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Dear Thelma... (Should I Send Her Away?)




Happy v day in arrears to the house. Please I have a little issue that's been nagging my head.
      I'm married to my best friend and we have a little baby together. My husband's mum is late and mine lives outside the country with her family (she and my dad divorced). Long story short, because of my baby and my business which I run from home, and I'm also still in school doing my pgd I needed assistance at home so I have a maid. I feel like this girl is a blessing to me because she is great with the chores and the baby. Sometimes I feel safe leaving her alone with the baby while I sleep or study, I feel like I can really trust her. I'm in my late twenties while she's in her early twenties, she's not very educated but she is neat and doesn't look like a maid and that is even why I employed her. But the problem is that everytime a friend visits me they're quick to point out how beautiful she is. I usually ignore it or take it as a compliment but these days it's getting worse. last week I got a visitor who kept on pointing out that she's too hot, and reminded me that she's even a Calabar girl. She said that am I sure it's the wise thing to have a maid that looks like this? Another of my cousins expressed the same concerns, she said as a married woman she can never have a maid that looks like this, that I'm simply tempting my husband to cheat. She said it's like dangling fish in front of a cat. Everyone always notice how pretty she is and that her body is curvaeceous but that never bothered me before. 
      So far my husband has been very good and I've never suspected him of cheating on me, also he doesn't relate with our maid much. My maid also is very respectful of me doesn't give me any trouble at home. But with all these warnings I'm getting from family and friends, should I send her away and find someone else? The truth is I don't want to because I like her a lot but if her presence can cause problems for me then I won't hesitate to send her packing. 

Comments

  1. Nna ehn, this one is hard o. Personally I won't keep a beautiful maid who is blooming, fresh and hot. Let me not tempt the devil biko.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is like keeping yam beside a goat and not expecting the goat to eat the yam. On plane surface... you should get rid of her.

    But I hate for people to be discriminated against, especially because of their looks. She didnt create herself + she is good at her job. Let her stay abeg.

    Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you should just have a close watch, besides a dirty and not attractive maid wouldn't stop Oga if he wants to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spot on. *Hot* or *Cold* maid, it won't stop your hubby if he wants to cheat, and make no mistake, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW IF HE DOES WITH THE MAID. But in this case, I seriously advise you to trust your guts. Prevention is better than cure.

      Delete
  4. I'm even sorry for you because I understand your confusion.
    Your best bet is trust and knowing your husband.
    For now though, just make sure she doesn't dress seductively at least.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't think it's wise to have a mail at all. Save yourself the heartache, please

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sometimes, the people who make you most comfortable, are the dangerous ones. It isn't about your husband. What about your child? Instruct your security man not to let her walk past the gate without your permission. Not even to take out the trash. Do not let down your guard. Always change your schedule so you won't be predictable. She shouldn't be alone with the baby.

    If your husband enjoys sex with maids, even if she looks like a rhino, he'll shag her. If you can afford it, install CCTV. The type you can watch live from anywhere. The day she starts being rude or standing up to you, let her go. Follow your intuition. It's never wrong.

    Mallama

    ReplyDelete
  7. If she does a good job of taking care of your child, thereby giving you peace of mind to do other things, she is a keeper. Don't let such negativity into your heart my dear and trust your husband. Not everyman cheats and I say this as a married woman. Believe it or not its stressful and demanding to cheat on ones spouse not everyman can deal with that.

    Keep postive, pray and trust God. Good helps are hard to find and ultimately your childs wellbeing is the most important factor not anybody's insecurities. Stay blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I initially didn't want to comment on this but this irks me every time I hear it. Why do some people just call people from two different states, different language, culture and tradition "Calabar"? And when you try to educate them they will ignorantly say "you people are the same o jare" Is it that we do not know our states and capital? Like Akwa Ibom = Uyo, Cross River = Calabar. So dear poster I ask? Is she really Calabar?

    Secondly what has her tribe "Calabar" got to do with your husband cheating on you with her?

    Finally, do you see why you should filter the things you hear and guard your heart with all diligence? Remember what you fear most is what you will surely get. Faith and fear has the same power.

    I didn't say you shouldn't be vigilant o, all I'm saying is don't let a good help go just because of unsubstantiated stereotypes. Above all, trust your instincts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. loool. It always pains people from the East of Nigeria when other tribes join them as one. Some even get violent when you call them Ibo. Its always funny to me.

      Well..Calabar girls are know to be really good in satisfying a man sexually. Thats the word on the street. I have never been with a Calabar babe so I dont know if its truth.

      Peace

      Delete
    2. My dear, I have complained about it until I'm tired. The worst is when a random person calls me 'omo igbo' cos I'm from CRS. It. Goes straight to my brain. No matter how you try to explain to the ITKS that Crs is different from Aks, they won't listen. The other day on sdk, a bv who goes by the Id 'calabar chick said Umana of Aks was her Governor. I replied that so she isn't even from CRS and someone came to call me a tribalist. Imagine the conconbility.

      Delete
  9. If your husband is going to cheat on you with your maid, beautiful or ugly, he will. Discipline is the distinguishing factor. If you're sure your husband is not the cheating type then there's no need to send her away especially if she's doing her job well. Just make sure you monitor her and don't get too comfortable.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Karma! If the shoe was on the other foot, you might not like it if you were punished because you are a hardworking good looking woman (which I am sure you are). If you have to sack her, at least reward her hardwork with ample notice so she can find a new job. If she is that good at the job, you can recommend her to other employers. For instance, I will be happy to recommend her if you told me how much she makes and just how un-educated she is (e.g. can she read and write?)

    CCTV too might be a good idea, especially if it is not hidden cameras!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I personally dissaprove the idea of a maid...
    Besides, you can look for a good creche around. That sacrifice is better than loosing your home. #MyOpinion tho

    ReplyDelete
  12. I want to share my testimony on how i was able to get back my husband around few weeks ago with the help of Dr Ekaka. My husband left me for over 3years and went on with another lady and i was unable to move on with my life because of the love i have for him last month i saw a testimony on the internet on how Dr Ekaka help someone with love spell so i never believe it but just have to try my faith which i did and i contacted him on his email: ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com and he told me what i need to do and after 2days i received a call from my husband asking me to come back to him it was all like a dream to me i am so happy now as we are back together again thanks to Dr Ekaka and i will advice anyone in need of help to contact him

    ReplyDelete
  13. Its dicey but its a matter of trust. The "goat" dat is referred to here is your husband abi, l suggest you discuss your fears with him one on one. We cant blame the people giving all sorts of cautious advice but truth be told, they might be rong! You can do a little detective work if dat will make you feel better BUT if there are any signs that she is not as good as she appears, then you can send her away. Some people are actually just good! You might have been blessed with sucha one. keep us posted on developments sha. May God keep your home....#JoyDaNuGirl

    ReplyDelete

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