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Shout Out To The Single "Relationship Experts"

"I was just angry! I listened to their show for about thirty minutes and heard them give advise after advise to different callers. But I couldn't take it anymore when one woman, another married woman called and they gave her an advise that seemed as if they were trying to finish what was left of her marriage. It was then that I couldn't hold it anymore. I decided to call!" The man paused for breath. 

"I called the station and I asked the hosts politely, please, are you people single or married. I was surprised to hear that both of them are single. Not even one, but two of them. So I still don't understand how they became marriage experts, and they're here giving all sorts of wrong advise to people!"

I could feel the vexation in the man's voice. He called a radio station to complain about a show on another radio station.

Truth be told it's something I've been weary of. When I started blogging and sharing a lot of my past relationship experiences, I started getting a barage of emails asking for advise and I could see how easy it could be to become some "relationship expert", even without any actual knowledge, real experience or training. Yet I couldn't help feeling weird and wondering why people were so quick to ask for my advise knowing fully well that I was neither married nor in a relationship (that they knew of at least). 

It occurred to me recently that most of the popular "relationship experts" are single. In Nigeria we have the famed Toke Makinwa who runs probably the most successful relationship Vlog in the country. We also have Joro Olumofin who happens to be a psychologist and seems to be in the process of carving a niche for himself as a love doctor, literally. Another of my favourites is UK based Oloni. 

Ohhhh, my favourite is Derrick Jaxn. The guy in the picture above (Ladies, he's FIRE isn't he? A tall glass of creamy brown chocolate I can drink all day, calories and all!). This man is making hundreds of thousands of dollars as a relationship expert. He has written books, given talks, has a strong online cult-like following, is worshipped by many as a relationship god... And what's more, He. Is. Very. Single. 

You'd think that one of the major prerequisites to be termed an "expert" in something like marriage or relationships, is to have been and stayed in an actual one, marriage to be precise. So it's somewhat mind boggling especially as all these people seem to be thriving really well. 

Which makes me ask, do you think some people perhaps possess an natural aptitude for relationship matters, whether single or married, or would you rather they left it to those who have actual experience of being married. 

Is being in a marriage and living through its realities daily, a necessity for one to term themself a relationship expert?


  1. Paul was a marriage counselor. As at the time he was touring the middle east and sharing the gospel in different letters to different chuches, I believe he was single...

  2. Paul was a marriage counselor. As at the time he was touring the middle east and sharing the gospel in different letters to different chuches, I believe he was single...

  3. Some things are common sense. But some people refuse to apply common sense to decipher issues.
    For example: All the 'get rich' books are common sense. Just save, invest, cut expenses, ensure income is greater than expenses and you are on your way to wealth. Its common sense but people dont apply their common sense to financial issues. They prefer to read the common sense in a book.
    Same thing applies to relationships. Most relationship issues require common sense solutions. But people wont apply their common sense. They want somebody to tell them the common sense.

    So basically if Im highly intelligent and I have people skills. I can combine those 2 and common sense and give great relationship advice. Think about it - Most of the solutions to relationship problems are common sense. But because we are blinded by love and lust we cant apply common sense to solve the issues.

    So yea its possible to be single and still be an expert in relationships/marriage. But the best expert on marriage issues would be a married person. Experience is a nasty motherfucking teacher.


    1. Thank you a thousand times and more for this comment. It really beats my imagination why people read such books to seek solution to something very clear cut. UGO

  4. That guy is hotttttt for days, I spent like a minute staring at him. God forgive me o.

    So back to the matter, Marriage Counsellors help people with their marriages and sometimes these Counsellors are not married yet they still get the work done.

    I believe that being married gives one an edge over a single person in dishing out relationship advice but being married does not automatically qualify someone as an expert in these matters hence we have people still doing all the wrong things in their marriages even after spending years in such marriages.

    Some people are gifted or if I may use the word wise. You remember that one friend everyone goes to for's a gift. Past experience also gives one an insight into these things. That he is single now does not mean he has not been in a committed relationship before.

    However, I think social media has given every Dick, Tom and Harry a platform to become whatever expert they choose. They do a fast google check and Bam.

    Back to that picture, when you look like that a lot of people will subscribe to your youtube channel. That guy is hot. J

  5. That's how you know that the world is confused, it's like taking business advise from some that's never run a successful business. Abegi

    This self-help, motivational, guidance or whatever industry is a multi-billion dollar industry because most people are confused and lost and just seeking any form of direction. I've listened to some of these people and see how they contradict themselves most times but all of them are rich. It just depends on how charismatic and convincing they are and they'll have you eating out of their palms.

    What happened to Toke's marriage again sef?

    I watched one show on African magic a couple of days ago where the host interviewed two married people and I only regret that I couldn't record what they said. These people weren't flashy or loud, but it was obvious that they had seen pepper and how marriage can break or make an individual.

    If you haven't done it and succeeded at it then all you have are theories that have not been tested by you, therefore you're not even sure how sound these theories are. Then you can't tell me nothing.

  6. Tokes' many talks on relationships bothers me a lot. I mean, how can she?!
    The chairman at my wedding reception said ''all these old couples that have been married for 30 years or even more that you see here, CANNOT tell you how it's going to be, they can only tell you how theirs' have been.''
    We are all different/gifted and unique in our own different ways... Tubaba.

  7. In Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married, Patricia (Janet Jackson) used her advice to save her friends' marriages but ended up divorcing her husband.

    Some marriage/relationship experts knows what it takes to keep a relationship but they can't practice it, hence they turn themselves to advisers using their talent/common sense to save others. It doesn't matter if they're single or married, provided they can do it, they just go ahead and do it.

  8. Dear T, it's funny how wisdom can come from weird places. I for one is amazed at some couples when they sing my praise at how my advice and encouragement has built their Union and I for one is very single and not in any relationship leading some where. I think some are talent others are common sense like a commenter said here

  9. Creating the ideal relationship may seem impossible, but professional Relationship Coach Evelyn Olivares disagrees, her workshops are designed to build awareness, create great communication and to overcome those problems that threaten to explode into insurmountable issues.


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