circumstances. I remembered the wedding, the pics did grace Society pages and a ton of people tapped into their blessings. 

I eventually shrugged dismissively; she's just one among many in a (confusing) situation they call marriage... Years ago my sister's friend gave up on expecting DH to come home at night, sometimes after not seeing him for weeks she would see him on the street driving to work; the guy had moved into a guest house on the same street, couldn't be bothered to hide his misbehavior. But then I remembered that this chica (who made the phone call) is barely 25 and is still as hot af! Then I succumbed to the sadness that threatened to engulf me earlier, that's just no way for a 25 year old to live...

But here's the thing, there are actually so many men in our town, very married yet for all intents and purposes; very single. I remember how startled I was when we asked a former colleague of mine how his wedding went and he said "We've done the wedding, now I can go back to being a bachelor". And isn't that sad? Yet the reality is that so many men live like this. We see them everyday, hopping from one club to the other, regular customers at strip clubs (why is a higher percentage of patronage in strip clubs made up by married men?), sleeping out at will, taking unnecessary trips just to catch trips...

I've been thinking about it and I do not understand. A lot of us girls jump into marriage (either with the right or wrong person) because of age, societal pressure, family pressure, the loud ticktock of our biological clock, friends all doing it etc. But men are often exempt from all these challenges. Which is why it makes no sense why a guy would get down on one knee, propose to a woman, walk down the aisle only to go right back to living as free and single as a high school teenage boy!

Help me make sense of it please, married bachelors why do you do what you do? Why do some men get married when they have no intentions of being husbands? Help, anyone?

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

24th to 28th. This Might Be The Best Christmas Or Nah?

My sister's colleagues came to do some work at her house yesterday and I was with them. From the second they got here it was groaning galore. They lamented about work and how they wished some miracle would occur because they were very tired and needed a break, and 25th & 26th just wouldn't do. It seemed like a Christmas miracle when the news suddenly hit us; 24th and 28th had just been declared as public holidays!

Guys, it's going to be a long Christmas, any plans on how you're going to spend it? I'm not sure what my plans are yet (besides joining the food fest at Chocolate's mum's house on the 25th) but I've been looking forward to a lot, Including receiving gifts. And guess what, the gifts have started coming! I received my giveaway from Pynk360 blog yesterday and it had 25 pieces of jewelry. Check them out below. 

Thanks Miss Pynk. 

So guys, have you made any plans yet. Now, while some people are rejoicing and kissing Buhari, others are sniggering at him suspiciously. I found this comment below very interesting. 

" “Maulud Nabiy”? I have never heard of this before now in Nigeria. Have we ever had this on the Nigerian official calendar before the Buhari administration?

There was his Iranian counterpart referring to Nigeria as a muslim country more than once in their telephone conversation, where he was talking to Buhari and his only interest and agenda (as one president to another) was the preservation of the lives of muslims in Nigeria; Buhari never once corrected him, each time he referred to Nigeria as one of the muslim countries of the world, that Nigeria is not a muslim country. Now, “Maulud Nabiy”?" (bella naija)

Thoughts, anyone?

Oh well, share your plans for the holidays with me? My fellow singletons, don't you just wished you were boo'd up right now? My 9-5'ers are you exempt from the holidays? Anyone having a party? (Please if you're in these parts of Lagos send me an invite) or are you just going to snooze through it? Do tell!


Update: just heard that the public holiday on 24th has been cancelled. True?

Christmas In Lagos Family Funfair Starts Today

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5 Days Of Fun & Entertainment Begins Today 23rd Dec to Sunday 27th Dec At The Muri Okunola Park, VI 

Christmas in Lagos would not be the same. The Christmas fun has officially begun and the Muri Okunola Park, Victoria Island is the destination for all! From 10am – 6pmdaily it will be daytime fun for the kids with Santa Village. At night, the venue will be transformed to a hotspot for the adults from 7pm till dawn where the hottest DJ’s, live bands, comedians, and more will entertain the guests to the fullest!

There will be maximum security and loads of fun for the entire family.

Day Time Series: 10am to 6pm daily
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Catch the Xmas fever and don’t be left out. Total fun for the entire family, games for kids, photo booths, competitions and lots more. Be merry and let the kids come visit Santa, get gifts, play with awesome games and take pictures in our one-of-a-kind Santa village powered by Play Barn.

