Being chaste/celibate/abstinent is easy when you're alone. It's almost one of the simplest things to do, only quite difficult if you're one of those people that truly enjoy sex, more than the average person and need it to function (all y'all that get cranky when you don't get any for a few weeks). But even at that, it's quite easy, especially as opposed to when you find yourself with someone.
It's still easy in the early days when you're going on dates. But when feelings begin to grow and it's mutual, and you guys take that step from casual dating to exclusive relationship, these dates are no longer enough, you want more! Besides, going on dates tend to cost money, so why waste all that money when we can stay at home and have a nice time, yes?
And that's when it starts to get hard. I mean, you probably only went to KFC or Silverbird or the beach. And even though you both wanted to, it was easy to keep your hands off each other with all those people milling around. But when you've come to this point of exclusivity and growing affection and you start to spend more time indoors than outdoors, that's when ish gets real and you're really put to the test.
For a sexually active couple this is all gravy. But what happens when you're both religious, perhaps (good) Christians who have promised to "wait"?
I had a long conversation with a blog reader yesterday and she raised several questions. First, she wanted to know if a couple who have had their traditional marriage but are yet to wed in the church and at the registry are free to indulge in sexual relations. You know how on the night of the trad the bride goes home with the groom and his family and they are now married by tradition and are thus free to consummate.... But are the really free to consummate?
Some couples don't wed in the church for several months after their traditional marriage? Are they "sinning" if they shag or is it ok as they're married?
She also wanted to know where (christian) couples who are waiting draw the line. Fornication is essentially premarital sex. Sex is intercourse, yes? So does it mean that they're free to kiss, touch, fondle, suck, stroke and have even oral sex, provided there's no actual intercourse? And if not then where does one draw the line? (And we know you might be tempted to say it's sin as long as they think about it, but let's be real thinking about something and acting it out are two different things. Besides, who doesn't think about sex?)
Do you draw it as kissing or fondling? What exactly happens guys?
Please share your thoughts, especially if you've been or are presently in those shoes.
Photo source; quotesgram.com