I’m a 23-year-old working woman who is madly in love with her 27-year-old working man with whom I’ve been with for over three years.
One day, I went out with my friends and I drunk more alcohol than I was suppose to. Once I came home, I started to get sick and passed out. In the middle of the night, my boyfriend woke me up and told me to clean myself up. Confused, I asked him why. He says because we just had sex. Of course, I had no knowledge of it because I passed out because of the late night drinking.
The next morning, I asked what happened the night before. He says that he came home, saw me in bed and wanted to have sex. He said I didn’t move or talk but just thought I was really tired. (Even though there was a tall trashcan right beside the bed and apparently my head was halfway in it). Would you consider this a sexual assault? How can I tell him without hurting him, or scaring him to think that I’m labeling him as a “rapist".
An obviously confounded young woman sent the above mail to Steve Harvey. His response has landed him in some soup as he's being put on blast for his "advice".
"This is kinda a tough one for a man to answer because we've all done this. Tried it anyway. All of us. I done actually tried to Army climb from up from under the bed trying to get to it...We've all tried it. It's called the sneak-attack...
Y'all live together. He told you what he did. He woke you up to make sure you got cleaned up. He told you what he did. A person who did something that they think is really wrong is usually in denial about it. Did he rape you in my estimation - NO. Because you all have had [sex]."
Merriam-Webster defines rape as unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent.
I read the mail and Steve Harvey's response last night and I woke up still wondering about it. Was it rape? Was it just sex with a sleeping lover? In her shoes would I feel molested? Would I feel violated? After all they're a sexually active couple, right? So it wasn't wrong, right? But shouldn't he have waited till she was conscious of what was going on? Is Steve Harvey's advice twisted? Or have all men really done or tried to do this with their women, or is her man a rapist? If my lover does this to me, was I raped? Would this scenario be actionable (in court)?
If I were to be honest with myself, my thinking leans more towards Steve Harvey's reply, but maybe there's a reason people reponded with outrage. Did his advise infuriate you or do you see reason with him? Do tell.