Skip to main content

HELP! Her Husband Married His Mother...

I need advice from your blog. I got married to my husband about a year ago and right off the bat I knew we couldn’t make it. I knew because his mother moved into our home the 2nd week we got married. The moving in wasn’t really the main issue, it was my husband’s inability to ask her why she choose to move in and for how long she would be staying that hinted me that there was a big wave coming that we wouldn’t be able to survive.
More so as my husband cancelled our honeymoon plans because of his mother’s arrival. I was shocked and hurt. I tried to talk to him about the situation but he calmly requested that I overlook his mum’s presence in “his” house and everything that had to do with “his” mum.
I was confused and pained and i withdrew into my shell. Time that should have been ours alone became his and his mum’s. They would regale each other with past jokes and spend the afternoons laughing in the living room while I laid in the bedroom sobbing. Sometimes my husband would come into the bedroom to try to cajole me to join them in the living room but I couldn’t bear it. I saw her as a wicked intruder and i just couldn’t deal. It was like my husband married his mother and not me.
I should say this though, my mother in law was never nasty to me. Infact she never said an unkind word to me. It was like I was her son’s colleague or something. Our conversation was mainly about food, the weather and politics. 
By the 3rd month I was tired of the triangular relationship going on in my home. His mum had moved in more of her stuff and was always around. I didn’t know how to deal with the situation and I don’t think my husband understood how weird or intrusive his mum’s presence in our new home was.
In the 6th month of our marriage and on one of the rare occasions we were alone at home after working hours, he let on that he wasn’t happy that I had not shown care or affection towards his mother. I in turn tried to point out the awkwardness of the situation but somehow the matter escalated into a fight and I told him to choose between me and his mum.
Blatantly he chose his mum. Unable to back down from the fight I packed my things and left his house. This is the 4th month after I moved out and my husband has not come searching for me. Infact he hasn’t even called me! Neither has his mum or anyone from his family.
Last week I ran into one of our neighbors at the mall and she asked if I had cancelled my master’s programme. When I probed, she said my mother in law had told her that I had traveled to America for a master’s programme.
My parents are late, my older sister who is just 2 years older than me is as confused as I am. What do i do? What can I do? I love my husband but I do not understand this weirdness with his mother. 

I found this fascinating and disheartening all at once, so I'm very grateful to the darling MFA of Lifetitudes for letting me share. Guys you'd agree that this is a very comfounding situation. In her shoes, how would you proceed? 


  1. AHN AHN!!! why did you pack out of the house now, MIL will gaan sleep on your bed o.
    I know it can be choking but I think you over reacted.They even tried to bring you into the circle but you were hell bent on making yourself unhappy by going to sob in the room. why?
    You said she was never unkind to you so why didn't you just ignore her presence and enjoy your marriage?
    I hate when relatives do this but when you find yourself in a situation like this you make the best of it(not like it is easy o)but you have to make yourself happy always.
    Please find a way to reconcile with your hubby.He may not contact you because in some places, it is a taboo for a woman to pack her things out of her husband's house.

    1. True... I'm with you on this.

      And the point where you had to give him an ultimatum on who to choose between Her and Mumsy? As in, that's like fighting (not a losing) a lost battle. Smh*
      Marraige of just one year and you want him to choose you over her? Lmao!!!! That really cracked me up!

      My dear go and enjoy your marraige with your husband and stop being "possessive". She's not sharing him with you.

  2. Im equally as confused but i dont think she should havw asked her husband to choosw between her and his mother. Sometimes for some people its hard to let go off the hold their parents have on them. The husband obviously does not love his wife and his mother is the most inconsisrate person. Was she living in a cave before her son got married. Why is she encroaching . If she had been living with her son before the whole union it would have been a different case.

    The poster should have applied wisdom in handling this issue. Going back into that marriage now will become even more difficult for her as there has been no coomincation between both parties.

    Im her shoes i would have devised a way to get close to his mother knowing that they both have a stong bond and use all my arsenals to ensure she eventually leaves.. i.m really saddened on her behalf. Some men are still babies if you ask me.

    1. Clare... I hope all is well

    2. seconded! in anycase who can help me with my work on cybernetics control theory and cybersecurity??this masters is not easy at allll!!*crying in French*

    3. @ Steel, now that I am settled, I am just SMH @ my jagajaga write up. Blame it on the touch screen and hunger. Lol

  3. Nawa o, poster am just sad for you. Is she a widow? If yes, then please accommodate her but move to a place that ll give you and hubby more privacy even with her presence. Marriage is tough sha.