* Wide variety of food you won't want to leave.

Night Time Series: 7pm till .....

December 24th (Tomorrow) Lagos Shutdown Party:
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A premium party you don't want to miss. Get to party with the best Nigerian DJ's from Nigeria, US and UK. It's the Biggest Christmas Eve Party and you are guaranteed no dull moment. Table reservation highly advised.

Admission is FREE. It's going to be #Epic

December 25th (Friday) – Christmas Day at the Park:
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So you have had nice time during the day. Imagine cooling down to one of the best live bands in Nigeria (Veentage Band). Get ready to be on your feet for a while!

Admission is FREE. You can't miss it

December 26th (Saturday) – Boxing Day Jersey Party:
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It's premiership day, come represent your favorite team. Get to watch the games in a fun environment. You sure don't want to miss this day's party. A different kind of experience.

Admission is FREE. Don't be Told

December 27th (Sunday) - Throwback Sunday:
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There is no better way to round up than to take it way back to ..... You won't believe the amazing fun lined up for you in our throwback Sunday.

Admission is FREE. What are you waiting for?

Venue: Muri Okunola Park (Law School Bustop) Victoria Island, Lagos

Follow the buzz on Social Media:
Instagram: @christmasinlagos
Twitter: @christmasinlag

Be the first to know Text ‘Buzz’ to 20822 for a chance to win exclusive passes. SMS costs N10

For VIP table reservations please call 0809644828907001111933; Add BBM PIN 568EFE18 or email

Afromedia is an Outdoor Sponsor of Christmas In Lagos.

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

When Your Boss's Wife Hates You.

One of us, who also happens to be my cousin, is in a bind and has decided to share with us. Let's call her Sope. Sope has worked for her company for over five years and has risen steadily in the rungs. She's always had a very good relationship with the boss, and meeting and surpassing her targets made her a favorite of his. He would extol her great virtues not just at the office but also at home. 

Sope became close to his family and became a regular at most family functions. The boss's wife loved Sope and I remember a particular incident where Madam scolded Sope for carrying a knock off Versace bag. Sope bought that bag at that place in Manhattan where you get amahzing knock offs that were almost the real thing. Those ones that are even more authentic than the items people pass off  as "original designer" in Lagos. Still knock-offs nonetheless. This particular knock off cost Sope hundreds of dollars and in her mind she was a big geh. Until madam scolded her for carrying a fake and then invited her to her home the next day. And while there madam handed Sope the orijo of that bag which she apparently had just bought. This bag costs several thousand dollars!
      Well in truth, over the years madam had given Sope several designer items, travel tickets, bundles of cash, gold jewelry and other things. Madam clearly loved this star-staff who had gone above and beyond for her husband's company (which we've now learnt was actually built and is run on madam's money). 

About two years ago Sope suddenly noticed that she was no longer getting invites from Oga and madam. Things were still very fine with oga so she didn't worry immediately. She then decided to call madam to say hi and madam's reaction was very cold. Sope noticed this same coldness the next few times she saw madam. A few months later she finally decided to ask oga if everything was ok and he assured her that all was well. Yet madam was getting colder by the day. 

At one party, Sope ran into madam with her friends. Sope went to greet her and madam blatantly ignored her then turned to her friends and muttered "all these stupid lagos girls", to which all the women cackled loudly and Sope walked away with her shoulders hung low. 

Coincidentally they all attend the same church and even at church madam's coldness wouldn't thaw. Madam had gone from responding to Sope coldly to not responding at all to sometimes making scathing comments aimed at publicly humiliating Sope.

Eventually Sope decided that since oga continued to say nothing was wrong it was best she had a talk with madam. She sent her a text asking if she had done anything wrong and then apologizing if she had. She sent several of these texts and madam responded to none. 

Months later, Sope thought she should confront madam in person since all her texts had gone unanswered. She actually (as she said) went on her knees and apologized to madam for anything she might have done wrong and still begged for madam to tell her what exactly it was. (Sope is in her early 30s, madam is in her 50s). Madam listened to all her pleas and then called security to throw her out and asked them never to let her back on the premises. 

Sope gave up, but not before her parents intervened. You see, when things were rosy madam and oga would send gifts, cash and food items to Sope's parents during festive periods, birthdays or just randomly. So the parents thought it would not be out of place for them to reach out to madam. Still, even that yielded no result. 

Earlier on, when Sope first noticed madam's attitude, she felt that madam probably thought she was having an affair with oga, so Sope took her fiancé to meet and greet madam at her office. Sope also made sure he accompanied her for every social function madam might attend just so she could know that Sope and her husband were/are not having an affair. 

It's been two years and madam makes its clear to everyone who cares to know, just how much she detests Sope. Everyone at the office knows this yet no one seems to no why. Even oga who Sope has asked almost 100 times never gives any answer. It's been Two years of madam shunning Sope's greetings and humiliating before her colleagues and even strangers, sometimes calling her derogatory names publicly.

And that was why at the office Christmas party last week Friday Sope steered clear of madam. She stayed in a corner and ensured that she and madam did not cross paths, thinking that's what madam wants. You'd think so too, right? Well, wrong. 

Earlier today, oga called Sope's phone and rained down fire and brimstone. He said that his wife has never been this upset, saying Sope now thinks she's so big that she no longer greets her. He says Sope has obviously become to big for her breeches and his wife feels personally affronted. Sope tried to explain that she thought that that was what madam wanted, after all she had greeted her everytime for over two years and it only seemed to anger her. Oga shut her up and continued to scream into the phone, telling her that she was no good and after all that madam had done for her he couldn't believe she would show such disrespect. 

Sope went home in tears. She is confused and depressed. This whole thing has affected her output at work but with this last phone call from her boss she's not even sure if she can still function properly in that environment. Jobs are hard to come by but Sope says she thinks she should quit. She's reluctant to because she has contributed immensely to the growth of the company (which is probably why she still has the job) and it's actually her dream job.
     Sope has tried severally to get to the root of madam's sudden intense hatred but no one, not even madam or her husband has told Sope why. Sope is wondering if she should quit the job even though she has no other job to fall back on. She's wondering if in the alternative she should call madam and apologise for the recent event. She's wondering if she should remain at the office and continue to treat madam with docility and reverence or just take a walk... She's also wondering if it's only a matter of time before madam tells her husband to fire her and insists on it. In Sope's shoes what would you do?

Monday, 21 December 2015

Gaining Time- Chris Yinks

Time is viewed by many from differing perspective - to some it is a resource/tool; a few appreciate and value it; while many consider it a constant (as long as there is life, there is time). More than a decade ago, I remember reading a prose on the value of time, which to say the least, was aptly discerning. Paraphrased, it goes thus:

To know the value of a year, ask a child who has to repeat a class; 

To know the value of nine months, ask a mother delivered of a still birth;

To know the value of a millisecond, ask an Olympic hundred meter athlete

A widely used analogy to understand the value of time is to consider each day as eighty six thousand four hundred dollar($86,400) [a day has 86,400 seconds i.e. 60 * 60 *24 seconds] credit given at the beginning of a day and that one’s decision each day decides the utility/value derived from each day. The question arises – how does one derive maximum value from one’s time and ultimately from one’s lifetime? The information age that defines this era we live in presents the average person an added number of endeavors that contend for one’s daily time – some relevant, others less relevant.

The Bible gives a good insight on time management and how the effective application of time as a resource could yield monumental benefits much later in life. One of such insights is provided in Proverbs where one of its verses goes thus:

‘Train up a child in the way he should grow and when he is old, he will not depart from it’. 

In contemporary English, I’d rephrase that verse with the words of a popular maxim:

‘Give me a child for the first decade of his life and I’d be responsible for the man he becomes’. 

These two statements fundamentally place emphasis on how the effective usage of today as a resource or tool can yield unimaginable benefits for one’s long-term strategic goal. (To use another analogy since virtually everyone deals with money: one can think of the concept of the aforementioned statements as akin to the future value of a sum of money saved over a long period of time with a favorable interest rate).

I once came across a perceptive description of time which without much ado I’d go into its gist. First, consider a unit period of time that would be a representative average description of your life – this might be a month, week, or a day. A 7-day week works best for this exercise. Now, let’s classify life into its different categories. (Your task here is to determine how manyhours you spend in each category).

1) Occupation Time: Time spent to get all the monies to survive each day. Essentially jobs to support school, self, families or to meet a higher target. Time spent at school for students.
2) Ethereal Time: Time spent recharging ourselves so that we maintain physical and psychological balance. Basically sleep and rest time.
3) Responsibilities Time: Time spent on chores, shopping, hygiene and personal grooming, meal time, clean up to ensure health and general maintenance.
4) Potential Time: Time spent on one’s personal or self-development, hobbies, mind, independent learning, leisure activities. Basically time remaining (or devoted) each day to expand our capabilities by spending time with our families, tapping into our life in a personal, spiritual and developmental level.

The big question is how do you score on the potential time index? 

More often than not, for most people, the resulting score or number is quite low, hence our potentials or capacities as distinct personalities are limited and thus we do not achieve the fullness of our capacities as humans. I’d further bet that it would take an innovative method to gain enough time to invest in the potential time category to reach one’s desire especially with the greatest stealer of time in this part of the world – traffic. Sadly also, when pressed for time due to the demands of either, or a combination of the first three categories, the fourth category usually takes the hit.

I have come to understand that a few helpful time gaining/planning techniques including:

1) Getting a job you enjoy (this effectively ensures that job time is also potential time) – the proverbial killing two birds with a stone.
2) Juggle tasks together. Simple one’s like doing multiple household tasks together; complex ones like running an online course program or part time degree together with work demands while maintaining an appreciable level of effectiveness in either tasks. 
3) Your comments

Of course, this article elicits a number of questions which may include - what do you place as a priority in life, how much daily time do you invest in your priorities, what are your values and perception of time etc., but more importantly, my foremost question - how do you gain time?

Thanks so much Chrisyinks. I'm always delighted when a blog reader sends in submissions. Here are a few more time-gaining techniques that easily come to mind. 
-Time management 
-Refusing to procrastinate 
-Being mindful of the company one keeps. (Dare I say that a lot of the people in our lives; friends, colleagues and even lovers are simply time wasters that add no real value). 

Share your thoughts


I've got designer bags

I've got designer bags under my eyes!

I'm so sorry for shirking my responsibilities as a blogger; my duty to furnish you with regular posts. It's just that it's a really busy month and then to top it up my sister came back with her brood and then almost immediately had to leave town for something, leaving me with a two month old and two little children! I'm at my wits end but what can I do? She returned last night but resumed work this morning so there's not much relief for me. I've barely had time to eat or bath much less blog. Like, I have no idea what's going on in the world at the moment. 

At this point I doff my hat to all mummy bloggers, I don't know how y'all do it. Especially to you MFA of Lifetitudes (, who not only updates regularly but runs her own businesses and is a nursing momma! Bride2Mum and Lohla's Melange as well. Oh, and although I don't know Sisiyemmie I must applaud her to. I mean, how does she do it with the regular updates, the reviews, work, baby and a weekly Vlog? What is my excuse? LOL. 

I've just put baby down to sleep and this is my opportunity to get some shut eye, at least before the other two wake up. Nonso is just 2 and is at that age where he's constantly throwing tantrums over nothing. Aaaaargh! Thankfully he and his brother are starting lessons today for four hours a day, so at least for those four hours their tutor takes them off my hands. Ope o!

Of course this also means that for now my life is being put on hold. My mum says she's done with omugwo and has returned back to her business, and since I don't have a 9 to 5 then I have to step in. I love playing mummy but while I'm not yet an actual mummy I would love to still enjoy the benefits of being single. For instance I wanted to travel on Friday but of course I couldn't. On Saturday my friend called and invited me to take the last flight out to attend the I Concur concert as they had a table. I really would have loved to but again, I couldn't. Yesterday I had a birthday party to attend but for where, na siddon look I dey!

I've told my sister she needs to get someone to help with the kids ASAP because I'm likely to be very busy from January. We talked about it and she said baby would have to join his brother in crèche. That made me quite sad but I think it's safer to put a baby in crèche than to leave him at home with a stranger. Please what do you think?

Another option would be to bring said stranger in, of course with solid references. What we're trying to decide if a young girl/lady would be good, or a mama (a matronly/older woman who's a mother or grandma) would be better? We're still try to decide but I would love to hear your thoughts and reasons. Thanks guys. 

