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5 Reasons ThelmaThinks Became Impersonal. (Decline & Oversharing).




I've never been one to make new year resolutions but I think I might be making one this year. Truth be told, blogging can get tedious but as with most things in life, one must push oneself. In the last week, quite a number of my readers took it upon themselves to mail me about certain concerns pertaining to the blog. Among these concerns, two kept recurring in the various emails. 

The decline in the number of posts (excerpt from one of the mails; Pls. Can you get back to the old you, and update d blog frequently? I'm tired of refreshing 100xs a day without anything new popping up. Sometimes it's annoying. I know you may not be in a very bright place now, but you have readers...")

The impersonal nature of the posts. (Excerpt from another mail; you're doing a good job but what attracted me to your blog is how you shared your personal experiences. Most of them reflected things I was going through and it was comforting to know I'm not alone, but now you don't do that anymore")


First off, I'd like to thank everyone who takes time to mail me. Sometimes when you admonish me, like a recalcitrant child I sulk and get upset. But then I realize that you're mailing out of love for the blog, and that's really awesome! 

...So I don't like new year resolutions but here and now I'm resolving to do better. To the first mailer, I honestly cannot promise that things would go back to how they used to be two years ago, as you requested. I cannot promise to put up three, four, five posts a day like I did back then. But my promise is that everyday from here on, except when there are reasons beyond my control, I would have at least one post a day. I'm sure on most days I would have more than one but let me make promises I'm sure I can deliver. 

As per the second issue, the one a lot of people mailed me about, and some even left in the comment section; that the blog is now impersonal. That's very true. I cannot quite promise you that things would change.

When I started blogging, I loved to share (and sometimes tended to overshare) because 
-I knew that other people had similar experiences and it would help them to know they weren't alone, 
-it was therapeutic for me sometimes
-it had some entertainment value
-I loved the idea of a personal blog where we could all share each other's experiences, learn from them, talk about them, interact or whatever

For a long time I enjoyed this but I stopped because I soon learnt that 

1. 
This is so true! Some people genuinely care, others would just use you and do feemshow while they; 

2. Judge. I'm the farthest from perfect but my intentions behind sharing were noble, still doesn't stop some people from judging me, forming brash opinions, castigating me and so on and so on and so on. 

3. People think you're looking for pity. This was the main factor that made me stop sharing. I've had some unpleasant experiences, there's nothing anyone here can do to change that. I share because I just happen to be a very open person. But some people began to misconstrue it and accused me of seeking for pity and sympathy. You know, that practically made me STOP!

4. The community became bigger and I began to feel overexposed. This is every blogger's prayer, growth and increase. But for a very personal blog, it doesn't often augur well. The bigger the blog became the less inclined I was to share. I began to feel somewhat naked and inevitably I started to share less. 

5. What's the point anyways? Yeah sometimes it all feels so pointless, why share your life just so that people can be entertained? 


I feel like I've not done a great job at really expressing why the blog became impersonal but at least now you know I had my reasons. I guess I'd just have to strike a balance because I would really love to keep my readers happy. 


Quick question; do I really give y'all the impression that I'm unhappy? I've not been able to figure out why most mails I get come with a tone of commiseration...




Comments

  1. Hi Thelma, to me you don't come across as unhappy I think you do your best to deal with whatever life sends your way for me you come across as strong. About posting more than one article per day I would say do what you can. I miss your short stories though you are a creative and talented writer, give us your fiction pieces whenever you can.

    ReplyDelete
  2. No, you do not come off as unhappy. I see you as a person who like every normal human being has good days and bad days, and who is doing an amazing job of living through them all.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I for one respect your decision and I don't think u were letting out too much to the public neither did I see u as asking for pity or being unhappy. Its just the haters who keep.hating.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You don't come across to me as unhappy. Not @ all. If I could, like I said before, I'd do a Kardashian like movie about you.

    Lolz "keeping up with Thelma"

    I agree with you, share less about your personal stuff, but find ways to keep it entertaining.

    A million times I say well done

    ReplyDelete
  5. You unhappy?

    Heck No

    You are different shades of strong....

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lmao @ "I've not been able to figure out why most mails I get come with a tone of commiseration"
    To answer your question, you don't seem unhappy to me.. everyone goes through stuff... if anything, you come across as strong and unbreakable. You don't let those things hold you down for too long. And your smile... let me just stop there. no! You don't seem unhappy to me!
    Yeah(to the post)... that's what drew me to your blog too.. and since I got hooked.. I could not go back to Linda Ikeji and the likes again. like you literally stole my attention(+ heart).. and then you started to break my heart... lesser posts.. impersonal posts... it started to feel less and less like what I fell in love with.. sometimes you go 1 whole week(that happened twice..i counted(if not more sef)) without any posts.. sometimes days.. TTB became a part of my day.. I couldn't do any other blog and bam! it got snatched away.. you left me high and dry! I started gasping for air and water...(dramatic much.. I know) refreshing a million times and yet, no new posts(i exaggerate)
    BN and TNC started to fill the void for a while but I realized I couldn't do two.. so I stuck to BN. I never stopped coming back tho. I couldn't. TTB is still the most opened website on my phone, but those days you leave me "hanging", BN helps fill the void.
    So yeah.. as much as I understand that blogging is not your full-time job, sometimes, I can't help the sadness or frustration I feel when iv refreshed like 10times with no new posts... and in order not to be selfish... I just take a deep breath.. and move on.
    So please, bring the TTB we fell in love with back! Pleaseeee! *hugs and kisses*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. O yes T I agree with Kabuoy... At least u said u'd strike a balance, dts nice, pls do!
      On anoda note, pls can u stop d comments approval T so we can at least interact in real time, honestly I think sm1 else mentioned it b4,it dulls d blog, and d anonymouses u even did it for dnt even comment like dat still.
      You don't even get to post games for us to play again cos u'd have to stay and be enabling comments. Pls if u can add this ones to ur resolutions too. Thanks.