  4. Omo this one pass me sha but I have one question, where's the father in-law in all this, has he passed? Did his mum raise him on her own without a father-figure?

    Lemme keep quiet and learn from the wise ones of TTB.

  5. Chai, apologies for all the error, was just typing in a hurry like im gonna win a trophy.


  6. Someone needs to start teaching younger women 40 and under "stoop to conquer 101"!

    This situation went from basic to complicated because she was silly enough to ask her husband to pick between her and his mother. You ask him to pick between you whom he has known for maybe 5 years and the woman he has seen sufferand tolerate on his behalf for 30 odd years? Even a mental patient will never answer differently from what the husband answered. Both roles are different and should never be competitive.

    www.pynk360 com

    1. Stoop to conquer 101!! I wish they taught this in marriage courses

    2. Hahahahahahhhaahha. Steele ohhh,and that course though. Okay now.

  7. Thing is for some women ehn... letting go(of their sons or daughters) is the hardest thing ever. some are able to let go and carry face even though it still hurts them... some can be mature about it... but some don't even know how to go about it and herein lies the problem.
    I don't understand why she moved in barely 2 weeks after the wedding but she should have let them have some time alone. When she noticed the way the lady pulled away from them, she should have made efforts to stay out of their way. She was just being very selfish and inconsiderate.

    But Iyawo, there are ways to deal with people like that. Your husband has definitely not "left his mother"(matt 19 v 5) And that's why you have this huge problem. We can't deal with your husband now... but he needs to grow up and severe any soul tie with his mother. he needs to be a Man.
    You went too far, and you were being very immature about the whole thing( it's easier to be on the other side and advise someone when you know if you're in the same shoes, you'll do the exact same thing) I really don't blame the poster cuz I could have done the same thing. Even worse and earlier sef. So poster reacted to a terrible situation and i really can't blame her... but she should have come out of her shell, related with them, but prayerfully collect her husband from the woman. Whilst doing her bit physically, she would on your knees get back her husband. This situation can be salvaged. She should Just humble herself and prayerfully get her husband back. Sometimes these things run deeper than the physical.

    Meanwhile... I am going to be a mother some day, and I won't want my children to severe all ties with me in the name of marriage, so I definitely won't want man to cut all ties because of marriage. but there are boundaries to be respected and lines not to be crossed. And that's where Matt 19 v 5 comes in. So if this woman is so attached to the point of almost breaking her son's home and she's still very comfortable with it, there's somfn very very wrong with that.

    1. Lemme go and read Matt 19 v 5 first

    2. Steele olodo ni ehhhhh. So u no know your bible.okay now.

    3. lol @ soul tie and the man needing to grow up ... If I talk now, It'll be like I am an only son defending his mom. It's sha well.

  8. Kai, how old is this girl. She did not handle this situation wisely. The MIL moving in and letting his son cancel his honey moon is wicked if you ask me. Even to call a newly married couple then is suspect. She stole that from them. However the fact the son cancelled that trip without more should tell you how close his relationship with his mum is. In your shoes I would try to bond with the mum. Gist with her, you may even learn a thing or more about your husband from her.

    I don't know what the sobbing drama is all about,you were not excluded from their conversations you excluded yourself.

    Bonding with your husband's mum could have given you an edge in getting anything you want from your husband including the honeymoon you guys cancelled. You would have talked to an elder to guide you on how to handle the situation.

    Why would you ask a man to choose between you and his mum especially as you have stated she has not been harsh to's not a competition,he should have both of you in his life.

    That being said,in my opinion this is the way forward. Don't call or text, go to your husband in person. Tell him it was stupid on your part to leave your matrimonial home and you've realised that. That you want to come back. Also let him know that he can have both of you in his life. Please the issue of his mum presence in your home should be discussed much later. Enter your house first and work on your relationship with your husband . Good luck. J

  9. Oh and the fact they said you went for masters is a good thing. It means your husband has plans of taking you back.someone that went for masters is expected back. Dealing with MILS takes great wisdom,obviously her behaviour leaves a lot to be desired but youdid not handle it well at all. J

    1. Please forgive all my gbaguns above. I didn't read my comment before posting. J

  10. Choi! Thelma ou est mon comment? Pls can't find my comment here yet #cryingseriously

    1. Please hunny don't cry. I hope it's one of the comments above?

  11. This one pass me,married people and the use ones plsss take over n let's learn from u guys. But wait ohhhh,my honey moon gets canceled for one iyaoko?ahhhhhhh moma fun Iya yen ni majele jeee nii. Choiii.