And thanks for sticking it out with me. God bless...

Saturday, 19 December 2015

Dear Thelma, (Gang-Raped and About To Wed).

Hello Thelma, a few weeks back a colleague of mine was abducted and raped by a gang of Devils. We have already run a rape kit process for her and started her on ART and counseling. The problem is that she is supposed to be getting married in a couple of weeks, plans are already underway and everything is almost set. She reached out to me for advise but I did not know how to advise her because this is am extremely sensitive matter. I don't know if it's wise to tell him or to keep it to herself. I know she loves him dearly and has been looking forward to the marriage and vice versa but I cannot predict how he will react to what happened. My question is should she or should she not? If you're the fiancée would you want to know or not? Before the wedding? Would you go on with the wedding as planned or not? Should you even go on with the wedding? Would you still marry her or not? Please I need very honest realistic answers. Thank you all. 

Not Going Nowhere In Lagos!

My dear Lagosians please what the heck is happening? Moving around has become a nightmare! This started a few weeks ago and we thought it was just one of those things but slowly and steadily it's only gotten worse. Yesterday I spent hours trying to get into surulere from the island. Later in the evening after spending hours trying to get back to the island I gave up and turned the car back around to my parents' home, and even that took another one hour from my life. 
     I woke up very early this morning thinking I could beat the traffic, at least leave the house before 7am. 7am on a Saturday morning, that would usually be a breeze getting back to the other side of town. Alas, I got to Masha road and I saw it was blocked all the way to the stadium and beyond. I turned around and tried to connect Western Avenue from Gbaja. I saw people doing one-way there and I was informed that Western Anenue was blocked. These days people in Surulere have taken to going to Yaba to get to the island but this morning it was impossible getting to Yaba. And this was barely 7am! I then decided to go through Eric Moore, off Bode Thomas and thankfully that route hadn't occurred to many people. Still there was a bit of traffic on there, especially with the loooooooong fuel queues. 

I eventually got to the island and it was barely 8am yet even along Lekki-Epe express road heavy traffic had already built up. Would you believe that the fuel queue at Forte Oil at Lekki 1st roundabout was so long that it almost got to the tollgate? Dear Lord!
     When I eventually got home I shut the door firmly behind me, swearing not to leave home for anything. Except love or money...

And well maybe to go check out the new Shoprite. I've refused to go see the place because I feel like I have a personal vendetta against them but my friend insists we should go, that I'm only wasting my energy being angry. But can you blame me? Don't you think this is the height of  disregard of the masses' welfare by the government? The residents of that axis of Lekki, Ajah and Epe are already caving in under the weight of the traffic, caused by the fact that all residents of these areas have ONLY one road linking them to the Island.
      Jakande roundabout causes some nerve wracking traffic on a daily basis. On weekdays if you don't get across the road (from the Oando filling Station to Jakande) that should take 5 minutes or less before 6pm, you could find yourself stuck there for 3 hours or more. Now it's at this same Jakande roundabout that the new Shoprite is situated. From what I hear it's even bigger than The Palms. Residents of this area better start taking overnight bags to work because shit is about to get real. It baffles me, why would they permit such a place to begin operation knowing the state of traffic in the area when they're yet to provide alternative roads or a relief from the current situation. Money money money, that's all my people know!

The whole thing is just tiring and Ambode needs to fucking wake up from whatever drug-induced slumber he's in. I see the Lagos that Fashola toiled to build falling apart, and very quickly too. 

Imagine how I'm ranting barely 6 days to Christmas. Aaaargh!

My fellow Lagosians is anyone else experiencing the pains of this traffic situation? What are we going to do to get by, how do we enjoy the Christmas? Please talk to me. 

Friday, 18 December 2015

Dear Thelma... (Should We Have "The Talk"?)