      Delete
    2. And u don't even respond under our comments again.

      Delete
    3. CHINENYENWA I didn't start moderating comments because of anonymouses, I did it because of the Google recatpcha that asks you to prove you're not a robot before you can post your comment. The process was tedious and too many people couldn't comment, some didn't want to bother with all that stress of having to click from a bunch of pictures and identify which is cake or bread, all for one comment (rme). The only alternative was to start moderating comments.
      That said the Anonymous(es) didn't stop commenting, I just don't approve most of the comments.

      Delete
    4. Lmao @don't approve most of the comments...

      So Thelma... There are drama-filled comments u are hiding from us eh! Why?

      Delete
  7. What this blog is about is what makes it unique....stay true to yourself.

    You don't sound unhappy, it's just the natural you, nd people will definitely judge you but it's best you show that you are not phased by it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Truth be told Nwando, somethings are better left where they belong- in the shadow of the heart. I support you do the much you can and at the same time encourage (like you've done before) other followers of the blog to share their own stories. We all are 'a fold' now or no? Therefore one another's story should be 'personal' to us. I want to be corrected please. So let's share. I will share one myself, soon enough. Happy new year everyone.

    -Chimezie Nwodo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seconded.

      Lemme add that I miss the days before comment approval, those days it was like we were chatting with each other. But now I have to refresh and refresh before I see new comments, and by that time most people would have moved on to another post. Then lemme not talk about refreshing the page in to search of new posts... Whew. Anyways more grease to your elbows but there's always room for improvement.

      Delete
    2. yeah the comment approval thing i feel has really impacted this blog. iv said it before. For every post that has 6 comments, without comment approval would probably be 20 comments. If one had to choose between the lesser of two harms to the blog, i'd say it's better for people to click which is fish or chicken, cake or bread, than to enable comment approval. my two cents.

      Delete
  9. Nope! I see you as someone who has seen it all in life and have had a lot of experiences. Sometimes I'll be like 'this lady is strong o, after all these things, she's still standing tall and still have a positive attitude to life'.
    Especially during the days of your 'memoirs of me' posts. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Btw that social media picture is so apt.

    ReplyDelete
  11. So true. I'd lie if I say........ but I prefer the old blogging style. We grew and it all went away... And the bullies that chased some of us away, and the anonymous(es) that kept/keep hating...... oh well, as much I'd love your content, I'd say do whatever makes you comfortable. You want to share, do so. You don't want to, then don't. I may not comment often, but I read every post and I still love you (just the way you are) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thelma, if you are tired, show it.(we will feel it too)

    If you are invigorated, show it too(we will feel it)

    Basically, Just EXPRESS YOU. I'm alright by that...

    But I think your resolution to at least give a post everyday makes things fair. So a minimum of 366 posts this year sha...can't wait!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thelma keep been YOUUUUU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Wow. Thelma. you are not unhappy. You are one strong lady. Most times when I read a post, my inner mind will start pitting you. Why is this lovely lady letting out all these personal things. I sometimes feel those your friends you write about might not like to read their personal stories with you on the net. Its all good, As time went by, I understood that is your style of writing. Do what you feel happy about. As Chimezie said, When you are not chanced to write, you can ask blog followers to contribute. God bless you dear.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I miss the short stories.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just like others pointed out, what attracted me was the uniqueness of the blog but then, no one could blame you. There is a limit to what you could share especially when you are not blogging anonymously or under a pseudo name. Even at that, there is so much one person can share about personal stuff.

    We understand you and will always be here.

    ..and who says you are unhappy? It is human nature to want to console when you give out information about an unsavory happenstance but majority of us do not think you are unhappy.

    All the best.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  17. Never thought you were unhappy. Your blogging style is refreshing and that's what kept me coming back. If you know the song by Ebenezer Obey about the man, his son and the horse, you would realise no matter what you do, share or not share, post or not post, you will literally NEVER be able to please everyone. Happy New year and do whatever makes you comfortable. Even if you bent over backwards, everyone still wouldn't be pleased.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thelma da bebe. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The short stories attracted me. I felt uncomfortable with the personal things you shared as i'm a very very conservative person and because I know people are mean and will judge you just for the sake of it. So it's ok if you limit your personal stories. Give me my short stories. J

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi Thelma, happy new year!!!
    I didn't think/notice that you shared less. Infact, don't you even share more of your everyday life now? I don't know. I remember you used to share some real risque experiences, but it'd be more than a little creepy if that's what people are referring to when they say share more "personal/intimate" stuff. that shouldn't be for people's relaxing pleasure, and if that's what you've cut back on, it was probably a wise step. If you have people in your circle that you trust and love, share your intimate concerns and issues with them, because yes, that picture you posted can be quite apt.
    In response to your question, put simply, people think you are sad because you are a female over 30 who is not married, and to many nigerians, that's a sad and miserable existence. i'm glad you know better.

    ReplyDelete

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