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Does Bae's Love Conquer The In-Laws' Disapproval?





We've talked severally about marrying someone your family doesn't like or approve of. Right now however I have reason to ask what you would do if you're on the other side, i.e if you're in a great relationship with someone who loves and wants to spend the rest of their life with you, but their family is not on board. Is your partner's love enough, would you go into marriage knowing you're not welcome by your future in-laws?

When you're faced with this question it usually means that he/she has said "My family may not approve but it's me you're marrying, not them. It's me you're going to live with, not them. I love you and I want to spend my life with you. Let's do this!"  

This is my dear friend's present situation. (Without going into her specifics), the family may have decided they don't like or approve of you because of your attitude, background, tribe, personality, career choice, etc.  Would you do "this"? Please share your thoughts and your reasons. Thanks. 

Comments

  1. I recently had cause to advise a friend on this issue and while I didn't tell him what to do, I gave him some points to consider, which I will summarise below.

    What happens when your partner is not welcome at family events, but your kids are wanted? Do you go with your kids and leave your partner at home when you attend family gatherings? Will your love conquer that?

    When you can't discuss your partner with your family and vice versa, will your love conquer that too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so right.

      Delete
    2. I understand you questions but if these are questions you ask going into a marriage then you don't have a good reason being married in the first.

      Are u serious? Is it even an option to go to a gathering with just Ur kids and not your wife or husband? Where is this thought of urs coming from? As in?

      No offence but anyone going into marraige thinking about these questions ehn... *sigh
      "...attend family gatherings?" Who Do you think is your family after you get married?

      Delete
    3. Uyi, this is a reality I have witnessed over and over again. Family includes immediate and extended before or after you get married. You have obligations to them.

      You may think it is not an option to go out with just your kids without your spouse, but it is a reality. It happens and these are the sort of things she may face. Her circumstances are peculiar and she must ask herself these hard questions coz people in her shoes who went ahead to get married have had to deal with it. It has nothing to do with her reasons to get married.

      No matter how noble anyone's reasons for getting married are, everyone needs to consider how they will deal with issues that come up.

      Delete
    4. In addition, because you have not witnessed or dealt with an issue, you might want to refrain from drawing conclusions as to its occurrence being improbable.

      Delete
    5. If my partner is not welcome at family gatherings, then I'm not welcome as well. You don't want my partner but you want OUR kids...mtcheeeeew.

      About discussing your partner with family, what kind of discussion is more important than our union?

      My opinion is in such situation, you should know if your spouse is worth the stress,having dated him or her.

      Delete
    6. When I say discuss your partner with your family, it could be something as simple as my spouse just got a new job or a promotion.

      I applaud you and Uyi for your stance, but until you are faced with having to pick sides, all na talk.

      Delete
  2. It takes a person with very strong character to stick with a woman / man without their respective family's approval for marriage.

    In our clime it is even more difficult considering the strong level of ties we have with our families. Honestly, I wouldn't advice a woman to marry into a family where she isn't welcome, the initial "gragra love" will eventually cool down and with marriage comes a different person entirely different from the boyfriend/girlfriend phase.

    It's a tough road to thread, and only very few people have succeeded at this.

    Being in love isn't enough, the risk far outweighs the gains.

    Your friend should dig deep and really look at this issue objectively, only her can advise herself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Errrr. What if it turns the other way round and its d inlaws who eventually turns to like and accept her?
      But one thing is sure, it takes one with a very strong character to stay put despite all odds! If u can cope, den by all means, if u cant, don't!

      Delete
  3. I think family members shld learn to accept someone their child decides to be with irrespective. Your "liking" or not "liking" the person shlnt overshadow ur child's happiness with being with the person.
    You child's or sibling's relationship isn't about u,its about them. You don't like their choice? Fine, wish them well and be there for them when needed, otherwise, just respect ur lane too...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. eerrr, but you know more often this isn't gonna happen.

      Delete
    2. So what happens when the parents like but the siblings don't? Or the siblings like but the parents don't? Or they both like and "forcing" you to like? Or the all like u but all that changes after the marriage?
      I believe that one was to be happy is find someone you really like,hold onto them and never let go (irrespective of people's feelings towards that person).

      Delete
  4. Errm, people please I need your opinion and I apologize in advance for deviating from the topic.

    So here goes.. I've been dating my boyfriend for around 7 months (long distance), but of recent I am worried about the fact that we do not follow each other on any social media platform. Its not that I am keen about posting "couple pics" but at least I feel I should be connected with him on at least one. Is this important or am I over thinking stuff?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Including BBM and WhatsApp?
      I don't think it's important, though there's no harm in following each other in one, anyway.
      So add him up and chat away! There's already distance between you two, you can't follow each enough sef.

      Delete
  5. I am not friends with my bf of 2 years on FB/Insta or anything called social media. Reason being that i am a private person and he on the other hand loves to post every single detail of his life... Hence d reason because seeing those posts causes arguments everytime... So since i av stopped seeing them... Life is easier.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It can be annoying and sad not to be liked by a partner's family, yet, one should be careful about disregarding them without trying to make peace or at least have an understanding or tolerance.

    In Nigeria, we get to relate and communicate quite frequently with in-laws and some can influence the intended spouse but if your partner is firm (wouldn't let you be insulted and can protect your interests) and if you wouldn't mind the rift, then you can go on and keep praying till they, maybe, change their minds.
    It's new really easy though.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Have you sent a request and he ignored?have you invited him on BBM without being accepted or followed him and he did not follow back.

    Why are you over analysing it,just do it. Someone has to initiate it. J

    ReplyDelete
  8. I totally agree with Clare's comment above, and will go further to say that if the disapproval is also on the mother-in-law's part, especially the guy's mother, it's a harder path to walk. In this case, I'd try to win them over, give it all I've got, pray and talk to God about it and if after a specific time (best not to go limbo) there still isn't peace... I'll wish him well and take a walk because as I've come to learn, there no such thing as 'the only one for me' in this life. In-laws can make or mar a marriage union. Like Clare has said, dig deep, step out of the emotion laden situation and objectively think it through. Weigh all the possible outcomes of going ahead and decide if it's a choice you're willing to make.

    ReplyDelete
  9. It all depends on if u are marrying a mummy's child. U need someone that can stand on his word if not naaaaaaa

    ReplyDelete
  10. I wouldnt. A proper family life is very important to me and it would hurt to be excluded from the family circle.

    ReplyDelete

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