I went to a lounge that was turned into a club for Woman Crush Wednesday on the 28th of October. I went to the club with a friend who wanted her ex to see her looking hot and good. (So she looked hot in very skimpy clothes). 
At the club, I saw a "beard gang"man sitting opposite us (I'm into beards). I mentioned him to my friend a few times(sowed the seed into her head). And she asked me to approach him. I was reluctant so she offered to talk to him for me and I pretended to be shy. My friend went ahead to talk to him. And he came to me when I was alone. He introduced himself and we exchanged contact he offered  and paid for our drinks. After a while, I stepped  out for fresh air and I saw him outside. He called me and  we talked for awhile. 
He visited me at home on Sunday. (I live alone). We talked like we've known each other for so long. Then he told me he is 36 (I'm 24) from the North and a Muslim #NotStaunch  (We are Ghanaians). But lives in New York and has never been married. He came down for his brother's wedding. To be honest I was disappointed because I'm a Christian, though I have very close Muslim friends, I've always said I wouldn't want be with a muslim. 
So he said if I'm free the next day, I should pay him a visit at home  (his parents house). I said okay, but I didn't even call him the whole day. He called in the evening and I said I'm tired and will call him later. 
We went on a date that weekend and before the date, we went to his house, he wanted to introduce me to his elder sister who he said could  help with a project I'm working. We missed his sister but we met his friend and he introduced me to him as his friend so his friend was hitting on me.
He later apologized for himself and his friend. 
When he brought me back home, he kissed me and I responded. (The kiss was goood). And he left. 
We spoke for 2 more days and then I wasn't hearing from him again. I stopped calling and texting after 3 days of trying to reach him. 

Two weeks later he called me from the US and apologized. He said he would be back for Christmas and hopes to see me. And said I could call him anytime. And that I shouldn't be a stranger that HE IS TERRIBLE AT CALLING AND TEXTING but he will try so IF THIS IS GOING TO WORK, I WOULD HAVE TO HELP IN THAT REGARD. He said if I needed him to call, I should send a text. 
Now we've been  in touch mostly through whatsapp. But I'm always the one initiating the chat or call. (We are in touch almost everyday). So some days, I decide not to call or text. Then he gets in touch. 
He says I should plan fun activities for us when he comes. I told my friend  ( the one at the club) that we are in touch and he is coming down for Christmas. And also moving back to Ghana next year. Now my friend feels I owe her. And is insisting on going to concerts and partying with  us. Saying she will be our "parasite". 
He has also invited me to his family's annual New year party and his sister's birthday party. 

Now I want to know what we are. Do I just wait to find out or what. I'm really liking him. (He is a good conversationalist) 
He patiently listens to me and contributes. (I'm a talkative). 
He compliments me. 
I'm thinking of asking him when he comes down. Because I don't think this is a conversation to have over the phone or Skype. 
How do I ask him about our status without sounding desperate. (I don't mind his age). 
And should I be worried about my friend? He is coming down on Monday. And my friend says she is moving in with me on Friday for Christmas and new year. (She lives alone too).


Have you confirmed that this friend of yours is not married? If you have, beyond every uncertainty then I think it's well within your rights to have the "What are we?" talk and I suggest you do that when he gets into town before you both begin the festivities (and you get carried away). Of course as you must know, defining things does not guarantee much, except maybe that in the event of infidelity or neglect you actually have a right to demand explanations/apology and get upset/sad/mad. Still, it's best to ask in order to know if you're both on the same page and know the expectations each person has. 

There's no special way to have 'the talk', what's important is that you're direct (send your message across) yet subtle (without being pushy or desperate); In my head I'm asking; "what do you want with me? Am I someone you want to get serious with or some chic you intend to have fun with when you're in town? Is this the start of a relationship or a holiday fling?" Maybe not in these words but you get my drift.  

The question is what do you want. Let's assume you both want a relationship, are you ready for a long distance relationship? (Please do not hold your breath about him moving back to Ghana next year). Is the religion no longer an issue for you? If yes, why? 

With regards to your friend, YES you should be worried about her. NO, I'm not saying she's a bad person or she has any ulterior motives. But to avoid stories that touch it's always best we keep our friends and our men apart. Sure, include her in a few of your plans but she needs to understand that you and this guy need your space seeing as he's only around for a limited time. She needs to not be a parasite and make her own plans. I also need to add that you don't have to tell your friend(s) everything. Had you not told her she wouldn't be insisting on being your handbag. With regards to our relationships; the less our friends know, the better. 

Lastly with respect to the guy, I'd advise you to manage your expectations. Good luck!

Guys, the poster would love to hear your thoughts. 

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