Dear Fat People,
Yesterday I found myself in a wellness company which, among many other things, manufactures/sells slimming tea. I sat with customer care and I was amused to find that their unit was the busiest in the office as the phones were ringing off the hook, just like I imagine an MTN call centre to be. Each minute there was a different caller calling to order packs and packs of slimming tea, hoping for a miracle. I smiled secretly as even I had already planned to purchase a few packs. Then I saw a pair of eyes widen as the caller on the other side of the phone seemed to have shocked her. The caller wanted to know if the tea could help her lose 50kg in two months because she's a size 28 and needs to lose weight ASAP. The young lady tried to explain that while the tea would surely enhance her weight loss, she would certainly need to do more.
Fat people, while we may be able to wish Osu away, we simply cannot wish fat away. Trust me, I would chair the "Wish Fat Away" committee if we could. But alas, we need to do more. If you're a size 28 then you even need to do MORE than others. See *Michelle below. Michelle was fat. Michelle knew that she needed to eat right and exercise if she wanted to stop being fat. So Michelle did just that and now has a banging body. Michelle is smart, let's be like Michelle.
And now my open letter to our dear president.
Dear Mr President
When you finally won the (2015) Presidential election, you instantly became a legend in the eyes of the people. An epitome of determination, tenacity and doggedness. People drew strength and inspiration from you. It therefore now befuddles the mind and disheartens the spirit, the thought that this prolonged desire to rule a country was merely a guised opportunity to witch-hunt, as some would ideate. While it had been a huge source of embarassment to the people of this country to hear our beloved Nigeria top the list of the most corrupt nations, and while we bemoaned our unfortunate existence as we watched our leaders stuff their coffers with monies meant for our betterment, if they could, many Nigerians would choose to have those days back. This situation is reminiscent of the Israelites who suffered slavery for years and begged for CHANGE but when a "saviour" came to the rescue, their lives were much worse off that they begged to be taken back to slavery. Dear Mr President I would love to see you transfer this same shrewd ferociousness which you use to combat corruption to the exploration and creation of other sources of revenue for the country, as that would be much more beneficial to us as a nation. We all know that oil is no longer the lifeline it used to be.
After all being said, I must let you know that I have so much faith in you. In fact I hope that just like the Israelites (sans the 40-year desert period), after grumbling, moaning and begging to be taken back, we would be ushered into our promised land and realize that all that we suffered was instrumental and necessary for our restoration and redemption.
So there you have it. These are my open letters, any thoughts? But first let's read yours. The last time I had an open letter, it was to short people. And just like then, yours can be to any person, place or thing. I would particularly love to see open letters to a blog reader, difficult bosses, unfaithful Exs and friends; good or bad. But hey, you're free to do pen just about whatever you choose. I'm itching to read!