  12. My dear, some children have seen their parents (mothers) especially sweat blood, fire and brimstone to cater for them, hence the very strong bond.

    The problem here is that this particular mother inlaw is bent on holding unto her son, the poster exposed herself even more by packing out cos this MIL will now tighten the "otumokpor" (stong hold) she has over her son.

    We are not oyinbo, like Pynk said she should have "stooped to conquer". It doesn't make you a fool., cos you have. Goal.

    The most painful of all is that even the so called hubby didn't even call @ all.

    If you want your marriage back. You hve to trace your steps, go back to your man and fix this on your knees with the ultimate Fixer.

    1. My mother is Oyinbo and I learnt the stoop to conquer from her. Look at any successful marriage and there is a lot of stooping to is what Nigerians mistake as being dominated. You stoop to conquer because trying to prove a point almost never works with many people who feel you are attacking them.

      I know of an Oyinbo woman who after getting tired of begging her husband to come home early - started putting just enough fuel to last in the gen from 8pm to 10pm. One day her husband came home and was eating in the dark and overdosed on his meds. Ever since then her husband is home by 9pm latest.

      You dont fight many battles with might or force. You use your mind. Call it manipulation, but at the end of the day no one feels conftonted, and you get what you want...sometimes pife is that basic.

  13. Had a married friend I one day. She told me how when she had her first child mother in law came omugwo. Mother in law came with her name.for the child insisting the parents drop other names... an ugly English my friend said she replied yes ma.. thank you ma, the name is beautiful. Mother in law started sleeping in her matrimonial bed, husband was sleeping in guest room with the claims that she was taking care of baby... meanwhile according to my friend, unless her son was around she never touched or bathed the baby. she will wake up and ask for pounded yam in the morning when she's supposed to be cooking.. friend go pound yam. She will always in their discussions..this continued for about 2months till my friend got fed.up and asked mother in law to.move to the guest room so husband can come back. Mother in law called family meeting that daughter in law was insulting her, even husband say in our custom.its an insult blah blah..Meeting day, after all said n done my friend was.given.a.chance to.explain herself which she did. Thank God husband has married sisters.. they couldn't believe my friend had slept apart from her hubby for about 3mnths n mother in law was camping in their room. They asked mother in law, mama are you witch? Mother in law was angry n said she was leaving, she packed everything in the house she liked including the throw pillows & left. When I asked my friend why she took everything, she said she wanted to complain from the onset when.her mom shut her up by asking, will she be in your house forever?? She decided to endure and today she has conquered. There is relative peace, sister in laws respect her for tolerating their mother. I learnt patience n tolerance. If you will conquer. Poster learn biko! Choose your battles wisely. Mother in law was even nice n you couldn't reciprocate. If it were your mother will you get so upset?

  14. You overreacted dear, even telling him to choose btw u and his mum.who does dat? If na u nko? Blood they say is thicker than water o...there is "Ex-wife" or former wife but no "ex mother or former mama

  15. Marriage is not easy at all and i dont believe one should create long life problem where there is none.
    Firstly as a previous commenter said, the man has not 'left to cleave'to his wife. But oh woman, why use your hand to pack your load out of your matrimonial home where your mom in law did not give you trouble? why ask a man yo choose between you and his mother? you will be a mother too,will you be happy if your daughter in lae said that to your son?
    Mama why stay with them 2weeks after marriage,if we look at bible self, honeymoon is 1year! but i dont know the circumstances of her moving in
    Woman, be wise in your marriage. It takes a lot of patience and tolerance to deal with marriage. Go back to your matrimonial home and be wise! if you overeacted to this like this what will you do when faced with bigger issues? My dear marriage is continuous hardwork....


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Closed Chapter...

Hello everyone, yesterday a friend said to me, Thelma I love your blog, I've told so many people about your blog, I think you're a very good writer but I feel there's something you're not doing right"

This friend was the first person who won our beauty of the day contest back then in 2014. Then we had met just once through a mutual friend. I mentioned the blog to her and she became an instant reader. I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend then but yesterday as we sat down waiting for our Uber to come get us from Wal-Mart, she's definitely my friend and I knew she was coming from a good place when she said she had much higher expectations of my blog.

Me too.

But you see, in the last year or so, maybe even longer than that, I haven't felt much joy in blogging. It began to feel more and more of a laborious chore, one which I hardly reaped any fruits from.

I really love writing, I love sharing my life and my experiences with others and I've enjoy…

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa