My friend recently concluded the final stages of her professional exams. She shared the news with her father and his response was unexpected. He pretty much brushed her success aside and proceeded to lecture on her on childbearing and female fertility. To put things in perspective, my friend is in her late 20s. Has a master's degree, decent job and has plans of pursuing a doctorate. Her father has always supported the idea of a doctorate and encouraged her to pursue her dreams regardless of what anyone has to say. Did I add that she is smart and gorgeous as well?
Naturally, she was upset at his response, but brushed it aside. What she could not get over was the fact that he assumed she wanted to get married. Nigerians don't ask if you want to get married, it is assumed. Who are you not to want to get married? How dare you be different? My friend has no intentions of getting married and no, she won't change her mind thank you. Face your own desires. She is not averse to relationships and has dated a few good men. She is upfront with all these guys about not wanting to get married, but as with most of you reading, they believe it is only a matter of time before she changes her mind. If you like, yimu. Your nose will fall off.
It never ceases to amaze me when people think 'go and marry' or 'no man will marry you' is a valid insult a la the brothers. Have you considered that is possible that others have goals and aspirations that differ from yours and their dreams are just as valid as yours? That their decision is as natural to them as yours is to you? That just as marriage fulfils you, being single fulfils them?
I recently came across Shonda's interview with Oprah where they touched on marriage. Both of them received marriage proposals, which they ultimately turned down. In her book, Year of Yes, Shonda explains how she turned down the proposal and finally admitted out loud she did not want to get married. She knew she wanted kids and has 3 kids now (2 adopted and 1 surrogate). The female Taiwanese president recently responded to why she never got married saying why get the entire pig, when you can get the sausage. These women knew what they did not want and are living their dreams at the peak of their careers. I am sure there are Nigerian women like that, but who will never publicly admit it because society will shame them.
What amazes me the most about all these people pushing others to get married is that some of them have the worst marriages or are even divorced. Yet, they don't bother to proffer any advice on choosing a spouse or making a marriage work. They don't ask about finances, work or accommodation. They don't care if one is mentally prepared or not. I've heard tales of marriages crashing within a year and when I think of my friend, I wonder of how many of those people allowed themselves to be pressured when they had no business getting married.
My word of wisdom - mind your business and stop pressuring anyone to get married! Don't even assume. First question should always be 'do you want to get married?' Thereafter, you can offer your unsolicited advice.
The Lady, I look forward to reading more from you!